🌟

Alright, maybe you're not so shocked, maybe you're sitting there going: “Well duh, of course you do, I love you too, you jerk!” But I'm not talking about brotherly love. Or love thy neighbor. I'm talking about wanting to hold hands with you, and take you out dancing, and give you tender kisses. That kind of love. And that's the way I felt about you, ever since I understood what kissing is. Because when they told us about it, the first person I wanted to do it with was you!

And my father found out about it. I don't remember how, maybe I was stupid and said it out loud. But he got so angry right away, he took off his belt and came at me, and I yelled at my little siblings to run, because I didn't want them to get hurt too. Because when one of us acted up we'd sometimes all get a beating, ya know, and they didn't deserve to suffer for my sins. Dad was so enraged, I was afraid he might kill me, and I remember how he was screaming: “I'll teach that girly Irish faggot not to turn my boy into a fairy!”

The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

That scared me even more than the blood and my mother crying in the corner. I didn't want him to hurt you. And I feel guilty, because maybe it's my fault he died in the mill the day after. When he was done with me, he just took Mom and his liquor upstairs. And the next morning the bottle was nearly empty. That's the day he had the accident. I was glad I got to wear the black suit with the long sleeves and pants for mourning, so noone saw the bruises. And noone questioned why I was so upset the days that followed. But it just tore me apart that I couldn't talk to anyone about it. Especially not you.

When you did nothing wrong! You did nothing! And you're not girly, I never thought you were, and if anything that might have made it easier to understand, because I'm supposed to like girls, but I don't! I don't hate them either, they're okay, and I tried to love them! I tried, went on dates and danced and even slept with them, but whenever it felt good, whenever I was happy with them, all I could see was your face! The way you could smile at me. It made me melt every time. It was all I could think of, when I made love to them.

🌟