The mountain was quiet. The morning's sunlight lazily melted the snow at the peak, while the animals left their nests, and started their daily life. The cycle of life continued beautifully.
None of this mattered to Dylan, though. The cycle of life could go fuck itself, more important things were going on.
He had spent an certain amount of time sitting in the cave where he had first woken up. His legs were crossed and his arms were lifted upright, imitating a yoga meditation pose he had seen on TV once.
All around him, were the mangled remains of rats, snakes, slimes, goblins, kobolds, ants and humans who had ventured into the cave while he tried to passively raise his level by 'cultivating'.
In truth, this cultivation business was a fancy way of saying 'sitting in one place while lazing around and pretend to be doing something mystical'.
Still, much to Dylan's satisfaction, the dubious practice seemed to be effective. He even was able to skip the part where the 'cultivator' had to have their impurities painfully removed by sweating and vomiting all the filth out of his body. Apparently, since no part of himself had any flaw, there was nothing to purge, so Dylan happily went to the fun part, which was opening his status menu and watch the stats grow over time.
The stench of rotting corpses might have disturbed the focus of any lesser man, but Dylan just cackled at the thought of a mere smell interrupting his meditation. Equally funny was the notion of the dried blood from said corpses covering him and his clothes bothering him in the slightest.There were a couple of problems, though.
"My arms are starting to get sore, and I'm not even at level 40 yet."Dylan calmly observed, standing up at last."Bleh, I am bored already. This shit is too slow. Worst twenty minutes of my life. I'm outta here."
He stomped on the dead adventurers who had dared to think Dylan was trapped in the cave, and that he needed their help to get out. Such insolence towards him just couldn't go un-punished. So he had made them pay.
At last, Dylan was out of the cave, and a magnificient, panoramic view of the land around him allowed the boy to learn about the new world he had reincarnated into. Or, it would have, if Dylan hadn't been paying attention to his status screen while disregarding anything else.
He eyed the conditions for upgrading his Plot Armor skill, and scowled. It didn't look like he'd accomplish all of them in this chapter. One of the many things Dylan couldn't stand was having to wait for the things he wanted, especially when he wanted them now. Because of this, his mood was sour, and not even the level up notification cheered him up.
Your level has increased. You are now a level 40 Highschool Student.
"Grrr...Took you long enough. I've noticed it is taking longer and longer to level up every time. What's the deal with that?"
You've lost 5 stamina points due to Hunger.
That is normal. The level progression system is designed to require more experience points the higher your level is.
"Fuck that. I don't like it, so change it already"
You've lost 5 more points of stamina due to Thirst.
I can't do that, Dylan.
"Then you're useless. Why do I even pay you?"
You've... You've eaten alive a Small Blue Slime. +2 experience points, I guess?
...You don't pay me. You should be thankful you're being allowed to farm experience in this manner. I don't even know how you cheated the System to make it happen.
"Unlike you, the system understands my greatness and knows that making me angry is a bad idea. Why don't you stop bitching at me for anything I do or say? My Cultivation method is dope. You'te just jealous, admit it."
You've eaten alive a Small Red Slime. Why, though. +3 experience points.
It just seems unfair to me. Most people in here train for years, for their whole lives, trying to level up. And few make it past level 50. Then, you show up and rise 40 levels in less than an hour, by sitting on the same spot. Don't you think it's a little too much?
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.
"Do I look like I care? As long as I level up quickly, I don't give a shit. Let them whine all they want, they'll never get on my level."
You've eaten a Small Green Slime. +3 experience points.
You're no longer hungry.
You're no longer thirsty. ...oh, so that's why. Huh.
The System's spare experience points are running out, though. It'll be bad if you hog them all and the other people can't level up anymore.
"Wait. So you're saying other people were stealing MY experience points by killing monsters and training while I cultivated? Is that why I got so little EXP from it?!" Dylan frothed with rage as he picked up a purple colored slime with his hand.
You've eaten a Small Poison Slime. +6 experience points.
You're now poisoned. -10 HP.
The supply of fluctuating Experience Points doesn't belong to you. All living beings naturally gather them by performing actions and slaying enemies. But yes, if the EXP dwindles in the world, the rewards you get from training are smaller. You'll have to wait until the System produces more.
"FUCKER! OR, you can stop giving away my points to those losers. In fact, I want you to take back all the experience points from them, and give them to me! It's not like they NEED them, like I do." Dylan punched his own belly to get back at the poisonous slime.
You've punched yourself. Why are you punching yourself? -50 HP.
You also take damage from the poison in your body. -10 HP
You've gained the skill Poison Resistance.
You've gained the skill Blunt Impact resistance.
I can't do that, Dylan.
"Yes you can. You just don't want to. Doesn't matter, though. If you won't take their points, I'll take them myself."
You've taken damage from the poison in your body. -8 HP.
Your Poison Resistance has become Level 2.
You've been granted a Penalty Title: Unrewarded Violence. Killing non-monster species will not provide Experience points.
I can't let you do that, Dylan.
"Oh no, you just didn't! I need to find a way to hurt you, sooner or later. You'll regret defying me, mark my words."
You've taken damage from the poison in your body. -6 HP
Your Poison Resistance has become Level 3.
Is that so. Well, good luck with that.
"Smartass. Either way, it doesn't matter. If a carnage won't make me stronger, it's time for Plan B."
You've taken damage from the poison in your body. -4 HP
Your Poison Resistance has become Level 4.
...Plan B?
"Yeah. It is a secret technique that true protagonists do to raise their power levels beyond their limits. It has been passed along generations in the Sue clan, little by little improved, until it reached perfection, then some more. And now, it is MINE." Dylan revealed with a smug smile, as he started to stretch and ready himself. "Behold the Power of an Abridged Training Montage!"
Dylan started doing push-ups.
Then he lightly jogged around the mountain while trampling to death anything in his way.
Then he lifted some weights he just happened to have been carrying all along.
Then he punched a punching sandbag which he happened to find laying around while he jogged, much to the incomprehension of his own status menu.
Then...
----------------------------------------
You've reached Level 100.
...
...
What. HOW.
The blue screen flashed with overwhelming intensity.
"Gahaha! Impressed? That's the source of a protagonist's power. There is nothing some excersise and a well placed timeskip can't fix." Dylan gloated while flexing his biceps and showing off his abs.
You've fulfilled the first condition to upgrade the Plot Armor skill.
I...this...I can't...! Asdfghjkl-
The status Screen Manager is currently offline. Please try again later.
"...Tsk, what did I say? What an useless thing."
The now level 100 Highschool Student wandered around the mountain for a while longer, then came to a shocking realization.
"Hmm...Now I am really the strongest. However... What's the point of being strong, if there is no one around to be amazed by my strength?"
Indeed, what a good hero really needs is a foil. A weaker, stupid companion whose only purpose in life is being amazed by every little action the hero performed.
And, for Dylan, a single anonymous admirer was not enough. He wanted a little crowd to follow him around and validate him with banal praise and fawn all over him.
Which is why, despite his asocial personality and chronic misantrophy, he set his sight on the little village under the mountain and started walking toward it.
"I'M GONNA GET A HAREM!" He declared with a roar that echoed across the skies.
Meanwhile, females from all the species and ages in this fantasy world, felt a foreboding disturbance in the mana around them. It was the first of many warnings of the terror that was about to be descend on them.