“I was going to tell her eventually.” Gunderson complained, his body language made him look like a student being reprimanded by a teacher in front of the class. “I’ve just had a lot of other topics I needed to cover is all. You know how vast the number of topics we need to go over is.”
“Gunderson, protecting and safeguarding the veil is literally the second most important duty for the IDPA.” Irmingir pointed out calmly, his eyes boring a hole into Gunderson’s skull. “You know just how much importance the Akashic Record places upon protecting the veil, you know just how severe the consequences are for failing to do so.”
I was left standing uncomfortable on Gunderson’s side while these two seemed intent on getting into an argument. Not wanting to be caught in the crossfire, I eased myself away from them slowly, and moved a bit closer to Matilda. Hopefully, she wouldn’t be drawn in as well. It did seem like this wasn’t the first time these two had gone at it.
“I do know Irmingir, I know very well how important it is, I just…” Gunderson started to get a little heated, but quickly lost all momentum.
“You told me you were ready again, was that the truth? You said to me you wouldn’t let this one down, that you wouldn’t make the same mistakes, was that all a lie?” Irmingir demanded.
Did Gunderson’s previous supernatural advisee die? Is that why they’re not around? What happened to them? I know we haven’t known each other long, but I couldn’t help but feel a pang of sympathy toward Gunderson for his loss.
“Of course I wasn’t fucking lying, I meant what I said then, and I’ll say it again now if it makes you happy. I am ready, I know what I’m doing, and I won’t let Jenni down. I will not let her be killed.” Gunderson almost shouted back.
Things seemed to be getting more and more personal between them, Matilda and I were still both relegated to waiting on the sidelines in awkward silence. I tried to look at her to get a gauge of her feelings on the conflict between the two, but she seemed to be trying her best to maintain a professional and stoic facade. I, on the other hand, couldn't manage such a feat.
“You say that, but your actions so far seem to tell me a different story. You’ve failed to inform your charge of one of the two most important objectives in her sacred mission, and you seem intent on soft-pedaling the reality of things.”
“I am doing my best not to overwhelm her, if she became overwhelmed and didn’t really understand or appreciate what was going on around her, she’d only get herself injured or even killed.” Gunderson shot back defensively.
I wasn’t sure I agree with Gunderson’s methods, but then again I knew so little about this world and their methods of dealing with things. I’ve just been trusting that they all knew better than me about this stuff, but if it was true that Gunderson was shielding me from things; I’m not sure I could agree with his approach.
“Gunderson, failing to disclose critical information and coddling your charge is only doing her harm. You must know this. If you can’t adapt and make right your mistakes all you’ll be doing will be leading this one to an early grave just like you did the last. You must see that.” Irmingir told Gunderson calmly, but a simmering anger was building up behind his eyes.
“Fuck you Irmingir. I know what I did wrong, and I know what I didn’t do wrong. I’ve had a long time to reflect on my mistakes, and the mistakes of others.” Gunderson made sure to emphasize and look at Irmingir when he said the word ‘others’.
“Don’t you dare try to place your failures at my feet Gunderson, don’t you dare.” Irmingir's rage had rapidly started to break through his stony facade. “I tolerate a lot from you, but I will not be accused of letting one of our sacred charges die because of my personal actions and choices.”
Before Gunderson could give a response, Matilda stepped forward a small step toward the pair and tried to speak up before they could continue shouting at each other.
“Gentleman please, I know you both have strong feelings about Matteo’s early demise, but throwing blame back and forth at one another accomplishes nothing.” She tried to project her voice in a calm but loud fashion. “Additionally, we are in mixed company with someone who is still very new to this situation, and certain…difficult realities.”
“See! Even your secretary agrees with me.” Gunderson eagerly pointed out while getting in Irmingir's face.
“That’s not…” Matilda tried to clarify, but she wasn’t given the chance.
“Certain difficult realities?” Irmingir now had his head back and was laughing loudly while being only a few inches away from Gunderson’s face. This just caused Gunderson to go right back to being red in the face with anger.
It could tell by looking at Gunderon’s posture and body language, that he was winding up for his own heated tirade, but I wasn’t sure it was a good idea to let that happen. The way things were going, they seemed like they would only continue to escalate until one side took it a step too far.
Matilda’s words could not diffuse their tempers, but maybe if I said something? Their argument was at least in part about me after all, so it would make sense for my opinion and words to sway things right?
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“L-look, everyone.” I tried speaking at volume to be heard by everyone, but compared to Irmingir's and even Gunderson’s voices, mine still sounded a bit too soft and a bit too meek. “Can we all please just calm things down a bit and talk about this like adults.”
With my words, there was a brief moment of peace and quiet, but Irmingir’s fiery glare had now turned in my direction. I could see the simmering rage still burning in his eyes as he started to stare me down.
“Adults, an interesting word choice.” Irmingir mused. “I would have to agree with you actually, that you are an adult now, but more than that you’re also a soldier now.”
“A soldier…?” I asked, feeling more than a little uncomfortable under Irmingir’s attention.
“That’s right, a soldier.” He reiterated. “You have been tasked with a sacred mission by the Akashic Record. This much you must already know, yes?”
“I t-think so.” I stuttered.
“You think so? Your duty is first and foremost to slay the monsters who dare invade our world, it is to protect the secret that maintains our peace and safeguards the world from further incursions.” Irmingir said this while taking steps toward me, putting him now just a couple of feet away from me.
“I-I think I understand sir.” I tried to tell him.
“You don’t, and that has quickly become apparent to me, so I’ll say it plain. You’re cannon fodder. Your job is to live, and if necessary die, like a soldier, so that others might live a peaceful life, never having known the danger you stood in the way of.”
“Irmingir that’s too far, what are you doing?” Gunderson loudly demanded.
Irmingir ignored him and continued on. “For thousands upon thousands of years, longer than there has been recorded history, individuals like you have been chosen to hold back the tide of monstrous invaders.”
After this comment, a cruel look to his eyes and an almost sadistic sneer appeared on Irmingir's toothy green face.
“I say chosen, but you shouldn’t get a big head about my choice of words young lady. You are not in fact the brightest girl of your generation, nor are you the prettiest, or even the bravest. What you are, was convenient.” Each of his words was only telling me things I already knew, but they still cut me deeply all the same.
I could feel the tears trying to build in the corners of my eyes but I gave it my all to hold them back with every ounce of my being. There was no way I was going to embarrass myself by breaking down in tears in front of these people.
Not going to happen.
“The Akashic Record plucked you out of your boring, normal, everyday life. Stuck a loaded weapon in your hands and told you to kill monsters, or else.” His face was now inches away from mine. I could smell the unpleasant odors on his breath as he continued to speak. “So it's like I told you, you're cannon fodder. That is the harsh truth of your new reality. Odds are you won’t live to…”
Before Irmingir could continue with more of his rant while still being directly in my face, Matilda stepped back into the tense conversation once more. This time her voice had a very different tone to it. Her expression had also morphed quite a bit from its usual composed professionalism.
“Enough Irmingir.” She practically shouted, her eyes fierce with determination. “You are going much too far, and you are not doing the girl any favors by scaring her half to death. You’re getting carried away and if you took a step back you would see that.”
Irminig turned back to look at his secretary, a stern look of annoyance but also one of consideration on his face.
He did take a step back then, moving away from me just a little bit. He closed his eyes while taking in a very deep breath.
I also almost let out an audible sigh at the feeling of relief I felt, from having his hulking intimidating presence finally out of my personal space.
After reopening his eyes, he shifted his head to look back down at me before finally speaking again. “She’s right, I did let my temper get the better of me there. You have my apologies.”
“I um…” What I was feeling most strongly at that moment was fear and anxiety, not outrage or any sense of being slighted. Although admitting to that would probably not do me any favors. I should just be cordial and accept, regardless of how I might actually feel. “I accept your apology Mr. Irmingir sir, I think everyone got a little heated there.”
“We did.” Irmingir confirmed. “But while my words may have been harsh, they were all still true. You’ll be forced to live a life of frequent mortal danger now, but…”
“But that’s why you have us.” Gunderson interjected, moving up to stand at my side, almost shoulder to shoulder.
“That’s right, and despite the dangers, and regardless of the circumstances, the IDPA will do everything in our power to ensure you succeed and live to fight another day.” Irmingir said while trying to offer me a toothy, tusk-filled smile. I think it was supposed to make me feel better, but I can’t say it had that effect.
“They’re both correct Ms. Morrow, while this discussion veered in an unfortunate direction, the purpose remains the same, to reiterate our support to you. Everyone in this room is here to support you and wants only the best for you. We just have… different ideas on what that is at times.” Matilda added, her voice and expression now back in professional secretary mode.
“Thanks…” I told them, a small bit of my fear and apprehension having dissipated.
“Well, now that we’ve all reached a more positive note, I think we should leave things here for now.” Gunderson said while making a special effort to catch my eyes and gauge how I was doing.
The answer was, still not super great. I have no idea if he could sense that though, I hoped he could.
“I think that's a good idea.” Matilda spoke up before Irmingir could. “Ms. Morrow, we’ll be in touch in the future, but please contact Agent Gunderson or anyone affiliated with the IDPA should you need anything at all.”
Gunderson turned then and led us both back out of the spacious and eclectically adorned office and back down the short hallway we came from.
As we left, Matilda shut the door behind us, and Gunderson and I walked down the hallway in an awkward silence. He did turn to look at me a few times as we walked, but I had my head down and had strong ‘don’t talk to me’ vibes coming off me.
Eventually, we reached the solitary metal door to the elevator at the end of the hall, where Gunderson pressed the button to call it.
As we stood there waiting for the elevator to arrive and the door to open, I could feel a single question burning in my heart, waiting to be answered. Having no other recourse, I turned to Gunderson to let it out and discover the answer.
“Gunderson…am I going to die?” The sound of my voice was a low fearful timbre.