Thoughts do not flow evenly at all! Badbadbad. I cannot stop thinking, otherwise I'll lose my mind completely. What am I at the moment? The soul, exactly.
Damn, it's dark in here. Nah, it's not even dark in here. There is not Nothing here at all. Hmmm... Ah, so I'm Nowhere!
I have an eternity to spend on...! And what would I spend it on? Why do I still remember all the knowledge that the Observer gathered?
Maybe it's time for me to talk to myself and refresh my memory?
My memory...
I have a family...
|Who knows how long it has been?|
...And so here I am, Nowhere. Enough memories of life and family, I need to think about something more important!
And yet again, what am I at the moment? What am I? The soul, exactly. I am nothing more than myself, then.
Where do I exist? No, do I even exist?
What is this? A world with nothing in it? A world with nobody in it? It is a world where there is nothing limiting me! World of freedom, but in exchange there is Nothing, as long as I don't think of anything...
「WRONG.」
It does not matter what I think of, Nothing is Nothing.
「EXACTLY.」
The Observer said that Nobody is now forever a part of Nothing, but there's not a soul here... Excepting me... And You. But you do not exist. And I do not exist. Interesting.
From Nowhere observation is impossible. From the components of empirical cycle, only induction and deduction are available to me now. Well, I've used rationalism a lot before. Although... Well, I'm going to have to spend a very long time speculating.
Can I claim that Everything continues to exist beyond Nothing? I cannot. Can I claim the opposite? I cannot.
Ha, now, I am the only person of pure reason! Nonetheless... «The biggest trap is your own mind.» Where will my thoughts take me? To the fullness of consciousness, or to complete insanity?
Here, I am the absolute, the center of my Universe. I am the soul in myself. [1] There is no existence outside of my awareness.
What was I thinking four thoughts ago? I keep losing my memory?! Think faster! Create thoughts faster than I forget!
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Counting, qualitative discrimination, understanding causality and dependence and co-existence — all this manifests itself in time. Without time, the non-reality around me is driving me crazy.
I am scared. I do not want to be forgotten. I do not want to change places with neither the Observer nor Him.
Memory is information that is passed through time: DNA, electronic and paper means of information and tales. It's all gone. I was part of a billion-year-long history, and I existed because of the choices and sacrifices of others. My choices and my sacrifices could also become part of other people. This meant my being as person. But now, those atoms that I was made of, that all the people I loved were made of... turned into Nothing, in the absence of information. Everyone has been forgotten, and that is why I must not forget.
Continuity... While I've lived, I've stood on the bones of billions of people. I didn't know who they were, but they were in everything around me: in every rock, in every tree... even in me. And just as metaphorically, because every sacrifice they made, every choice they made, led me to the end, so literally, because the matter that once made up their bodies did not disappear after their death.
I could contain a couple of atoms of some ancient scientist, or a distant star. This was their... Legacy.
But... As I have thought, it's all gone.
「CORRECT, ABSOLUTELY CORRECT!」
Does time pass outside? How much longer can I stay in this state?
Idea! I can use the flow of my thoughts to set time. No time? I will create it myself!
I am tired. No, it's not possible. I am on the edge of oblivion. Thinking was my favorite thing to do, and now... What? No!
They were hoping for me. Yes, everyone was hoping for me! The whole world was hoping for me! But... I had no hope for myself...
Now, I am definitely tired. I can't take it anymore. It's all just so stressful... I don't like it. It feels like I've been here for eternity, but in fact, there's no time at all. I want this to be over. I want this to continue. I AM THE REAS-...! Have I repeated myself? The flow of thoughts dissolved completely. In that case, I'm better... In what case? Have I forgotten again?
Let me out of here! No, do not let me out! I cannot observe from here Everything outside, but I can know the transcendent Nothing through speculation a priori. No, I don't want to.
There are no changes here. Homogeneous Nothing drives me crazy. I was wrong: Nothing cannot be known, no matter how hard the one who observe tries.
All that was left of me are the bitterness of regret and the useless scientific knowledge, which is useless here. Well, and just a little bit of broken ambition, and a pinch of sociopathy, perhaps?
I am tired of it. I will just wait. How long do I have to wait? I don't know...
I feel something. It is... under me. So, I can get there. But I don't want to. I do not want to! It attracts me to itself!
Why am I being attracted to the light right now? Where does this light come from? The "end of the tunnel"? Wait a minute, I know the answer.
I am going to another world! While I was alone with myself and eternity I was missing the life!
Thoughts now go in an even line. I was almost crazy with loneliness, and how did the Observer cope? Oh, I remember something from our last conversation: what other sacrifices was he going to make? I can't wait to know!
Now that I remember how I used to talk about "will" and "hope", I feel so ashamed of myself. Dumb me, and my dumb phrases!
Who would have thought that I would regret what I said after death so much more than I would regret the death itself. Maybe I don't care about my death because I don't care about the people who cared about me. Haha, how bad I am! Too bad. I wanted to be good. In the next life, I will become the best, most perfect human being!
Nah, too optimistic. The last drops of my optimism evaporated when I realized the impossibility of empirical knowling of Nothing. Empirical optimism is also optimism. [2] Or...
...Аm I wrong?