Entry 3
At the time of writing, approximately two weeks following my successful application for employment at Castle Valondrac, I have made several discoveries regarding the castle and its inhabitants.
First and foremost: Darklanders are weird.
This is not a commentary on their physical traits, though they do have a wider range of physical peculiarities compared to lightlander mortals (the most evident being the half-snake individuals known as lamiai) most commonly due to their demonic origins or even their status as enlightened monsters in the case of beings like the aranae/spiderfolk. No, it’s more a commentary on the culture shock of coming to an entirely different continent where things are done differently.
Not too differently that I can’t adapt, but it was strange learning that the majority of cleaners on staff don’t know how to use purification magic at all. Granted, I do not either, but still.
Regardless, the differences between lightlanders and darklanders is not the topic of my writings today; instead, I aim to focus more on Castle Valondrac itself, as my time here has allowed me a decent breadth and understanding of its layout.
Note: Is breadth the right word there? It probably is.
Castle Valondrac is (as the name implies) a castle, one consisting of a central keep and three exterior towers attached, plus a large courtyard and thick stone walls layered with enchantments. The rest of the city of Capitalia is outside said walls, across a moat and connected by bridges, creating a sense of disconnect between the castle and city; quite a contrast from how open to the public the Temple of Light is.
My days at the castle thus far have been spent acclimating myself to its structure while engaging in the proper tasks that a maid performs; so basically I’ve been exploring and cleaning. And while these tasks do involve more mundane forms of cleaning, such as sweeping and mopping the floors, along with the occasional dusting, my duties also include general service and pest control.
General service does not mean serving the generals of the Valondrac Empire, though I am expected to follow their orders when requested so long as it pertains to my duties. Rather, it means doing things like bringing towels and water to guards during their training exercises and delivering food from the kitchens when requested or during mealtimes. As one might imagine, these have afforded me the most opportunity for obtaining information on the general staff of the castle, including the generals themselves, of which there are ten total.
Thus far, I have made mention of General Hachibi Kiyoshi, the Espionage General of Valondrac’s forces, otherwise known as Valondrac’s Spymaster.
Note: Espionage General just seems to be a fancier way of saying Spymaster, potentially because Valondrac wants her highest ranked officials to all hold the title “general”. Why, I am not yet sure, but it appears to be the case.
General Kiyoshi (which is apparently the proper form of address as Hachibi merely refers to the number of tails she possesses) is, so far, the general I have encountered the most, largely because she keeps attempting to spy on me directly instead of through intermediaries. And she most definitely does have intermediaries, as I have met several other members of the “espionage branch” in the course of my duties, so her interest in my activities appears to be a personal project.
Understandable given my role as a spy and her position as the spymaster (it would honestly be stranger if she didn’t take an interest) though it is still unusual for her to be so personally present in her investigations. In the two weeks I have worked her, I am fairly confident in saying she has approached me 38 separate times in varying disguises ranging from oddly obvious (usually involving her just wearing different clothing and styling her hair differently; perhaps as a way of lowering my guard?) to actually being competent (involving actual shape shifting).
There were even times where I fully did not recognize her and even engaged her in conversation, though such events were typically disrupted by the other maids working with me with the most common event being Stolas just outright greeting her with “Heya Kiyo,” which commonly results in the general pausing, frowning in annoyance, and walking off in a huff.
Note: Stolas Sitrin is another maid working at the castle. More details to follow later; for the sake of mental visualization, she is presumably human with pale skin, maroon hair, and a lean physique. She prefers the more modest standard uniform rather than Trina’s modified version and has a sister on staff named Beleth.
Further Note: “Presumably human” is actually a rather common classification for people in the Dark Lands. Due to frequent relationships between mortals and demons, the vast majority of the native populace has at least some level of demonic ancestry, so fully defining every single variant of person is somewhat difficult, especially for human beings. Even having horns isn’t enough to disqualify an individual from being considered a human, or so I’ve been told.
Further Further Note: Some literature on the subject refers to these individuals as demihumans, though the term is not without some controversy, particularly as human darklander scholars have, in the past, attempted to classify entirely separate species as “demihumans”, leading to violent retaliation up into and including an orcish scholar beating his human colleague to death with an almanac.
Other than General Kiyoshi (who I noticed earlier today has moved to spying on me from the rafters), the main general I have encountered thus far has been General Valon, a mithril golem of the demon lord’s creation who appears to be the castle’s steward, in so far as they have a position of some authority over Head Butler Dapper. Their official title is the “Defense General”, though I cannot tell if it is ceremonial or not. They do not appear to actually lead the castle guard, the city guard, or the imperial militia, duties that instead seem to fall under the purview of General Leok Lion-Bane, who is also frequently at the castle.
Back to General Valon though, I am somewhat confused as to their presence here. While they likely serve some use, and are most definitely physically strong and dangerous due to their status as a golem composed of magic-conductive metal, they do not seem to do much. Most of their time is spent in the library, where they appear to have made it their goal to read every book in Valondrac’s expansive collection. They are polite enough in the few interactions I have had with them, but given those interactions mostly consist of them greeting me as they pass by in the halls, it isn’t much to build a profile off of.
Their lack of physical needs appears to contribute to their disinterest in the servant staff; aside from that, all else I know is that they don’t seem to like wearing clothes, much to the apparent annoyance of the other generals and the amusement/interest of my fellow workers.
To quote Stolas on the subject: “He has a nice butt for a metal man.”
As for the other, more active generals present at the castle, I am aware of Arbor General Autumn of the Black Tower and Armament General Sieda of the Red Tower, yet have not met them so far due to my duties currently being restricted to the main castle and its depths. I have, however, met the aforementioned General Leok Lion-Bane, a blonde green orc with an impressively muscular physique, even by orcish standards.
Of the present generals, Lion-Bane appears to be the only one who actually handles military matters. While I haven’t been able to fully investigate the scope and specifics of her responsibilities due to her primary office also being based in the Red Tower, she appears to be the one most often interacting with the local garrisons, with the lieutenants within the guards reporting directly to her. She also appears to participate in training with the local garrisons which my colleagues seem to insist on watching when possible.
While many of these are outside the castle walls, either at the barracks in the city or even out in the marshes and fields surrounding, she also does directly train with the castle guard, and I have–
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“Hey, elfy.”
Raphael paused in their writing and glanced up. Then even further up to actually look in the eyes of the general Leok Lion-Bane. The 6’6” tall orc raised a blonde eyebrow that stood out amidst her green skin, her face displaying a mildly curious expression. One of her tusks was gold–the original apparently having been broken in a fight with a certain traitorous lightlander–and she wore the same basic uniform as the other training guards, consisting of a strapped black top that bared her shoulders, arms, and midriff while acting as support for her chest–they’d assume it were a type of bra if not for the fact that the male guards were also wearing...hm. Do darklander males wear brassieres?–and tan cloth pants that were wrapped in bandages in places to prevent drag. Her feet and forearms were similarly bandaged, presumably to act as padding, while her hands were partially covered by a beige padding over her knuckles and the back of her hands.
“Hello General Lion-Bane. Do you require water or towels?” Raphael asked, presuming the reason for the general’s approach.
“Y’do realize we have cadets fer that kinda thin’? And even if we didn’t, that Sitrin gal’s more than enough for menial jobs.”
“...Ah, you mean Beleth then, not Stolas.” The latter of the Sitrin sisters looked to have zero interest in working at the moment, given she was laying back on the grass, one leg propped on top of another in a way that was likely improper for a woman wearing a skirt, albeit one long enough to cover everything down to her ankles. Raphael did have to give the Demon Lord that; she at least had most of her maid’s dress modestly. Trina was a definite exception, but then that appeared to be because of her own peculiarities.
Speaking of, Raphael’s roommate appeared to be flirting with another of the orcish guards, also doing nothing to work at the moment. Then again, the whole situation seemed to be more leisurely than anything else, which was why Raphael was compiling their notes to begin with–
“Y’get distracted real easy, huh?” Lion-Bane interrupted their thought process again, her head tilted curiously like they were an interesting specimen, “I do get that, succubi tend ta be distractin’ ‘n y’seem like the chaste type. Tends ta make ya more vulnerable, not less, least in my experience.”
“…You wanted something, General?”
“Yup. Wanted ta see if yer up for a scrap. Figured it’d be fun.”
“Uh…why? I’m a maid.”
“Yup, ya are, but Kiyo’s weirdly interested in ya so I figured there might be somethin’ goin’ on.”
Ah, blast. Of course the generals would share information with one another. Then this must be some type of test to unveil my identity…but Kiyoshi knows I am a spy, so why test me? To check my combat capabilities? Is this perhaps a way to assassinate me through a “training accident”? Then I should refuse…unless that’s what they want me to do. Orcs are a martial people, so perhaps refusing will shame me in front of these gathered soldiers and guarantee I will be looked on with scorn and socially isolated? And in doing so, they will gain the excuse to fire me! Devious!
Meanwhile, Leok raised an eyebrow as the weird maid just stared at her without saying anything. “…y’know y’can say no if ya want, ya don’t hafta worry bout disappointin’ me or nothin’.”
Ah ha, so I was right! “I’ll participate.”
“Oh sweet. Alright, y’can change over in the–” Leok paused as Raphael leapt to their feet and strode out to the training field and hopped the fence into the fighting ring set up, a large circle of dirt and dust with a simple fence set around it to lower the risk of bystanders getting injured. “Or y’can just jump in in yer dress, sure.”
“Who will my opponent be?” Raphael called out, earning raised eyebrows from the orcs present. Their skepticism turned to amusement quickly as chuckles and laughter started to echo around the field. Finally, one orc decided to join in: a large, burly green orc dressed in training gear, his thick black hair tied back in a short braid. He also had a goatee that was similarly braided, and the type of physique one would liken to a brick house: solid, sturdy, and looking good in a cropped top.
“I’ll take you on, elfy,” the burly orc said, amusement clear in his voice, “So long as you promise to give me a good showin’. I’d hate to break you in one go.”
...Is he coming onto me? Raphael gave the orc a once over, their eyebrow raised. ...Well he’s not half-bad looking–No, focus, do not get lured in by the darklander’s masculine wiles!
“Don’t be an ass, Droff,” General Lion-bane called out, “Y’know the rules, right Viswan?”
“I’ve been observing,” the angel admitted, before settling into a stance. They were more used to using a polearm–halberds and glaives being personal favorites–though they could probably muddle through with their hand-to-hand. An average showing wouldn’t be too disruptive.
“Ha! There’s a difference between seein’ and doin’, elfy! Lemme show you!”
Okay, he’s definitely hitting on me, hm. Alright, let him down gently. “I appreciate the interest, but I am uninterested in pursuing a relationship at the moment. It’s not you, it’s me.”
His eye twitched as some of the other orcs laughed, before he settled into a stance emphasizing his impressively tensed fists, taut enough to show the pulse of veins in them. “Well now I’m just gonna enjoy this.”
Oh good, he accepted the rejection gracefully. Raphael nodded to their opponent. “Shall we then?”
And with a ring of the bell, the match began.
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It has come to my attention that I have misjudged the current level of force that modern peoples operate under. By which I mean it has been a while since I have been in a fight and I hit an orcish guard during a sparring match with enough force to send him through a third story wall.
In fairness to myself, I judged the level of force I used by the level of force he attempted to strike me with. I dodged his blow, as proper, and returned with what I considered to be sufficient force. I wasn’t wrong, I just misjudged the situation.
General Lion-Bane was impressed though, which is good. She wanted to have me moved to the combat forces though, which is bad, not least because Head Butler Dapper became embroiled in an argument with her over attempted poaching.
Context: I presume he means in the metaphorical sense, as it would be odd if the general was hunting on her liege lord’s grounds without permission. Note: Perhaps investigate if General Lion-Bane is indeed involved in illegal poaching. Could be an opportunity to sow dissension.
It has also come to my attention that I was not, in fact, fulfilling my duties as intended by spending time by the training field. Further, it was not a “free period”, nor any other type of leisure time, but a case of my coworkers deciding to hang out for “funsies”, as described by Trina, who insisted it was only natural for a succubus to be flirting with her coworkers during “downtime”.
When it was pointed out that it was not, in fact, downtime and she actually did have work to do, Trina replied by glancing to the side and whistling in a very unconvincing manner.
Stolas simply answered that she felt like hanging out and watching the matches. When it was pointed out that she has a job to be doing in her case, she simply shrugged.
It has come to my attention that I may have “fallen in with the wrong crowd”, as forewarned by several novels I have read. Alas, these warnings have come too late, as I am now in trouble. Not for skipping out on work, as Mister Carver accepted that I misunderstood the circumstances of my workday and was led astray by my companions, but for the simple fact that I punched a hole in the castle.
Apparently that’s an issue warranting “sewer duty”, a term that made Stolas laugh outright and Trina to groan in apparent despair. Still, regardless, I will do my best to make up for my error! Hopefully, it shall not follow me during my tenure at this castle.
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“I still can’t believe you sent Bear-Break through a wall,” Stolas drawled, still far too amused by Raphael’s situation as the pair of them cleaned in the deepest depths of the castle. The sewers, in other words, where drains apparently needed maintaining and pipes needed checking for errant monsters and potential infiltrators.
The pair were, at the moment, wearing thick, hooded coats to aid with the job, along with boots, gloves, thick trousers, and odd masks with lenses on the eyes and strange “trunks” that were filled with herbs, apparently to help keep the air from smelling too foul. Or at least Raphael was wearing theirs, Stolas had hers off and hanging around her neck.
“It wasn’t that–Stolas, please stop smoking on the job.”
“Make me.”
Raphael flicked a hand, sending a gust to blow out the lit cigarillo currently held in her coworker’s thin and somewhat wide mouth, which prompted Stolas to pause in her work and relight it with her thumb. “Ugh...why do you even enjoy those?”
“Smoke makes me feel warm. Fire’s good when you come from cold places, Ray.”
Raphael immediately perked up. Have I progressed enough in our relationship to learn of her personal history? “Really? Would you care to tell me more?”
“Sure, sure. See, it all started when I was six, living in a small village.” Eh? “I knew this kid named Jita, see? And he was as dumb as a bag of rocks, but he listened to whatever I said, so we hung out. So one day the two of us went out to the town graveyard because I heard from a friend of a friend of my mom's that there was treasure there, right? So he takes the lead and we make it pretty far before a hand suddenly rips out of the ground, grabs him by the ankle, and–Oh hey Trina.”
Raphael blinked, then glanced over as a fuming succubus approached. “Uuuuuugh, gods below, I hate it down here! So not worth it, didn’t even get Curk to hit me up later…”
“I thought your boyfriend’s name was Vakig?” the angel asked, their attention completely diverted from Stolas’s story.
“Ew, no, not a boyfriend. Friend that’s a guy, sure, and definitely a friend with benefits, but nope, no romance there, thank you very much.”
“...Is romance bad for succubi?” Is this a potential weakness?
“Firstly, Vissy, I’m a cambion, still technically a succubus but more culturally than fully, and secondamano–”
“Secondhand?” Stolas asked, her lips quirked in amusement.
“–my people are all about that hot and dirty kind of lovin’, not the tender handholdy stuff.”
“Say the lady that reads romance novels.”
Trina stiffened, her cheeks actually reddening for a moment, then pouted. “Vissyyyyy, Lassie’s being mean to me!”
Definitely a weakness then. Also, as a younger sibling, Raphael had zero inclination to help. “Tragic. Weren’t you with Beleth?”
“Oh, yeah, right, the woman that volunteers to go down into the sewers. I hate to say anything bad about anyone, especially directly in front of their family, but that girl needs to relax for once in her life.”
Stolas just shrugged, unbothered by the comment. “Bell relaxes in her own way.”
“How? By mopping the sewer water?”
“She’s doing that again? Ha, fun.”
“That was sarcastic, Lass...does she actually do that?”
“Sometimes, yeah. Anyhoo, I’d better go find her, she’ll start scrubbing mildew if you let her.”
“Is that bad?” Raphael asked as they followed the redheaded human.
“Nah, nothing Bell does is bad, just annoys people sometimes, which is funny. Still, better her big sis get her head on straight than having search parties sent again,” Stolas explained, her tone entirely casual.
“...Does that happen often?”
“Which part?”
“The search parties.”
“When we started working here, yeah. Bell gets caught up in her head easily. She’s always fine though.”
And Beleth was indeed fine when the three of them–three because Trina was entirely unwilling to be left alone in the sewers of the castle–found her, though it was somewhat surprising to find she wasn’t alone.
“HisisterRayfaTrina,” Beleth greeted, as rapidly as ever. Even as she stood there, rocking on her feet, a large jar in hand with several strange shapes inside of varying colors. Are those eyes? And...ears? And noses too? “WhatcanIhelpyouwith? Shouldn’tyoubewearingyourmaskalso?”
“I can’t smoke with my mask on, Bell,” Stolas drawled, amused as her taller yet younger sister frowned.
“Youshouldn’tsmokeonthejobeitherit’sdisrepectful.”
“Meh. So what’s with the jar?”
“This?” She lifted the jar, showing a strange collection of what seemed to be jellyfish with humanoid sensory organs along the sides of their…what are those dome parts called anyways? “Foundabunchofuziaandwantedtokeepthem.”
“Oh, that’s all?”
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“What are uzia?” Raphael asked, studying the strange creatures. They did seem somewhat familiar, as though the angel had faced such monsters before, though in a vague way.
“Oh ew ew ew, that’s what you have in there?!” Trina exclaimed, uncharacteristically uncomfortable as she backed up from the jar.
“Yep! Whyareyoubackingup?” Beleth asked.
“Because those things are creepy! Just, ew, no, not a fan at all!”
“Really? Butthey'resocutethough.”
“Nope! Nope, disagreeing, not looking, nope,” Trina insisted as she hid behind Raphael, her head ducked so she didn’t have to stare at the jar of jellyfish. Or jellyflies? Or whatever the terrestrial versions were called.
“You shouldn’t call someone’s pets creepy, even if you don’t like them,” Stolas chided, still grinning, “And especially if they actually are creepy as fuck. Speaking of, don’t those count as the vermin we’re supposed to get rid of?”
“YeahbutDapper’snicehe’llletmekeep’em,” Beleth said, unperturbed by her proposed pets being called creepy.
“I’m not coming by your room anymore if you two keep those,” Trina grumbled.
“You know, I always did think we needed pets to liven up the place,” Stolas commented, earning a huff from Trina and a happy noise from her sister.
“GreatI’llbringthembacktoourroom!” Beleth cheered, promptly making her way past them–
“AH!” Trina yelped, “L-Leth! There’s one on your back!”
“Ehthereis?”
There was. One of the green ones, with noses along its dome, sniffing the air. Though, rather than a jellyfish, it looked like a mushroom sprouting from the fabric.
“Well damn, that’s new,” Stolas commented, crouching by the strange monster, “Looks like you’ve got a stowaway, Bell.”
“Huhweirdcanyougetit?”
“Sure can.”
“Willyou?” she asked, her tone going flat even with its rapidity.
“Heh, no prob.”
“Eh? Wait, Lass, don’t-“ But Trina’s warning came too late as Stolas yanked the Uzia off of Beleth. In the process of doing so, four things happened at once. The first being the back of Beleth's uniform was ripped open, exposing some of her undershirt and showing just how firmly the uzia’s tentacles had attached. Secondly, a loud crash was heard as the jar Beleth was carrying dropped when she stumbled from the yank. Thirdly, spores began to fill the area as the Uzia flew through the air, the tight squeeze of Stolas’s hand apparently causing its nostrils to exhale clouds of multicolored spores. And lastly, Trina screamed in terror as the jellyfish monster crashed into her, its stalk splitting into tendrils that now attempted to wrap around her.
"GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!" she screamed as she tried to push it away, all the while it kept spreading spores, some of which curiously started immediately filling the area with plants and fungi while others appeared to be sprouting into small uzia polyps.
"Ohnomypets!" Beleth cried as more Uzia began to float up, now free, and promptly began activating their own defense mechanisms.
"Yeah, I'm not getting paid for this shit," Stolas muttered with a somewhat strained smirk as she began to dodge the eye beams from the crimson uzia with eyes along its dome.
Letting out a sigh, Raphael brought their hands up, channeling their wind as they immediately blew the spores and floating uzia away from them and down the tunnel, much to Beleth's displeasure as she tried to grab at her wayward pets. Walking over to Trina, Raphael grabbed onto the uzia attempting to burrow its tentacles, or perhaps roots, into her clothes and pulled it away from the succubus, which ended up tearing her uniform as well, before immediately chucking it down the tunnel.
"Are you okay?"
"Thank you! I'll make it up to you later, but we're out of here!" Trina said, very panicked, and based on the growing sounds coming down the tunnel where the Uzia went, she likely had a reason. Grabbing Raphael's hand, she began to run. "Lass, grab your sister and come on!"
"Sure thing," Stolas responded, grabbing onto her sister and lifting her over her shoulder, all while Beleth kept trying to reach out to the Uzia.
"Waitnowecan'tleavemypets!"
"Yes we can!" shouted Trina, her wings forming as they approached the exit, and flying up with Raphael still in hand.
Flying under someone else's control certainly felt interesting.
"Woah girl, where's the fire?" One guard stationed by the sewer entrance asked as Trina flew out.
"Uzia infestation! Way too many for the four of us to handle!" Well, Raphael was sure they could handle them, but they were still in disguise so no need to contradict Trina.
"Well, shit. Alright, I'll go inform General Lion-Bane and get a squad ready!" responded the other guard as he immediately ran off to do so.
"Could have flown us out too you know," Stolas chided with another smile as she climbed out of the hole, before tossing the moping Beleth onto the ground.
"Mypets…."
"Heh, I don't know how you could have gotten attached to those things so quickly. Please tell me you didn't name them at least."
"Ididyes! StenRunoMonoandPrin!" Getting up, Beleth hurried over to the first guard, who was sealing off the entrance. "Pleasemakesuremypetsstaysafe!"
"Uh, what?"
"Mypets! Makesuretheydon’tgethurt!"
"...sure. Look, just go get washed off. You four look okay for the most part, but if there's any spores on you, we can't let that spread."
A reasonable enough request, given our present circumstances. I could use a bath anyway.
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As of this writing, I have both good news and bad news to report.
Good news: I have successfully sabotaged the operations of Castle Valondrac! Albeit unintentionally, as I have contributed to the propagation of a species of monsters within the depths of the castle’s sewers that is territorial and hostile to the castle staff and guard.
Bad news: I have contributed to the propagation of a species of monsters within the depths of the castle’s sewers that is territorial and hostile to the castle staff and guard.
While this situation is still beneficial, in the sense that it disrupts the castle’s operations, it is also yet more attention and trouble than I intended to garner at this point in time. Granted, I am largely safe, as my fellow maids (Beleth and Stolas especially) also contributed heavily to the spread of the monsters known as the uzia, but there is still potential for suspicion to rise as a result of my own actions.
As it turns out, attempting to blow away clouds of spores and larval jellyfish monsters actually causes them to spread even further.
Further compounding my annoyance with the situation is the immediate aftermath, as I was not offered a bath to wash off the potential spores as I expected, but instead hosed down in my undergarments along the castle wall. It appears that the standard practice for dealing with uzia spores is to burn the afflicted clothing that can be burned while washing the rest, and while I would normally retain the clothes I had worn under my uniform cloak, the tears in Trina and Beleath’s uniforms meant they had to undress fully, and Stolas’s lack of mask meant she had to as well. And since I was with them, it seems it was just assumed that I probably was exposed too.
Yet another consequence of spending time with the wrong crowd. Michael was right…
Granted, Michael would have also set the sewers on fire were they in my situation.
Granted, Michael would have set the entire castle on fire long before this point if they were in my position, so I think I am doing well enough. That, and Beleth brought us apology chocolate for the situation, so I am willing to let things be.
I am more annoyed with Trina anyway as she decided to simply request towels for herself and myself while the Sitrin sisters actually got replacement clothes for the trip back to their room, so I was left annoyingly exposed. The towels are surprisingly comfortable though.
Regardless, Trina also offered to make it up to me by educating me on the particulars of uzia while we watched a squad of exterminators heading into the sewers, so I do have further information to share. I suppose there are benefits to her friendship, though I will not describe myself as her “friend with benefits”. I have already learned what that actually means.
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♡~Trina’s Handy Dandy Guide to Uzia~♡
So what are Uzia anyway? - Uzia (both plural and singular) are a bunch of weird jellyfish monsters sometimes called “the natural sentries” known for being weirdo floating jellyfish things with four humanoid sensory organs (i.e. eyes, ears, noses etc.) spread across their domes and for the magic powers all of them have. All adult uzia have four humanoid organs across their surface (humanoid specifically since they line up specifically with human features like round ears) and eight tentacles. Other than that, they vary in color and powers, so knowing which one’s which can be really handy if you ever have to deal with them.
Redzia/Watchers - These ones are called “Eyezia” by General Leicester and I think the term might be catching on? At least I’ve seen it in a book, so that’s neat. Anyhow, these ones are red and fire super hot laser beams from their eyes if they spot any threats, so avoid getting seen! Even if you’re immune to fire, eye beams are different and tend to be piercing, so no letting yourself get hit! Supposedly there’s also types of them that can fire ice beams or petrifying beams, but those might be rumors? I’ve never seen them, at least.
Bluezia/Listeners - Did you know Listener is a surprisingly common title in cults? It’s true! Source: Was born in a cult. Anyhow, General Ariel calls these ones Earzia and that sums it up. They’re blue, they have ears, and they use their big ears to listen for approaching intruders. If they detect anything then they electrify themselves, making them hard to deal with. Metal weapons and grabbing them directly is a bad plan! Stay at a range, be nice and quiet, and don’t stand on metal surfaces because they will electrify them too.
Greenzia/Sniffers - Ariel calls these Nosezia and they’re probably the grossest of the bunch! They’re green and they have noses across their domes. I think these ones might also technically be fungi since their tentacles form together to make weird stalks when they’re at rest instead of floating around like the others. They do float around sometimes, but their main thing is spreading around spores that cause plant and fungal life to start sprouting around wherever they’re at. Said plants and fungi then tend to rot super quickly, creating weird smells, and I guess the other uzia eat them? Or something?? These ones also spread around uzia larva, so I guess they’re like weird carrier things. The moms of the uzia, maybe? I heard there’s some even weirder ones out there, so no idea if that’s the case.
I probably don’t need to go into the rest just yet, but there’s purple ones that Ariel calls Mouthzia and yellow ones she calls Handzia, so you can probably figure out those are taste and touch. Maybe they’re called Tasters and Touchers? They’re a bit rarer than the other ones, and at least weren’t in the bunch we ran into, so meh. I think there’s also some spiky orange ones and spirally pink ones, but I don’t know as much about those.
So, yeah.
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“Hm...surprisingly informative, though the conclusion needs work,” Raphael critiqued as they laid on their bed, just kind of relaxing at the moment as they read Trina's informative yet extremely pink writings.
“Feh, I wrote that in, like, a minute, it’s fine,” Trina replied, standing in front of her mirror in her undergarments and holding a dress in front of her, “Hmm...no, too stripey, I should go for something more...hmm…”
“Where are you even going? I thought things didn’t work out with the guard you were pursuing.”
“Oh it didn’t, but I decided to chat up one of those exterminators when they were heading down and she was up for it! So I figured why not, right? Now, which one works best for a ‘night on the town’...”
Raphael huffed in some amusement, before idly folding the paper Trina wrote into their journal. Perhaps they’d been spending too much time with the succubus, though she was a helpful source of information. They wouldn’t normally laze around in just a towel though. “...So you were born in a cult?”
“I mentioned that part before, right? Cult of the Lust Lord, mom’s like...some sort of herald or something. Means I at least have a good education in the infernal, though probably means my standards of stuff are pretty skewed? Not sure if that would be the case or not anyhow because, y’know, half-succubus, and let me tell you, that half was rough in my teenage years, seriously. Speaking of, how was growing up half angel for you?”
“...Ah, well…it...involved…” They shouldn’t have felt so relieved to hear a knock at their door, but they most definitely did. I really need to figure out my character’s story better… “Oh look, your date is here, I’ll let them in.”
“Eh? That’s weird, we’re not meeting until–”
But Raphael was already up and opening the door, before they paused, staring up at the...rather familiar orc on the other side of the door. One who still had some bandages visibly wrapped around his head. “Er, hello? Droff, right?”
“...uh, yeah, uh. Hey.”
“...Hello. Er…” They glanced back at Trina, who seemed...oddly amused? And gave them a thumbs up. Strange. “Hi? Ah...we should probably move past the greetings. Is there something you need? Trina has a date already tonight.”
“Oh, ah, yeah, not here for her.” Droff scratched at his chin somewhat awkwardly with his free hand, the other one holding...a bouquet of flowers? “Just, uh...wanted to say sorry bout earlier, you’re a lot stronger than I expected or gave you credit for.”
“Oh, thank you? I...appreciate your sincerity.” They nodded to him.
“Ah, you’re welcome, yeah. So, these’re for you.” He handed over the flowers, then coughed, either due to some unexpected illness or simple awkwardness. “And I was wonderin’...if you wanted, would you want, ah–l-look, uh, so, you wanna get dinner sometime?”
Ah. Awkwardness it is then. They glanced back at Trina, who gave them a second thumbs up. So no help then...then they looked back at Droff and, admittedly, he was attractive. Tall, well-built, steady and well-paying job...Though Raphael was also employed by the same employer, so wouldn’t that be a conflict of interest? No, wait, Trina dates our fellow workers all the time…
“Give her a sec, Vissy takes some time to think,” Trina said, which did at least give Raphael some more time to consider matters.
“Yeah, uh, that’s no problem,” Droff replied. He seemed to be trying his best to keep eye contact with them, which was a positive since it showed a desire to project confidence despite his obvious nervousness. Though some people couldn’t make eye contact due to mental quirks or ability to do harm with their gaze, so should that really be considered an objective positive? But then dating was subjectively based and he was definitely attempting to pursue a date. Ah, wait.
“As stated previously, I am uninterested in dating at the moment.”
“Ah, right, yeah, y’did say that...but, ah...you sure? Could be fun.”
“No, thank you.” Hm...what do I know about orcish courtship...hm, that could work. “Even if I were, I would prefer someone stronger than myself.”
Droff sighed. “Yeah, alright, no’s no, I get it–...hold on, you would?”
Oh. Or a simple no would have sufficed. Though… “Yes, I...think I would.”
“Huh...yeah, alright. Yeah, yeah, I getcha, heh. Uh, okay, so, keep the flowers, and I’ll be back. And, ah, if you wanna hang around in the meantime, feel free to ask for my schedule or–” He shook his head, grinning somewhat. It did look...kind of cute, in a boyish way. “See you around.”
“...sure, see you.” They watched him leave for a moment before closing the door. “Hm…” Then they took a sniff of the flowers, smiling slightly at the pleasant scent, then paused as Trina wolf whistled. “Ah...right, hi. Do we have a vase?”
“Oh we sure do, but before that, so you want someone stronger than you, huh~?”
“Mm...I was attempting to ‘let him down gently’.”
And Trina laughed outright there, so clearly Raphael had made some mistake. “Oh honey, noooo, no nope, that’s not what you did. Now, you were doing that, and he was accepting it, but that stronger bit? Nope.”
“...What did I say then?”
“Okay, sounds like you need another ‘Trina Tutorial’~!” She did a little wave of her hands before sitting down on her bed, grinning far too cheerfully. “So, you know a lot of Dark Land orcs live in nomadic societies, right? Plenty live in cities, but they’re actually a minority compared to the nomads, and there’s a lot of cultural overlap anyhow, point is! Strength is largely valued, the bit you just invoked is a pretty common Kalan thing where the suited, for whatever reason, cannot date the suitor. Maybe they’re from different communities, different social classes, whatever, but the suited is still interested, so they’re not saying a firm no but more of a coy maybe, with the idea being that the suitor will prove they’re worthy. Oftentimes by actually besting the suited in a contest. Not necessarily a fight, but wrestling is pretty obviously favored since there’s a lot of sweaty grappling with a mostly naked hottie.”
Raphael could understand the appeal, sure. “So I encouraged his interest instead of discouraging it.”
“Yup! Though if you want him to back off, just say so. No means no and he doesn’t seem like the type to push if you’re uninterested.”
“Hm. Thank you for the clarification.”
“So~? Are you interested~?”
“…I am not…entirely disinterested.” There was some appeal in the idea, though there was still the valid concern that pursuing anything would interfere with their mission.
“Ha! Well if that turns to full interest, then I say go for it! He’s definitely interested, and if he wasn’t completely at first, you answering the door in just a towel probably cinched it.”
“...right. Yes.” They were indeed wearing only a towel, a thought that brought some building heat to their face as they elected to sit down on their bed and pull their covers around them, a sudden understanding coming to them as to why Droff appeared very intent on staring into their eyes instead of looking anywhere else. “I did indeed answer the door like that.”
“Pff, don’t be so shy~! I’ve done that all the time~ Hell, I usually drop the towel partway through to give them a nice surprise~”
Raphael pulled their blankets tighter, frowning at their perverted roommate whose advice should never be heeded. “Don’t you have a date to ready yourself for?”
“Oh right, gotta get back to that! Have fun with your journaling!”
It wasn’t journaling, though Raphael wasn’t about to say that, and it was work, not fun. There was a difference and it was very serious.
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It appears I may be the subject of courtship in the future. An orcish man by the name of Droff Bear-Break has expressed interest in me, which may complicate my future endeavors. In what way, I am not yet sure, but it is to be noted. I may need to develop countermeasures if his pursuit does cause issues and maybe ask one of my elder siblings for advice because he is somewhat cute in case of complications. Complicated complications. Complicatedly. Very complicative.
Also, before I close this entry for today, I should mention that I have previously spotted the imperial consort, Julius Goldforge, during the course of my duties. He seems well for a filthy sibling-mutilating traitor lightlander in the Dark Lands and I sincerely wish that I not have to deal with him at all. Fortunately, I doubt he has noticed me, so there should be no issues.
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“I think the new maid hates me.”
Claire Valondrac, Empress of the Dark Lands and champion of the demon gods Rot, Marrow, and Drought, paused in her reading and glanced over at her soon-to-be husband. Which still made her heart flutter when she thought about it, not helped at all by the sight of Julius unbuttoning his shirt as he undressed for the night.
Then his words actually registered. “What? Which one?”
“The new one. I don’t know her name.”
“You haven’t asked?”
He shrugged, his light skin reddening somewhat, in a cute way. “Nope.”
“...Why not?”
“Because she keeps glaring at me. I’m not sure why, but it’s like...you know how you get a sixth sense for danger after being in combat for a long time?”
She conquered a continent, so...yeah. “Right? She sets that off for you?”
“Kinda? It doesn’t help that I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her somewhere before…”
“Oh? A jilted lover I don’t know about~?”
“Yeah, no, not at all. I’m not Cyrus–No, that’s not fair to Cyrus, he’s trying...I’m not Richard.”
“You really don’t like your king.” She tried not to smile as he gave her a very flat look.
“He’s not my king. Even if he did knight me.” Off came the shirt, and Claire admired the faint, faded marks along his skin, mixed with the faded sun on his chest and the small steel-gray tattoos of a metal mage. Or a smith, which her fiancé still kept up as his preferred profession, when he wasn’t whipping her guards into shape. Not entirely literally… “Besides, I have better liege now, remember, my empress~?”
Claire grinned, even as she felt her face warm. “And you’re my fiancé, not my servant, remember?”
“I can be both. You seem to like it when I play servant~.” He smiled back at her and she felt her heart flutter. “Though I gotta say, I’m impressed. I think that’s the first time you said fiancé without stuttering~.”
Her face went from warm to hot as she mock-glared at her fiancé. “O-Oh, so you're teasing me now? And after asking me for help with girl trouble too, hmph!”
She crossed her arms over her chest, looking away from him with a mock-pout as she heard him chuckle warmly. “Aw, I’m sorry, my empress~ I’ll make sure to show you the proper deference you deserve now~”
She felt her resolve falter as she heard his pants drop. “...H-Hmph. W-Well, I suppose I can help you out…”
And that resolve broke further as his warm, callused hand cupped her cheek and gently turned her head to face him again. His silver eye, that he so insisted was just gray, almost shined with amusement. “Thank you, my empress~”
Oh that was cheating. “...S-So which one’s the problem?”
“Oh, you were serious? Alright.” He sat at the edge of the bed, and Claire felt a slight pang of disappointment when she noticed–perfectly naturally and without deliberate staring–that he still had his underwear on. Though they did cling pretty nicely... “Like I said, it’s the new girl. Brown skin, pointy ears, carries herself more like a knight than a servant. Hangs around with some of the other cambionic girls, I think.”
Claire frowned, taking a moment– “Rayfa Viswan, the lightlander?”
“Lightlander? So she’s a wood elf? Not a cambion?”
“Neither–well, she claims to be part wood elf, so that’s a factor….she’s a nephilim though.”
He blinked in some visible confusion, though half that blink was hidden by his eyepatch. “Seriously?”
“That’s her claim, yes, though we do have supporting evidence with reports from the initial interviewer Kiyoshi co-opted.”
“Why’s Kiyo involved in this.” Ah, the deadpan tone. Always fun when it came out! She also couldn’t help but giggle at how quickly Julius had gotten used to Kiyo’s Kiyo-ness.
“Because our nephilim friend is undoubtedly a spy from the Light Lands, and Kiyo has a silly project she wants to work on.”
“...Which you’re allowing because Kiyo’s keeping you up to date on events?”
“That she is, which should make things fun for our little spy. It’s funny, Kiyo’s almost more spiderlike than Ariel when it comes to catching prey in her ‘webs’.”
“Oh yeah, Ariel should be getting back from visiting her brother soon, right? What’s his face…”
“Faces, remember? Elliot the Eightfold, brother to Ariel the Alabaster and son of Peter the Pearlescent.”
“...She came up with those–”
“Of course she did, you know her.”
He sighed. “I do, and I’m not looking forward to how pushy she gets.”
Claire frowned. “I thought you two were getting along better?”
“Yeah but I mean when we’re sleeping. She hogs the covers.”
“She does?”
He gave her a flat look. “You don’t notice because she cuddles you like one of your plushies.”
“Leave Lady Dovoni out of this,” she ordered, then paused, “Ah, we’re getting off track again. The nephilim shouldn’t be a problem, though if she seems more assassin-y than spy-y, Kiyoshi knows what to do.”
“Right...I don’t think it’s an assassin thing though. The glares feel personal, which...yeah, I don’t know. I don’t think I pissed off any wood elves...lately. In the past dec–...In the past...year?” He frowned. “...In the past month.”
“You’ve been living in the Dark Lands for the past month.”
“You’re right, that probably did piss someone off…”
She giggled again and leaned over, giving him a peck on his fuzzy cheek. He did look good with a beard, but she understood why he might want to shave it down. At least he always kept his mustache. “Don’t worry, we know what we’re doing. That heavenspawn won’t cause you any problems.”
“Heh, I believe you. I just don’t like knowing someone has a grudge without getting why. Just raises questions.”
“Well, if you haven’t upset any wood elves, maybe it’s coming from the angelic side?”
“Maybe? The last angel I pissed off was Michael, but I’m pretty sure they’ve never had a kid...not really sure which angels even would…”
“There’s one over in Surton named Amitiel, she has a child.” At his confused blink, she continued. “Leok knows her. I think she slept with her? And her spouse at the same time, so it wasn’t a cheating thing.”
“...Okay then.” He huffed, running a hand through his silver-gold hair. “Well, so long as you think it’s handled. But, ah, wouldn’t she know if she’s being watched?”
“Oh certainly, any half-decent spy would know to look out for counter-espionage, which is probably why Kiyoshi’s so excited. She’s been pent up since she had to leave fieldwork, so playing her spy games with a decent challenger is getting her very excited.” Claire giggled, before she set her book aside and pulled her fiancé into a hug, enjoying how red his face turned. “Don’t worry. No matter how brilliant this spy might be, she’ll be easy to handle.”
“...mm. Yeah, guess so.” His firm arms wrapped around her as he relaxed. “...seems kinda stupid to risk it though.”
“Spies are sort of stupid to begin with. It’s still fine. Even if she’s stupid, our lightlander spy is bound to see the surveillance on her, and she’ll know not to try anything funny.”
“...and if she doesn’t?”
Claire snorted. “Come on, Julius. There’s no way she’s that stupid.”