I had a plan. A good one too. Now I know what you are thinking, things don't always go as planned. Every now and then god or fate, depending on what your believes are, will throw a stone your way. Things will get complicated but ultimately things will work out.
Well, no. My plan was perfect, simple and it worked. That is not the issue though. The problem is the results.
My plan was as followed: 1)Study hard in high school. 2)Hard enough to be able to get into a good university. 3)Graduate from the said university. 4)Find a comfortable position on a nine to five office job.
Simple right. Now I know what you are going to say. Everyone has the same plan. It's true but there is a reason why everybody has the same plan. It works. Simple plans always work.
I am not going to lie. It wasn't easy though. To execute the first step I had to sacrifice a lot. Skipped a lot of social activities. Hours of studying. I even got a weird nickname in high school.
In the end, I was able to get accepted by a decent university.
From there, things kinda worked out on their own. We all know that the hardest part is actually being accepted by a university.
Five years later I finish university and graduation day comes. The proudest day of my life. Everyone was there. My family, close relatives, friends of the family, even some of my old childhood friends were there.
I remember being so excited. Finally, I had achieved something of value. All the sacrifices I had done over the years were paying off. My decisions had lead me to this moment.
I remember staying in line ready to walk on the red stage as names were being called. Every second felt like a lifetime. Eventually, my name was called.
I almost didn't recognize my name. The stairs that led to the stage suddenly looked like mountains to me. My limbs weren't responding to my commands. I was frozen in place.
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A push came from behind. I turn my head to see who it was but for the life of me, I can't remember his name. His face is blurry to my memory. Was he a friend of mine? I don't know.
Anyway, that push gave me the strength to move. I started climbing the stairs one at a time. In my head, every stair represented a challenge that I had overcome.
As I raised my head bright light assaulted my eyes. I took a few seconds to adjust. Mysteriously I had climbed all the way to the stage. A small podium was a few steps ahead of me. Next to the podium was standing a short guy wearing a dark robe with a red stripe. In his hand, he was holding a scroll tied with a dark red ribbon.
'My diploma' I thought. The thing I had worked so hard to get was within reach. Just a few steps more and I would have achieved the third step in my plan.
Luckily my legs didn't rebel against me this time. As I approached the podium noises entered my ears. A crowd of people was cheering to the top of their voices. They were the family members of the other students who were graduating the same day as me.
My own family was among them. I even heard someone from the crowd call my name. Most likely my mom. I tried to locate them in the sea of people but my attempts were cut short as I reached my destination.
The short guy offers me a firm handshake as he hands me the scroll in his hands. With a smiling face, he congratulates me. A short hug later and I was finally free to leave with my most prized possession in hand.
That scroll, that crappy piece of paper was my key to success.
For that paper, whose monetary value couldn't be more than a few cents in materials, I had worked my ass off for years.
But that day was my greatest day. Nothing could ruin that moment. And Nothing did.
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Exactly a year later was my lowest point in life. I had tried everything. Called every favor I could call. Send my resume to every company that I could find.
A dozen interviews later all I had to show was a crippling student debt and a dead-end job in a call center.
My father taught me that there is no shame in working. But I didn't set out for this. I didn't make all those sacrifices, all that hard work for this. I didn't want to end up working for a boss with a high school diploma.
I didn't want to be forced to take a shit by a nobody just because he has nothing better to do. And more importantly, that crappy job wasn't going to pay my student loan. In fact, it was barely enough to pay my rent.
So in a moment of desperation, I took the easy way out. I had worked hard and I was tired. I couldn't go on anymore.
Exactly a year later from the day I graduated, I committed suicide.