Abruptly I become aware. It feels like waking up in the morning. One moment there is nothing but blissful unawareness. The Next moment, all sorts of information enter your brain.
I open my eyes and what greets me is the view of a dimly lighted room. No, room isn't the right word for it. It looks more like a cave. The walls are not uniform like they would be if they were made of bricks.
The rocky surface of the walls and the small but sharp stalagmites in the ceiling proves that I am right. This is a cave.
Glancing around I notice that I am sitting in a weird yoga pose, with my legs crossed atop a blue mattress. My back is facing the end of the cave and right in front of me is a gap which I presume leads further into the cave and hopefully out of this place. I can't see beyond that, it's dark.
Next to the gap to the right, is a dusty bookshelf with only one book on it. The bookshelf looks old and dusty as if it's ready to crumble with the slightest touch.
Other than the bookshelf there is nothing else in the cave that I am in. A part of me is slightly disappointed that there isn't anything else.
After all, waking in a cave isn't an everyday occurrence. Especially after you commit suicide. Oh, I remember I did kill myself. I remember vividly when I jumped from the top floor of the highest building I could find.
But that was the old me. I am not that person anymore. He died and this cave isn't the afterlife. I know that because this isn't my body either.
I am now a different life form altogether. I am an Android. No, Android isn't the best word to describe the present me. Golem perhaps? Yeah, golem feels better.
I am a golem now. From where I can see my body is this dark gray color. I could be some other color but because of the lack of light, everything I see is either gray or black.
My form is humanoid with legs, arms, and a torso. I raise my hand and I notice something rather disturbing. I have no fingers. There is the arm, elbow, and forearm, but right where there is supposed to be my hand and fingers it ends up in a stump.
Looking at my legs I notice the same thing. No toes. Rather my feet look like weird elephant feet.
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I take all this calmly, without panicking. After all, this is not me. The real me has died. Now I am just a golem with memories of the person I once was. That is not the only thing I know.
I also know that a golem is a toy whose sole purpose is to obey his master's commands. I know this because the memories of my old self aren't the only thing I have. I also have bits of random knowledge scattered around.
More importantly, I also have my orders. Three orders were set down by my master. My memories are disgusted by this information. No, I am unhappy with this fact. Those memories in my head might have belonged to someone else but they are mine now. It is part of who I am.
Did I mention that I also have a head? Crazy right?. I don't have anything like a mirror to see myself but feeling around with my stubby arms I discovered a thing or two about my face.
First I am bald. I don't know if golems are supposed to have hair or not but I am not happy being bald. Of minor notice might also be the fact that I have no ears, nose, mouth nor eyebrows.
Anyway, it doesn't matter. All I want right now is to die. I have nothing to live for and I don't want to be the plaything of some dude who I have to call master.
I am sure that other people will see this as an opportunity. A second chance in life even if the only thing I have from my previous self is some recollection of memories.
I don't though. I don't see this as a second chance. I know what awaits me. A life of thankless hard work. Struggles in every corner. Sacrifices to achieve my goals that will go unrewarded.
I will not do this again. I wasn't able to achieve what I wanted as my previous self. And I definitely won't achieve it in this life. An existence less than human. A golem who doesn't possess even the most fundamental thing. Freedom.
I just want to die but I can't. Not because of the lack of desire to do so. No, I literally can't. I am unable to intentionally harm myself.
Whoever this master dude might be one thing is for sure. He knows how to take care of his toys. Apparently, a golem is unable to against the commands of his creator.
As long as I hear and understand a command I must execute it. There is no other way about it. I can't resist nor rebel against the master's commands.
The same way I can't harm myself right now. I want to but every time I raise my hand with the intend to punch my face. My hand stops obeying me no matter how much I want to do it.
That bastard could order me to walk and I would be walking until the day I die or until he says to stop. That is a scary thought.
Luckily he is not here at the moment. At least he is not in my sphere of vision but he might be back. No, he will be back unless he forgets where he let his golem toy.
This might be my only chance to escape. A golem is compelled to obey the orders of his creator and master but not if he for some reason can't hear those commands.
I might want to commit suicide but I sure as hell don't want to be a slave for some random dude with magic powers. Someday I will find a way to circumvent my current orders. Then I will be free. Free to leave this world and embrace the sweet relief of oblivion.
Yeah, that is my goal. I have a purpose now. My purpose is death and I will accomplish it.