The next day after Phil had finished enjoying himself with the mystery caller, the poor man found himself in the classroom, a place he had once sworn to himself to never go again. However, as getting kicked out of Duel Academy for the heinous crime of skipping classes would have been a significant roadblock towards his plan to duel his way to the top of the island, Phil endured.

That doesn’t mean that class was is easier to sit through. Phil complained to himself as he leaned back in his seat with his feet on the desk. I mean, come on! Do they really need a whole fucking class to go over this shit?

At the front of the class behind the podium, a professor that Phil hadn’t even bothered to catch the name of was busy proving Phil’s point, droning on and on about the pros and cons of summoning a monster in attack position, versus summoning in defense position.

Yada yada yada. If it has higher defense, summon it in defense. Higher attack, summon in attack. The only time you would do otherwise is if you’re going for the kill or hanging on to your life points for all that you can. Well, at least I’m not the only one practically sleeping in class. Good ol’ Jaden doesn’t give a fuck. Phil chuckled to himself at the sight. Chazz was right on one thing, the man really was a Slifer Slacker. And soon after, Phil blinked as he realized nearly all of the open eyes of the class were on him, as the instructor had apparently asked a question.

“Sorry boss, can ya’ repeat that one for me?” Phil called out after a moment’s hesitation to make sure he had actually missed something.

The instructor, a heavily mustached man, scowled at him but nonetheless repeated the question.

“I said, Mr. Jenson, since you appear to be giving us your undivided attention, would you mind showing the class how best to use the attack and defense positions? Such as in a duel?”

Phil shrugged in response, and then lazily got to his feet. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do, and crushing an instructor would be a beneficial combination of funny and helpful to get his own name out.

“You got it coach, are we gonna tango or does anyone else in here wanna rock and roll with the Philster?”

The instructor shook his head. “No, I think it would be best for…” His finger waved around in the air searchingly, before landing on a student Phil had never seen before that was decked out in full Obelisk Blue colors. “Mr. Clampton, would you mind helping Mr. Jenson give us a demonstration? Oh, and to give you both some motivation, I’ll let the winner get out of class early.”

“I don’t mind at all, sir.” The student responded with a clipped tone and a bow, before strapping on his duel disk and walking towards the center of the room. Phil casually entered the aisle nearest to him and followed suit, strapping on his duel disk and patting his deck for luck. Then, the two boys faced each other at the front of the room, Phil with a lazy smile plastered on his face and the other student, who had introduced himself stiffly as Kim Clampton, with a frown of distaste upon looking at his opponent.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Five cards shot out of both student’s duel disks as the game began, with Kim forcibly taking the first turn.

“Draw!” Kim yelled. “I’ll start this off nice and easy, yellow! I summon the monster Zombyra the Dark (2100/500) in attack mode! Then, I equip my monster with the equip spell card, Legendary Sword! Read it and weep because it will give Zombyra an extra 300 attack and defense! And then, I’ll end my turn. I don’t suppose it would look all that good for an Obelisk Blue to be seen bullying a little yellow on the first day of classes, wouldn’t it?”

Phil simply blinked as he stared at his opponent’s end board.

I… I’m half tempted to fuck with him and just not summon any monsters. Zombyra can’t even attack directly due to its own effect, and what the fuck is the point of boosting its attack by a measly 300? There… yeah I think there should be better equips in the game by now, right? Like that one lightning sword one Joey used in Battle City or something.

“Ah well,” Phil shrugged as he drew a card to start his turn. “I’ll start things off with an oldie, but a goodie. I summon Abyss Soldier (1800/1300) in attack mode!”

Once the summoning animation was completed, the professor held up his hand to pause Phil as he turned to the class and asked them a question.

“Now class, would anyone like to tell me what mistake Mr. Jenson just made?”

The class remained silent for a few seconds, until a girl in an Obelisk Blue uniform, who Phil actually recognized for once, raised her hand.

“Yes, Ms. Rhodes, would you like to take a crack at my question?” The professor asked.

“Yes, sir.” Alexis stood up and seriously contemplated the question. “Well, at this point Zombyra the Dark’s attack should be far beyond what most monster are capable of defeating, and definitely much more than the Abyss Soldier. Therefore, I believe that Mr. Jenson’s mistake was that he should have summoned the Abyss Soldier in defense position and tried to stall until he drew a spell or trap that could even the odds. Or, he could have even waited until Zombyra’s attack had been lowered enough with his own effect that any monster could beat it.” Once her explanation was finished, Alexis sat down to the murmurs of surprise and agreement of her classmates.

“Well done, Ms. Rhodes, I see that you have even studied ahead a little bit, to know what Zombyra the Dark’s drawback is!” The professor congratulated her, and then continued with his explanation. “Yes, for those students that are not aware, and it is okay to not be aware of at this point as one of your later classes will be all about effects like this one, Zombyra the Dark has a drawback to its usage! Each time it destroys a monster by battle, it loses 200 attack points! Still, its high base attack more than makes up for it, especially when you factor in Mr. Clampton’s brilliant usage of his equip spell! Now, Mr. Jenson, if you will, please continue.”

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

“Yeah, sure.” Phil responded. What a fucking moron. Can’t even read a fucking card. Welp… lets see some fireworks come out of their brains.

“Abyss Soldier may have less attack, but I’ll even things up a bit.” Phil called out. “I activate his effect, allowing my to discard one water monster in order to target one card on the field to return to the owner’s hand! I discard my Sinister Serpent, and target your Zombyra! Get the fuck off my board!”

“Language, Mr. Jenson!” The professor snapped out as Kim snorted in irritation and returned his monster to his hand.

“Yeah, yeah whatever.” Phil responded, his mind already back to the duel at hand. “Alright, Abyss Soldier, please kindly use your trident to make a nice dent in his life points.”

The monster, which looked like a distorted humpback whale given arms, feet, and a very nasty trident, obliged Phil’s command, jumping forwards to stab at Kim with a splash and reducing Kim’s lifepoints from 4000 to 2200.

“Then, I’ll do a big brain by setting one card and passing turn. Your go, noob.”

Kim scowled at Phil, who responded in kind with a mocking smile. “Draw! Let’s see if you can deal with him again! Zombyra the Dark, I summon you! And then, since you’ve shown your true colors as a snake in the grass, I activate my spell card! De-Spell! I target your face-down card to obliterate it!”

Phil opened his own mouth to respond, but once again the professor paused the duel, much to Phil’s annoyance.

“Now, let’s take a look at Mr. Clampton’s latest move! Mr. Jenson, could you tell me the significance of the card, De-Spell?”

Phil rolled his eyes to the professor’s visible annoyance, and then answered in a sarcastic tone. “Yeah, real difficult to figure this one out, chief. De-Spell. I wonder what it does. I guess it attempts to destroy a spell on the field or something? Correct me if I’m wrong, prof. Though, Kim’s got something else going on in his head if he would think I would just let him do this. At least use De-Spell before you summon your monster, dumbass!”

Plowing past the professor’s cries of “Language, Mr. Jenson!”, Phil shouted back to Kim. “In response to your card’s activation, I activate my trap card, Ring of Destruction! I target your monster, destroying it and dealing damage equal to its attack to both of our life points!”

Kim watched in horror as his own life points were dropped from 2200 to a tiny 100, and Phil’s life points were sent from 4000 to 1900.

“You got anything else dude, or is it my turn already?” Phil shouted while trying to hold in his own mocking laughter. When Kim had no response other than for the blood to drain out of his face, Phil reached towards his duel disk to draw his card for the turn.

“Alright boys, I’ll end this nice and easy. During my standby phase, I activate the effect of my Sinister Serpent in my graveyard, allowing it to return to my hand like nothing ever happened! And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, I summon the big, fucking, monkey himself! Berserk Gorilla (2000/1000)! Monkey boy, beat the shit out of that dumbass motherfucker standing across from me!”

The ginormous gorilla that Phil had summoned screamed in response, spewing out fire from its mouth to coat its fists and lunging towards Kim with a fiery haymaker to reduce his life points to a solid zero.

With that said and done, Phil turned and bowed to the silent class, soaking in the attention until the professor’s hand caught his ear and dragged him bodily to the classroom door.

“Really, Mr. Jenson, a fine showing, but language! Watch it! Perhaps Ms. Fontaine can assist you in curbing it!”

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Alexis stared at the classroom door that had just slammed shut after Professor Stein had hauled her rather rude classmate out the door.

A truly interesting duel, though. I had no idea that he would be able to deal with Zombyra just like that! I would have had to get lucky with my Cyber Gymnast, perhaps, or with a lucky fusion summon. Yet he got rid of it like it was nothing.

Interesting.

Just by looking around the classroom, she could tell that her classmates were impressed by the duel as well. How it was over in four short turns, how Phil hadn’t even blinked when Kim had made such a high attack monster with one summon. The discussion was not all good, however, as her fellow Obelisk Blues were already looking scornfully at the defeated student. Perhaps it was not as bad as Chazz had looked at Jaden, most likely owing to the fact that Phil was at least Ra Yellow instead of Slifer Red, but distain showed in their eyes all the same.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

- A few minutes later, in the infirmary –

Phil sat obstinately on his chair, pointedly ignoring the professor’s admonishments about his ‘language’ while casually observing Nurse Fontaine digging… something out of her closet.

“… Are you even listening to me, young man?” The professor angrily questioned Phil, who only laughed and replied, “Sure am, boss. As I said, ‘pologies and all, but you do know we hear much worse on TV every night, right? What’s even the point?”

As the professor heatedly opened his mouth, Nurse Fontaine surprised them both by spinning around abruptly with a bar of soap in her hands.

“Here you go, Professor Stein! I knew I had an extra packaged bar around here somewhere!”

Professor Stein, whose name Phil resolved to forget as soon as possible in a bout of mutinous thinking, gratefully received the bar of soap before turning back to Phil, who immediately understood what was about to happen next from… prior experience back on Earth.

Along with what he must do in order to make his own message clear.

“Now, young man, I feel sorry that I must do this, but… Hey!” The professor cried out as Phil, as fast as a striking viper, snatched the bar of soap from the man’s hands, before looking Professor Stein dead in the eyes and chomping down clean on the bar of soap. For a few seconds, both Professor Stein and Nurse Fontaine looked on in sheer horror as Phil chowed down on the bar of soap like a starving man given a five-star buffet until finally, the last bit of soap disappeared, and Phil burped in satisfaction.

“W-what?” Professor Stein choked out as Nurse Fontaine hurriedly grabbed a nearby trashcan to contain the vomit she was sure the boy was about to expel.

However, Phil defied that as well, choosing instead to rub his stomach in satisfaction, pointing a shit-eating grin towards the professor while excusing himself from the room.

Ahhh… it always works like a charm, Phil thought to himself while forcing his face to remain straight in order to hide his own disgust at the taste of soap. Do it once, and they never try again.

Fucking cowards.

Now, since I did win the duel, I suppose I can consider myself excused from class like the professor-man said at the beginning. Hm. What to do, what to do.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

- Back in the classroom -

Ten minutes had passed, and Jaden had just settled in his seat to get his nap on when the classroom door creaked open to reveal Professor Stein, who looked extraordinarily disturbed for some reason.

Huh. He must’ve chewed out ol’ Phil quite a bit. Jaden wondered to himself.