I hated this.
The very idea of me leaving the fate of Lady Natalia up to that scoundrel irritated my soul, but I had no choice. She asked me to protect her city. And since the militia I had raised wasn’t quite ready to shoulder the burden without me, I must be present to ensure the full security of Pridwen.
If anything, this was my fault. I’d been too soft on these recruits. If I wanted somebody like me to lead the militia in my absence, then it made perfect sense that I should train the militia like how I was trained- through hell and back. I swear to the Gods I’d crush their souls by lunchtime tom-
“Skera, can you please not furiously scowl and radiate killing intent in front of my babies?” Emma asked with an exasperated tone.
“How could I not? I’m stuck here while Lady Natalia is out there!”
“That’s your fault for not trusting the soldiers you trained these past few years.” Emma singsonged as she gently rocked Braxton back and forth in her humbly decorated living room. “I’ve seen them at the range- they’re good enough to hold back a goblin war party by themselves, especially with me backing them up.”
Braxton cooed and giggled, almost in agreement with his mother. Men… they could inflict all manners of headache even from the cradle.
“They’re kids, Emma. Without somebody like me behind them, they’re just as likely to run when things get tough.”
“Skera, they’re not pampered kids from the Galahad Household. I’d gladly wager that these kids had seen more hardship in a single winter than Antonius had seen in his entire pathetic life. They’re all tough. They had to be.” Emma then put her son back into the cradle, next to his sleeping sisters.
“That’s not the issue. The issue is leadership. I need a leader who is just as tough as me, somebody who would rather die than to run.” I grumbled.
“So pick 3-5 of the best soldiers and train them as officers.” After some gentle coaxing from Emma, Braxton fell asleep. Even now, I was amazed at how easily Emma took to being a mother. It was almost as if she was ready for motherhood the very day Aubrey was born.
After we quietly closed the bedroom door, I resumed the conversation. “You think I hadn’t thought of that? The problem is that the officers needed to be elite fighters on their own, and it’d take years of nightmarish training to make them into Knights like me.”
“But why? None of them needed to be Knights, Skera. You and I both knew the Era of the Knights ended that day on Clarent Road. Being a chivalrous Knight doesn’t mean much to me anymore after seeing what a MG-42 can do.” Emma rebutted.
“They needed to be able to hold the line by themselves at melee range if the line was breached or flanked so the rest of the troops could reform the firing line.” I quickly retorted. After all, that was the official tactical doctrine of Pridwen’s militia.
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Emma smirked. “How many times have you actually needed to step up and hold the line by yourself?”
“... None.” I bitterly answered after an awkward pause.
I knew that was the truth, but it was a hard truth to swallow. Most of what I idealized and held dear started to be irrelevant to the world. It was a depressing thought that hung with me ever since the horrors of that day.
“Ever since I met your accursed husband, I just keep feeling like the world is passing me by and leaving me behind.” I sighed as I kept my gaze on the wooden floor. “Do I even have a proper place in it anymore?”
Emma wordlessly got up from the couch and embraced me with her bosom right in my face. Her motherly aura strangely comforted me as if it was the most natural thing in the world. The anxiety that her husband had caused me briefly melted away as I held her waist.
“Chivalry isn’t all about chauvinistic fools charging into melee duels, Skera. Otherwise, why would you idealize it that much?” Emma gently chided. “You were never that bloodthirsty, at least to me.”
“I’m not sure- “
“You just need to teach the officers the part of Chivalry that still matters.” Emma cut me off. “Things like: loyalty to one’s liege, bravery in the face of danger, and camaraderie that’d last a lifetime. In fact, I’d wager that those were the parts that you held dear the most all this time.” She finally released me from the embrace, and I weirdly felt… less lost.
After a brief pause, I replied. “Thank you for your counsel. I will reflect on them.” I got up from the couch myself and looked at the “water clock” (yet another insane invention from that insane man). It was almost 1800. My watch was about to start.
“Looks like you have quite a lot to think about on your night watch. I look forward to seeing you teach your Chivalry to the kids.” Emma smiled as I headed for the door.
“I’m grateful for your sage advice. Motherhood suits you, my friend.” I awkwardly thanked Emma once again.
Emma winked and waved at me as she said, “Think nothing of it. I do hope you find a place you truly belong, future sister. Farewell~” The way she mysteriously said it unnerved me, and I felt my hairs stand up on the back of my neck. Gods, I feared that pervert had thoroughly corrupted her in some way. Bah! There was no time to think about that man. I finally got the guidance I needed to chart my proper place in this changing world!
I exited the house and took in a breath of fresh air. The sun was setting, and night would soon be upon us. But for the first time in a long time, I didn’t fear the uncertainty of the darkness before me.
***
After a few days of intense self-reflection, I emerged without a shred of doubt chaining me down. On a sunny afternoon, I summoned all of the militiamen to the proving ground and made an announcement.
“As your Commander, I hereby promote the following 5 militiamen into the rank of Decanus: Danny, Joss, Ratty, Leona, and Boxy. The 5 of you have shown exemplary growth and immense potential. Potential that I will personally cultivate, starting now.”
A few of them were nervous. Understandable, considering what was about to happen to them.
I gave them a predatory smile.“No time to waste, militiamen. On my honor as a Knight, I’ll make a Decanus out of all of you.”