I opened my eyes in a dark room with no pain and headaches. Wow, I guessed I was out long enough for Sapphire to build a house. I rubbed my eyes and focused. However, I still couldn’t see anything in the darkness. I saw no window or door in this…house? Is it a house?

Uh, I didn’t die again, did I?

I got up and began to feel around like a blind man. After 5 steps, I touched something cold and metallic. Wow, it was a big double door entrance. A little too fancy for my taste, Sapphire… Well, not that I had any right to criticize her.

I pushed and pushed on it, and yet it wouldn’t budge. Hmm, weird…

“Emma?” I shouted “Natalia?”

My voice echoed across the chamber. Based on the echo, I was in a big chamber. Uh oh. There was no way Sapphire could’ve built this. Where the fuck was I?

The roof of this chamber suddenly moved, rotating and opening at the same time. Blinding light shone on the exact spot I was standing. After I adjusted my eye to the sudden source of light, I realized that I wasn’t alone in this grand chamber. In front of me was a massive and lavish round table with gold leaves around the edges and paintings of swords all pointing toward the center of the table. Over a dozen Knights in full royal armor sat on throne-like chairs.

And they were all looking at me.

Well, fuck. I guessed I did die after all. Was this what passes for the afterlife in this world? Looks stuffy as hell…

One of the Knights spoke up in a deep voice. “Rummy of Carnwennan. You may approach and kneel to begin your audience.”

First of all, I don’t kneel to strangers, unless said stranger is a hot naked woman with her legs spread in front of me. Second, the best way to gauge if the pretentious asshole in front of you has your best interest at heart isn’t to play nice and do as Romans do. It’s to piss them off with defiance. People's true character tend to surface when you tell them "no". At the end of the day, arrogant asshats who didn’t see you as equals would inevitably screw you over the moment you’d outlived your usefulness. I learned that lesson the hard way towards the end of my life at my old company~

“Sorry, I think you have the wrong guy. I’ll go get him for you.” I replied. I began to turn around and-

“<>!” Another Knight intoned with a gravelly voice.

Suddenly, I felt as if the weight of the world crashed upon me. I knelt down as the gravity on the spot I was standing increased tenfold. My bones creaked under the immense pressure. OK, it was pretty clear that these people were not my friends. Guess I should keep up the hostility and see what useful info I could get outta them.

I looked at the Knight responsible- he was touching a giant yellow mana crystal (that thing was the size of a puppy!) embedded into his throne-like chair. Wow, so that was the Expert-level force elemental spell…

At least the afterlife wasn’t devoid of educational opportunities...

The first Knight spoke once more. “Be warned, peasant! Your foolishness is neither welcomed or tolerated in these hallowed halls.”

I tried to think of something clever to retort with, but it took everything I had just to keep my arms straight and head held high. My defiant glare remained.

The Knight next to him spoke in an even tone. “May I remind the Table that we are on borrowed time? We must quickly get to the matter at hand!” This softspoken fella seemed to be the only reasonable dude in this joint.

Plus, he just gave me quite a bit of context. These asshats must be the Imperial Pantheon- all the past emperors that ascended to godhood. <> reminded me that the current Emperor was Artorius XVI, so there should be 15 of these asshats.

Yet I only counted 14 Emperors sitting next to the round table. Odd.

Also, if I were truly dead and in the afterlife with them, then why did they have a time limit? Maybe this was just some sort of out-of-body experience?

At this point, the asshat currently trying to turn me into a human pancake stopped chanting, ending the spell. I felt relief, as if a massive burden left my shoulders. I stood up immediately after that. Despite not being able to see their faces because of their helmets, I could tell they definitely didn’t like that.

Good.

The Knight sitting the furthest from me spoke with a deep voice “Rummy of Carnwennan. Interloper. Do you know why your soul was summoned into our world?” This guy seemed to be the head honcho. I continued the button-pushing.

“No. I don’t.” I instantly replied.

“Insolence! You shall address members of this Pantheon as, ‘Your Divine Majesty’!” The gravelly guy was a real stickler for Imperial protocol. Time to push his buttons again~

“No, I won’t.” I instantly replied.

The head honcho Knight raised his hand, shutting up the gravelly guy. “A catastrophe of mythic proportions looms on the horizon. You were summoned to resolve the crisis and protect the Empire.”

So I was right. They needed me for something. That would explain why I was brought into this world. “How do you know you’ve got the right guy? I was nobody special in my last life, and I was nobody special in this life.” I countered.

“The Emperor-Gods of the Imperial Pantheon wield magic beyond your mortal comprehension. We Wished for a savior, and your soul was drawn across space and time as a result of that Wish. You were meant to be here.”

Wait, that explanation didn’t make any sense. Why did they throw my ass in a dying peasant’s body? They couldn’t find some horny 4th prince or sickly heir of a countryside Baron to stuff my soul in? And why Carnwennan? The frontier was the worst place to spawn somebody you want advising the Imperial bigshots. And lastly, why me? Even if I could help, I had no desire to, especially not after how my first life ended.

Is it just me, or did the Imperial Pantheon seriously fuck up the summoning process? That couldn’t possibly be true, right?

“Wow, the Empire must be in deep trouble if it needed a peasant from the boonies to save it. Is the Emperor too busy fucking his concubines to care about this crisis?”

“WE WILL CUT OUT YOUR TONGUE FOR SUCH BLASPHEMY!!!” The gravelly guy screamed, his anger seemingly echoed within the chamber.

Ignoring the screaming asshat, I prodded on. “What do I have that the Emperor doesn’t?”

With a sigh, the head honcho Knight replied, “He lacked the expertise to make weapons like you do. And he required a forge-smith of your talent to assist him in order to defend the realm.”

OK, that was fantastic news! Whatever crisis plaguing this world could be shot. I felt relieved. I thought I was facing some irreversible disaster like climate change or some shit. Compared to somehow convincing all of humanity to stop burning fossil fuel, this was very manageable. As long as I equipped my future children with enough big guns and ammo to fight and win WWIII, they’d be fine.

Another Knight rejoined. "When we summoned you into our world, we presumed you would find a noble lord to serve under, prove your worthiness, and eventually be elevated as Imperial Forge-Master by the Emperor. I suppose it was our fault for presuming that a lowly peasant could do all that without proper guidance. But that ends now. You will abandon this ill-advised adventure into the Wilderness and find a way back onto the path we have set for you."

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Well, it was kinda creepy to know that these asshats saw everything I did up to now. They knew about my firearms and my plans to live in the Wild all along. Which begged the question, “Why didn’t they physically intervene?” They could’ve nipped everything in the bud back when I started a murder spree of the Knights in Carnwennan, or when Tali came knocking.

Well, the only way to find out was to keep pushing their buttons~ “No, I don’t think I will.” I replied.

Losing his temper, the gravelly guy started casting <> once more. Except this one had way more oomph in it. My knees were almost yanked to the ground. My arms faltered and I had to rely on my elbows to prop me up. Breathing was almost impossible.

“WE WILL BREAK YOUR FOOLISH DEFIANCE, PEASANT!”

My vision blurred. My hands started to look translucent. My temple was throbbing in pain. Gah! Fuck this stress-induced headache!

“Please stay your hand! We’re losing the Dream Pull!” The softspoken guy exclaimed, losing a bit of the soft tone in panic. The <> spell ended.

Oh! I see now. They somehow managed to pull my consciousness to this Hall after I was KO’ed in the battle. On top of that, they only had a limited amount of time to interact with me. Wait, was this the first time they tried to summon me? What if they’ve been trying to summon me every time I do some crazy shit? If that was true, I began to suspect that my stress-induced headache might not be so stress-induced after all…

“The headaches I’ve been getting, that was you guys trying to summon me, right?” I rubbed my temples as I wondered aloud.

Silence was all they could muster. Well, I’d tentatively take that as a yes. Not that I had a better theory on how all of this works.

As much as I hated this divine bullying, these gods were not very intimidating if the worst they could do to me was drag me into the principal’s office and scold me for being a bad boy~ Why did they bother with this dog and pony show instead of simply striking down Tali or Skera? The fact they hadn’t actively interfered made me think that they didn’t do so because they couldn’t even if they wanted to (And I knew at least one of them really wanted to). Their divine powers seemed limited to “look, but don’t touch”?

I got back up after a big inhalation. Without any reservation, I declared. "You Wished for somebody who COULD solve this problem, and you got me. But what you really should've Wished for was somebody who WOULD solve this problem. Because personally, I want this shitty Empire to die the death it so richly deserves."

Head honcho Knight raised his hand once more, silencing the angry murmurs. He dismissively chuckled and replied. "Pride is a privilege of the nobility. You, a casual peasant, simply don't have the qualifications for pride."

Despite my body continually fading into the ether, my defiance burns ever so brightly. "Perhaps. But as a free man, I believe I do have the qualifications for choice. So I choose not to save your shitty Empire. Instead, I choose to watch it slowly strangle itself from the comforts of my new home in the Wilds"

“YOU UNGRATEFUL TRASH! WE HAD SAVED YOUR WORTHLESS LIVE AT LEAST 3 TIMES ALREADY!” Gravelly guy shouted.

Thanks? I guess? Well, I had some suspicions that my luck with near-death experiences were divinely inspired. This merely confirmed it. After all, there were at least 3 battles (The Siege with the Elf, the Knight ambush, and the Witch ambush) where I came pretty close to biting it. I mean, these guys spent all that effort and magic to get my plebeian ass into this world, why wouldn’t they want to protect their investment?

Wow, did these guys somehow give me plot armor by subtly tipping the scales in my favor when my life was in danger (ie: getting Roshan, who was as by-the-book as it gets, to drop the creatively elongated rope in the middle of a battle)? Guessed they did have some capacity to affect the real world.

Why, though? Surely, they could’ve just let my dumb ass die, start over, and get some naive virgin nerd to build their guns. That poor bastard would be way easier to manipulate than a cynical jackass like me. Was I their last shot or something?

I snorted in derision. “Am I supposed to be grateful? You’re the ones who pulled me into this world without my permission!”

“You would have died or remained dead without our help.” Another Knight retorted.

“What’s your point? Let’s not pretend you did all of this out of charity. You protected your investment because you had to. All because your descendant was too incompetent to defend his realm.” I snapped back as my body became almost transparent.

“There will be a scorching calamity in this continent in the future, and you shall burn to ashes along with the Empire if you don’t repent and obey!” Head honcho Knight threatened, finally losing his composure a bit. So I assumed that was what made them panic and summon me? Well, how much worse could this “scorching calamity” be compared to corrupt nobles and abusive Knights led by a useless emperor?

I felt my temples throb once more as my body looked even more transparent. Time’s up, I presumed. I flipped both of my holy birds at the Emperors as my body completely disappeared from the grand chamber. “I will take my chances.” I smiled and exited their Dream Pull.

After a moment of darkness, I opened my eyes and saw Emma sleeping next to me. Her natural scent intoxicated me once more. I was back to the land of the living, and in an armored cart. My body was still in pain and soreness. After all, I got pretty fucked up from all the injuries I sustained. Fortunately, knee bruises from dream bullies were not amongst them. I closed my eyes once more and slept for realsies this time.

All in all, it was a great fact-finding mission. It was criminally easy to interrogate arrogant shitheads. All it took was an attack on their precious pride and the info flowed out like a leaked pipe. In their desire to demonstrate their superiority, they told me all the info I wanted. Granted, I didn’t know how accurate this info was, but at least I have a clue to go on- a working theory to test new facts against. So it was a big win in my book.

Either way, asshole gods and apocalyptic warnings could wait. I’ve got a town to build and a beautiful fiance to marry!

Field Inventory

Primary Weapon

M1D Garand v.2.0 [Christened Severance Pay]

MG-42 General-Purpose Machine Gun v.1.0 [Christened Lady Vengeance]

Secondary Weapon

Colt M1911A1 Semi-Automatic Pistol v.3.0 [Christened Aurelia]

1x mithril parrying dagger [Christened Swordbreaker]

Armor

Crystal-modified dragon leather body armor set {<>, <>, <>, <>, <>, <>} [Moderately Damaged]; Crystal-modified dragon Leather boots lined with wolf fur { <>, <>, <>} [Damaged]

Mana Crystals

1x Adept-level fire elemental mana crystal

1x Adept-level ice elemental mana crystal

1x Adept-level space elemental mana crystal

1x Expert-level earth elemental mana crystal

1x Expert-level space elemental mana crystal

Stash of various mana crystals

Misc.

Salvaged armor parts and weapons

1x storage bracelet, 1x goggles [1 Badly Damaged]

Utility belt, grappling hook, rope, field satchel, puppy backpack, waterskin, rations, boarskin map and steel knife

1x .45 ACP steel centerfire pistol suppressor

1x .30-06 Springfield steel centerfire rifle suppressor

1x crude telescopic sight

10x en bloc clips of .30-06 Springfield armor-piercing ammo

5x magazines of .45 ACP hollow-point ammo

6x belts of 150 .30-06 Springfield armor-piercing ammo

Spare ammo

3x mithril dagger

1x male mutated Champion wolf mana-beast [Christened Loki]

1x female Champion wolf mana-beast [Name TBD]

2x female wolf mana-beast