The next day, Thomas and I were hard at work wiring potatoes in the Wizard Room. I had wanted to start the wiring process as soon as I’d gotten the tubers from King Cassian but decided to wait until the next day. Thomas and Ellie had yet to finish their date, and I wanted to give them as much time together as possible. I’d barely slept last night; I was so excited, but as soon as the sun rose, I marched over to Thomas’ room and dragged him over to help me wire. He was still smitten from his date, a dopey smile plastered on his face, but he could work.
“I’ve got more potatoes.” Ellie opened the door to the room, hands gripping metal buckets filled to the brim with steamed potatoes.
“Put them over in the corner,” I said, grinning at the dozens of future batteries, “Thomas and I can start wiring those in a minute.”
Ellie’s eyes locked onto Thomas. “Hey Tommy-poo.” She said, wiggling her fingers and breaking into a girlish smile.
Thomas blushed furiously but looked just as excited to see her. “Hey Jellie Belly.” He replied, returning the flirty wave.
“Do you two need some alone time?” I said teasingly.
Ellie gave me a conspiratorial wink. “Not until we’re married, then he’s all mine.”
“M-marriage?” Asked Thomas, clearly startled. “I-I mean, I wouldn’t be against it, b-but–”
“Save it for the second date,” I chuckled, finishing the wiring on my last potato and standing up to admire our handiwork. We’d connected 20 potatoes, and the room already looked like a tangle of starch, wires, and metals. “Think this is enough?”
Thomas, who’d walked over to hold Ellie’s hand, also stared appreciatively at our small army of potatoes. “Well, if your laptop needs 20 volts of power, and each of these potatoes makes 5-10 volts, we should have more than enough.”
Huh, good point. Guess we went a bit overboard.
“Thomas, you’re so smart,” Ellie giggled, bopping his nose. Thomas broke into a smile.
“Okay,” I said, grabbing my laptop, unable to wait a moment longer, “moment of truth.” I sat my laptop in front of the potatoes and set the exposed tips of the wires inside the charging port to create a circuit. I stared at the charging light for several seconds, but nothing happened. I kept staring, unblinking, unmoving; I wasn’t even breathing. Suddenly, a weak orange charging light began to flash on the laptop.
“It’s working!” I called out in celebration, hopping up and down. Ellie applauded, congratulating Thomas and me on our hard work. Thomas didn’t say anything or seem to react at all. He just stared at my laptop, seeming to zero in on the charging light as it continued to flash.
I sat back on the floor and pressed the laptop’s power button. No response, but maybe that was because the battery charge was so low. Hopefully, this would be like my Bluetooth speaker and the battery would fill slowly throughout the day. I had a hunch that not even 20 potatoes would be enough to fully charge my laptop, so I’d pop in from time to time and swap out batteries whenever the old ones ran dry.
“What kind of magic are you gonna be able to make once this thing is working?” Asked Ellie, walking over to peer at my laptop’s blinking orange light.
Not this again. “Oh, y’know, magic stuff,” I said weakly.
“Go ahead, Piper,” said Thomas, voice suddenly cold. “Tell her what your laptop is supposed to do.”
I glanced up at Thomas; he was openly glaring at me; even the joy of being with Ellie had not made him forget our prior conversation.
I stared between the two of them helplessly, not sure how to break the news to Ellie that I was going to use this laptop to go back home. Thankfully, I was saved from a very awkward conversation when a war horn was blown, and the knights of Praedones began screaming that we were under attack.
“Oh, thank goodness,” I muttered, peeking out the window to look at the front gate. Yep, that was an enemy army, alright. From our vantage point near the top of the castle, we got a bird’s eye view of the thousands of armed soldiers cresting a hill and marching boldly towards our front gate.
“Another attack?” Asked Ellie incredulously. “Didn’t we just finish dealing with a siege?”
Looking away from the approaching army, I peeked down at the town square to get a read on the mood of the city. Looking around at the casual mannerisms of the populace and the carefree children playing in the streets, I sensed a general feeling of not again permeating from the populace. I know it seems weird that we’d all be so casual about an attack, especially against so many armed soldiers, but we weren’t nearly as helpless as we’d been last time.
“Wanna go see the zombie army in action?” I asked, turning back to my two friends.
“You better believe it!” Replied Ellie with a grin.
“Hold up!” Exclaimed Thomas, running in front of the door and spreading his arms to block our exit. “Zombie army or not, being near a fight is still dangerous. You two should watch here from a distance where it’s safe.”
Ellie and I shared a look. “Nah!” We tickled Thomas to submission and bounded over his body as we headed towards the castle wall to get a front-row seat of the action.
XXX
When Ellie and I reached the front gate, the enemy army was only a few hundred yards away. Examining the soldiers, I spotted the now familiar Red and Gold of the Boujie Boys and nearly groaned out loud. We’d just sent these losers packing a few days ago, and they were here for another attack? Lord DripBussin must really hate Princess Melanie.
“Over here’s a good spot,” called out Ellie, as she climbed up an empty archer tower. I ran over to join Ellie and sat beside her, the tower giving us a clear view of the approaching Boujie Boys and our hungry zombie horde. After getting our butts handed to us these past couple of weeks, this battle was going to be cathartic. I wished I had some popcorn.
“Your witchiness, what are you doing up there?” I looked down; Eyepatch Guy stood at the front of the wall with several dozen knights aiming bows toward the approaching forces.
“Just here to watch our new army at work,” I said, motioning to the zombies as Ellie reached into a small coin purse she was carrying and brought out some nuts for us to snack on.
“Well, please be cautious,” he said with a frown, clearly against the idea of us being up here, but probably not wanting to disagree with a witch. “When the fight breaks out, we don’t want either of you to be in harm’s way.”
Ellie and I nodded politely, but neither of us was that concerned. Remember, zombie army?
“Hold your horses, I’m comin’!” Princess Melanie was typically heard before she was seen, and a moment, I spotted her being escorted up the rampart by several guards. She also had a look of let’s get this over with, plastered across her face. She smirked when she saw me and Ellie in the archer tower. “Here to see the show?” We both nodded vigorously.
By this point, our zombies had noticed the approaching Boujie Boys. They shuffled from foot to foot, moaning hungrily and swiping at the air, but remained where they stood. Princess Melanie cleared her throat and lifted her wand into the air. “Alright, boys,” she said, looking out over her zombie horde, “looks like its time for a snack.” Her hands began to pulse with green energy, and she shouted, “Can I haz cheeseburger!”
With a collective moan, the zombies shambled toward the enemy forces, arms outstretched and ready to feed. Suddenly, the afternoon sky was alight with arrows as hundreds of archers from the enemy army fired into the zombie horde. The zombies stumbled back as they were littered with arrows, but only a few fell. The rest of our undead force continued to march forward unimpeded by a few rogue arrows, a sickly, rotting wall of death.
Panicked shouting broke out from among the Boujie Boys, no doubt remembering their last encounter with zombies. and their horses started to trot in place whinnying nervously and pulling at their reigns. To be fair, I’d have been pretty spooked, too, if I shot someone with an arrow, and they kept coming at me. With the ineffective first attack and the general creepiness of our zombies in tandem, it looked like the Boujie Boys would break rank and run for their lives at any moment.
“Well, if anyone needs me,” said the Princess, strolling down the rampart staircase and turning away from the battle, “I’ll be working on my monologues.”
I looked back at the army of nervous soldiers and saw a cloaked figure emerge from within the mass of armored bodies and horses. From this far away, I couldn’t tell if it was a guy or a girl, but they casually strode forward until they stood only 100 feet away from the approaching zombies. The zombies, seeing food, howled with hunger and began sprinting toward their meal.
“I don’t know if I wanna watch this part,” Ellie squealed as she covered her face with her hands and looked away. I kind of agreed with her; looking out at this one person against an army of zombies, it was gonna get messy. Unlike Ellie, I was still gonna watch, but I wasn’t gonna like it.
The zombies were almost on top of the figure, their undead howls drowning out every other noise. The figure took another step forward, casually lifted a glowing red hand, and swept it to the side. Suddenly, the line of zombies at the front of the horde slowed, movements sluggish like they’d been plunged underwater. Then, in the span of maybe two seconds, hundreds of zombies shriveled up and collapsed to the ground in a pile of bones and dust.
Everyone on the rampart was silent. We all took a second to process what just happened. Had that cloaked dude just turned 100+ zombies into dust? Also, had their hand been glowing? “Archers, fire!” Shouted Eye Patch Guy. “Everyone focus on the figure in the cloak!”
The Praedonian archers loosed a volley of arrows toward the cloaked figure, dozens of gleaming metal arrowheads flying up into the sky and dropping back towards the Earth at an alarming speed. The figure raised their left hand, it started to glow blue, and the arrows froze just inches from their body, hanging in midair. Then the figure twirled their hand, and the arrows flew back towards the castle wall. We all yelped and dove for cover as the arrows clattered against the rampart, but thankfully, it appeared no one had been hurt.
The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
“Did they just return our shots?” Asked one of the soldiers.
“It was like the cloaked guy reversed our arrows,” said another.
“Oh gosh, I think they have a time mage!”
Another spellcaster? Great. “Maybe we should observe from a safer distance,” I said as I grabbed Ellie’s hand and fled the archer tower.
“Keep firing!” shouted Eye Patch Guy. As we ran, I heard the twang of dozens of arrows being leased from their bows, but no screaming, no follow-up thunk of arrows hitting flesh; it sounded like none of our shots were connecting with the enemy army.
Ellie and I made it back down from the rampart and into the city proper, and through the slats of the front gate, I could see the enemy army steadily approaching the castle, seemingly unimpeded. Every time the zombies got close, they were turned to dust by the cloaked figure, and every time arrows were fired in their direction, they waved their hands, and the arrows shot returned to the Praedonian archers.
“I’m starting to get real sick of magic,” I muttered.
“Piper, what should we do?” Asked Ellie, casting a concerned glance back at the approaching army. I gritted my teeth, considering my options. I had only started charging my laptop, so there was no way it’d have enough juice to call for Gerard yet. It looked like we were gonna have to deal with another attack.
“Let’s head to the castle,” I replied, needing time to think and figuring that’d be the safest place to hole up. Ellie nodded in agreement, and we sprinted away from the gate as fast as we could.
We made it to the castle entrance and spotted King Cassian and Princess Melanie speaking frantically with one another. “What do you mean your zombies are disappearing?” Asked Cassian, eyes widening at the sound of the approaching army.
Melanie’s eyes began to glow; she stared off into the distance like she was listening to something. “All I know is some magic dude is turning my zombies to dust.” Melanie winced, “And there goes 40 more, crap.”
“Can’t you just summon more zombies?” I asked, running up to the duo, panting for breath.
“Only if there are more dead people.” Princess Melanie cast a meaningful glance back at the gate. “We might have some extra bodies in a few minutes.”
We all stopped, hearing what sounded like sandpaper grinding against a rock. We watched in horror as the front gate started to crumple inward, turned to dust, and floated away in the wind. People fled in fear as the Boujie Boys marched right inside the heart of the kingdom, seemingly having suffered no injuries whatsoever in their march toward the castle. Cassian reached for his sword and stood protectively in front Ellie, Melanie, and I, but almost immediately lowered his weapon when he saw the Boujie Boys waving a yellow flag.
“What’s the flag for?” I asked no one in particular.
“It’s to discuss our terms of surrender,” replied Cassian, sheathing his sword, a grim expression on his face.
Lord Drip Bussin, as drop-dead gorgeous as always, rode forward on his horse until he was in the center of the town square; walking beside the horse was the hooded figure, the so-called time mage. LDB leisurely turned his head from side to side, luscious locks flowing in the breeze, taking in the sights, clearly unconcerned.
“Good day, kingdom of Praedones,” sneered LDB, his eyes glittering with disdain like we were insects he couldn’t wait to crush beneath his feet, “I am here to once again demand your unconditional terms of surrender.”
As he spoke, I subconsciously straightened my hair and checked for any stains on my dress. Gosh, why did the handsome ones have to be so evil?
LDB continued. “Having been scorned by your princess, lambasted with so-called dubstep magic, and chased off by your undead abominations, I decided that this time, I’ll skip the formalities and simply inform you all that you’re now officially my slaves.”
Slaves? Well, it was certainly better than being run through with a sword, but not by much.
“Any ideas?” whispered Ellie to the rest of our group.
“I can stall,” replied King Cassian, staring pensively at LDB and his army. “If anyone here thinks they can do something, I’ll make sure you have time.”
I cast a look over at Melanie, she shrugged. Well, I didn’t have any ideas either, but if the alternative was a life of slavery, I’d try and think of something.
“Keep him busy for as long as you can,” I whispered back to Cassian as I grabbed Ellie, and we snuck back into the castle while LDB continued to monologue.
“So what’s the plan?” Asked Ellie, panting as we sprinted through the castle and into Thomas’ Wizard Rom. I didn’t reply at first; instead, I kneeled by my laptop and pressed the power button. Nothing. The charging light was thankfully flashing, but it seemed like there still wasn’t enough juice for the device to turn on. I’d suspected that already, but now I knew for sure I was screwed unless I drove off LDB again.
“Working on it, but I’m open to suggestions,” I replied, looking around the room at what I had to work with and thinking about what I had upstairs. I still had my flashlights, a bunch of textbooks, my nearly-dead phone, and a homemade projector. I gritted my teeth; that wasn’t much to work with.
“Is your speaker working again?” Asked Ellie as she began rummaging through stuff in the room. “Maybe you could summon your dragon to scare off the Boujie Boys.”
That was a good point; my speaker did have some juice; I just didn’t know how much charge it had gotten before the lemon battery had dried out. “That could work,” I said slowly, “but it’s the middle of the day; even if my speaker works, you can’t see the dragon when the sun’s out.”
“A dragon roar would still be scary,” offered Ellie.
I chuckled despite the situation. Hey guys, there’s a dragon over here; just trust us. I was also pretty worried about that time mage who was just randomly tagging along with LDB. I could try and make a big show like I usually did with my acting, witch cape, and special effects, but what would stop that guy from waving his hands and turning me into a pile of dust like our once-glorious zombie army?
I could also try playing dubstep again and waving my flashlights around, but I’d already done that once and doubted LDB would be scared off by the same trick twice. Not to mention, if I was up onstage in front of everyone chanting some kind of fake incantation, I would still be at risk of getting blasted by time magic.
“I’m honestly a little stumped here,” I admitted, pondering if I should grab my laptop and as many potatoes as possible and just book it.
Footsteps echoed down the hallway, and Thomas burst into the room. “Are you both okay?!” He asked, panting from exertion. “I didn’t see you when the Boujie Boys burst through the front gate, and I was afraid–”
“We’re fine, Thomas,” interrupted Ellie, wrapping him in a calming hug, and quickly explaining what we were trying to do.
“A time mage!?” Asked Thomas, looking equal parts exhilarated and frustrated, “It feels like everyone can do magic except for me!”
I nodded sympathetically. “The time wizard was the only reason the Boujie Boys got past our zombie army. He was definitely the biggest threat.”
“Can you take him?” Asked Thomas.
I frowned, imagining my beautiful locks of red hair turning into dust. “Not in a direct fight.” I paused to think, “Unless someone kept him busy while I snuck up behind and punched him!”
“Is there a spell you can use that can target LDB or his mage specifically?” Asked Ellie. “If you can take out the leadership, I bet the rest of the army would break rank and run like they did last time.”
That might work. It was much easier to scare one person over an entire army, and if LDB retreated, it made sense that the rest of his soldiers would follow. But still, LDB had an actual wizard with him. What was I going to do?
“Is your dragon immune to time magic?” That was Thomas; he’d headed over to Gerard’s textbook and was rapidly flipping through pages, probably looking to see if there was something we could quickly magic up.
I scratched my chin, not sure how to answer that question. “Technically, yes, but it’s a projection, so it’s not actually there.”
Ellie’s eyes went wide. “Wait, is it a ghost dragon?”
Okay, that sounded pretty cool. Has anyone ever made a movie about a ghost dragon? “Not exactly,” I laughed, “But I can see how you would think that.” I paused. Something about what Ellie had said was buzzing around in my brain. The dragon was just a projection, but it looked and sounded real, well, as real as a fictional creature could.
“I reached for my phone and pressed the power button. It booted up and immediately went into low-power mode. 8% battery remaining flashed on the screen; I grimaced. This was gonna be tight
“Hold this,” I said, opening my camera app and handing the phone to Ellie, “and when I say go, press the red button at the bottom of the screen.”
Ellie’s eyes widened as she stared at the phone. “Piper, there’s some kind of mini-mirror world inside your magic rectangle.” She gasped, moving the phone all over the room.
“There is? I wanna see!” Said Thomas, leaping up and staring slack-jawed at the phone’s camera function.
“Worry about that later,” I snapped at the two as I dimmed the candles in the room and put on my witch hood. “We don’t have much time or battery left to do this.”
I took a breath and eased back into my witch persona. We were only gonna have one shot at this, so I needed to make sure I did it right.
XXX
I watched from the rafters as Cassian led LDB and the time mage into a darkened room on the bottom floor of the castle. “And this room here is incredibly damp and spacious,” said Cassian jovially as he led the two men inside, “It’ll make a great holding cell for any of your misbehaving slaves.”
“It’s too dark in here to see anything,” snapped LDB. “Don’t you dolts have candles in this backwater kingdom?”
I’d had Ellie Cassian a message. She’d told him to give LDB a scenic tour of the castle and ensure he ended up in the darkest, most dimly-lit room possible. I was about thirty feet above the group, scrambling along the wooden rafters and shrouded in near-complete darkness.
“Anyways,” said LDB, glaring at Cassian in the low light, “A tour of your captured kingdom is fine and dandy, “But I want to know what happened to your witch; where is she hiding?”
“Witch?” Asked Cassian innocently, “You mean my lovely daughter, Melanie?”
“Not that one!” Snapped LDB. “The ugly Red-head!” The time mage stepped forward and thrust out their hand, wrapping it around Cassian’s throat. The mage was on the shorter side, easily a foot and a half smaller than the King, but they had a commanding presence that sent a shiver down my spine.
“Try my Lord’s patience for much longer, and you’re dust, " said the mage, their hand glowing blue, voice sounding like a young man’s, “Where is this so-called powerful witch I’ve heard so much about?”
“Looking for me?” Light flooded the dark room as my projector, uh, projected an image of myself against one of the walls. Ellie had recorded me standing ominously, hood drawn over my head, and I looked almost larger than life in the dark of the room.
Everyone jumped back several feet, even Cassian, who had not been privy to the plan. “You!?” said LDB, smoothing out his clothes, clearly startled but wanting to play it off.
“Me.” I replied, projecting my voice from the rafters, “If you’re here to conquer Praedones, I’m afraid you’re out of luck. Your second-rate spellcaster simply won’t compare to me.”
I saw the wizard tense and ball his hands, that had clearly struck a nerve. “Big talk from a pile of dust,” spat the wizard. Without another word, he shot his hand toward my projected image, and the wall turned to dust.
“Piper!” Yelled Cassian, clearly thinking I’d just died. Poor, ignorant past person.
“Wow, that almost tickled.” Quickly shimmying across the rafters, I moved the projector so it was displaying on another wall. Everyone jumped even higher this time when I reappeared, seemingly unharmed.
“What the?” Sputtered LDB, “How?!”
“Like I said,” I replied with a soft cackle, “Your magic just doesn’t compare to mine.”
LDB cast a nervous glance towards the exit. “You can stop her, right?” he whispered to his time mage.
The wizard yelled angrily, shooting out his hand again; this next wall also crumbled into dust. I moved my projected image onto the floor beneath their feet. “Try again; you almost got me that time!”
The wizard shot out blast after blast of magic, but nothing ever seemed to land (because the Middle-Aged bumpkin was aiming at nothing more than a glorified picture). LDB and Cassian leaped to and fro, trying to avoid the barrage of magical energy as the wizard did his darnedest to get rid of me.
“Calm down, you dolt!” cried LDB as his shoe was hit by an errant strike of magic and turned to dust, “You almost hit me!”
The mage didn’t reply; his entire body was tensed with rage, hooded-head sweeping the room and shooting out blasts of magic whenever he spotted my projected image.
A half-minute later, the room was pocketed with craters, courtesy of the time mage, but my projection just continued to float on any undamaged surface, looking totally at ease. Even in the low light, LDB’s eyes had gone wide as saucers, and he shrieked whenever my image popped up near him. The time mage was panting heavily, his hands twitching either from exhaustion or frustration.
“How?” He panted, voice brimming with venom. “How are you resisting my magic?
I gave a long, drawn-out cackle, pausing for dramatic effect before continuing. “A witch of my level isn’t affected by elementary spells like yours, and neither is my dragon.”
Using years of stored-up texting skills, I ended my video recording and speedily opened my special effects app, playing the dragon video before slotting the phone back into the projector. Suddenly, the great and powerful Gerardgon appeared on what was left of the walls, roaring with anger, the room shaking with the sound despite the tiny size of my speakers.
That did it; with a final yell, LDB and the wizard ran for their lives, screaming for a retreat. “Come back anytime!” I yelled at the top of my lungs, “My dragon is always hungry!” I let out another ear-splitting cackle, partially to sell the illusion of my witchiness and also out of relief that I’d somehow managed to save everyone’s skin yet again. I was so ecstatic that I barely noticed my phone and Bluetooth speakers die at the same time, both completely out of charge.