08.434.M39
Have you ever wondered why Orks weren’t an issue throughout most of 40k lore but become one the closer it gets to the 41st and 42nd millennia? I’ve always held the theory that it’s the Aeldari’s fault.
I’m sure they did a wonderful job of repeatedly kicking Ork sand castles over every time they tried to develop. Then they had to go full hedonist and F*** themselves and the rest of us by giving birth to >Redacted<.
In the process screwing humanity and most other species over. With essentially free reign the orks have been allowed to develop. Now they’re everyone’s problem. A problem that only gets worse the longer they’re left to their own devices.
It’s always the Eldar’s fault. Except the Exodites of course. They’re essentially Amish Eldar with Dinosaurs. Nothing is their fault.
I could be way wrong but it’s fun blaming them regardless. Always trying to see and manipulate future possibilities. Proclaiming to be enlightened and bla bla bla. Yet royally screwing up since forever.
How do you screw up so badly that you subject the galaxy to a new >redacted< and still act holier than thou?
We drop out of the warp well beyond the Mandeville Point. I was pretty sure this is where the War of Dakka would originate in a couple thousand years. Coupled with the reports I’d been able to collect over the years about Ork activity in the segmentum we weren’t disappointed.
It’s not Waaagh level as depicted in lore a couple millennia from now but they still have a fuck ton of displacement. 3 Battlekroozers, 17 Kroozers, 65 Escorts and at least 157 Roks. (Vessel List or Game Rules Pg. 80) (Kroozers in Imperial: 6 cruisers, 11 light cruisers. Orks don’t differentiate)
To me it’s fucking glorious and I’m smiling like a lunatic. To everyone else I’m not so sure. Alright! Listen up ladies! It’s time to make history! No Hero Shit! (everyone gave me a deadpan stare..) We’re in this for the long haul.
Triple check all passes into weapons range. No closer than needed. Watch your egress vectors of each attack run. Err on the side of safety and then give it some extra. It doesn’t matter if it takes 1, 2, 3, 4 passes to cripple or hulk a ship. It’s a marathon not a race.
Watch for torpedo and fighta-bomber launches. Again we’re not in a hurry. If they’re able to threaten us simply turn away and let them run out of fuel before re-engaging.
We’ll save the Cruisers and Battlecruisers for last if we can. Don’t be trying to ruin a perfect score to sink the biggest ship or the most mass. The best win is the one where none of us takes a hit. Roger? Roger Roger!
You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.
We’re going to draw them outside the Mandeville Point. Remember we’re only here to do 2 things: burn orks and make hulks.
The next 15 months were filled with glory and lots of smashed loot pinatas (ork ships). Even the red ships, smashing the red button and overloading their engines couldn’t catch us.
I don’t want to say they’re stupid because orks and combat are actually quite smart. They do however have a very fatal weakness. No one quits, everyone fights, they never surrender.
So while them chasing us around for awhile with us repeatedly picking off escorts was fun. They eventually wised up and tried using what I hesitate to call a ‘formation’ with their cruisers and battlecruisers.
Well we of course adapted and treated them like a bait ball of fish. Squeezing tighter and tighter picking off ships.
The increased mission endurance provided by having a clipper was tested. We had to break off several times, make distance, slow down and transfer goods to resupply the frigates. It worked out fairly well.
It wasn’t too long after that they tried splitting off their battlecruisers and cruisers with escorts staying near them. Then using these smaller formations to attempt to corral and pen us in… We’re in space. Space is big. If you’re faster and prioritize escape you can’t be caught.
Again, it didn't work. We’re simply too fast and we always prioritized escape vectors over dealing damage. If we had to break off without getting a shot off and setting up a new pass we did. No broadsides, no heroics of getting in close, no trying to preserve a ship for later boarding.
Just some good ol’ boys wearing out the barrels of their laser batteries while hunting hogs. I mean orks. I wonder if orks smell like bacon when hit with laser fire? Did I mention bacon doesn’t exist in this millenia? That’s the true war crime.. Fuck.. now I’m craving bacon!!!!
The taunting was fun for a while but it got old pretty quick. There’s only so many ways you can creatively tell an Ork dat Hummies are bettah and dat Ork Waaaghs r da weakest.
Eventually I put out a ship wide survey requesting ‘original taunts and shit talk’. We’d narrow it down by throwing out the worst ones then have a drawing from the remainder for which to use. The crew fucking loved it.
By the end the orks knew they were fucked but they still sent insults to their very last breath. Their final formation was a bit weird. It reminded me of a herd of horses running in a circle. I understand the military logic of it. Big guns forward, big armor forward, let's go!
They were sneaky and had a few torpedoes and fighta-bombers left but all it did was delay things as we’d simply break off and re-engage.
I know they hoped we’d get close for some of their longer range guns but we’d already done extremely thorough Focused Augury on each remaining vessel. We may not be able to 100% determine what this Ork madness does but figuring out the jist isn’t that difficult.
At the end of the harvesting I sent a coded astropath message home. Pretty basic “we’re good, please send ‘tow service’” with the mental equivalent of a grin. I’m not entirely sure how the Astropath thing works but that’s how mine expressed it to me.
We spent the next almost 3 months double tapping ork ships (from max range of course) and policing drifting hulks for easier recovery. We made sure to take some time to give any planets or moons with orks a good orbital laser bombardment for good measure.
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