Standing? More like… uh... demanding!

Shit that wasn’t funny.

My leg cracked as I took an experimental step towards the trail. My foot falling towards the world at light speed, the land shaking with demented fury. And then I proceeded to nonchalantly disintegrate into dusty bones- okay not quite, but with an inkling of pain, everything began to crack! My neck, hands, legs, feet… feet. FEET. head… By the noise, I felt like some sort of creaky doll, old and toughened by time... God, I was gonna have the worst arthritis when I got older, or uh… If I got past this, of course. Which I definitely was planning on!

The worst of the cracking gone, I roughly experimentally stretched, the final creaks radiating out from my body. With my foot steadily on the ground, the important question was answered. I could walk, my legs could move. Which was frankly, fucking great! I don't like it when I can’t move my legs, I imagine most people don’t. But while I could walk, well… I winced as pain slightly flared though my leg. It was going to be… painful. Alot of limping seemed to be in my future, oh man, a mile of limping… This was going to be fuuuuuuuun… but it was better than crawling. And you bet your ass I would crawl If I needed to, people have crawled farther with less.

But before that...

I reached my hand down, slightly patting my light zippered sweatshirt pocket. The jingling of metal returned on the wind, reaching my ears. Oh very nice, my keys had not abandoned me, unlike my brain cells… I didn't nod, for obvious reasons, but I would’ve If I could. Not like I thought they would be gone or anything, but looking at that crater… I dunno. Reality was a little funny at the present. Probably due to the pain in my head... Ergh I hope its not brain damage, my brain is already damaged enough!

Finally, the most important check.

My phone, the curative of all my literature needs, and more importantly, perhaps my ticket to the nearest hospital.

I falteringly reached my hand towards my cargo pants pocket, the stains paling in the fading twilight. If that crater was right, then... Oh god, please don’t be broken, please don’t be broken… Fuck calling for help, I just didnt want to redownload all my books! Those things were more important than my life… Okay, not really, but redownloading all those would be such a pain in my ass, almost more than the actual pain in my ass right now!

I slowly fumbled out the black rectangle with an uncomfortable crane, only expecting the worst. My stomach curled in horror, the screen was covered in a crack that stretched miles across-no wait, that wasn't new. That one was a couple years ago, still had no idea how that had happened. But no, my phone was… fine! Still had no idea if it worked yet, but the screen was shiny as always, the frame wasn’t bent, and it looked the same as always. My ass must’ve protected it... What a strange set of words to say.

I breathed a slight raspy sigh of relief, My finger unceremoniously seeking out the slight notch on the side, fumbling abit in the darkness. And.. Boop. Light filled my eyes, as a blot in the figure of my dog stared at me. I know, basic bitch, but fuck you, its either that or the default screen. I use this shit to read and occasionally ignore unknown callers, Not as a substitute for my already non-existent social life. Slightly blinded, I squinted at the shining screen, barely managing to see the clock. Finally seeing the time displayed, already unsteady, I almost fell over on the grass in surprise. Catching myself in a half-pained stagger.

It was fucking 9:32! Holy shit, what the fuck, I thought it was like, 7 or 8! It should’ve been beyond dusk by now. But it… wasn't. Sure, the night sky was a dull darkness, but it wasn't dark dark! What the hell…. Well, either my phone was wrong, or…

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

I looked around myself suspiciously, but the forest gave no answers, the trees serene and unchanged. Fuck it, it didnt matter, afterall wasn’t this a good thing? The light that is, not the fact that I was knocked out for 2 more hours than I thought I had. Even more of a better reason to hope for a call... I returned to my phone, my eyes adapting to its light.

No service, as expected. I was in the middle of a forest after all.

So now we had a choice. I could amble to my car, but I really didn't want to drive. Driving with a multi-hour concussion did not seem like the best idea. The last thing I wanted to do was suddenly blackout and total my car, along with the rest of my face. I liked living abit too much for that. And while I couldn't call for help here… I knew a place I could get service. The end of the trail, the outlook.

On a previous date with the forest, when the days were hotter and the leaves fatter, I had walked this trail once. Not as lonely as today's walk, but I still had been able to sing under my breath a bit… Anyways, at the end, there was a nice wooden stump and I had just thought, hey why don't we read a bit. So I did. Just sat out there and enjoyed the shining sun, which frankly, I should do more often. But more importantly while there, while watching the occasional people walk by and reading, I had gotten a smidgeon of service. I was mildly surprised as one may be when an unusual but not-improbable thing happens, until I shrugged and proceeded to go back to my reading/sunbathing.

My phone unceremoniously shut off, huffing off without attention, leaving me in darkness. I ignored it, letting my eyes readjust to the lesser amount of light. So I had a choice. One, limp to my car and either risk driving, or waiting out the night. Or two, limp to the outlook and call for help. Now that I had my phone, I wouldn't be entirely as fucked if it got dark (why wasn’t it dark yet? Why wasn't it dark? Time was being so wonky...) Hmmm...

But two it had to be, like there was much of a choice in the first place. The opportunity to get help was simple too valuable. And our phone battery would last for several hours, probably? I didn’t use the flashlight app very much, so that was debatable. But it would be enough, I was a fast walker at the worst of times, and now a fast limper!

....

The next time I got up was not gonna be fun.

My eyes almost totally adapted to the low light, I fumbled my phone into my sweatshirt. Easy access. There was some merit to putting it into my back pocket, but then again, if I left another crater like the one next to me…

Well, I guess I wouldn’t be worrying about much anymore, if that happened.

…

God, I really wish I knew what the fuck happened.

I stared at the crater for a bit, before I finally took a step onto the dirt trail, leaving it behind. The simple wooden sign standing ever resolute before me, the marking of the start of my not so epic journey. And then, the unsteady limping marathon started, courtesy of yours truly. Just a half a mile to go!....

I hobbled for a bit on the trail, the ever incline going upwards, and the darkness getting slightly steeper. It was pitch-silent, besides from the leaves, my crunching footsteps, and the wind sweeping by my ear. It truly felt desolate, made me think… Interesting thoughts. Desolate except for me, I felt like some sort of ghost, howling through the air and thudding with giant erratic footsteps...Man I would make a pretty good ghost, tall, pale, with blood probably over my face. I could be the new-age slender man! All I needed was a better fashion sense. A job offering if I didnt make it, I supposed..

…

Spotting a nice tree to rest up to, I paused to catch my breath and alleviate the pain radiating through my legs, leaning on the companionable tree. Thank you for your service... I was almost there. So close to... Salvation? Not quite. But fuuuuuuck dude, if I didn't get service, I was going to be fucking pissed…

I hoped mom wasn't worrying.

Bah, no thinking about that. As a magic 8 ball once said, one must help themselves before they help others. She would be fine, either way.

Shaking my leg with a look of discomfort, I pushed off the tree, the pain somewhat diminished by my rest. The stars were starting to twinkle in the sky above, closer than ever. I truly had finally become a man of the night.

Hopefully I wouldn’t become a man of the stars

But we would have to see.