And now, we cut back to me. Not quite so handsome, in pain too much to be nihilistic, and with a disjointed sense of humor. God's gift? More like God's gift to the dirt!

God, I needed help. Like that's anything new. But you know, A nice friendly hand to pick me up off the ground, pat my back, and haul my ass to my car… Yeah. Yeah, that would be nice. Then they could drive me home, and then we would laugh about it around the fireplace years later, with cigarettes and our hands and glasses of fine whisky.… Alas, I clearly was in the worst timeline. No easy way out for me.

Sighing, I shifted into a more comfortable position, my body still recovering from those painful rolls. Raising my left hand from the forest floor, I gently lowered it onto my temple. A slight sting and pressure against what I could only assume was a moderate head wound. There was no more laughter. I was too tired to go into heavy hysterics anymore, all my laughing juice had been spent. Besides the sting, a dull ache still pulsed against my temples, but it was a lot less than what it had been. Not exactly a cold relief, but I would take what I could get.

How long had I been knocked out? It was the conclusion I had finally come to. Bloody head, missing memories… the obvious conclusion, but I never said I was the smartest! Look, don't blame me for not getting it until now. I had woken up in a lot of disorientation and pain. Frankly, I was still very confused, and in a moderate amount of discomfort, but I was working on making my confusion slightly less! More than most, probably.

I didn't have too much experience with fainting, or being knocked out. In fact I had only fainted once in my life. It involved a medical checkup, a lack of sleep and food, and a syringe. I slightly chuckled against my hand at the memory. A bright story that one, one that I took to heart every time I went to the doctors, that you should get your sleep before you get any holes in you, no matter how small they may be. Nothing truly bad happened, and In the end, It had become a story to laugh with the folks with, but when I fell… Well, I had been told I toppled like a cut down tree trunk, or some sort of giant monolith impacting the earth. Not exactly surprising, there was a lot of me to fall. Better times. But even in that situation, I only had been out for a couple seconds!

It was nightfall now. That meant I’d been out for HOURS. Which was probably, really fucking bad? I wasn't exactly a medical professional, but at least from the literature I consumed, being knocked out wasn't exactly a good thing. Concussions are no joke, along with internal brain bleeding. Your brain becomes a giant bloody sponge... I shivered, how spooky! Perhaps I should be glad I even woke up at all.

But my pain seemed to be getting better, or-er, diminishing. No no no, my pain wasn’t bulking up nor hitting the books… It was eating too much and leaving everything off for tomorrow. Thank you pain, for your laziness, I can feel slightly better. So, I didn't feel like I was dying (anymore), so, hooray!

But still, If I had a concusion, why did the other parts of my body hurt so bad? Yeah sure, I had a head wound, which fucking hurt, but that was to be “expected”. But everything else…. I ran my right hand sensua-(just kidding) slowly over my body. Nothing seemed to be broken, Ergh, I cringed. The image of bone sticking out of my skin, that would be… an entirely new level of pain, that would SUCK. Really, really suck. but...

Truly, what the hell had happened?

Well, I still didn’t know. Whatever had happened had fucking clocked my braincells right in their tickers, and now they were pouting with cold packs over black eyes. At this point, I could only remember that I had been doing…. Something. Very specific. I jest, but frankly it was better than nothing.

....

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

A breeze swept across my face. Cold, but surprisingly comfortable for the sky that seemed to grow darker every time I looked up. In which a new problem was revealing itself. If I wanted to get to my car, or call for help, then whichever it was, I would need to start veeery soon. It was getting dark, and well, while I had no personal issues or fear with darkness, I had no idea what moon it was tonight. If it was a full moon, then maybe, but otherwise I wouldn’t be able to see shit! Wandering off with a head wound… Might as well ask for my own execution. Okay, I was being a little dramatic, but I was no forest man, I was a man of urban environments! Getting lost would either mean a greater amount of walking (with a concussion at that), or well, death. So If it got too dark, all I would be able to do is hunker down, wilderbeasts be damned.

Which meant, It was time for action. We could think all about whatever the fuck knocked us out in a bright house with the company of worrying family, or at the least in our car, where we would be safer. Poor body, I'm sorry, but we’ll need to abuse you just a bit further…

God, I wish I was home, in my room just reading the time away... Sorry forest, for as good as you are, the pain balances that transaction.

Step one, getting up. I felt like I could walk, but could I? The last thing I wanted to do was end up eating the dirt again, it didn't taste very good! I collected both of my hands, my left hand coming back slightly crimson. I stared at it for a bit, my mind conflicted, and then I proceeded to ignore it. Later later… Putting my hands on the ground, I simply just casually rolled over onto my front, bits of bark falling off my back, with only a bit of pain rolling through me. I raised my eyebrows, charming the grass with my rugged appearance, or maybe that was just the breeze. Huh, this was a lot easier than I thought it would be. Thanks natural painkillers! Though perhaps an injured struggle would’ve been more dramatic… not like I minded, though. My legs folded on the ground, and I slowly sat up, bark, dirt, and other debris falling off my gray sweatshirt.

Halfway there.

Swiveling my head side to side, I took stock of my surroundings, putting it on shelves and-. The forest stood still, the trail stretching out into the deserted distance, only accented by the sign that twas not pranked. Everything was silent except the rustling of leaves, which came down from above, and my breath. I paused, I was wasting daylight, but I couldn’t help it. It was… pretty, this scene. Maybe even beautiful, in this harboring darkness. If only we weren’t in present circumstances… I would need to remember to visit dark forests more often.

And so I enjoyed this serene place, scanning my eyes around, all in order until I saw… just seemingly out of nowhere, a human shaped impact figure, just slightly to the side of me. I stared at it with unabashed curiosity. It was a couple inches deep, it stretched out for quite some ways, and there was just a bit of a red dirt mixture where a head would be. Well, I’ll be! I couldn’t remember anything still, but I didn't need to. It was one hell of a crater. It would explain the reason why everything hurt, I must’ve fallen face first onto the ground somehow, just fucking clunk!

But… How, and why? I wasn’t exactly a tree climbing person, and these weren't exactly the type of trees you could just climb. They’re tall! And… Well actually, someone could probably climb it, but that person was not me. Unless I was running away, maybe then. But besides, it was too far away from any actual branches, any branch near the potential jumping zone was far too frail and small to be able to hold me. And from that height? People have survived more, but I don't think I would be walking that off with just a concussion and pain…

But still, it existed. I could see it, and I could probably touch it… So I did, my arms reaching over like a giant slinky-not really, that would be slightly disturbing, but I did reach over, and.. Poke! My finger met somewhat compacted dirt, where my chest would be. It existed, my human shaped dirt-angel, my eyes were not deceiving me. Hmm…. It taunted my logical processes, what the hell had that Jack been doing?

And so I stayed, legs cramping, looking at the crater and being completely fucking distracted, until a shadow cast from a nearby tree ran over my eyes, reminding me of my previous purpose (and also almost causing me to fall over). That, oh shit, I’m supposed to be walking right now, it's getting dark! I unsteadily balanced myself, almost shaking my head, until I remembered that I probably have a fucking concussion you idiot that probably isn’t a good idea! No head clearing for me, I was never the best at getting out of my thoughts.

Breathing in, I took the final step off the edge- I rose from the ground, monitoring my every lurch and stumble. But I made it up! Slightly unsteady, but I was standing, finally at last.