Anyways, now we cut abit in the future too...Handsome, nihilistic, and with a wicked sense of humor, God's gift to humanity himself… me!

For I, was singing a fabulous serenade to all the pretty green mistresses around me, and they clearly enjoyed it as well, I mean, they weren't booing it, nor uh... saying anything at all really... And as I always say… no bad publicity means a good product! What, you're telling me that plants don't talk?

Preposterous, clearly you just aren't listening hard enough. Plants talk to me all the time, sometimes I even wish I could shut them up, for all the whisperings they do. I mean, Jeffrey is a bitch, and sure he does deserve to die. But he doesn't deserve to be split in two with a plastic fork!… Could plastic even break bone? I mean, if you try hard enough...

Mental illness jokes aside, we were havin a good ol' dandy time, babbling, singin, and just on general acting like the complete and utter braindead re- er, braindead simian we truly are. Ook ook, eek eek.

Alas, with much sadness, we had left our barely mentioned tree-wife behind. Opportunities had been dryin up, and the town was dyin. If we didnt do somethin, then we wouldn't have enough income to feed our tree-children. We couldn't bear to watch em starve, so we had tah go, tah support… our familah. We would do anythin to support ouah familah, fo we weah ….

Uh...

Yeah that went on for too long. Oh well

I began to get up from the dashing pose I had unconsciously adopted, but… paused.

There was something missing, something… I wasn't hearing. But.. what, what was it? It was on the tip of my tongue, so close.. I kneeled on the dirt path, already half on the ground, closed my eyes, and tried REALLY hard to not get distracted by the sudden mental image of us with swiveling dog ears that had suddenly popped up. Jack the kemono? No thanks, I'm not hot enough to be a bishoujo, as much as I say I am..

Ah focus focus.. the wind swept against my skin, and the leaves rustled daintily as leaves tend to do. Hmm… enjoyable but...

I shivered, opening my eyes. With a furrowed brow, I looked through the trees, on the ground. Pretty normal, nice dirt. I looked toward the scraggly branches. Nothing out of place. I looked toward the sky above. Yep, that’s a sky alright, green and majestic as always.. Ha, just kiddin, it's blue, still majestic though. So… What am I missing? Am i just being paranoid for no reason? I mean that is kinda my style but...

Strange that… ah I see! The birds, we didn't hear any birds! Or well, see them for that matter, but that would also explain the lack of hearing… Still, you would expect a couple birds, especially in the middle of a forest ya know? Wonder where they went…

"Oh well" I muttered, pushing myself onto my feet. "Probably all dead or something". Either that or scared off by the nail on chalkboard that is our singing. Wait what? Oh don't be an idiot self, we said they were all dead, cause muh worse outcome bullshit! And now it isn't funny anymore, dumbass. Good job, ruining the fucking joke.

“I feel like that isn't technically ruining, I mean we both get the joke right? Not like anyone else is here anyways…” Well, maybe there are people here, RIGHT NOW, ever think of that huh? They could be WATCHING US, our every move… “Who the hell would ever want to watch us dude?” Err, right… who knows? Isn't that scary or something, not knowing? You know, fear of the unknown and all that. “A difficult question”... I looked towards the bright sky, considering it. “Maybe once i suppose… These days, not too much.” Ah yes, the eternal ignorance of the Jack... Besides we both know we’re probably lying. “Yeah, probably. But that's life”. Sure sure…

Wait, what were we worried about again? Got distracted talking to myself.. Eh, it probably was really important or something, I'm sure we’ll regret it that we forgot it. Or we won't, no reason to stress over it!

“RIGHT, let's get a move on ‘ere”. I shouted, to well… myself, jumping up on the dirt trail. And uh, walking! You know, that thing you do with your legs, it moves you around or something? Little cousin to running, and big bro to crawling? Yeah I did that, what a hoot man. Walking in… current year? Who does that! Ah damn, I made this same joke last chapter, I can't just reuse it THAT early. Otherwise I'll get stale! And if I get stale… i won't have any-

And so our hero Jack walked, the dirt trail relenting under his steady footsteps, a metronome in the almost total silence of the rustling woods. His mind barred at itself, bickering and questioning, singing no longer at the outside, but inward. Humor temporarily forgotten, perhaps deafened by the sound of internal conflict, which is like, just imagine a bunch of raccoons fighting with giant crash cymbals. Jesus christ, free me from this torture- Ahem. And so.. Walked he did, ignorant of what awaited him, as all such are. But soon.. The darkness of ignorance would be purged by the lights of - !

Wait, oh, we’re almost there. Probably. Man, that actually is a really good idea for a subtle prank, just move the sign like a mile back! No-one would realize, and then that “half-a-mile” would drag on and on… Not like I would ever actually do it though, probably illegal as HELL. This is government property after all, a bit too much trouble for one such as me… Anyways if you couldn't tell, there was a sign!

This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

Which meant our destination was near, and our walk, almost half over!

So, that's nice or something, abit sad too.

Our destination being… destiny itself! Or to say, destiny outlook. Yes, that's right, you’re not hearing me wrong, the people in this park actually named it destiny outlook. Man, what absolute jokers! Or at least I hope it was a joke, ‘cause the idea of that being named that seriously? Thats uh.. The thought fills my soul with endless humor and questionless curiosity! The idea of such a sincere person…. I would like to meet them. Would be interesting. Anyways, while it was the outlook of DESTINY itself, it was just an outlook, unique but not unique. If you get me.

Of course you get me, I mean, who couldnt, I'm just that good afterall.

Anyways, just a simple dell of trees at the top of a big hill. Technically, we had been walking up a slope the entire time, we didn't really feel it though. Guess all that swimming was paying off, infact, now that we looked at it, we had a nice flex. A real nice flex. So nice, I just needed to tell the world about it. The world just needed to know about my flex! So I did, I yelled, I shouted out to the heavens above, of my recent conquests of flesh, of my titillating feats of muscle! “I GOT A NICE FLEX”. And then I FLEXED, my muscles strained, barred at the astonished heavens above! The world quaked, and my ass met the trail because holy SHIT THE WORLD IS FUCKING SHAKING WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

I twisted on the ground as quickly as I could, my surprised hands struggling to find a grip on anything that could hold me, as the world shifted around me. And just, as I had gotten a grasp on some chosen unlucky weeds, the world cracked in two. At least, that was what it sounded like, before my ears started to ring, and my eardrums began to riot. Unable to cover my ears, I could only bear the pain in stunned HOLY SHIT fueled panic.

Panic that only got worse when the shaken dirt… Started to float away from me. Slowly getting farther, and farther away. It was leaving me, absolving me into the graces of the air. No-more would the trail have contact with human-kind, for the rumbles had enlightened it to all our conflicts. And so, it was ascending, perhaps to the true heavens above, free from all human troubles which plagued it so. No longer would anybody walk upon its soil, and trample on its dignity. No longer would it be shaped to the whims of those lesser to it.

In the air, my resolve weakened. Merely perhaps, by holding on to these weeds, I was only holding it back from its true destiny. Perhaps…. I should let go, and ….

And then, the ground, enraged by my obtuse words, decided it had had enough, and punched me in the face.

…….

But, the circus continues, as it must.

...

I slowly came too, a salient pain ringing through my temples. A pain that quickly led into confusion. Why was I in pain? Why was I lying down? Why was it so dark? Why does my mouth taste like dirt? Why did Karen take the fucking kids- Why why why why? And so, looped into some stunned state, I just layed there, heating up the cool soil. Rational thought coming back like a swimming meet, agonizingly slow.

Time twisted. The only thing marking reality; the pulses of pain radiating through my body. Had it been a minute, had it been a second? Face down in this darkness, I could no-longer tell. Only the crinkling of leaves that filled my ears, carried by the cold breeze assaulting my body, assured me of my outside existence.. But eventually, the pain slightly faded from really bad, to really - 1 bad

Slowly, I tried to piece back together the scattered pieces, but my head fucking HURT, and I was getting nada. Fucking blank as a recently cleaned chalkboard, and maybe one with a couple of pencil stab wounds too!

Gah. Whatever. If I couldn't remember what actually happened, then at least I could try to stop eating dirt. Dirt wasn't very tasty. Very gritty.

And so, I slowly rolled over, my body not so politely debating in protest, plopping on my back with a groan of pain. I was not looking forward to tomorrow's morning, assuming I made it that long. The world's first blue person…

There I lay, my chest slowly rising and falling, staring at the dusk curving throughout the sky. Surrounded by slightly… wrong? trees that loomed up and threaded with their branches into the cacophony that was the azure empyrean above. That answered one of my questions. I was in a forest, and with that, something clicked. Yeah… Right, I had been in a forest. Stress relief, this was… destiny’s trail. I remembered... Alot of walking, singing, and stupid shit. But then…. Nah, I wasn't getting anything yet. But what happened between, and how had I ended up on the ground? Probably related, those two. I... couldn't remember. I was just walking, and then... I was here, on the ground, in a fuck ton of pain. Eating the dirt, which I was now slowly spitting out of my mouth like some sort of broken fountain. What the hell had happened?

But no answers were to come. And nothing came to my saving. Bah, at least the refreshing breeze was nice. Unlike my shitty memory. A faint amount of hysterical humor entered my mental voice. Oh goodness, I couldn't stand to lose brain cells! My memory was already bad enough, I needed all the ones I had left!

Calm down, calm down. Now is not quite the time for jesting. I needed-I needed to check!

Gradually, I sorely reached my trembling hand (Oh, this bravado couldn’t hide my true feelings it seems) towards my forehead. A slight sting, and a bloody crust rewarded my efforts.

My now somewhat bloody hand landed on my chest, as I struggled to stop myself from delirious giggling.

No, No no no, calm down calm down-

A single maniac chuckle filled the air.

And then I finally broke. I couldnt stop myself, all control was lost. Maybe it was the blood, maybe it was the gnomes.

Great bellowing boughts of laughter left my pained throat, as I writhed in ignored agony, my body rolling across the flattened grass and leaves. God, this just sucked. This just fucking SUCKED! FUUUUUUUCK. ARRGH WHYYYYYYY. I didn't sign up for this! Not for bleeding and pain! Fuck off reality you fucking bitch I hate you. Whyyyyyy…..

Muuuuuuuuaaaaahhhhhhh

A slow exhalation, dispelled into the uncaring graces of the air above, marked the end of my short tirade, and deflating laughter.

But atleast I felt better.