NIGHTMARE (1)

      I lost all that I am that day. The nightmares are maddening. Within them lays contorted images of Nina in all her forms, perverted in monstrous ways. Nothing of the girl I knew, the friend I kept, remained. She mocks me and tasks me with odds and ends that always result in gruesome dispatches from her mortal coil.

      All of that falls from my mind as I scream myself awake for the umpteenth time this week. My wounds have hardly healed the way they did before – faster than a normal person’s yes, although much slower than before leaving this world and returning home.

      A voice shouts into the carriage carrying me.

      “Shut up in there, would you?”

      Inwardly, I groan. My noise is but a reflex, the result of the horrors that plague my sleep every time I close my eyes. I’m not awake very often, although when I am, I dread the inevitable slumber that will take me over once more.

      From what I’ve gathered in my rare moments of lucidity, I’m being taken north, to a camp ran by the Outlanders – real ones, not what everyone believed me to be in the beginning.

      That was so long ago…

      I wake again with a start. My mind is instantly clear, and my body tenses. A quick glance at my surroundings tells me I’m in some kind of tent. Just then, the front flaps open and a man appears. I’m instantly on my feet and take a swing at the stranger. He stumbles out of the tent from the force of my punch. His yell seems to alert others, and before long, I’m surrounded. The wind is sharp, and the cold’s bite pierces me to my bones. One woman comes at me from the back, I take out as I spin, landing my shin on her ribs. I turn back in time to grab a man’s outstretched hand.

      Using his weight against him, I pull him forward and kick his legs out from under him. Two more people attack me at once. I lean back in time to avoid a jab from my right, then duck to avoid a haymaker from the left. I kick out and take out the second attacker’s legs, then shift my weight forward into a roll. As I stand, a woman’s fist meets my face. I jerk back, then forward again as her other fist rams into my stomach. The woman with long, black hair tries to bring her fists down on the back of my head and I raise my hands in defense. She wasn’t expecting this, and hesitates after meeting my guard. I lash out with a tackle and bring her to the ground.

      I mount her, and using all of my weight, bring down my punches on her cheek. Before I can release another blow, arms wrap around me and pull me up. I struggle with all of my strength, however, the person’s grip is unyielding.

      “Calm down, girl,” the person behind me demands. I recognize that voice.

      Feeling me stiffen, the arms release me. I turn around just in time to shout in surprise.

      “Fennis!”

      There he stands, his blue hair, even longer than when I saw him last. He wears a cocky grin, yet it carries a little something different from before. Our past still assails me as if it happened just yesterday. I can’t stop my body’s reaction and shoot out my left fist. His head jerks to the side as I land my blow, but makes no other movement. The moment it happens, though, I sense the surrounding air change.

      Every single person around us takes on an aura of pure violence. They all stare at me like dogs, ready for the kill. I recognize these expressions and this atmosphere, however, I’ve never had it directed my way. This feels like…

      “Zero,” someone shouts to our side. Amethyst hair lies atop the head, from which the words escape.

      “Mimi…” I let slip as she bounces up to us. I’m so happy, happier than I’ve been in so long. Mimi recognizes me. In my joy, I engulf her in a hug as she approaches us.

      “Man lady. It’s one emotion after another with you. You’re gonna give us whiplash,” she teases.

       “What?” I ask. Out of shock, I release her and she gives me her trademark toothy grin. She turns to Fennis and reaches out, cupping his face as if it was something fragile and precious.

      “Zero, how’re you feeling? I told you she was a firecracker.” Mimi wipes the blood from Fennis and then laps it up off her fingers.

      “What? Zero?” I ask, my voice breaking as it leaves me.

      “How nice to see you again… girl,” Fennis says while moving Mimi away from himself, with more gentleness than I would have thought him to be capable.

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      “Allow me to reintroduce myself. I am Zero, the Zeroth Knight.”

      My senses dull and my blood halts. “You… Fennis… what?”

      “Who’s Fennis?” Mimi asks him with a cheeky smile and eyes that shine.

      “Who knows? A ghost maybe,” he responds to her, his eyes never leaving me. “We have much to discuss, girl. Come.” He turns and walks away from me.

      This can’t be real. This can’t be… real. Have I lost even my fake identity? What am I even doing here? What happened?

      Wait, what about Nina?

      “Wait! Nina! Where’s Nina?” I scream at his back.

      “Dead, I would guess. Hard to stay alive without a head.”

      His form disappears into a massive tent. His words smash me and seize my breath.

      “I wouldn’t keep Zero waiting. He has a temper,” the girl I had on the ground says while brushing off her clothes. I pay her no mind as I allow leaden steps to carry me into this living nightmare.

      When I enter the tent, I see Fennis and Gabe, along with some people I don’t recognize, surrounding a table. All eyes are on me in an instant and my body responsively tenses.

      “Good of you to join us,” Fennis says, moving a piece on the table. “Here, we can take them at the Harrows.”

      “Nonsense, the Harrows is filled with Beta. Better to meet them here,” an older man, with a craggy face that I do not recognize, argues while setting another piece down.

      “Domion Valley. The Outlanders have scout towers set up at both ends, allowing us to set an ambush. What we lose in ground from allowing them that close, we make up with surprise.”

      Fennis gives a wicked smile. “I knew there was a reason I kept you around. Then we use the momentum to take back our lost ground and gain more.”

      The old man gives a nod. When the girl behind me clears her throat, everyone again turns toward me.

      “Yes, yes Kagura, I know,” says Fennis.

      “Kagura? Knight Six?” I ask as I turn around. Sure enough, before me stands the woman I met at the Consulate.

      “Heh. You didn’t know? You throw a mean punch for someone so scrawny,” she takes a wordy jab at me.

       “What about Nina? What happened?”

      Again, the question ekes out of me, the despair taints my voice in a tangible form.

      “Must I repeat myself? She’s-”

      “No,” I scream. It can’t be true!

      It can’t. I fall to my knees. That was only a nightmare.

      It cannot be real. Even in this unreal world, that has to be especially so. It can’t be, it can’t be, it can’t be, it can’t be.

      I rock back and forth, muttering to myself that this must all be a lie. I hear Fennis dismiss everyone else in the tent. They resist at first. His anger eventually forces them to flee in as much terror, as loyalty.

      “Up, girl.”

      Fennis commands me, I defy by staying in my position. The despair is too heavy. My body is finished. My mind is in tatters. Nina, my Nina.

      “If only I had known… if I had known Gee was capable of such things... if I had known that she was evil… had I known more about her, I could have stopped all of this.” My tears pour from my eyes, yet my sins run deeper.

      “Where is that stubborn bitch who ruined my life?” Fennis shoots at me.

      “You're out of your fucking mind. That doesn't matter. Nina is… she’s… it's my fault.”

      “You brought your sword betwixt her neck and shoulders?”

      “What? No! I-"

      Fennis reaches down and pulls me up by my shirt. He lifts me until my toes barely touch the ground.

      “Then it is not your godsdamn fault. Now get your shit together, because we have more to do. Or are the bonds you made here all so easily discarded?”

      After speaking, he shoves me back, forcing me to stumble.

      “What are you talking about? What could you possibly know about me?”

      “You are a fool, girl. You became the Title by happenstance, whereas I trained for it. For my entire life, I was destined to be the best, to be at the top, and you took that from me. Play not at being above me. I could see through you from the moment we met. You are nothing more than some child from another plane.”

      “That’s… well, yes, but no one else has ever remembered anything, so how could you?”

      “It matters not how. It matters that your skills are necessary, no matter how much it may make me cringe to say so. You came back to this world for a reason, yes?”

      “I… yes? Maybe? I don’t know anymore. I... I killed-” I’m interrupted by a fierce straight blow to my face.

      My body jerks back as I crash to the floor, my vision goes white.

      “You shut your whore mouth, knave! I will force you to save these people, whatever it takes. Even if it means throwing you into a crowd of Beta.”

      I use what strength I have to sit up. “You son of a bitch.”

      “You will regret sparing me all the more so now that you cannot beat me. Get up! I’m calling the others back.”

      He walks past me and out of the tent. By the time I’m standing, everyone is making their way back inside. Most of them barely offer me a glance as they reclaim their spots. Only Kagura gives me a squeeze on the shoulder, acknowledging that I am even there.