When dusk came, we threw our packs on the ground and gathered up some firewood. We'd entered a fairly dense forest hours before, and trees started just off the path. Luckily, the place was teeming with fallen wood, so the two of us were able to gather enough in no time. Not long after, we were sitting down around our first fire. TristanHe pulled out some packets and unwrapped them, revealing some sort of jerky.

"Here."

"Thanks." I took the meat.

"You know, I didn't realize how hungry I was until we sat down. Those apples and dried fruit weren't enough."

"Yeah, we have something called trail mix back on Earth. It's kind of the best. Keeps you fueled up on the trail."

"What's it made of?"

"Nuts, berries, and these little chocolate candies called M&Ms."

"What's chocolate?"

Oh Goddess. Oh no. "You haven't heard of chocolate?"

"No, never. What is it?"

Please don't tell me this world didn't have chocolate. "It's like a brown hard paste. You melt it and make all sorts of candy. It's kind of sweet and bitter, and it's probably the best thing in the world." Chocolate was my love language.

"That sounds gross."

"You sound gross." Don't you insult my love like that, you pimpled prick.

He rolled his eyes, then turned back to the fire. "You think we're really going to pull this off? This adventuring thing, I mean?"

I'd been wondering the same thing. "Honestly, I don't know. I hope so, but we're not exactly the most powerful people out there. I have no clue what's in store for us, but I'm not ready to quit before we even start. That would be lame, and are we lame?"

"I mean, you did name us the Awesome Duo."

"Yeah, because we're awesome. And we're gonna do awesome things. And maybe one day, if we're lucky, people will write books about our awesomeness. The Adventures of the Awesome Duo. Book One: How Not to Get Your Ass Kicked. Book Two: Kicking Ass. Book Three: Kicking More Ass and Winning Over the Babes. And that's just the first three books."

His frown cracked into a smile, then he started laughing. "Babes?"

"Yup."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Okay. What will these babes look like?"

"Like Na-Ya, but not in a relationship with elven Adonis."

"Adonis?"

"Hot dude from Greece. Banged some Goddesses or something."

"Greece?"

"Man, I'm gonna have to teach you everything, won't I?"

"Apparently."

We sat around the fire for a while longer, talking about our future exploits. Eventually, we rolled out our sleeping mats, played rock paper scissors to see who had first watch (I won), and I passed out for the night.

When dusk came, we threw our packs on the ground and gathered up some firewood. We'd entered a fairly dense forest hours before, and trees started just off the path. Luckily, the place was teeming with fallen wood, so the two of us were able to gather enough in no time. Not long after, we were sitting down around our first fire. TristanHe pulled out some packets and unwrapped them, revealing some sort of jerky.

"Here."

"Thanks." I took the meat.

"You know, I didn't realize how hungry I was until we sat down. Those apples and dried fruit weren't enough."

"Yeah, we have something called trail mix back on Earth. It's kind of the best. Keeps you fueled up on the trail."

"What's it made of?"

"Nuts, berries, and these little chocolate candies called M&Ms."

"What's chocolate?"

Oh Goddess. Oh no. "You haven't heard of chocolate?"

"No, never. What is it?"

Please don't tell me this world didn't have chocolate. "It's like a brown hard paste. You melt it and make all sorts of candy. It's kind of sweet and bitter, and it's probably the best thing in the world." Chocolate was my love language.

"That sounds gross."

"You sound gross." Don't you insult my love like that, you pimpled prick.

The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.

He rolled his eyes, then turned back to the fire. "You think we're really going to pull this off? This adventuring thing, I mean?"

I'd been wondering the same thing. "Honestly, I don't know. I hope so, but we're not exactly the most powerful people out there. I have no clue what's in store for us, but I'm not ready to quit before we even start. That would be lame, and are we lame?"

"I mean, you did name us the Awesome Duo."

"Yeah, because we're awesome. And we're gonna do awesome things. And maybe one day, if we're lucky, people will write books about our awesomeness. The Adventures of the Awesome Duo. Book One: How Not to Get Your Ass Kicked. Book Two: Kicking Ass. Book Three: Kicking More Ass and Winning Over the Babes. And that's just the first three books."

His frown cracked into a smile, then he started laughing. "Babes?"

"Yup."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Okay. What will these babes look like?"

"Like Na-Ya, but not in a relationship with elven Adonis."

"Adonis?"

"Hot dude from Greece. Banged some Goddesses or something."

"Greece?"

"Man, I'm gonna have to teach you everything, won't I?"

"Apparently."

We sat around the fire for a while longer, talking about our future exploits. Eventually, we rolled out our sleeping mats, and I passed out for the night.

***

Halfway through the night, he woke me up to the sound of a branch breaking. Something was moving through the brush not far off the trail. It was a few hundred yards away, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't panicking. The dozens of monsters Arden had me learn about filtered through my mind. Chimaera? No, not in this region. Dragon? Rare and mostly live in the mountains. Goblin? Recently domesticated, but possible. Slime? Could be, but they usually live in plains.

"What was that?" He groaned and sat up, the lingering embers of the camp fire illuminating his face.

"Get up."

"Wha—?"

"Come on." I strapped on my sword and picked up my shield. Rennar insisted on training with the thing, and while it felt awkward, the weight was familiar. I had the beginnings of a callus on my arm where the grip had worn through.

He bumbled up and prepared himself. Another branch broke. Whatever it was was getting closer.

"Ready your weapon, Tristan."

"Okay, okay." He leveled his mace out toward the trees.

"Back to back, like we practiced. Remember the training. Breathe. Focus."

He breathed in. So did I.

Another branch.

Breathe.

Focus.

The crunching drew nearer.

"Alex," he whispered.

"Yeah." I whispered back.

"This is awesome."

"Fuck yeah. We're gonna kick ass. Just wait."

"You got it, man."

Another branch.

A few minutes later, a pair of red eyes glimmered out of the darkness. The creature was low to the ground.

"Goblin?"

"Maybe. Or a hobgoblin. Either way, just breathe."

We were ready for whatever came at us.

And then a small white furry animal, about the size of a football, walked out into the dim light. It had a single horn on its head and a pair of tiny wings, and its eyes were glowing.

"What the fuck is that?"

"No clue."

"Do you think it's dangerous?"

"Don't know." I turned toward the creature. It was cute, like a plushie. "Hey, you."

It perked up and started wagging its tail, then walked closer.

"Alex."

"I see it."

"Don't call it over!"

"It's kind of cute, dude. I'm not sure it's that dangerous."

"It has glowing red eyes!"

"That could be anything. You know that."

"What the hell do you mean?"

"Animal eyes glow all the time. Maybe this is normal."

"Or it's a monster."

"Yeah, or that. Come here, little guy." I lowered the shield and bent down. The creature approached, then rubbed its face on my leg, and I scratched its back. It gave some sort of half purr, half hiss, and I back up a step.

"What's happening?"

"It's not attacking."

"Great."

"I'm gonna call it Fluffy."

"No."

"Too late. It's named."

"No!"

Fluffy looked up at me with big, shimmering eyes. It was adorable.

"See, it's just a baby."

"You have no idea what it is."

"You're right, I don't." I picked the creature up, and it nuzzled my hand.

And that's when it bit me.

"Ahhh!" I dropped fluffy, and it bounced off the ground, spun around, and hissed. Its eyes glowed a brilliant crimson, and its fur stood up. "Ow, shit."

"What happened?"

"The fucker bit me."

"Really? That's what you get for picking up random animals."

"Shut up and get it!"

We charged forward, weapons whistling in the wind, but it jumped out of the way. The little asshole was fast. Tristan swung his mace, and it dodged out of the way again.

"Stop swinging so hard. You're going to kill it."

"What are we supposed to do, let it go?"

"Catch it! It's small enough."

We chased it around the camp for a few minutes, but every time we came close, it dodged. Damn thing was as fast as lightning. I swore as I missed over and over again.

"It's going for your pack."

"Shit, hold on." I pulled off my blanket and threw it over the little shit. It was wriggling in the cloth, and I jumped on top of the bundle, wrapping around the squirming thing as it tried to escape, but I would be the victor today, Fluffy. It thrashed and kicked in the blanket, but I had it now.

Then it screeched.

"Shit, shit, shit. Oh fuck, it's screaming. Shit, shit, shit." I was panicking.

"It's calling for help."

"What? Why? Can't it just let us catch it?"

"We tried to kill it, Alex. Remember that?"

"Well, that was after it bit me."

A roar in the distance shook the trees, and a chill ran down my spine.

"Run."

"Yeah."

We grabbed our stuff and ran.