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Zane the Mad :Part of the Legendary Interviews
A mad man finds something crazy

A mad man finds something crazy

It started with a sound and a smell that no one else seamed to notice. It was the smell of water on a warm night and of black sand in moonlight. 

  Yeah I know what I said. 

  It was also a sound of waves and large leaves on the wind, of distant crunching and of trees falling. 

  I only heard it in the car and of course my wife and best friend said they didn't. But he was nearly born with headphones in his ears and my wife often turned her attention in word to her own worlds found in books that she read or wrote. She could sit in front of a tv show for 3 days and not notice more then 20 minutes of it. 

  So I believed them only the first 2 times. I mean we were driving and I like to keep the windows down so it could have ben anything out in the streets making things that I would think could be coming from the car. 

  But those smells are so distinctive so hard to find in the middle of a landlocked city far from any beach that wasn't man made and definitely no black sand to be found and it was in the car no where els. 

  So one day after I dropped the wife and roommate/best friend off at work. I sat in the car with the window's down and started to follow my nose. Something I am good at but don't like to do often, I used it when I worked in a grocery store chain sniffing out bad and moldy food and after that any time I tried to sniff out something I would usually turn up something bad or growing. 

  I mean I did turn up 2 cups that had been left under a back seat that had some things growing and finally noticed that there was a leak in the sunroof leaving a trail of discolored cloth down to a window. 

  I mean I found all that after I found the portal to a moonlit beach in the trunk. 

  The trunk door wasn't exactly broken it just stuck sometimes sometimes its latch stuck sometimes open sometimes closed and it wasn't like we had much use for it anyway. 

  I mean trips to the grocery store didn't fill up the back seat so it never seemed worth the risk. 

  I pulled a seat back to show black sand lit by a soft silvery light it was soothing to the eyes. Which was amazing to me. Light, especially sunlight, had always been a problem especially when I got into one of my moods. 

  This light was different. Something about it seemed to relax me and make me feel more at ease with the world. I grinned knowing if anyone could see me right now they would... well probably think what they allways did what the fuck is up with that ugly hairy guy?

  It was cold out the spring could start at any time so I was wearing my jacket tho with my body heat issues it's not like I ever put on anything heavier. So I closed up the seat and headed inside to change putting shorts on under my sweat pants and switching to a hoodie I didn't care about losing. 

  I also grabbed a roll of kite string, a knife, a measuring tape, a little box of nails and a hammer. I wasn't sure how deep the portal was only that it faced down and was deeper than I was tall. 

  I sent a text to my wife. "found magic portal... looks like it goes to some sort of beach at night. fucking finaly. ganna drop in and see what's what if I don't come back I left the key fob with the keys other than my house key by the tv and my house key should be on the floor of the car. close up the back seat and don't come after. mite be some sort of time fuckery and you wouldn't want that. I love you." 

  Then I took some of the string and dangled it into the portal first testing to make sure it wasn't just a window and also to see if I noticed any changes in the string. 

   The string lowered down past where the portal started. It moved slightly in a light breeze. I moved the string to the edge of the portal noticing a faint blue line showing it did have some sort of edge. The string pushed against it like it was solid I mean the floor of the car started there so it made a cinda sense. 

   Pulling up the string I wound it up and pulled a nail out of my pocket and pressed it harder into the line. It started to sink into the carping in a way I found mildly amusing. 

  I pulled it back then grabbed some of the reseats scattered in the front floor boards and tossed one in. 

  I watched it flutter and fall landing eyes laser focused as it landed on the sands for a moment before the wind blew it away. 

  It seemed fine but to be sure I stood up and tossed another one onto the ground again, eyes locked on it. It drifted down then landed on the concrete. 

  I tied some kite string to a nail and then threaded a few more receipts onto the string and lowered it down I tied the other end to a head rest and just waited. 

  I would have lowered my phone with a timer on it to make sure there wasn't any time fuckery but I was worried i'd lose my phone. 

  My phone went off with a reply from the wife. "...are you being for real? I mean wtf? a real portal? and love you to." 

  "yeah i'm checking it for time fuckery now i'll send you a video.'' I sent back then turned on the camera, gripping the phone tight and took some video of the car door leading to the portal and the weird string set up. I even moved the string a little to show it wasn't any sort of trick I could pull off then sent it to her. 

  I stood by the car door within watching the string and waited. sure enough after a few minutes the phone started to ring. 

  "hey" I said 

  "holy fuck that shit is real? that's not some other video of a car that just so happend to look exatly like ours and it sent it to me to mess with me or anything." she asked 

  "I  mean that would be cinda cool but nope real portal real magic. I told you I smelled black sand and moonlight." I said grinning. 

  "yeah you did but... fuck I mean are you realy going in?" she sounded worried. 

  "well so far time does not seem to be an issue and i've got to tell you the light it's giving off just... cinda feels right you know? like I know normally something crazy like this with a soothing light would be some cinda fairy trap or something but I don't know it just feels right." I said watching the sand 

  "well... you see anything down there like a monster or tentacles or something I don't know." she asked clearly trying not to panic. 

  "no not so far but remember I said I thought I herd trees falling? I don't see any trees yet either so if theres trees and things that make trees fall down then.... could be monsters." I said feeling a breeze come up form the portal and smelling the fresh clean water. 

  "...how deep is it? I mean could you even get out once your down there?" she asked. 

  "don't know yet got the measuring tape in my pocket tho was going to drop it in after I tested to make sure there wasn't any time fuckery that was going to eat it or anything." I said and got up and walked a little way away from the car to look at the lawn then headed back. 

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  "...don't go I mean if you don't think you could make it out why go in?" she said. 

  "don't worry the measuring tape only goes to like 6 feet and itl make a thump when it hits the sand so il know if theres anything lurking in there." I looked back at the portal and the string there was still no changes. "and I just checked its not some sort of blinking portal eather it just stays up... I think im going to drive around a little and see if the portal changes at all you know see if its the car or the place its at or if I could have a traveling portal to a new world and see some more shit before I jump in." 

  "ok... well call me before you go ok? and fuck if I could go home right now I would." she said sounding close to tears. 

  "I know I know its ok. im doing everything I can to make sure il get back before I go in. I love you" I said and I know other people say that all the time but I say it only when I mean it and only to her I mean she was the only reason I wasn't homeless or in jail trying to fight my way into valhalla. "but I mean how could I just ignore a magic portal to the moonlit beatch it couldn't be more perfect for me unless it had big stacks of magic books or a sign pointing and saying eldorado this way." 

   "thats why im worried. I love you and yeah it couldn't be a better trap then that." she said 

   "you do make a good point." I said "but if it is a trap then youl know to look out for yours and spread the word not to trust the portals. I mean im not that special... am i?" 

   I frowned thinking about it 'important enough to find a magic god damn portal but not important enough to get magicly assassinated? where dose that rabbit hole of logic end?' 

   "well I know I cant stop you..." she said 

  "look at it this way theres like a 5 in 100 chance itl just kill me and a 55% chance il have an adventure and bring home sacks of gold so you can stop working in that hell hole and we can get out of this shitty town and go somewhere nice to live out our days as you listen to me go on and on and on about my qwest." I said with a smile thinking how we mite go some where north with rain and get a cabin or something and retire the adventurer's life like every hero would want to.

  "that would be nice but if you got to die to do it..." she said 

 "don't worry this is a good thing I can feel it." I said I could here her getting yelled at to get back to work and she sighed angrily. "you get back to work I love you and il see you soon" 

  "I love you..." she said and then hung up. 

  I put the phone away and then got out my measuring tape gripping it by one end and dropping it onto the sand. its full length was used and it hit the sand with a soft thump. 

  again I waited watching to see if something would try and grab at it. again nothing happened. 

  I realized I was stalling but damn it im not one to just jump into something blindly. I pulled the measuring tape back out and then tied some more string to the head rest letting out so much extra that it dragged along the sand then put the seat back up then down again. 

  no strings were cut and the portal clearly didn't close. so tired 4 nails to the end of the string and then I headed back inside to get the car keys. 

  I started the car and pulled back into the street then back into my parking space got out and checked the string. 

  it hasn't moved there was not marks in the sand were the nails would have dragged across but I could still sea the spot where the tape measure had hit. I took the edge of the string and moved it about sure enough the nails left marks in the sand. 

  'so the portal is attached to the car... only opens to this one spot on this one beach... iv got so many follow up questions its not even funny' I thought going threw a mental check list of new ways to make sure the portal was safe. including getting some deli meats or a stray cat to toss in to make sure nothing on the other side was hungry.

  But Eva would never forgive me for tossing a cat let alone down into a well of the unknown. There was really only 3 things left to do. 

  First I went to the bathroom, then I grabbed the machete I had talked Lu my roommate and best friend into buying. and by talked into I had just pointed out they were on sale and a lot cheaper then he thought they would be. 

  Finally I grabbed my wallet. I didn't own a latter and the kite string was as close as I had to rope. So I would have to go get some to make sure I had a safe way back after I jumped into the portal. 

  I would also grab something to eat and wait for Eva to go on lunch so she could have the car keys and say goodbye. 

  It didn't take long for me to buy the rope and also a kanteen full of fresh water and a bag of jerky. 

  I got a feeling in my gut a light tightening a feeling of fear. I examined my thoughts and thought about not going in just waiting buying a drone and then using that to explore the whole into another reality. 

  The fear got worse growing in my belly like a black cloud. 

  Then I thought about jumping onto that beach and going for a swim in the waters that waited for me. 

  The fear faded and quickly died down. 

  I wasn't afraid of jumping into the unknown and getting hurt I was afraid i'd miss my chance at something special something crazy and wonderful and that would make my whole life make sense. 

  No I had to go had to and if I went to the car and the portal was suddenly gone then I don't know what I would do with myself. 

  I drove to were Eva worked and waited on her to go to lunch. The whole time I waited I spent it in the back seat just watching the portal and wondering if Eva would ever forgive me if I realy died in there. Meeting her again in the next life would be hard if she wasn't going to speak to me again. 

  I shot her a text letting her know I was there and was waiting to see her face to face before I jumped in. 

  I looked for a good place to tie off the rope and settled for tying it onto the front seats before tugging hard on it doing everything I could to get it to come off or for the seat to let go. I know I got some strange looks from people but ignored them. 

  Its not like I could stop making a scene its part of who I am after all. it seamed like I couldn't walk down an isle looking for things to buy with out some strange looks. 

  Eva came and I held her kissed her and showed her the portal. 

  "holy fuck your right it is a fucking magic portal." She said in shock staring down at the black sand. 

  "Yeah... and I have to go I thought about staying and about playing it safe or just waiting to see if some one else talks about this... but I can I have to know I have to go down there and see it for myself. But I just wanted to wait until you got here so you can see me go and watch me come back out real quick 20 minute adventure in and out then il drive back home and plot and plan like I like." I said holding her looking down at the portal with her. 

  She seamed like she was nearly crying. "ok you make sure its safe and everything and then come right back ok?" 

  "ok I promise." I said kissing the top of her head then turning her around to give her a real hug and a real kiss. 

  "I l be right back." I said with a whisper she didn't want to let me go and I never liked letting her go but eventually she pulled away and wiped her eyes and I kissed her forehead and used the rope to climb down onto the beach. 

  I felt a tingle wash over me as I crossed the line of the portal and then I started to get a tight feeling in the back of my head. 

  I looked around me at the black sand and the large ocean stretching out before me... it was so beautiful the moon shown so large over head I thought I could jump to it. 

   Behind me I heard the rustle of leaves and turned to see a jungle stretching out with a large stone structure poking out of it. It looked like something Aztec and perched atop of its wings spread gazing up at the moon was what I can best describe as a big blue Parrot man his arms up as if reaching for the moon. 

  I watched as it reached up and out taking moonlight and turning it into a blade it seemed to be chittering and crackling as if in a chant then stabbed itself in the heart with the blade and fell to the ground knocking out the trees and sending up a wave of wind that nearly knocked me off my feet. 

  I suddenly felt very tired and my whole body tingled in a cold sort of way that I liked, like jumping into cold water. 

  I smiled then looked up at my wife looking worriedly down at me. I still held the rope in my hand I used it to climb out of the portal and then gave her a kiss and put the seat back to where it was supposed to go. 

  "well? how... was it?" she asked, confused. 

  I sat down on the seat and smiled "Giant Aztec bird thing just stabbed itself as an offering to a huge ass moon." 

  she looked surprised "really?" 

  "yep" I said with a grin and a yawn. "and I don't fuck with Aztecs."  

  ...I guess you wouldn't know but I smile when I'm nervous. Anyway, I took a nap in the car waiting on her to get off work and didn't wake up for 2 days. 

  Yeah I know what I said.

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