Commander Maksimov looked up from his paperwork when his comm unit buzzed. The unit, a flat black panel, hung on the wall next to his desk and was without a doubt the direst bane of his existence. It was even more of an annoyance right now since it didn't show the face of his caller or their ID.

"Who is it?" He drummed his pen on the edge of his desk in annoyance.

"It's the damned Amerikosy, Valentin Ivanovich...don't you dare hang up!"

Valentin's hand stopped just short of tapping the 'off' button on the comm's face. "Why not?"

"Because you're in trouble and don't know it yet. But I can save your ass. We have to meet in person, I'll tell you why I'm really here. But it has to be fast, within the next twenty minutes."

Valentin leaned back and rubbed his jaw. "I can bring escort?"

"Of course. Bring whoever you like, but make sure they're really your guys, get me? Remember Havana."

The commander felt the beginnings of an involuntary twitch behind one eye as rage started to simmer in his gut. "Ah. It's like that, is it?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry, dude."

Valentin checked his watch. "Very well. I'm going to do a surprise inspection of our perimeter, meet me at the point opposite the main gate in exactly fifteen minutes. If you're not there, I leave and lodge a complaint with the governor."

There was no reply, instead the comm just shut off. Valentin slid open the bottom drawer of his desk and retrieved a chipped shot glass and a hefty plastic bottle of vodka. He poured himself a generous dose and tossed it down, then threw both items back into the drawer.

"Fucking politics," he muttered as he hauled himself to his feet.

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The ever-present cigarette dangled from Valentin's lips as he shuffled through the set of photos and printouts which Oscar had just handed him. It was the same set of evidence which had loosened Hnnresnthsh's tongue, along with a hastily hand-written summary by Oscar at the top.

Oscar glanced around. Myyreh had parked herself at his elbow as usual, while Valentin had brought a big shaved-gorilla type with him; he'd only introduced the latter as his 'adjutant'. The 'human' wing of the Jornissian complex loomed to one side like a crashing tidal wave, while in the huge paved plaza to the other side there slithered a few scattered groups of Jornissians. The aliens gave the huddled quartet curious glances while trying not to seem too nosy.

Valentin plucked the cigarette from his mouth, spilling a few flakes of ash onto the printouts. "You are sure of this?"

"As sure as anyone can be. We have Henry's confession, plus the video and photo evidence of Thora seducing Benny. This has been going on for quite some time."

"[But now the Senate's involved,]" added Myyreh. "[It's become a pretty big deal...behind the scenes, for now.]"

The commander took a long, dramatic drag on his smoke; the coal at its tip flared bright as he regarded Oscar and Myyreh with eyes that were like two chips of black ice. "For now. You both took big risk, telling me this. Maybe I am in on it?"

"Valentin...Valya," started Oscar, and he didn't miss the narrowing of the commander's eyes at the informality. "I know you're a smart guy. Way too smart to try something like this. You're deep in enemy territory, fer chrissake!" He waved at a few distant scaly forms for emphasis. "Why would you risk your people like that?"

"Why indeed." Valentin looked down at the sheaf of papers in his hand, then thrust them out towards Oscar. "Will arrest the others all at once, also check their facility. You will observe, I will allow this one," and here he stabbed his cigarette at Myyreh, "to accompany you. No one else, no drones. Take it or leave it, as you say."

Oscar didn't need to look at Myyreh to sense her excited acceptance. "That'll do nicely, Valentin. Thanks."

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Tam Ji-Min, AKA 'Large Hawaiian', AKA 'JOESON', slipped the stack of boxes into an insulated bag with an ease borne of long practice. "I'll be back in ten minutes, okay?"

Tobias Ramírez, AKA 'HOOSIER', nodded absently as he rang up the sale. "The boys in the base must be having a big party." The balding, portly man winked at her. "If you do see some opportunities to get some juicy gossip, don't hesitate."

"I won't. This isn't my first rodeo." Insulated bag in hand, Tam walked out of the front door of 'Il Tricolore' and weaved her way through the throng outside, a throng consisting mostly of humans but with a few larger forms here and there. Each of the latter had a spherical security drone hovering next to their shoulder, ever alert to the aliens' movements among the relatively fragile base population.

Tam continued to thread a path towards the gate of the base's central complex, and as she approached the guard on duty waved her through the entrance without so much as asking her name.

That was odd. Commander Maksimov was a hard-nosed bastard, and such casual disregard for security would surely invite his wrath. But Tam put that out of her mind as she walked towards the ground-floor conference room where she'd dropped off many an order before.

The door was open, showing the uninspired and pre-fab beige paneling which constituted much of the base. Tam walked in and saw a trio of soldiers lounging about; one stood near the door, while two more lounged on chairs next to the long table in the center of the room.

She set the insulated bag down on the table and slid out the stack of pizzas. Her round, cherubic face lit up with a familiar grin at them all. "Here you go, my lovelies. It'll be forty for the lot." Her good mood evaporated when she heard the door lock click behind her.

Tam didn't waste time; her hand darted into her pocket as the two seated soldiers lunged to their feet...

A sudden and considerable pain shot through her as the soldier by the door lunged forward and grabbed her forearm back out of her pocket. He squeezed, earning a gasp from Tam as the device in her hand clattered to the floor.

One of the formerly seated soldiers swept the small black box up with one hand. "Looks like a pager, Sarge."

The one who had hold of Tam nodded while he kept her arm cranked at an painful angle. "Thought so. Gonna tell your friends, eh?"

Tam gritted her teeth and didn't reply.

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Jaime Dávalos, AKA 'Large Supreme', AKA 'HISPANOLA', cracked his eyes open as a slight gust of air woke him. He lunged one hand under his pillow for the pager underneath just as what felt like a five-hundred pound gorilla landed on top of him.

"Ah, ah, ah," said the gorilla. Jaime's attacker pulled the arm free and dislodged the pager from his hand. "Naughty. Can't have you spoiling all the fun, now can we?"

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Tobias knew Tam should have been back ten minutes ago. He figured he'd wait another ten before hitting the panic button...just in case. That would incinerate their physical notes and other materials, but he knew that Martin would prefer he take the paranoid route. He turned from the register and strolled into the restaurant's kitchen. He glanced towards the robotic arms busy kneading and forming dough, noting with satisfaction that they were working just as he wanted.

That satisfaction vanished when he heard the metallic flick of a lighter. Tobias froze, then turned to look to his side. He let out a shaky laugh when he saw Commander Maksimov leaning against one wall of the kitchen with a lit cigarette dangling from his lips. He didn't look angry or happy, just...neutral.

"Surprise inspection, Commander?" asked Tobias. "Um, I know you're the boss but health regulations don't allow you to smoke in here." He flicked his eyes towards the rear door, judging the distance to it if he needed to sprint. But any hope of escape died as the rear door of the restaurant swung open. The human quisling strolled in and crossed his arms, showing forearms corded with muscle. He wore the same neutral expression as the Commander. Beyond Oscar, Tobias could see the much larger shaggy shape of the quisling's alien girlfriend.

Tobias thought about making a run for the front door, but he knew he was no athlete. Even without the alien outside, Oscar could probably catch him within twenty feet. He glanced towards the front door anyway. Sure enough, there were three soldiers now parked there with unfriendly grins. One of them was almost as big as Oscar.

Still, Tobias was was not going to roll over that easy. "What's this all about?" he asked.

"You know damn well what," replied Oscar. "Your people are in custody. We know what you were up to and what you stole."

Tobias laughed and slapped his paunch. "Really? Me? You think I'm some kind of thief? I'm not quite built for climbing through air ducts."

Maksimov pushed himself off the wall and moved towards the door of the big walk-in freezer that took up a good amount of the kitchen's volume. "In here, you think?"

"That would be my guess," said Oscar.

The Commander flung the door open and disappeared into the frosty mist that came pouring out of the now-open freezer.

"Hey, now!" Tobias' half-hearted protest turned into a wordless yelp of complaint as a big bag of sliced pepperoni came sailing out the door, followed by an equally big bag of olives. More bagged toppings started pelting out of the freezer on random trajectories.

"Please, STOP!" yelled Tobias.

Oscar shrugged. "You want him to stop, tell him where you got the shit hid."

"What shit? I don't know what you want!"

Maksimov appeared again from the frigid interior of the freezer, bearing a large chest. He thumped it onto the floor, squashing a bag of mushrooms in the process. The Commander looked down at the chest, then up at Tobias in an unspoken question.

Tobias tried to keep his face still, he really did. But some sort of telltale flicker must have crossed his eyes, because the Commander grunted in satisfaction. Maksimov leaned down and unlatched the chest, then flipped the lid open.

Wrapped blocks of white cheese stared back at the trio of men. The Commander leaned down and started tossing the blocks out of the chest, ignoring Tobias as the latter kept making little noises of protest. Finally the chest lay empty before the Commander. He put both hands inside, measuring the depth of the chest from its top to the inside bottom. Maksimov then repeated the process on the outside; the depth he measured was clearly more than that of the inside.

This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

"He'll have an incindiary in there," said Oscar.

"Da. Will have to be careful. Unless our friend wants to shut it off for us?"

Tobias swallowed. "I...I don't know what you mean."

"Very well." The Commander then traced his hands along the bottom edges of the chest's interior, pressing downward every so often. One section of the bottom gave way to his questing fingers, making Maksimov freeze.

The Commander swiveled his head up to glare at Tobias. "If I blow my hand off, I will beat you to death with stump." He leaned back down and with greatly exaggerated care began fiddling at that same section of the chest's bottom.

Oscar softly cleared his throat. "Did you want me to give you a hand?"

"No, seems to be standard unit...ah!" Maksimov pulled out a small package the size of a ballpoint pen and tossed it to Oscar.

The quisling caught it easily and looked it over. "Yep, it's a standard charge."

The Dorarizin outside poked her head through the rear door. There was a slight creak of stressed composite material as she gripped the doorframe with her paws. "[Is it dangerous?]"

"Not now. Valentin disarmed it."

With a grunt of effort Maksimov gripped one edge of the false bottom and gave a huge yank. The taut fabric gave way easily, and he tossed the rectangle of fabric aside.

Tobias slumped in defeat. Several fake Eggs sat in the bottom of the chest, padded with scraps of cloth as well as many, many pages of notes. The Commander nodded sourly, then reached in and picked up one of the false Eggs. He regarded its black, swirled surface for a moment then looked up at Tobias.

"Anything to say?" asked Maksimov.

Tobias shook his head.

The Commander's mustache bristled in rising anger. He tossed the Egg back into the chest and beckoned to the soldiers near the front door. The trio trotted double-time into the kitchen, making it that much more crowded.

Maksimov jabbed a stubby finger at Tobias. His voice was now a low growl. "Arrest him. Keep them all separated from each other. I have to make phone call."

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The waiting room outside of the Commander's office was almost big enough to let Myyreh sit comfortably. Almost. Right now she had her head wedged awkwardly against the ceiling while Oscar sat beside her. Maksimov's adjutant, the big gorilla-looking dude from earlier, sat across from them with crossed arms and no expression.

Myyreh let forth a few little whines of distress, but it was not because of her physical discomfort. The reason was the bellowing voice of Commander Maksimov, clearly audible through the thin door.

"...I KNOW THE ALIENS ARE TAPPING THIS LINE! I DON'T GIVE A GOOD FUCKING GODDAMN! I WANT THEM TO HEAR! I WANT THEM TO HEAR EVERYTHING!"

A brief pause.

"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! DO YOU IDIOTIC SWINE HAVE ANY IDEA OF OUR SITUATION? DO YOU KNOW WHERE WE ARE? THESE MONSTERS COULD END US ALL IN A HEARTBEAT!"

That earned a louder whine from Myyreh, followed by a comforting pat on her arm from Oscar.

"I WANT TO KNOW WHO! I WANT TO KNOW EXACTLY WHICH PUS-NUTTED, LIMP-DICKED, SHIT-BRAINED, NEKULTURNY, BASTARD OFFSPRING OF A USELESS TOLKACH AUTHORIZED THIS FARCE!"

Another, briefer pause.

"THAT IS THE ABSOLUTE PUREST HORSESHIT! YOU KNOW WHO, SO YOU TELL THEM! TELL EVERYONE! TELL THEM I'M GOING TO BURN THEM DOWN!"

A crunching noise sounded from within the office, the sound of a fist driving into the face of a flat-panel display. More crunches sounded out, punctuated by the Commander's screams.

"TELL! THEM! TELL! THEM!..."

Eventually the crunching and the screaming stopped. The office door slid open and Maksimov's comm unit spun out of the entrance like a large and very ungainly shuriken. The adjutant's face didn't so much as flicker as the unit sailed past his head and landed with a thud onto the carpet beyond. The panel looked as if it had been attacked by a baseball-bat-wielding chimpanzee.

The Commander stomped out through the doorway. He ran a shaky hand through his black hair to slick it back into place; the knuckles of that hand were torn and bleeding.

When he spoke, his voice betrayed no remaining hint of anger. "The official word is that there was no authorization for this operation. Have no idea if true or not."

Oscar patted Myyreh's arm again, but he wasn't sure if it was more to calm her or to calm himself. "It might be true after all. I think I know who was behind this, and he's a bit of a cowboy. Don't worry, Valentin. My people are good, we'll track down the Egg."

Maksimov sighed. "You do that. In meantime I need to talk to governor. Figure out what to do about this whole mess. And what to do with prisoners."

"Speaking of which, do you mind if I talk to them?"

The Commander snorted. "Flay them alive for all I care." He looked at his adjutant. "Get him whatever he needs." Maksimov then pointed his chin back at his office door. "And get me a new phone."

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The base didn't have an interrogation room as such, so Oscar had to improvise. He chose a storage room which was hastily emptied of supplies, leaving a bare windowless room with appropriately harsh lighting. He had a table and chairs brought in, which was usual. What wasn't usual was that he also insisted having all four of the prisoners there at once, handcuffed to chairs and separated from each other by a good five feet.

Oscar took care not to seem smug or satisfied. He walked into the room with a businesslike stride, ignoring the glares from the four handcuffed spies as he tossed a folder onto the table in the center of the room. He sat behind that table, lacing his fingers together and looking at each of them in turn. Thora, in particular, looked like she wanted to eat his heart while he watched.

"Right, let's dispense with the pleasantries," he said. "Y'all are in big fucking trouble, and you know it. We have extensive evidence of your, shall we say, unique method of collecting intelligence. You're operating under non-official cover, and we've just heard that the UN has disavowed any authorization for your activities."

The last words hung in the room while the prisoners digested that news.

"They've hung you out to dry," continued Oscar.

Jaime glanced at his comrades and opened his mouth as if he was about to speak. He subsided upon a glare from Thora.

Oscar smiled a friendly I am only here to help everyone out, yessir smile. "Now. I know this isn't how it's supposed to go. I'm supposed to interrogate each of you on your own and keep you separated so that I can get you all worried that one of you might be cutting a deal behind the others' backs. Get y'all working against each other, that sort of thing."

He shook his head. "But we got no time for that nonsense. As we speak, Valentin is getting ready to talk to the colony governor. He's going to eat shit and hope that the governor doesn't just kick every human off of the planet. If he does manage to make a deal then part of that agreement will, without a doubt, involve handing you four over to the Jornissians for prosecution." He leaned back in his chair. "Trust me, you don't want that."

Tobias sneered, the bare top of his head gleaming in the room's fluorescent lights. "You're going to scare us with tales of how rough we'll have it in an alien prison, aren't you?"

Oscar raised both eyebrows. "Did I say that? Noooo, they'll make sure you're kept nice and safe." He leaned forward again. "You'll be kept safe for a very long time. Have you ever seen a Jornissian trial? I've only seen part of one, myself. They can drag on for years. For a case like this, with alien defendants? I'm guessing it'll take a couple of decades at least."

"Cut to the chase, bootlicker," grated Thora. "You must want something from us. Or did you set up this whole charade just so you can gloat?"

"Fair enough. We need to get the Egg back. It's not on this planet anymore, is it?"

No one said anything.

"Come on, I know Martin. He wouldn't keep something like that just sitting around. Especially once he know I was on the planet. Y'all told him I was here, right?"

He didn't miss the little flicker that crossed Tam Ji-Min's face, and he pressed onward.

"I know Martin set this up. It's got his fingerprints all over it. You help us now, any of you, and you can save not only yourself but also your comrades."

That was met with nothing but still silence.

"I tell you truly, guys and gals, this is as good as it's gonna get. No separate deals. One deal, for all of ya. I'll even sweeten it. At least one of you must have done work for Martin in the past, right?"

Oscar stared steadily at Tobias before continuing. "And in Martin's mind, once you've worked for him you work for him forever. He likes to threaten people, or at least threaten their family. That's what he did to me. If he put any undue pressure, on any of you...well, that is something that the Jornissians do not like."

"Says you," muttered Jaime.

"I'm serious," replied Oscar. "I've dealt with a lot of Jornissians in the last two years. They're very independent of mind. It's a point of pride with them. Using physical or emotional threats to get someone do to what you want? They view that kind of shit with disgust. Trust me, if any of you have a story of coercion they'll be very understanding."

Tam Ji-Min dropped her head to stare at the floor. "My son," she whispered.

"Dammit, Tam!" yelled Tobias.

Tam's mouth worked silently.

"Stay strong," said Thora. "This is all bullshit. There's no way anyone, human or alien, wants a public trial over this. It's way too embarrassing The worst they'll do is ship us back to Earth."

The smaller woman whipped up her head to glare at her comrades, her face contorted in a snarl. "You can't possibly believe that!" Her snarl subsided as she looked towards Oscar. "I have a son who's done some unwise things..."

Thora lunged to her feet, or tried to. Unfortunately her dramatic movement was brought up short by the handcuff which shackled her quite well to the chair...which in turn was bolted quite solidly to the floor. "STOP!"

Oscar stared at Thora steadily as her yell echoed through the room. She stood awkwardly bent over, glaring right back at him "Sit." he said.

After a long pause, Thora complied.

"Anyone tries to interfere again, I'll put 'em to sleep. You know I can." Oscar looked back at Tam. "Sorry, you were saying about your son?"

"He was looking at serious jail time. Martin offered to squash any prosecution."

"If you worked for him," said Oscar.

"If I worked for him."

Oscar tapped a finger on the tabletop in thought. "Did he tell you the nature of the job?"

"He did," said Jaime. The young man slumped in defeat, not meeting the furious looks he was receiving from both Tobias and Thora. "Martin warned us it there was some physical danger, given that we'd be seducing aliens."

"Mighty big of him."

"Oh stow your high-and-mighty attitude, bootlicker," said Thora with a sneer.

Oscar tilted his head. "I'm going to let you call me that, oh about one more time. After that, if you break out that word again I'm gonna break your nose." He pushed himself up to standing. "But we're getting off topic. Where's the Egg? You must have shipped it off of the planet by now."

No one said anything. Tobias glanced right and left at his underlings, then sighed. "What kind of a deal are you proposing?"

Thora shook her head. "No, sir. We can't give in..."

"We're screwed," interrupted Tobias. "Even if they do just exile us back to Earth. There's no way Martin will let us go. If we're lucky he'll just lock us up. More likely he'll be more...final about it."

"We can put a stop to that," said Oscar. "We'll let Martin know that the Senate is watching his ass very closely. That way he won't try any funny business with y'all. As far as a deal, if you tell us everything you can about where the Egg might be, the Captain will also talk to the governor."

Thora snorted. "That's all you're offering? Just talk to him?"

"Right now she's the only thing keeping the entire Senate from climbing up his scaly butt. I'm sure he'll leap at any bone that she can throw him."

"My people need to be protected," said Tobias with finality. "That's non-negotiable."

Oscar raised an eyebrow. "What about you?"

"I don't care about that, so long as my people are safe. I figure you're going to need somebody to blame for this. It might as well be me."

The investigator had to admit he was impressed with the guy's bravery. "All right. The captain and I will go pitch a deal to the governor. We'll do what we can."

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Rrre'nansh twirled his own long, scaly body around itself in a complicated Moebius-loop of stress. It gave Oscar a headache just to look at, so he stood at parade rest next to the Captain and stared at a point on the wall.

On the other side of Rgrarshok, Valentin finished up his summary. "...so they are on ice, as we say. Wanted to see what you wanted to do before taking next steps."

The governor stopped his endless reeling. His hood slumped in clear distress. "[I thank you for being so proactive about stopping this. At least we've prevented any further thefts.]"

"I'm also performing a recheck of all base personnel," added Valentin. "If any of them have ties to the four under arrest, I will ensure they are confined to quarters until we can clear them." He clasped his hands behind his back. "I also wanted to extend personal apology for this fiasco. Did not know about it, but it happened on my watch. Take full responsibility. You would be well within your rights to tell us all to leave."

Rrre'nansh looked a little more settled, now that the news was sinking into his mind. "[Let's not jump to such drastic measures yet. Do you believe that this is truly an unauthorized operation?]"

Valentin shrugged. "If it was unauthorized, the UN will find the bastard responsible and offer him to the Senate for punishment. If it was approved, they'll instead offer up a scapegoat."

Oscar figured he'd speak up. "I know the human who was behind it. It's more than likely he did this on his own."

The governor fixed his intense viper gaze on Oscar. "[In that case, maybe we can...negotiate for the return of the Egg? Even if it's back on [Earth], there's no way they could have reverse-engineered it already.]"

"I don't think it's reached Earth yet," replied Oscar. "My guess is they'll have put it in a bulk cargo shipment, in a nondescript package. But that's just a guess. We'll need more info from Tobias and the others."

Rgrarshok performed her species' version of clearing their throat, a sound which resembled a chainsaw ripping through a ripe melon. "[Getting that information will be easier if we can promise certain concessions to the prisoners. I would recommend making that sort of deal rather than trying to negotiate with their superior.]"

Rrre'nansh wrung his hands together. "[But surely there's something we can offer him! I'm willing to pay whatever he wants, if it means we get the Egg back quietly. We can offer resources, credits...]"

"Sir, with respect that's not what Martin's after," said Oscar. "He wants the tech on that Egg, and he doesn't care what kind of a shitstorm he kicks up in the process."

The governor sighed. "[All right.]" He looked up at Rgrarshok. "[Whatever you recommend, I'll do it. I want this all over with as soon as possible.]"