“…” My head hurts.
So does my everything else.
‘What happened…?’
I… I don’t want to open my eyes…
===
“FUAGH!” I jolt awake, coughing and spluttering-
“Circle bless us. You made it!” Someone hugs me, it’s hard to tell who-
‘Nighttime? Wha-’
“Mpfh-” Someone else shoves a water bottle into my mouth and I inhale a bit before drinking-
“PFAGH-PFT-” then slap it away. “Fuckoff-”
KADFKAFFKOUGH- I feel my vision go a bit hazy as whowever it is helps me into a chair, before I get over it, take a breath, push away the water and suppress another cough thankyouverymuch-
“Haaagh… Ugh. S-sitrep…” Someone pats me on the back.
“Later. We gotta get you to the rad stations.” I recognize that voice now.
“…A-andaro?” A hand pulls my chin up, securing a mask around my face, checking the seals. Another arm helps me to my feet.
“C’mon Nyloki. Up you get.”
We walk like this for a while. I recognize the long wide corridors, and looking up I can see the remains of the second floor…
“H-how close did it hit…?”
“Don’t talk. Just walk.”
===
The decon shower is just embarrassing. All of us need a firm rinsedown and bloodwork before we get rotated out; spare equipment is issued if gear reads too irradiated. nIn my case I manage to somehow almost fall over in the showers, which is... fun. After that, a round of precautionary radiation drugs, and then they check our dosebooks.
It's apparently not good to take around 64-100 mSv in a single shot, just based off how close the atomics hit alone.That and all the radiation we've been soaking up because fuck the infantry and the shit they rode in on, means we're getting really close to the limits. We’re given another round of drugs and then rotated to a rear-bound element for some reason. I see why when I get back to our vehicle.
The IFV is missing four soldiers, half of the squad. I don’t ask.
As we stop for the night, Andaro fills me in, quietly.
“Garcia was hit in the side. Shrapnel came through his armpit, got his lung. Couldn’t save him even if we tried.”
He takes out the cigarette pack and considers it for a second. It goes back in his webbing.
“Raka took a burst from one of the machine guns before you shot them. Her armor stopped two, third one broke through and the fourth hit her in the spine about midway.”
I blink as my brain finally processes his words. “Me?”
“Your uh, little flanking maneuver. Caused enough of a ruckus to let us slide through like a knife.” He hugs me gently with one arm-
“Aha howow, hands off the damaged goods-” He blinks and turns me around.
Staring me in the eyes, he asks for me to “Strip out of your kit, I need to see your body.”
“…wh-” Flick.
‘NOW WAIT A SECOND WHAT-’ I don't even manage to babble, I'm just completely flat footed, is he seriously thinking of trying to-
“I’m not kidding here, if you’ve got a busted rib or something, I need to know.” The humor’s gone, it’s… Actually genuine.
“I-I don’t think so?” Fumbling, I somewhat painfully disrobe until I'm just in my BDU, and spread my arms out.
He vaguely pokes me in the side… Nothing.
Stolen story; please report.
“Hmm.”
I do my best to keep my face steady as he feels up my torso until he gets to my shoulder-
“GAH FUCK!” I guess my brain was ignoring the pain until now because suddenly it’s like my shoulder is on fire and STABBED. I don't remember hugging him but I guess I did at some point because distantly I realize that he's holding onto me while I shiver and hold back screams.
“Easy, easy! Breathe! Look at me! You’re going to be okay!” A dozen other words flow in one ear and out the other. More helpful is just listening to him... After a few years or so sitting there, I finally manage to sit up again.
Andaro sighs. "Well, you’re getting a fast track to medical at least.
“What?”
“Probably muscle damage. Maybe a bruised bone. Either way you’re not fighting like this.” He gingerly pats me on the back.
I force my ears to stand up straight and not twitch.
===
“Hmm. A good thing he caught that too. If it’d gone unnoticed, it’d probably have gotten worse.” The nurse pats me on the head.
“… anything else?” I look over.
"Yes. Your thigh - did the building collapse on it too? As well, your arm-we cleaned it for you too "
“…great.”
“Some other minor bruises and scrapes. You should be good to go within a few weeks.” She pats me on the head, and moves into the next patient.
With that, I’m alone with my thoughts, I guess.
‘…yeah, you really ARE lucky.’
I’ve survived what… Four, five nukings now?
I guess if you only count the nearby ones it’s two.
My ears flick again and now I reach up to stop them. ‘I’m starting to hate whatever level of cat instincts slipped into our genepool, good grief!’
Though my new squad is… Going back out there.
“…those who laugh in the second way, I ask for your aid and guidance…” It’s not the best prayer, I stumble through half, it’s been some time since I’ve ever gone to a House of the Five…
Time passes. Maybe an hour? Some more people pass through here, laid onto the cots and tended to. Every so often there’s a burst of activity outside, probably some major patient. Sometimes, a more subdued procession as someone's wheeled out under a sheet. Other times, a half dozen staff rush by with a cart to some emergency or another.
More time passes, before a man comes in holding an envelope. He glances around briefly before settling onto me. “Mr… Nyloki?”
“Y-yessir?” I sit up properly, as he comes over and holds the tan envelope out.
“I was told to give this to you.”
“Thanks… H-have a nice day…!” He nods, and leaves.
I reach for my knife-
‘Oh right, it was in my kit. Damnit.’
I just tap it on a table and rip one end off instead. Inside, is a letter from Andaro… ‘Who the fuck writes casual letters in cursive?’
It’s standard field paper, with the signature blue ink of the accompanying field pen and vaguely punchable face emanating from every word.
“Hey, Myali. Or do you like Nyloki better? I realized I didn’t manage to finish bringing you up to speed. Since we’re definitely going to see each other again, (your ass ain’t getting away that easy) here’s the rest.”
It covers who the other two casualties were. Josia Koldyma, took three bullets to the chestplate and two to the arms. She was rushed out, doctors expect her to live, but if she’ll serve again is still somewhat up in the air.
Relu Calisi, though… Apparently, a grenade took his leg and an eye. He’s probably going to pull through, but he’s getting a medal and discharge.
I read through the rest. He and the others are sending their best wishes apparently. It’s… Kind of awkward.
‘…I guess I send a letter back…’
I don’t wanna bother the nurses over this, but the environment I’m in is distinctly pencil and paper free. There’s a nightstand, a lamp, and this bed in this room, that’s it. Wait there’s a radio!
I roll over and fumble with the knobs-
‘I wonder if they’re still running those audiodramas? Hopefully!’ I roll through stations, settling briefly on news…
“…mighty Federated forces continue to sweep away all those pesky Commonwealth invaders. In particular, our very own National Army has been cleaning up those Emayans and Renkaps faster than you could blink!”
Feeling vaguely stupid for thinking it’d be anything but propaganda, I reach for the dial again.
“Of course, it hasn’t been without sacrifice. For example, the Reserve’s Eighth Battalion, and their noble bloodshed in-” Almost without a thought, I draw back to smash the damn thing and then take a moment. The hospital won't be happy if I break their shit. With a touch, the radio clicks off.
“That’s enough of that bullshit.” With a grunt, I finally swing myself out of bed and resolve to go find some paper.
===
‘Well this is just great. Congrats, Myali, you’re an idiot.’ I genuinely can’t think of anything to write back that doesn’t feel like it’d kill any goodwill they have for me.
With a muttered curse, I set it aside for the moment.
“…” The room’s quiet now. The flow of patients has stopped for the second and since there’s nothing useful from the radio… Just me and my head. Reflecting.
‘…You killed someone today.’
I try and steer my thoughts somewhere else promptly. Probably not good to dwell on the image of-
“No, stop, I-I’m going to think about something else.” Like, uh, my new… Friends…
For a second, I’m back in the IFV, surrounded by the bodies of dead soldiers. Helmets split in two. Armor smashed open. The smell of fire and gore, mixed partially, burned and twisted as if someone had overdone some food or somesuch. Blood, so much blood, everywhere. ‘…no, not dead soldiers. Dead friends. Brothers. Sisters. A family of two years. Gone.’
Some part of me wants to know how they died. It hopes it was quick. But one of those faces… I know, the end wasn’t easy. Not for all of them. And then I’m back in the hospital. A dish is set down on the nightstand, with some fresh soup, noodles, and…
“…an apple?”
I glance up at the nurse. He shrugs. “They got cheap recently.”
“…pfft. Hah!” I give a short, harsh bark of laughter… And degenerate into a laughing fit.
‘Why is this funny?!’ Eventually it subsides, the nurse patting me on the back…
“I-I’m sorry. Don’t know what came over me there.”
“It’s alright. Maybe just stress and fatigue. Rest up, okay?” He gives me a smile.
“…thank you.”
He nods, and walks out, the door shutting with a soft click. I get up, and pick up the apple…
It’s freshly washed.
In it’s skin is me, staring back. I’m… Not sure if I like what I see.