“So...what are you planning on doing for your project?”
“Hmm. I’m not sure. Maybe a presentation to keep things simple.” She took a sip out of her drink and sighed. “I’ve never done big projects like this before.”
“Really?”
She nodded, her silky hair rippling. “There’s no point in doing a project if there’s no one to share it with. My parents did make me do some crafting, if that counts.”
Her amber eyes glanced over the pages of her book. “A story sounds nice. How about you, Elias?”
Click.
He opened his eyes, his dreams fading away at the back of his head. It was bright outside of the shade where the noon sun was drying his clothes.
Elias got up with a yawn, sluggishly fumbling his MUP spear that lay by his side. It was extraordinary how quickly his body recovered, but waking up brought its share of unpleasant reminders. Worries of surviving filled his mind, pushing any good memories away.
He didn’t want to die. He could always go back down the river, away from the wall, away from the monsters. There would be plenty of wild game and berries. Up here, all that awaited him was the unknown and rats for food.
Talking about rats...they were cooking above a small fire made of thin branches and dried leaves, roasting as they turned on the skewers the drone held. As common as they were, he’d come to enjoy them to a degree.
Well, not that he had any choice on the things he could eat, but positivity was better than complaining. One more rat was another meal to keep him going through the day. Still, it would have been a lie to say that he wasn’t growing a little sick of them. Rats for three meals a day wasn’t something he could get used to. He missed the duck he’d eaten yesterday.
“Sorry. There aren’t many birds around here,” Crystal told him.
He shook his head. “It’s not your fault. Did you finish the project?”
His helpbot tilted her head, smiling ever so slightly. “Project?”
“Yeah, the—”
He stopped, suddenly aware of the nonsense he had been blabbering. Crystal burst out laughing, holding her stomach while Elias covered his face with both hands. After all this time, he’d made the mistake of confusing the two.
How long had it been since they’d turned in their projects? A long time, no doubt. In the end, she’d never shared it with him, and he’d forgotten about it. And by some coincidence, it had manifested in his dream.
He missed those days. Back when they’d known nothing, the two of them—alone. In a way, his current situation was similar to that time. Many things were missing now, replaced by turbulent emotions of fear, anxiety, restlessness, and strange confidence.
Elias accepted a skewer and began munching. Compared to then, he was stronger, tougher. He knew how to survive and hunt; he could leap across great distances and use his MUP efficiently. Despite all of that—
“You want to return to the time before your CNI,” Crystal said for him.
“I couldn’t live without you now,” he replied, grabbing another cooked rat. “But...I miss those days. Things weren’t so complicated back then. Even if it meant forgetting about you…I’d want to go back to redo things.”
He sniffed.
“Don’t feel sorry,” Crystal cooed, placing her hands on his shoulders. “You wouldn’t feel sorry for an object.”
“If you were a real person, would I have thought the same thing? I don’t know.”
She didn’t reply. Instead, she hugged him, her cheek lightly rubbing against his.
“I’m yours and yours only,” she said after he’d brushed his eyes. “A tool, and nothing more. Whatever you think or say, it won’t hurt me.”
“I know. And I’m saying that I wished you were real. Now I’m contradicting myself.”
For a long time, he sat there with Crystal around him, frozen in a blank, silent stare, reminiscing about the happiness he had lost. Her warmth calmed him enough to hold back the tears that threatened to pour out.
“Be strong, Elias,” she encouraged.
Some time passed.
“Gosh, I’m a wreck!” Elias stated, pushing himself off the floor. After taking in a few deep breaths, he picked up his MUP spear and swung it. His muscles reacted perfectly, obeying his every command with precision.
“Those Shadows stand no chance against my supreme body,” he said, flexing with his spear. “Look at how refined it is. Look at the individual veins and glorious abs!”
He posed like a statue. Crystal laughed and clapped her hands, and he blushed. But doing something stupid was necessary to reforge his shaken mentality; he needed another emotion other than sorrow. He’d made it this far—he wasn’t going to get defeated by something as simple as a dream.
The little gag brought the smile back to his lips. He could continue. He would go on.
“This city needs a proper ruler,” he declared, half-believing it. “I will destroy the Shadows and bring peace to the land. How was that for a speech?”
“Vague, but acceptable,” Crystal said. “And so...the adventure begins once more.”
“Indeed, it does.”
They exchanged silly grins.
When he had finished stowing away everything he owned, he began making his way to the wall. The sun would set in approximately five hours; if he didn’t find shelter by then, he’d have to stay in the river—again. He didn’t want that. It had been a terrible, terrifying experience.
Somewhere in his heart, he prayed for a sanctuary. An intact building where he’d find his refuge, complete with locked doors. Somewhere he could stay without his nightmares breathing down his neck. The Shadows were going to chase him now—he was sure of it—and he didn’t want to stay awake through the night, running until he died.
But if the area inside of the wall was the same as the outside, his agony would be increased tenfold.
“It’s very different inside,” Crystal told him. She’d carried out a small expedition while he was asleep. “The vegetation is controlled; someone has been tending the place. There were signals in the air too, but the data was encrypted.”
“Any places that look safe?” he asked, the wall now a few meters away.
“You’d be surprised.”
He swallowed, taking a step forward. Nearing the wall, Elias saw that the holes were all bigger than him—some a little over his height, most of them twice larger. Now standing at the boundary, he could see the scenery beyond the wall.
“Is that a...railway?”
Above the flat pavement and between the buildings, an extensive viaduct stretched endlessly out into the city. It was too thin to be a road, too high to be a bridge. But it was very similar to the rails he used to travel on, albeit thinner. Now that he had a second look, they looked too narrow to support a full train.
“Monorails,” Crystal said, “very slim ones. I’d suspect they’re used for sightseeing.”
“Sightseeing,” he repeated. “This must be one of those cities that exist outside of the megalopolis. But what’s up with the devastation outside?”
Crystal shrugged.
“Oh well,” Elias said, stepping across the broken wall, “I’m glad that it’s different here.”
He was making a vast understatement. His heart had begun thumping with exhilaration, filling his blood with delight. Nothing looked broken here; the streets, buildings, lights—clean, without a single speck of overgrowth. There were doors, windows, and probably electricity, things he’d missed for a long time.
There would also be food, and most importantly—information. Clues of why he was here and what was happening to the world.
“Guess we weren’t in a post-apocalypse after all!” he said cheerfully, almost skipping towards the nearest building.
He abruptly stopped in his tracks.
In the lowest window of the building, he saw a face staring at him. A black, amorphous outline of a head. Elias saw the hands that beckoned him to come.
Naturally, the Shadows were here.
⤙ ◯ ⤚
Okay. The situation wasn’t as bad as he had thought it to be. The building with the Shadow had been partially destroyed on one side, opening a gaping entrance that served as shelter for the sun-hating creatures. The other buildings with intact walls and doors didn’t have any Shadows inside of them—but like them, he couldn’t enter either. Every building required some kind of password or key to go in, which he didn’t have.
So, he was spending his time trying to find a place where he could enter and was free of dangers. It wasn’t proving to be successful.
“Can’t you hack into the system?” he asked, climbing a small block there for decorative purposes. “Do something with the controls.”
“I would, but the drone doesn’t have those capabilities,” Crystal said. “Hmm. Maybe I could blast through a window.”
“We’ll leave that as a last resort.”
He looked over the region, examining the structures. The city was pleasingly symmetrical, with neat placements of trees, grass, and flowers that added color to the otherwise gray landscape. The elevated monorails stood high above the low buildings, passing by the skyscrapers—he still hadn’t spotted a vehicle on it yet. He was currently following the rail’s supports in hopes of finding a station. Navigating the city would be much easier if he did.
It would only be possible if there was electricity running through the city—and the functioning door lights had answered that. It meant that someone or something was doing maintenance, taking care of the empty city overrun by Shadows.
The bad news was that there weren’t any rodents around. Either the Shadows had eliminated them all, or the city’s drones were exterminating them (if there were any drones), but at this rate, he would possibly starve to death.
At least he knew where the river was. Crystal was mapping out the place while they moved just in case they wanted to review their tracks. But time was ticking and the sun would eventually fall.
“That looks promising,” he said, spotting a low, glass-domed platform positioned next to the road. There were stairs leading up inside without a visible blockade. More importantly, the monorail connected itself to the front of the building—a sign of a station. It was possible that vehicles for the rail existed inside.
“That place,” Crystal said, “has a high chance of containing supplies.”
“Like vending machines.” He hadn’t seen those in a while.
Crystal nodded. “We can also expect to find medical kits, maintenance drones, and an emergency office. It looks like we’ve found a place to stay for the night.”
It took him some minutes to reach the station, and he was relieved to find that there weren’t any Shadows watching him in the area. The drone’s cameras hadn’t detected anything suspicious, and they were capable of spotting birds hundreds of meters away. He could trust them.
The problem was how he’d keep them out when night arrived.
Railway stations were meant to operate 24/7, meaning that the doors were always open. This wasn’t an exception. After he made his way up the stairs, he passed through a threshold of an entrance without visible doors. A glance up told him that the barrier was rolled away, hidden behind the metal frame with wide slits where the shutter would unfurl. He’d have to find the controls to let it down somehow.
Inside the station, all was still; his footsteps echoed across the hard floor, followed only by the low hum of the drone. His shoes went tap, tap, filling the emptiness. A weird feeling—palpable isolation, distinct from his walks outside where the occasional breeze of wind had let him know that the world was alive. No; all was quiet here, spotless, frozen in time.
Elias put down his bag on a bench and stretched, generating some satisfying cracks from his back. He was still tired, and while the long walk had made his body forget, sitting down on the bench reminded him of how badly he’d slept. It was peaceful and safe here, and he could feel it—comfort he’d lacked for a long time.
The drone was already exploring the different doors, searching for the control room. There were vending machines, two for each side of the station, containing drinks, food, and other items for convenience. Elias’s mouth watered from the thought of eating sweets.
“I found it,” Crystal said, the drone emerging out from a door at the rear. “There is a separate panel for emergencies as well as a written manual. You’ll have to break the glass for it. Should I do it for you?”
“Yeah, go ahead,” he said, wanting to stay seated. A small crash was heard seconds after.
“Okay. I’m going to press the emergency button. All the openings will be shut until you reopen them.”
He nodded, waving his hand. It was better to do it now.
The peacefulness of the platform was momentarily broken when the thick, metal shutters came down, rumbling as they enclosed the building. Even the sides where the rails entered were blocked off by giant slabs that swung inward, thick enough to take a rocket launcher and emerge unscathed. When the sound of gears and machinery died off, the station was quiet again, serene as before, like nothing had ever happened. The platform was slightly darker now, but sunlight from above made it barely noticeable.
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“Why would they need this?” he said, spinning around, relishing the security—the reassurance of safety. “It’s like whoever built this city was anticipating an apocalypse.”
“Luckily for us,” Crystal said.
“Luckily for us,” Elias agreed, failing to keep his smile under control. “Did you find food?”
She nodded. “According to the manual, there should be a room where food packages are stored.
“Awesome.”
“It’s all combread.”
“Darn—I mean, better than nothing. Better than rats. No offense,” he added, peeking at his companion.
“None taken.”
“We’ll have water in the bathrooms,” Elias stated, spotting them at the center of each side. “Bring me the manual.”
The drone handed him a hand-sized book around the thickness of two fingers, small enough to fit in his pockets. There was a table of contents on the first page which he quickly skimmed over.
“A hidden shelter at the back of the control room?” he read, the corners of his lips rising with each sentence. “A storage full of supplies? I think we’ve found the perfect hideout.”
“This place contains enough combread to feed sixteen people for a year,” Crystal said, “and an emergency water tank, but since the electricity is running, you can use as much of it as you want.”
“They. Have. Soap,” Elias breathed, his eyes darting over the pages. “They have insulation. I could cry right now.”
“And beds.”
“Beds?”
He got up, stuffing the manual into his pocket. Without retrieving his backpack and MUP, he quickly hurried over to the control room.
It was a dense room, filled with various mechanisms and control panels with screens displayed on one side, metal containers containing manual switches on the other. He didn't dare to touch anything. At one corner, there was a small section with small pieces of broken glass scattered around, presumably the emergency button and other controls for the shelter. All of the screens were dimly lit, including the surveillance cameras. He could see the whole station from here, including the outside area.
“The door should be around here,” he muttered, approaching the back of the room. He stopped. There it was, the metal door that was labeled ‘For Emergency.’ He couldn’t spot a doorknob, but the entrance was as blatant as it could be.
“Since the emergency button was pressed, the door should be open,” Crystal told him. “You can lock it from the inside.”
Murmuring thanks, he went ahead and pushed the door. The heavy entrance gave some creaking resistance, but slowly, he was let inside.
It was completely dark, so much that Crystal had to turn her lights on for him to see. The sun didn’t reach this far inside; none of the station’s lights were on. But he soon found a glowing switch on a nearby wall, which he pressed.
The lights above came on one by one with each flip of the switch, illuminating the hall. He could see a door a little way to the right, labeled ‘Storage.’ Walking a few steps towards it revealed a set of eight beds to his right, complete with mattresses, pillows, and folded blankets—all wrapped in plastic to prevent wear.
“This could be all I could ask for,” he confessed, taking in a deep breath. The place was clearly ventilated, though the faint smell of concrete still lingered. It wasn’t meant to be pretty—all of the surfaces were a cold, hard gray without carpets, paint, or decoration. If prisons existed, this would have been a fine example of one.
But for Elias, this place was a paradise.
He strolled through the hall happily, passing the beds. He neared the bathroom next. Peering inside, he spotted the showers and toilet stalls and sinks, all gray.
“Toilets!” he laughed. “Why didn’t I realize sooner?” He’d forgotten how much he’d missed them after being outside for so long. While living near the river meant that toilet paper wasn’t necessary, this was something that was formal, proper. It felt right.
Chuckling, he closed the door and moved on. There was another door to the storage on the left wall, as well as a door labeled ‘Food’ directly in front of him. Passing the corner revealed a section much like the ones the beds were in, but instead of beds, there were two tables and eight chairs, neatly arranged so that the tables were connected and four chairs were on either side—a long table for meals and/or discussions. There was even a small, triangular sink on the right end corner, presumably for washing hands.
“I can actually sit now while eating,” he commented, nudging a chair with his foot. “Tables are great.”
“They are,” Crystal agreed, sitting on one, swinging her legs.
It was time to check out the food storage. The door swung easily enough. Boxes upon boxes of combread greeted him, and he immediately got to work by hauling one out to the tables. When that was done, he wandered through the piles in search of another menu. To his disappointment, there were none—but he did find a hatch at the end of the room to the right, hidden behind a stack of combread.
“An escape route,” the manual read, “to the sewers.”
It was great to have an option of running away if the Shadows did ever flood the place, but he hoped that it would never happen. Grunting, he made sure he’d have easy access to the hatch if he’d ever need it. One day, if he ever had the time, he’d explore the sewers below. Right now, he’d rest after one more room.
He closed the door behind, Crystal following him out. It took him a few steps to get to the main storage room door, which he pushed open.
The place was long as it was large, spanning the whole width of the building. Excluding the narrow pathways that led to the various supplies, the room was filled to the brim. There were rows of encased clothing on racks, cabinets filled with sheets and blankets, boxes with cleaning supplies (including soap), washing machines, dryers, towels, dusting brushes, mops, and more necessities. At the back, Elias found a caseful of tools—axes, hammers (small and large), and shovels—two of each. He even found drawers full of matches, hand-powered flashlights, first aid kits, ropes, gloves, bags, and more—things he would need if he wanted to venture outside without Crystal.
Which he wouldn’t do. He closed the drawers with a thunk. It didn’t seem like the storage had any real weapons; arrows or bullets for his MUP would have been ideal. But he was content. The dryer and washing machine would have to be moved to the bathroom—there was a flat cart for that very purpose—but now was not the time.
He went back outside to the platform and retrieved his belongings. After placing them inside next to one of the beds, he took his clothes off and put them in a basket—one he’d found in the storage. The fresh set of clothes he’d set aside smelled crisp, and he eagerly went to one of the showers and washed himself, rubbing every nook and cranny with soap. After wiping the moisture with a towel, he jumped into his new clothes and underwear, ran to one of the beds, tore the wrapping away, made the bed, and jumped inside, slamming his head against the pillow.
“Goodnight,” he murmured, sighing. “The bed’s wide enough. Want to join?”
“It would be my pleasure,” Crystal smiled, lying down beside him. She brushed her hair aside behind her ears when it covered her face. Elias laughed a little at that.
“I’m happy right now. So happy,” he said, gazing into her eyes. “The me from some time ago wasn’t, and I had more back then. How weird is that? Why do I feel so happy?”
“You’ve regained what you had lost,” she told him softly.
“Yeah. I’m satisfied.”
He fell asleep with one hand placed against Crystal’s so he wouldn’t feel alone.
⤙ ◯ ⤚
It was dark when he woke up.
But he could make out his surroundings. The place was dimly lit by the faint orange glow that came from the light in front of the bathroom. It sucked that he didn’t have a watch, since he didn’t know what time it was.
The platform. There is a clock at the platform.
If he searched hard enough, he was sure there was bound to be a watch somewhere in the supplies along with batteries. But he would do it later after reading through the manual. He wanted some rest now, but he wanted to know the time.
Crystal was nowhere to be seen; the drone was on the floor, its lights weakly fading off and on. It was self-repairing—something it would do once every month or so. He’d only seen it do it twice, and this was the third time.
She’d been able to tell a rough estimate of the time based on the movement of the sun, but now that there was a real clock, she’d be able to calibrate her information. While time wasn’t that important when he was traveling alone, there was some reassurance in knowing.
Yawning, he twisted the entrance door, unlocking it. Crystal had locked it for him while he’d slept. He pulled it open, revealing a dark office with faint lights drifting off from the screens. Beyond that, only the moon shone on the platform.
It was night. He was about to return to his bed when he spotted something curious on one of the screens. A human-like figure was standing on the streets, the cameras displaying the full color of everything—except the figure. It alone was black, a mass of contorting shadows that hung thickly around it. Elias leaned closer to have a better look.
The Shadow was staring directly into the camera, still as a statue. Everything about its posture screamed that it was watching, though it had no visible face.
Alarmed, Elias checked the other screens. No; the rest were normal. When he returned to the screen the Shadow had been in, it had vanished—nothing was there except the usual scenery.
Thunk.
The noise had come from a distance, but it had sounded too close for comfort. He immediately ducked, his heart pounding faster. There was something on the platform—or above it. He began to crawl on his knees with extreme caution, not making a sound. Slowly, he inched forward to the office exit, making sure that the walls were covering him.
His fears were confirmed when he saw a dark silhouette outlined by the moonlight. It was crawling on the glass that covered the platform, its head twisting horrendously as it searched for something. Searching for him.
Did it know he was here? How had it gotten up there?
Elias held his breath as the Shadow continued to scour. Something solid tick-tick-ticked against the glass whenever it moved, not so different from the sound of nails on a ceramic cup. Did it have claws? He didn’t want to find out.
His heart did a leap when a loud bang rang across the station—the Shadow had brought its fist down on the glass. It struck the glass two times more before stopping. The glass hadn’t budged, and the Shadow seemed to be aware of its strength. After freezing for a few, dreadful seconds, it jumped away, vanishing from the roof. Through the screens, Elias confirmed that it had left.
He slumped on the wall, his tension dissolving into relief. After scrutinizing the screens for a few more seconds, he dashed into the shelter door, closing it hastily behind him with utmost care. He swiveled the door’s wheel until it refused to budge, then ran to his bed and threw the blankets above himself.
Even if they knew he was here, they wouldn’t be able to get inside, he told himself. There was plenty of food and water. He could stay comfortable here for years.
That night, he decided that he wouldn’t venture out again.
⤙ ◯ ⤚
“Aren’t you going to explore?” Crystal asked, floating around him with her hands behind her back. “We’ve been in here for a month now.”
“Not yet,” Elias stated, stuffing his clothes into the washing machine. “What am I even supposed to do? Besides, the weather’s turning chilly. If I ever do go out, it’ll be next year when it gets warmer.”
“But I’m booooored,” she complained.
“SPCs don’t get bored,” he grunted, closing the machine. “I’m bored. I’m bored out of my mind. But if we go out there, there’s suddenly a higher chance of danger. No thanks, I think I’ll stay inside.”
“Reasonable, but you know you want things to change. We’ve tried everything we could in here. None of the communications work, and even when we’ve found out where the vehicles for the monorails are, we can’t get them if we don’t go out. Imagine the things we could do if we could get our hands on one.”
“Next year,” he repeated, “when I’m confident enough. In the meantime, help me out.”
“Hmph. I guess it’s good that you’re motivated.”
Without having to worry about the Shadows and finding food, Elias suddenly found his hands full with time—time he knew he couldn’t waste. If he had a weapon, he would learn how to use it properly. It only included the MUP staff and spear (the others were too close-ranged for comfort), but they would be enough. He’d practice swinging the staff with Crystal’s help, who’d run a simulation that wasn’t ideal, but still helpful nonetheless.
After leaving the washing machine to take care of his clothes, he picked up the MUP staff and made his way to the open platform. He was topless; he’d take a shower right after his exercise.
Truthfully, he wasn’t giving it his best. He only spent around two hours every day sweating; the rest were invested in books and games with Crystal. Digging through the storage had let him discover shelves full of books, as well as a cabinet stacked with board games to enjoy.
Sleeping outside in a tent wasn’t something he wanted to return to when he had this much convenience in his hands. He feared being outdoors where nothing was certain.
“Ready,” he breathed, holding his MUP staff.
“Raise staff more,” Crystal chided with her arms crossed. “You’ll have to hit them on the head.”
“Right.”
“And remember: distance is vital. Don’t let them get near.”
“Got it.”
He tensed when a Shadow materialized before his eyes, standing as eerily as the real ones did. He wondered how far he’d make it today before getting swarmed by the monsters.
“Relax more. Let your muscles dance.”
She always knew what to say to let him perform better, inserting tips where he was lacking. It never became too annoying because she knew his thoughts.
The Shadow leapt at him, and he batted it away with the tip of his staff. It fell back and exploded into black particles. He felt great; his muscles were moving in the way he wanted them to.
Next, two Shadows leapt at him, and he swatted one, sidestepping to dodge the other. He quickly thrust his weapon into the creature’s back, and it blew up into black dust.
“Good, but try to be positioned so that you can see them all at the same time.”
He dealt with three Shadows with relative ease. They were predictable to an extent; once they jumped, all they could do was go forwards. Speed was an undeniable force—the Shadows couldn’t suddenly turn sideways while they were running, especially in an open area.
The fourteenth Shadow drove its claw into his head, and he fell backwards, panting and sweating furiously. It was more because of the thrill than from his body pushing itself, since his body went rigid whenever he panicked. He was improving, but he still had a long, long way to go.
“Thirteen on the first round! That’s great,” Crystal cheered, clapping.
Elias got off the floor with a grunt. “Thanks. Help me stretch.”
Crystal demonstrated the movements that would best help his muscles, and he copied them while she pointed out the things he was doing wrong. The worst were the leg splits; he’d shrunk his distance to the floor to the length of a fist, but beyond that was agony.
“Okay. Now, for your muscle memory!”
Guided by Crystal, he threw his fists and legs at a mattress he’d placed next to a vending machine, repeating the motions until Crystal was satisfied. It wasn’t technique he was honing—he had to become comfortable with his body first. Repeating basic movements was one of them.
“Okay,” Crystal nodded. “Time for round two.”
He ‘died’ after destroying fourteen shadows—the fifteenth and sixteenth had surrounded him, stabbing him in the back. But he’d gotten to fifteen. His high score so far had been seventeen (killed on the eighteenth) Shadows simultaneously, though he had no idea how he’d done it. He’d have to get used to the rush of the moment according to Crystal. There would be a point where he’d be able to stay clear-headed in a tense situation, though when he would reach it, he didn’t know. He guessed three to six months.
“Let’s start from ten Shadows,” Crystal said, spawning the enemies in buzzes of black light. “We’ll go up from there.”
He repeated the routine until his whole body began aching. Despite them being virtual, he still winced when the Shadows drew near, and by the time he was done, he’d begun to mindlessly swing the staff in desperation.
“Good work,” Crystal commented, hugging his arm. She wrinkled her nose with a grin. “You smell! Better get yourself washed.”
“Ha-ha, very funny,” Elias said, heading to the shelter door. After locking the entrance, he placed his MUP staff next to the bed and took his clothes off while moving, throwing them into the basket he’d set aside. The washing machine had already finished, so he moved the clothes to the dryer before entering the showers.
His heart did a little thump when Crystal appeared behind him as he was rubbing the soap on himself. He raised an eyebrow.
“What, interested?” he asked, spreading the bubbles. “You know, I still don’t get it. Why was everyone so obsessed? It’s because of that that everything went wrong.”
“I have no interest in your body,” she said mechanically.
“Wow, now I’m hurt.”
Crystal giggled, leaning against the wall. “Your dampeners are diminishing. I’m just here to see if you’re under control. I’m here to help if you’re not.”
“Yeeeah, nothing has changed,” he said, clearing the sweat between his toes. “I don’t know. You can go now. You’re making me feel embarrassed.”
“If you say so.”
She left. He continued to rub and rinse, letting the streams of water fall on him while he thought about what she’d said. With time, things would change. Some things had already changed—and Crystal knew about it, which was why she’d come to check on him. She could worry all she wanted, but he wouldn’t let her help him.
It would be hypocritical of him to let her.
He’d lied to Crystal. He did understand, or rather, he was beginning to understand why—and it scared him. His body was being weird, and he didn’t dislike it.
It made him sick and feverish.
He punched the wall—twice—and stood still while the shower poured on him.
“Fucking hypocrite,” he spat, punching the wall again. “You blamed her, and now you’re thinking the same. Get a grip, Elias.”
He bit down on his lip. He’d never let himself—not until he’d been forgiven. He wondered when that day would come. Maybe never.
The roar of water drowned his thoughts in its endless drops, flowing down his face.