“Lucien, are you alright?” I ask him, setting a steaming cup of tea in front of him. “You seem worried about something.”
He looks up from his book, which I’m almost certain he wasn’t reading, and gives me a weary smile. “I’m fine. Are you sleeping well? You look tired.”
“Well, it’s been a bit strange sleeping alone when we…” I assume he knows what I’m implying.
“Spend the night, then. I haven’t been getting much sleep either. I keep worrying we’re not spending enough time together.”
“We see each other all day- almost every day… Unless we’re busy with our studies.”
He hums thoughtfully, then tuts. “It’s work, though. If I could just go out, we could-”
“It’s fine, Luce. We both knew this was doomed from the start.”
“Don’t say it that way,” he scoffs. “It’s not doomed. It’s just postponed.”
“I could just return with you, and-”
“No. I need you to complete your studies.”
“Master Eai-”
“It’s not safe for you to travel with me, Luna.”
I sigh, and copy down a recipe of Master Eaimer’s into my journal of a potion suited for traveling. I plan to use it often once I begin my journey to see all of Amith.
“Madam Lyra wants us to boil some rose petals, and distill them,” I comment absently.
“That sounds like a task for her other apprentices in her other shop,” he snarks.
“Well,” I sigh. “One day she’ll just have to face the fact that you and I are her best apprentices.”
“I’m not going to do it.”
“Luce,” I chide. “We have no choice. It’s on the list.”
“Along with hundreds of other things. I mean, look at this… Lavender oil, rose oil, beeswax… wheat starch?”
“Aww,” I coo, stepping up behind him to pinch his cheeks. “Are you cranky?”
“I just want to spend time with you outside of work,” he grumbles irritably. “And it’d be easier if we didn’t get double the amount of work all the time because her other apprentices are incompetent.”
“They’re new. It’s not their fault. Why don’t we just get started on all our own work, then take a small break, and tackle the rest later?”
“That’s not magically going to create more time,” he huffs.
“Well, one of us has to get it done.”
I give him a pitying look. He groans, gets out of his seat, and puts on an apron.
“Fine, but could you please spend the night? We don’t have to be intimate, but I just… want to be with you.”
“Of course. I’ll return to the Academy and pack my back during lunch, but only if you promise to stop acting so glum.”
“Fine, but I’m not making any promises. I won’t be glum, but I have every intention of remaining irritated.”
“That’s alright, I like the way you pout,” I tease.
He huffs a quiet laugh. “You’re the worst.”
I return with a packed bag filled with books and other study materials, as well as a change of clothes. Lucien immediately shadow jumps downstairs, and takes me back into the attic with him. I set my hand on a shelf to steady myself.
“I can walk,” I groan, my stomach doing flips.
“Sorry, I just want you to settle down quickly so we can have lunch together.”
“Lucien, what’s the matter? You’re beginning to worry me. This isn’t like you at all.”
“I just…” he slumps his head onto my shoulder, and takes my hand into my lap. “I feel like I’m quickly running out of time.”
“You’re going to live a long life. You have plenty of time.”
“But you… You don’t.”
“I swear I’ll get that potion, and visit so often, you'll grow weary of me.”
“I could never,” he voice cracks.
“Lucien,” I say, squeezing his hand. “What is this about?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“Are you in danger?”
“No, I just… It’s so soon, Lune.”
“We have a few months.”
“Why aren’t you sad?”
“Lucien,” I say, turning to face him. “I’m going to see you again every day for the next few months, and we’ll see each other all the time once I complete my studies.”
“How do you know that’s how things will work out?”
“I just do, and I’ll probably study better knowing you’re safe in the Grove, and get that potion quicker.”
“Did you know,” says Lucien, picking another piece of meat off his plate. “That dark elves marry for life?”
“Humans do that, too,” I tease him.
“For life, Lune. Do you understand how long that is?”
“For you, it’s a very long time.”
“Do you understand how much you have to like someone for that to happen?”
“Do dark elves rarely marry?”
“It’s not that it’s rare, it’s just… that level of commitment. They don’t often remarry, either!”
“Are you afraid of such a commitment, then?”
He glances up at me, and grins. “I’d marry you, Lune.”
My heart skips a beat. “I’m flattered.”
“I’m serious. Even if you remain mortal, I’d marry you, and I could never remarry.”
“Nonsense. I wouldn’t expect that of you. I want you to be happy.”
“You make me happy.”
“Stop being so sweet, you’re making this worse,” I scoff.
“Go on, say it,” he insists.
“You make me happy, too,” I say, rolling my eyes.
“I’m glad.”
“I hate you, though, for making me say it.”
“I love you, too.”
I stare up at the ceiling of Lucien’s room, and at all his shelves. It looks emptier than usual, as he’s slowly packed away his things, or sold them off in preparation for his leave. There’s a knot in my chest I feel the need to ignore, because I don’t think I could bear the sadness when I realize how permanent Lucien’s absence will be.
“Are you awake?” Whispers Lucien.
I nod.
“Sometimes I wonder if all of this would have been easier if we’d just remained friends,” he groans. “Why’d you have to kiss me? I was already weak.”
“It took years! You weren’t weak,” I snicker. “I was never going to let that happen, anyway, you idiot.”
He pulls me close, and kisses my cheek. “I know. I fought valiantly against you, and still lost.”
“You did, but I never fight a battle I can’t win.”
“Gods,” he murmurs. “You’re not even gone, and my heart is already aching. How could you do this to me?”
“It’s your fault.”
“My fault?”
“Yes. You insisted on being so sweet, caring, and attractive.”
“You’re partially to blame, you realize. I don’t want to go, you know. If I had the chance to remain with you, I would,” he says, taking my hand and squeezing it lightly.
“I know.”
“I’m afraid that you won’t be safe if I remain here, though.”
“I know.”
“Sometimes I wonder if the gods even hear my prayers.”
“I wonder the same.”
The knot in my chest swells. The rush of sadness is unbearable, but I refuse to cry.
It’s cold this morning, and I roll over, expecting to be met with Lucien’s warmth, but he’s not there beside me. Instead, I’m met with a letter written in Lucien’s sloppy scrawls.
I’m sorry to be doing this to you, but I have to go, and I couldn’t stand to wake you when you were sleeping so peacefully. I have to deal with a personal matter.
~Lucien Moonshadow
In the corner is a list of some sort written in a language I’m still not sure how to read, most likely an ingredient list for a potion of Master Eaimer’s.
“Luna, please, I swear he’s alright!” Cries Arthur, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder.
A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
“How could you know? He disappeared in the night, and I haven’t heard from him in months! Months, Arthur! Is he alive? Did someone kill him? The last time I saw him, he seemed almost desperate. Where could he have gone?” My chest hurts, and swells with gasping sobs I cannot contain.
Seraphina and Arthur exchange a knowing glance, and she huffs, pulls out a sheet of paper from her apron pocket, wrestles Arthur for it when he tries to take it from her, and places it on the work table. It’s a letter addressed to her written in Lucien’s familiar scrawl. It’s dated, written several weeks ago.
“Sorry,” says Seraphina. “I’m not permitted to show you this, but you just want to know he’s alive.”
“He wrote to you?” I gasp, picking up the letter.
“He wrote to Arthur through me.”
“He hasn’t even written to me! Why-?”
I break down into tears. Seraphina puts a comforting hand on my shoulder, and rubs my back.
“I’m sorry, my love,” she coos. “There are things he’s not permitted to share with you, but it had to be quite urgent, or he wouldn’t have left you so suddenly.”
“He could have at least told me he was okay.”
“He couldn’t,” grumbles Arthur. “Seraphina is putting us all in danger just setting that letter on the table.”
I huff, and stand abruptly, tears spilling from my eyes, as I push away the letter, not wanting to see the words. “Well, if I’m not important enough to know any of this, I best leave.”
“Lou-”
“Let her go, Arthur. Luna needs to work,” says Seraphina, meekly. “We’ll see you later, Lunie.”
“I’ll see you later, Sera,” I say, feeling defeated.
“Stop by for dinner today. That’s an order. Don’t work late, either.”
“I can’t help how long I work,” I grumble. “I’m doing everything alone these days.”
“Stop by, anyway, no matter how late it is,” Arthur insists, quietly. “We’d like to see you.”
The final patron exits the shop, and I gladly lock the door after them, blow out all the lights, shut all the curtains, and finally take a seat at the back of the shop to catch my breath. Half finished batches of potions lay strewn all over the work spaces, and I nearly cry thinking through all the tasks I have remaining before I can begin cleaning. I understand now why Lucien seemed so upset with Madam Lyra. I’ve only seen her in the mornings when she opens the shop, and in the evenings when she arrives to count the coins in the box, and check that tasks have been completed. With a deep breath, I struggle to my feet, feeling the ache in my knees, and the balls of my feet from having not had a chance to sit all day, and get to work. If I start now, I can get lost in a daydream, and go through the motions of completing each potion.
Twenty healing droughts of maximum strength and concentration. Fifty minor healing potions from the remains. Lavender and rose oil for gods know what, because nothing in our shop requires such a thing. Clairvoyance, mana regeneration, a temptingly strong batch of euphoria, and on and on it goes. I sip on a brew of stamina to keep the weariness from catching up, a soothing tonic to keep my crying fit at bay, and a minor healing potion in my cup of water to keep me from falling ill from the over consumption of potions.
When the last of them is finally completed and labeled, there’s a soft knock at the door, and I’m immediately angered at the thought of Madam Lyra returning simply to check up on my progress, and count her coins. I swing the door open with such ferocity it slams against the wall, startling Seraphina, who gasps quietly, and flinches away from me when I approach her.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur. “I thought it was someone else.”
“It’s late. I thought you could use some help,” she says, quietly.
“I have to clean,” I say, turning away from her immediately to get back to my work.
Without question, she takes up an apron, and grabs a rag.
“It’s alright, Sera,” I tell her. “This shop isn’t your responsibility.”
“It’s not yours either, Lunie. Your name is not on the sign. Does Madam Treeleaf know that Lucien hasn’t been here?”
“She does. She promises she’s still looking for someone to help me.”
“And has she done anything else to ease your workload?”
“She reassures me I don’t have to get all of the tasks done, but the list just gets longer and longer when I don’t.”
“Are you sleeping well?” She asks, sweeping up the remains of a flower into the palm of her hands with a damp rag, and tossing them into a discard pile.
“No, I-… I can’t sleep without-” My throat tightens, and I clear my throat. “It’s difficult.”
“Arthur and I have a spare room you can stay in, if you’re ever feeling lonely.”
I set down my rag and embrace her tightly. “I don’t want you to worry about me, Sera.”
“I’ll worry about you all I want,” she huffs. “You’re not well. I know you’re not.”
“You really don’t have to do all this, you know. I can handle the shop alone. It’s my job after all.”
Seraphina pushes me away, and picks up the task list on the work table. “This looks like enough work for five people.”
“It’s enough for four people, if you ask me,” I grumble, collecting some half-filled bottles, and placing them in the half-priced items box. “I wish Madam Lyra would just find other apprentices in her other shop. Or she could just give me their pay. Or she could have me work there, and I could teach them a thing or two.”
“And what are these?” She asks, picking up the empty bottle of potions I’ve been consuming. “Stamina, and soothing? You’re going to get sick again.”
“I’ll be fine. I’m taking a health potion to counteract it.”
“Are you eating well?”
“I… don’t have to go out and… It’s fine.”
“Have you thought about taking some time away from work?”
“I do so when examinations are coming up, but then the work piles up, and with… but no one’s around to take care of it for me.”
“I’ll just have to steal you for myself.”
“Sera, no… it’s alright.”
“It’s not.”
“What can I do? It’s a job. It pays well enough. I’m almost done with my studies, and then I can finally go off,r and do what I want.”
“You can leave! Or at least get your name on the shop sign, and get paid more. If Madam Treeleaf were here, I’d give her a piece of my mind. Where is she right now?”
“Sera, I swear I’ll take care of it.”
She tuts, then takes up a crate of potions to restock the shelves. “You’re too nice, Luna.”
“Without her, I would have never gotten this far in my studies.”
“If things don’t change soon, I’ll insist you work in my shop. I’ll pay you double.”
“Sera-”
“Double, and I’ll give you time off to actually relax.”
“I can’t-”
“Isn’t she the one that always told you to never let anyone take advantage of you?”
“You’re right.”
“I know I am,” she huffs. “She could at least clean instead of just counting coins at the end of the night.”
“You’re right.”
The city is quiet at night as we walk over the gravel road leading up to Seraphina’s and Arthur’s small cottage. The light emanating through the window is warm and welcoming, and for once, my heart is filled with joy.
When we step in, we’re welcomed by the delicious smells of meats and mulled wine. Fox and Elizabeth greet us, while their newborn sleeps in Fox’s arms, and their oldest child plays with Rosetta.
“Luna!” Greets Elizabeth. “It’s wonderful to see you. I thought you disappeared.”
“You know how she is,” comments Fox. “She gets preoccupied with her studies.”
“Unfortunately,” says Seraphina. “It’s Madam Treeleaf’s fault this time. She gives her more work than one could possibly get done in a single day! It’s completely unfair. If Luna would just accept my offer to work in my shop, I’d hire her for myself.”
“Sera,” I blush. “It’s fine. You’re upsetting yourself for no reason.”
“Fox is also being overworked in Master Khen’s shop,” comments Elizabeth. “It’s a shame, really.”
“Is that so? I’m sorry,” I give him a weary smile.
Fox gives me a pitying look. “I’m sorry for your difficult circumstances as well.”
“Dinner!” Calls Arthur. “Everyone get to the table. Rosetta, if you don’t share your toys with Gabriel, you won’t have any toys to play with at all.”
Rosetta quickly tosses a small ball at Gabriel, who happily tosses it back.
“See?” Says Arthur. “He just wants to play with you.”
After a pleasant dinner, I return to the shop, and collapse into Lucien’s bed. There’s an assignment due in two days, and I wanted to study, but my eyes are too heavy, and keeping them open would be too much of a struggle. It’ll be better just to get some sleep, and study in the morning before the shop opens. I bury my face into his pillow and inhale his scent, but it’s not comforting. It fills me with a deep ache, as if my heart is being ripped out of my chest. I hope he’s doing better than I am, and that he’s resting and safe.
Several weeks later, Lucien’s sitting at the work table pounding away at herbs with a mortar and pestle, as if he’d never gone.
“Lucien?” I gasp, dropping the basket of pastries Seraphina gave me after I visited her shop.
“Luna, I’m-”
I rush to him, and throw my arms around him. “You’re alive.”
“I am,” he smiles warmly, holding me tightly. “I’m happy to see you.”
I punch his upper arm harder than intended, and he winces.
“Where the hell were you? Why did you leave me so suddenly? I thought you were in danger!” I cry out, tears spilling from my eyes.
“I know, I’m sorry. I wasn’t-”
I squeeze him tightly, and he rubs my back to offer me comfort.
“I’m sorry, Lune. I really am. I had no intention of leaving so suddenly, or for so long, it’s just… something unexpected happened.”
“I assume you’re not permitted to speak to me about it.”
“I’m afraid not, and… could you sit down for a moment?”
He looks serious, and it makes my stomach drop.
“What is it?”
“I’m afraid I’ll be returning sooner than I thought.”
“What?” I ask, in disbelief. “When?”
“A few days.”
“Why?”
“Lune-”
“Luce! Please… I’m not going to tell anyone.”
He points up at the ceiling, indicating he wants to speak in the privacy of his bedroom. I nod, and he takes my hand for us to shadow jump. He allows me to catch my breath as he shuts the windows, and casts a few sound blocking spells. Satisfied, he takes a seat next to me, and takes my hand into his lap.
“I’m sure you know that… I’m-”
“Royalty of some kind, is my guess,” I state. “Seeing as Seraphina is permitted to know your business.”
“Well, so is Lumaria.”
“Luma- I thought she was going to marry someone else.”
“She was denied, or rather… he was? His bloodline was not… good enough for her family. It’s all complicated, but the fact of the matter is that I’m…”
He scrunches his face in frustration, then looks away. That's when I spot it.
“You’re married?” I ask, pointing at a new earring where the one I gave him once hung.
“Not yet.”
“You’re engaged, then?” I mutter. “It’s pretty. It suits you. She has good taste.”
He gives me a guilty look. “Thank you.”
“What did you do with… the one I gave you? Not that it matters.”
“I keep it close to my heart,” he says, opening his robe slightly to show me the black cord around his neck that holds his protective pendant.
“I’m sure you’ll both be very happy.”
“Lune-”
“Don’t. Apologize. Don’t say anything. Just… let’s just be happy for a few days, okay? I don’t want to spend our last few days being angry with each other.”
He takes my hand, and puts it to his cheek.
“Don’t you dare cry, either,” I scold him. “Or I’ll punch you, then you’ll really have something to cry about.”
“Of course not.”
“Besides, I’m sure she’ll give you all the children you want, and all the luxuries of a royal. You deserve to be spoiled.”
“Luna,” he says quietly.
“Especially after you’ve been locked up in this shop for years. Maybe Madam Lyra can finally hire some real help around here. You’ve been slacking off lately, and I don’t appreciate it one bit.”
“Luna,” he says, a bit louder.
“Don’t think I haven’t noticed. I’ve been picking up all the slack.”
“Luna,” he tuts. “You can be mad.”
“How can I be mad, Luce? I knew it was just a matter of time. It’s not as if we were ever going to be permitted to be together. All this sneaking around. Our friends and my family were beginning to get suspicious, anyway. It’s probably for the best. It might even be a relief. I don’t have to keep lying to my sisters. I hate lying to them. Besides, you have the opportunity to return home, and be happy with someone who obviously cares deeply for you, or at the very least, I hope she does.”
“She does.”
“Even better, then. I’m happy for you.”
“Are we still friends? I can understand-”
“We’re friends whether you like it or not, Luce. We will always be friends. Do you understand that?”
He presses his forehead to mine, and sighs. “Thank the gods.”
“It’s a shame I can’t kiss you now,” I tease him.
“I mean… you could…” he pouts.
“You’re going to be married soon. Could you imagine the scandal?”
“You’re doing this on purpose.”
“Am I?”
“Lune,” he smirks.
“What else have you been hiding from me?”
“I went to see my grandmother in Solari. She saw the missing feather, and I think she knows…”
“Is she upset? How is she?”
“She was happy to see me, and didn’t say anything about it. My sister wasn’t exactly thrilled to see me, but you know how siblings are. She got married.”
“Congratulations?”
He winces. “Uh, also arranged, I’m afraid.”
“I take it it was perfectly arranged so that neither of you had a choice in the matter?”
“How did you guess?”
“You said Dark Grove has queens, but I know Solari has always had kings, unless…?”
“You’re not wrong.”
“What else aren’t you telling me?”
“Come visit me.”
“That sounds like a terrible idea.”
“I think Lumaria would like you.”
“I don’t think I’d like her, though.”
“Because you’re jealous?”
“Extremely.”
“That’s understandable.”
“You’ll forgive me if it takes me some time to make my way there, since I’ll be busy with my studies and this damn shop.”
“Take your time. All the time you need. Just be sure to see me.”
“I’m not going to cry, either.”
“I know you’re lying.”
“I am,” I huff. “Will you forgive me?”
“Not if you don’t let me hold you.”
I bury my face into his chest, and he wraps his arms around me, and rubs my back.
“I’m going to miss you.”
“Luna Masters, I think I might miss you the most.”
I chuckle, and a tear runs down my cheek. “Don’t let Arthur hear you say that.”
“Never.”
“Luna, I love you,” whispers Lucien from the shadows of the shop floor. “Please stay safe, and stay out of trouble.”
“Gods, Lucien!” I scold. “Why are you still here? You should be halfway to the Grove by now! You’re going to get yourself killed!”
“I thought I was going to have more time to say goodbye.”
Someone pounds incessantly on the shop door.
“We’re closed!” I shout.
“City guard! You have until the count of three!”
“I don’t think Madam Lyra will appreciate it if we got her shop destroyed,” whispers Lucien.
“One!”
“Get the hell out of here, then,” I mutter. “They’re not here for me.”
He kisses my cheek, and picks up his bags. It was not how I imagined our final kiss goodbye. I imagined it would be more passionate. More romantic. I thought we’d have at least made love one more time. I helped him pack his bags, instead, and helped arrange a safe return for him with Cyrus of all people.
“Two!”
“I love you, Luna,” he states, matter-of-factly, taking my hand, and squeezing it tightly.
“I love you, Lucien.”
We stare at each other for a time, our hands refusing to separate, as if they were fused.
“Get out of here,” I whisper, realizing he wants me to ask him to stay. “I don’t want to see your face again, until I visit the Grove.”
“Right. Goodnight.”
He vanishes through the back door, and disappears into the night. I make my way slowly to the front door, hiding any evidence of sadness, and open it.
“Please explain to me what the hell you’re doing this late at night, waking a poor woman up from her dreams,” I say, curtly.
“Where is he?” Asks the guard, unfazed.
“I’m afraid I’m not sure who you’re referring to.”
“The damned dark elf!”
“Sir, I can assure you there’s no dark elf here. There hasn’t been a dark elf here for years! I keep telling you, and all your other comrades that the only person in this shop is me. Do I look like a dark elf to you?”
He pushes roughly past me, and begins his search through the shop.
“Please, sir. This shop is not mine,” I say, making myself sound more meek. “I’ll take you through the rooms if you promise not to break anything.”
“Get on with it, then.”