Chapter Eighteen

In the middle of the month of Twilight, I arrive late, with no time to find myself a dress for Solera’s wedding. She doesn’t mind it, though, and I’m grateful that she’s just happy to see me. I feel guilty knowing days earlier I almost didn’t want to attend the wedding at all, already weary from my travels.

After the ceremony, everyone returns to my parent’s home for a feast. I wander around the garden where I can hear musicians beginning to play a lively tune. Solera claps happily along to the music, looking stunning with a red cloak over her long, white dress. Adam, now proudly her husband, fondly watches her with a bright smile.

When the song ends, the musicians take a bow to the scattered applause. The chatter dies down when a slow tune begins to play. Solera giggles uncontrollably when Adam begins to sing a familiar tune with a shaky voice.

“…Like Sol, your radiance warms my weary heart. Guiding me through the darkness, never to depart. And like Selene, your light illuminates my night, a beacon of hope, a love's eternal flight…”

He continues on, as I make my way towards Celestia once I spot her in the crowd. She’s watching them with tears in her eyes, and a wide grin on her face. Her dark gray hair appears silvery in the moonlight.

“Hi, Celestia,” I greet.

She blinks several times when she spots me.

“I’m actually here, not a figment of your imagination.”

“Luna? You didn’t get dressed? It’s Solera’s wedding! I have a dress upstairs that’s still sort of new that you can wear.”

“I didn’t have time. I only just arrived before the ceremony.”

“You should have left the city earlier, instead of flirting with your dark elf.”

“Flir-! Celestia, I’m not flirting with anybody.”

“Hmm,” she says, doubtfully. “Well, it’s nice that you’re here, but the least you could have done is brush your hair.”

“You could have stopped at ‘It’s nice to see you’,” I grumble, taking a seat in the chair next to her. “Or followed it with ‘How are you?’”

“Sorry, Lous, how are you?”

“I’m doing well, but the journey was long and a bit lonely. How are you? Are you excited to go to the Academy?”

“Not really. I’m scared that I won’t get to share a room with either of you, and won’t get along with my roommates. I don’t like strangers.”

“Well, you can ask to be roommates with Solera. I can’t change my room until I’ve reached level four.”

“I can’t. Solera is just going to pay for a room in town so she won't have to be away from Adam. They’re inseparable now, even though she had no idea he liked her. I guess they’re making up for lost time or something,” she rolls her eyes, then lets out a dreamy sigh. “She looks happy, though.”

“Well, this could be a great opportunity to make new friends. I get along with all of the girls I share my room with. We’re not close, but we share food, notes, potion ingredients, and books. Not to mention, I’m hardly there at all as it is.”

“Oh, I hope you’re right. How was your journey home? You said it was long?”

“It was, but also peaceful and lonely. I had plenty of potions to keep my energy up, thanks to Lucien.”

“Luuuuuciiiieeen,” she teases, stopping only when I frown at her. “Did you sleep at all?”

“Hardly. I hate sleeping on the road. I’ll be glad to have both of you with me on my return journey. How are mother and father? They must be so sad to see all of us go. And how are you, most importantly? I know you’re very attached to them.”

“Are you kidding? They’re already talking about renting out our room while we’re away to earn some extra coins, and help around the house. I’m doing just fine, just nervous they might not want us back.”

“Well, at least they’ll keep themselves busy,” I laugh.

“Do you think I could find a job at the potions shop like you?” She asks, hopeful.

“No, Madam Treeleaf isn’t taking any more apprentices, but I did put in a good word for you at the pottery shop, and for Adam at the blacksmiths.”

“What about Solera?”

“Hmm, just before I left, I had a friend drop off a letter at the jewelers for her. I’ll have to wait for a response.”

“You seem to know everyone.”

“I don’t, but Madam Treeleaf does, so you’re pretty much guaranteed an apprenticeship.”

“So, do you think Solera will let me visit her when I get tired of being trapped in the small rooms at the Academy?” She gives me a nervous smile.

“They’re not small. They’re as big as our house. I have plenty of privacy.”

“Really? I can’t wait, then.”

“The beds are softer, too.”

“And the pillows?”

“Yes! And the rooms are kept warm in the winter.”

“Father said he was going to fix up the house while we’re away. He said with us gone, he’ll have more time to get things done.”

“He’ll miss us during harvesting season.”

“He’s already got an arrangement with some of the boys from the bakery, and Marcellus’ brothers. Oh! Speaking of Marcellus,” she sings.

“Cels,” I whisper harshly.

“Oh, stop. Everyone knows. He was so down when you left, it was hard not to notice him moping around here all broken-hearted and pathetic. Anyway, he’s trying not to bother you, but hasn’t taken his eyes off you since you got here.”

She nods, and I follow her gaze to where Marcellus is waving nervously. I give Celestia an expectant look. She rolls her eyes, and smiles, returning her attention to Solera and Adam before waving me off.

“I’ll see you later, I guess,” she teases.

“You certainly will. I promise to annoy you endlessly with all my gushing.”

“Gods, go away already.”

I weave through the crowd of guests quietly, being careful not to block anyone’s view, and make my way towards where I’d seen Marcellus.

“Psst,” he whispers.

I follow the sound of his voice to the far side of my mother’s garden. When I approach, he pulls me into the shadows by my wrist, and kisses my hand.

“Hello, Luna,” he whispers, smiling, and tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear in order to stare at me more closely.

“Hello, Marc,” I whisper back.

“I missed you.”

“Did you?” I tease him. “I don’t know. I don’t think I believe you.”

“That’s nonsense, Luna. Would you care to dance with me?”

“That sounds lovely.”

After several dances, as everyone makes circles around the married couple, we’ve exhausted ourselves. I take a seat next to Marcellus on a bench as he drinks some water, and rubs his neck, sore from the day’s work. He leans against my shoulder. He smells of dirt, grass, and everything outside mixed with sweat, and it creates a strange perfume that reminds me of my childhood. I glance around, afraid someone will notice us being close, and give us a stink eye, forgetting I’m no longer a child. Everyone around us is occupied, of course, with Solera and Adam, who are now slow dancing together to the tune of a soft melody.

“Marc, someone’s going to see you,” I whisper. “You know how people love to gossip.”

“Sorry, I’m… having trouble keeping myself from you,” he whispers back into my ear, ticking me with his breath.

I blush hotter than the fire before me, but my thoughts return briefly to Lucien.

“Marc, I… don’t think I want to come back to Bellehaven, you know.”

“Luna, you’re not serious!” He whispers harshly. “How can you say that after only just getting here?”

Several people nearby eye us nervously, and laugh. I bury my face behind my cup.

“Not here,” I whisper. “Not now.”

“When?” He whispers back, angrily.

“Tomorrow night, maybe? At our usual place?”

“Fine,” he sighs.

He takes up his cup, and walks away from the table. Celestia immediately replaces him in the seat, grinning mischievously.

“He didn’t look too happy just now,” she whispers. “What’d you say to him?”

“Cels, I don’t even know… Well, I do, but I don’t want to talk about it right now. I need time to think it through.”

“Of course you do. Sneaking out tonight?”

“Tomorrow night.”

“Good. Just don’t be stupid, and get yourself caught. You know how mom is. ‘I didn’t raise you girls to sneak out of the house to hang out with boys!’”

“I’ve never heard mom say that. You must suck at it.”

“Edward lets dad supervise our dates. It’s annoying.”

“You sneak out with him, don’t you?”

“I’m a grown woman, Lous. I don’t need my parents keeping such a close eye on me. It’s embarrassing.”

“Whatever. It’s not like it matters, anyway,” I sighed. “I think I’m going to call it a night.”

“Very well, good night.”

“Goodnight, Cels.”

“Don’t forget to say goodnight to the happy couple.”

“Of course not.”

Lucien,

I have arrived safely home to Bellehaven. Solera’s wedding was wonderful, and I am happy for her. Adam is going to be a wonderful husband to her, and she is truly blessed by the gods. There was no honey cake, an absolute tragedy, I know! But there was plenty of dancing, ale, wine, and wonderful fruits from the harvest to be enjoyed. My mother outdid herself with the cooking and the decorating. I have drawn my sister and her husband dancing, as it was quite the sight to behold, and difficult to describe.

It was magical. I wish you’d seen it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen either of them look so happy. I wonder if that was how Selene and Sol were. There was no one else they could be happier with than each other, and maybe the gods could forgive them, because isn’t that all we ever want from life? To be happy?

The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

Your friend,

Luna Masters

I stare at the letter long after it has dried, hesitating to seal it. It feels wrong somehow. The words are wrong. The feelings are wrong. They are too simple. Too plain. And I haven’t expressed all I’m feeling. I haven’t mentioned how I thought of him and that we could possibly be that happy together. I haven’t mentioned how I wish I could confess my love for him in front of our family and friends. I haven’t mentioned how badly I wished he was here. I feel my heart skip a beat as I remember Lucien’s tender kiss. I want to know him. Every part of him. His kiss made Marcellus’ seem like a distant, blurred memory. He’s made Marcellus a distant memory.

My days have seemingly dragged on while I’ve been away, and I long for my job at the shop, meeting new people, speaking with my friends. I long for the tedious History of Mysticism lessons, Astral Projection classes, or even my potions lessons which are still the worst classes, but becoming less so with Madam Treeleaf’s guidance.

And then there’s Lucien; I long for the nearness of him, for his company. I feel his absence like a dull ache in my chest, as if part of my heart has gone missing. How? Why?

I seal the envelope with a frustrated sigh, unable to find words to describe my feelings in a manner that won’t raise suspicions, and grab my bags with the intention of spending the rest of my stay at the nearby inn. I need a place to think. A noisy place. Noisier than the sounds in my head.

“Are you sure, Luna?” My father asks, as I walk out with my bags.

“I’m sure, Father. Don’t worry, I’ll be here almost every day. It’s not a long walk. I just need a room to myself.”

“Alright, Luna. At least let me give you some coins.”

“No, it’s fine,” I say, nervously, hoping he wouldn’t find the coins I’ve snuck into his coin bag earlier this week, until I’ve gone, or he’d try to return them.

“Well, if you’re sure. You come over when you’re missing your mother’s cooking. You know she’ll make you whatever you want, and you won’t have to pay.”

“I will. Thank you. I’ll even help you with some of the fieldwork tomorrow.”

“Alright, take care. I’ll be seeing you later?”

“Yes. I’m just going to get a room, and drop off a letter. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I wait in the cave by a warm fireplace, and keep it burning by casting simple wind spells over the pile of logs. The smoke rises up through the opening far above me, blurring Selene’s bright light. My heart is pounding, and my nervousness is beginning to get the best of me. I want to run back to the city, away from Marcellus and the disappointment he’ll have for me, afraid that he will begin to hate me. Why did I tell him I didn’t want to come back to Bellehaven? I could have waited years before I told him, and spent this time together being happy.

No. I did the right thing. I want Marcellus to have a happy life without me, and I couldn’t keep letting him hope he had some sort of chance with me. It would be wrong.

I get up to my feet. I could make it out of here unnoticed if I move fast enough, but the second I do, I see him walking towards me. I mutter a curse beneath my breath at Selene, Sol, and any other gods that can hear me. I can't possibly leave now.

“Good evening, Marcellus.”

“You’re here earlier than usual. Is your family still tired from the wedding?”

“No, uh… I’m not staying in my family’s home. I’m staying at the inn.”

“Oh?” He asks curiously. “The one above the pub?”

He takes a seat next to me by the fire, and stares into the flames. I can almost feel his sadness radiating from his body into the air, crushing my lungs and tightening my throat.

“Lou, it’s okay,” he sighs. “I’m sorry I got angry with you.”

“I’m sorry, Marcellus,” I blurt, before I truly grasp the meaning of his words.

“You don’t have to be sorry. I figured you would like city life. You never stop talking about your days at Mirror Lake, and… I just don’t… feel the same way. You’re right, we… could go our separate ways.”

“Can… we still be friends, Marcellus?”

“Of course, Lou. Just… give me some time, won’t you?” He gives me a pained look.

“I will.”

“Want to get a drink? We can go to the pub and drink away our sorrows.”

“Of course, but not all our sorrows, or I won’t be functioning in the morning.”

He gives me an inquiring look.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll probably divulge the details later when I’m drunk.”

“If you’re sure you want to tell me.”

I shrug. “I’d rather not, if I can help it.”

“I’ll try not to pry.”

The next morning, I wake in my bed at the inn, to the sounds of Marcellus’ gentle breaths at my back. I feel my cheeks become hot, and nearly fall out of bed from shock. What is he doing here? Panicking, I try to recall the previous night, but only the vague memory of writing a letter flashes through my mind. Taking several deep breaths, I try to calm my thoughts and my breathing, and glance around the room for my journal. I flip through the pages and notice the remains of a torn page. Have I sent the letter? I couldn’t have, it’d been the middle of the night. So where is it? Where would I have put it?

“Lou?”

“Marc, good morning.”

“You look a bit… worried about something…”

“What happened last night?” I eye him up and down, and turn away, noticing he’s shirtless.

“No! No! Nothing happened, I swear on my life!”

“I can’t remember much of my evening, and I’m afraid I’m going to have to rely on your memory for that.”

“You got pretty drunk, Lou. I had to carry you up to this room. Luckily, this is the only inn in town, so I could guess where you were staying. By the time I got you back, I could barely get myself home. You forced me to spend the night. It was a tempting offer, as I could barely drag my feet across the floor, but I swear on my life, I would never do that to you.”

“I believe you, but… I wrote a letter. Do you know what I did with it?”

“I think you tucked it into the back of your journal somewhere? I saw you chuck something into the fireplace, too. You were behaving very strangely about the matter, and wouldn’t let me ask.”

I sigh with relief.

“Lou, what’s this about?”

“I’m… nothing. I just remembered I have to send a letter to… Madam Treeleaf. To let her know I arrived safely, and to see if she’s heard any news about the position at the jewelry shop for Solera. I didn’t want to sound informal, so I’ve been struggling with how I’m going to politely inquire about it, since she hates impatience.”

Nothing I’ve said is untrue… but it’s not what I wrote in that letter. I know it isn’t. I have a terrible feeling about it.

“Whatever it was, you seem very worked up about it. I… you…”

“Well, out with it,” I say, feeling his discomfort. “Let’s get this over with.”

“Lucien… you talked about him all night. He… makes you happy, I’ve noticed.”

Oh, no! What have I said to him? My heart is racing, and the book in my hands is all I’ve got between us. I pick at the remains of the torn page with my fingernails, clear my throat awkwardly, and begin to straighten myself out in front of a mirror. I watch Marcellus in the reflection stretch out, put on a shirt, and push back hair from his face.

“Extremely happy. I haven’t seen your face light up that way since-”

“He’s a friend, Marcellus.”

“Lou… you can be honest with me. I won’t… judge you.”

“But you will, won’t you? Because he’s…”

“Luna, if I’m upset, it is only because I failed to convince you to remain in Bellehaven, I swear it.”

“Um… I’m going to spend the day with my family. I’m sure they’d love to have my help with some chores.”

“I was headed that way, too. Your mother said she had something to give me. Maybe we can talk on our way there?”

“Oh, uh… wonderful. You know how much I love talking.”

He’s quiet, and I wonder how much I revealed about my feelings for Lucien. I pick up the ribbon necklace gifted to me by Arthur from my bag, and tie it around my neck.

“Lou, I’m worried about you,” he says more seriously, furrowing his brows.

“What?” I turn around. “Why?”

“Lou, you kept talking about that elf, and it seems to be bothering you a great deal more than you’ve let on. What happened? He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

“He’s a friend, Marc!” I scoff. “He’s only been a friend since the day I met him.”

“Lou, you can’t get close to his kind! Not right now! Imagine what they’ll do to you if they think you’re-”

“Think I’m what? I thought you wouldn’t judge me.”

“Lou…”

“I can’t talk about this. Get out. We have to get going.”

Marcellus leaves quickly after picking up a basket of fruit my mother gives him to bring home. We can barely look at each other as he walks off angry and disappointed. My mother tuts, and pulls me along towards her garden, forcing me to sit on a wooden bench while she gathers her tools, and tends to the soil. I can hear the distant voices of women most likely doing the wash in the river, and the laughter of children splashing around them. I pick at a loose thread at my sleeve, remembering when my sisters and I would do the same with my mother.

“Did Marcellus say something upsetting again?” She asks, sweetly, and I hear a tinge of amusement in her voice.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I mumble, pulling at another loose thread.

“Sweetheart, the two of you are normally inseparable. What happened? Has my sweet child grown too big for this little town?”

How does she know?

“Ugh, mom. Stop being so observant!” I shout, trying to sound annoyed, and smiling anyway.

“Lous, my love, should I be worried about you?” She asks in a more serious tone. “Do I need to speak with Marcellus’ father?”

“No, mother. I… simply don’t… I thought I wanted to be with Marc, and marry him or whatever-”

My mother laughs. “He was so clueless about your little crush. I never understood how you could fall for someone who had nothing but air between his ears.”

“Mother!” I snicker. “It’s not his fault.”

“You’re right. Dear me, even Solera is just as clueless,” she sighs. “They’re loveable, and make friends easily, but absolutely clueless.”

“I think I like being in the city with all the people, and all the noise.”

“You were always curious about everything, just like your sisters. They’re very excited to be in the city, too. Mostly because they’re going to be with you, and none of you ever stopped wanting more.”

“I swear I’ll visit you.”

“Luna, Luna, Luna. I know you will, darling.”

She grunts as takes a seat on the ground, and it’s the first time I’ve ever noticed she’s getting much older. Her hair is whiter, her hands more wrinkled, and she’s got lines on her face, but her eyes remain as bright as ever.

She begins making a line of holes in the wet soil in front of her.

“Does Marcellus not want to live in the city?” She asks.

“He wants to be here. I mean, he said he’d come with me, but I think we’ll both know he’ll be very unhappy. Could you imagine how much we’d resent each other trying to stay together?”

“Hand me those seedlings,” she points to a tray filled with clods of dirt, a small sprout emerging from each of them. “Go on.”

“Well, I agreed we could go our separate ways, but what does that mean for us?” I take up the tray, and hand it to my mother. “Can we actually remain friends? I don’t think that’s possible.”

“Well, you better work it out, because I want you to visit, and I need our families to remain close.”

“That’s true. They have the best potatoes.”

“And throw the best parties. Did you hear Edward and Cels are together?”

“I did.”

“You need to hurry up and find someone. I’m not getting any younger.”

“Mother! I won’t fall into that trap. I’m not settling down.”

She huffs. “And how are your little friends at the Academy?”

“They’re fine, mother,” I stare off into the distance at the scenic view of the trees, and the running stream. “And they’re not little.”

“That’s good, but don’t tell your father that. The day he realizes you’re spending time with grown men is the day we’ll pack up our bags, and find some way to live in the City of Lights. Come help me, sweetheart,” she waves me over.

“He’s ridiculously overprotective,” I grumble, taking a seat next to her, and helping her place the seedlings in the holes.

“He almost lost it when he realized Solera was getting married. Cried non-stop for weeks. Then he found out about Turner’s boy, and goodness me, I didn’t think he’d ever leave the house again.”

“Did he really?”

“He loves you girls with his whole heart.”

“It makes me almost sad enough to stay.”

“Almost, but not quite?” She gives me a wink.

“Exactly.”

“Good. Don’t let us hold you back. We’ve already lived our own lives.”

Several weeks pass, and I receive a letter from Lucien. I read it once I’ve returned to the inn, practically collapsing into my chair after a long day of helping my father with the final harvest of the year.

My dearest friend Luna Masters,

I have received your letter, and I was happy to hear of your safe return to Bellehaven in time for your sister’s wedding. Your drawing truly captures a beautifully tender moment, and I feel as if I was there to witness it myself. It truly is unfortunate that there was no honey cake at the wedding, but you ate and drank well, I imagine, if your mother was the one to prepare the food.

This shop feels much quieter without you. It’s an uneasy sort of calm. Even on days when we are incredibly busy (and there are many during the summer), it’s unbearably quiet. Travelers from all parts of Amith and beyond her borders have come to the shop, and I know you would have loved to speak with them, and ask them thousands of questions. Your child-like curiosity would have allowed them to open themselves to you.

Arthur has not been around much. He has not been well, and is always falling asleep at the front of the shop. I believe he is still very much concerned about the dark elves in Mirror Lake, and wishes to be there to see them off back to Dark Grove. Or it’s just Seraphina. She’s been here often, and there is a man named Fox who has attracted her -attention-.

We’ve seen many dark elves come by the shop, many of them quiet, and timid, almost afraid to speak. Each time it happens, each time they flinch away from any of us in the shop, Arthur seems a little less like himself. I cannot comfort him during these times. I, too, am distraught. Cases of attacks around the city have increased, and Arthur will not let me wander the city alone, afraid I will encounter an assailant. I remain hidden at the back of the shop these days, and it is when I notice your absence the most.

When you arrive, I swear there will be honey cake waiting for you and your sisters. I’d asked Master Eaimer to send more honey before you left, and he has sent me several jars, ever eager to please you. I’ve had too much honey cake, and require your assistance to finish it off.

Your friend,

Lucien Moonshadow

I read his words several times, until I’ve almost memorized every stroke of his pen. What is this feeling? This longing to be close to him again...

My friend Lucien,

What can I possibly say? I miss you? I cannot wait to see you again? I could never admit it. I can’t admit it. I pull out the unsent letter.

My friend Lucien,

I’ve not been able to stop thinking of you since the day I left, but it feels strange. It feels different. I miss you like my lungs would miss air, like my veins would miss blood, like my heart will miss beating. I ache with longing for you…

I’m too embarrassed to read the rest, and quickly toss it into the fire to watch it burn along with any hope I might have of being with him.