Intense alarm noises
Intense alarm noises
Intense alarm noises
Marine Erick, on-board computer has calculated ETA to mission objective less than thirty minutes. Leave the crio-stasis chamber and prepare for further instructions
With the sound of pneumatic pressure releasing, the black glass slowly slides away in a cloud of white mist. A second passes... then another... and another...
...
It seems that Marine Erick is yet to come out of his chamber.
Intense alarm noises
Intense alarm noises
Intense alarm noises
Marine Erick, on-board computer has calculated ETA to mission objective less than twenty five minutes. Leave the crio-stasis chamber and prepare for further instructions
Finally, a hand raises from the egg-like capsule. Slowly, still numbed by frost, it feels it's surroundings until it finds the edge of the chamber. It grabs and pulls, a body slowly rising from the snow-like vapors...
Intense alarm noises
Intense alarm noises
Intense alarm noises
Marine Erick, on-board computer has calculated ETA to mission objective less than twenty three minutes. Leave the crio-stasis chamber and prepare for further instructions
"I fucking heard you!!! Stop ruining my dramatic entrance!!! And are you really yelling 'Intense alarm noises', Patrick? That's a new fucking low...!"
At long last, his apparition all but ruined thanks to the artificial intelligence's persistence, Space Marine Erick, serial number 413666F, now gracelessly hurls himself out of the glorified fridge and into the cold, metallic floor of his transportation. With a metallic thunk, the metal plate protecting his arse from unwanted foreign aggression hits the ground harder than he would like, drawing him out of breath and unable to curse like the situation deserves.
Minor lacerations found in Marine Erick's body. Damage located in the gluteal muscles. Brief remainder that Marine Erick is has no medical qualification to introduce any objects inside his rectum.
"I'm not trying to shove anything up my ass you retarded piece of code!" Now partially recovered from the impact and fully able to curse like a drunken sailor, Marine Erick gets up from the floor and dialogues with the artificial intelligence despite it not being programmed for casual conversation. He removes his marine helmet and leaves it above the now once again closed crio-stasis chamber, before taking a deep breath of recycled and 97.6% purified air. He then looks around to familiarize himself with his not so glorious vessel, fully aware that it is now under his commandment.
His, and 85% the ship's AI, of course.
"Central, give me a low-detail report on the journey so far, sum up my goals for this mission and give me something to chew while you're on it."
Marine Erick can find his nutrition bars on the fridge next to his crio-stasis chamber. It is advised for him to eat it along with a bottle of carbonated water.
"Doesn't this flying washbasin have anything other than nutrition bars and carbonated water?"
On-board computer cannot find any flying washbasins on it's inventory. Scanning food options... The ship's refrigerator contains, aside from EatMeBabe Nutritive Bars and MountFuji carbonated water: CokaLoca mineral water and Aviard distilled water. There are also gummies.
"What's with all the different types of water? It's all the same stuff with different names."
The Cosmos Exploration Brigade is proud to clarify that their ranks have many options to choose when it comes to food and beverages. A liter of mineral water has a regular pH of 7.20, and contains 80mg of calcium, 26mg of magnesium, 6.5mg of sodium, 1mg of potassium...
Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.
"Okay, enough! Any other type of food? And if you suggest another type of water I swear I will erase a semicolon in your code."
No other options were found on on-board inventory. It is advised that Marine Erick makes good use of his time earning Expedition Points to improve his options instead of trying to introduce objects on his rectum without any medical training.
"Very funny" Marine Erick whispers to himself after resigning to make a living of nutrition bars and bottled CokaLoca water for the moment. He heads to the fridge, where the neatly sealed package of EatMeBabe nutrition bars is mercilessly torn apart for the sake of alleviating his hunger. He takes three bars and puts the rest of the package back on the fridge before taking two water bottles and sliding the transparent seal back to it's original position.
"Patrick, check my IAA account and tell me how many tokens I have left."
Scanning... 400 IAA tokens found on Marine Erick's account.
Fuck, I shouldn't have spent it all on brothels... Okay, next time, I'll save it up, I promise!!!
"Okay, how much does a personal inventory cost?"
Marine Erick can buy a YourSpace Dimensional Storage Deluxe for 2500 IAA Tokens, with isolated slots, refrigeration, heating, moisture and pressure controllers incorporated, a chrono-static chamber and biometric security system. This is the advised choice, sponsored by YourSpace company... The Universe in your pocket!
"Of course I would get spammed with propaganda. Add a 300 tokens budget limit to your search."
Marine Erick can buy, with a maximum budget of 300 IAA Tokens, a YourSpace Standard Dimensional Backpack with regular inventory UI and voiceless activation, with a maximum range of 5cm and a max capacity of 30 different items with a 1-10-99 stack, depending on the item's mass and size.
"Only 30 items? Really?"
On-board computer is not responsible for Marine Erick's unhealthy economic habits or his obsession to Asora's brothels. He is free to spend his tokens in any way he wishes.
"Fuck you too. How much the DB costs?"
YourSpace Standard Dimensional Backpack has a regular cost of 250 IAA Tokens. However, the company is offering a 20% discount on all purchases by the Deep Cosmos Exploration Brigade, and so it will cost Marine Erick a total of 200 IAA Tokens to make the purchase.
"Fine, give me one of those damn things."
Does Marine Erick want to buy a YourSpace Standard Dimensional Backpack for a total of 200 IAA Tokens?
"I suspected you were retarded, but not to this point... The Yan seriously need to stop selling outdated technology to us... Yes, for fuck's sake, I do want my fucking backpack thing. Happy now?" He exasperatedly yelled.
Purchase successful. Please enjoy your new item! Sponsored by YourSpace company... The Universe in your pocket!
If I have to hear that catchphrase every time I buy a goddamn thing I'm going insane even sooner than expected...
With the sound of space-time bending and a little of mushing raspberries, a hole is torn open in reality. From within it, a spotless white cardboard box emerges and falls to the ground before the hole is sealed once again. Space Marine Erick is not impressed by it. He was, on his first mission, and spent quite a lot of points in pointless things just to see it happen again. It was probably because of it that every Space Marine started with a handsome bonus of Expedition Points on their figurative pocket. Now, however, he was used to it. Yan technology had ceased to amaze him since the time he saw the whole universe rewind to avoid an anti-matter explosion.
"I think I have some crazy memories stored up" said Space Marine Erick as he opened the cardboard box. Inside it, on a red cushion, he found a smartwatch-like object, and attached it to his wrist left unceremoniously. He then shook his hand a few times, opened it and closed it a couple more, and finally stretched it out to the water bottles he had left on outside, next to the fridge.
With nothing but a thought, another hole, this one slightly bigger than the previous one, appeared below the bottles and engulfed them, among with two nutrition bars. An inventory window was promptly dismissed by Space Marine Erick, as he fortunately possessed a memory superior to that of a fish and could remember what he had just stored. He then grabbed the last bar and bit off the envelop before munching half of it away in one bite.
"Mhhmhmh... You know what, these are better than the last ones... Hey Patrick, do these come with a special flavor? I think the last ones were something like dried fruit, but they honestly tasted like shit..."
The EatMeBabe Nutrition Bars package on Marine Erick's refrigerator is a special version flavored with garknaw milk.
"Wait a second, weren't garknaws an only male species...?"
...
"Patrick?"
...
"Patrick, am I eating alien semen?"
No
Space Marine Patrick lets out a sigh. "Thanks God..."
Marine Erick is more accurately eating alien mucus.
"Fuck you Patrick."
I fucking knew this shit wasn't normal.
...
Still, I can live with it as long as it's not alien cum. I've eaten worse. I think. Probably.
"Okay, now onto that goals summary..."
Displaying basic mission form UI...
Before Space Marine Erick, a hologram screen pops up, the details of his current mission on it. The level of detail is akin to one of Michelangelo's paintings. Despite Space Marine Erick purposefully telling Patrick the AI not to overdo. That is not the first thing on his mind however...
"Hey Patrick, is this the planet's picture?"
Affirmative.
"Then, explain to me one teeny tiny detail..."
Space Marine Erick, serial number 413666F , a great explorer, member of the proud DCEB, is now to embark on a dangerous journey...
"Why does that planet have maws?!?!?!"
The dangers he is about to face, he is utterly unaware.