Of all the strange things to happen in the past few weeks, tonight's events were likely one of the most unusual. When I heard shouting one night while half asleep, I never expected people to pass near my Domain's bubble area.

And so, a recollection:

While I lay atop my little treehouse perch, during the dead of night I first heard rustling and footsteps. Soon after, approaching voices were heard yelling before several people passed underneath and stopped a short distance from me. At first, I thought someone was bringing out the pitchforks to roast me, but soon realized I was not the target of anyone's ire.

Naturally, being the well-meaning citizen I am, I stealthily followed the trio of offenders with the most noble of intentions. It would appear there was some sort of dispute, and judging by the young girl being chased by two ruffians and some of the conversation, I quickly deduced their intentions were rather ill.

"Kill you? Do ya think we'd bother so much if that's all we'd planned for ya? Stupid mutt!"

When I heard that, I'd realized this girl was in some serious shit. Unless this was some bizarre roleplay, it wasn't going to end well for her. A manic grin formed in my mind.

This smells like ... opportunity.

I'd been watching these men. They were lightly armed and armored, with two knives at their sides. We were surrounded by trees and bushes so escape should be easy if things went poorly. While I couldn't be certain, I doubted they were capable of lobbing fireballs at me. It was a bit of a risk, but I had a solid plan of action. The payoff would be worth it.

After one of them kicked that short sword behind himself rather than pick it up, I had to contain my laughter else the bubbling sounds may have given way to my presence. If things went well, I'd have a young human girl indebted to me very shortly.

It was only a matter of timing things correctly. Let the fear permeate deeply so when I came to the rescue, she would feel like she'd been plucked from the depths of despair. Perhaps a bit cruel, but it seemed silly not to take advantage of human nature. Those men would likely be completely focused on her when they approached. She was acting as bait, in a way.

While they finished monologuing, I grabbed that small sword and quietly scurried up a slim tree off to the side. The blade wasn't terribly heavy, but the size was a little bit awkward so I uncomfortably stuffed most of it inside me after discarding the sheath and hauled it up while positioning it on my 'back'.

The fact those men didn't jump right on her immediately made me laugh in relief. I could've mounted a rescue should they take her, but this was easier. Each second they waited and walked slowly up to her, thinking they'd already won, was music to my ears.

There was a tree branch slightly below me. After angling myself, I grabbed onto it with a tendril, pointed the sword's blade towards the back of one of the men, and stretched myself backward. Assuming I didn't flub the 'execution', I was going to enjoy this thoroughly.

Doing my best mental impersonation of a Tarzan yell, I swung down from the tree and attempted to plant the blade directly in the man's back. At this point in time, I briefly reflected on the fact that plans don't always survive contact with the enemy—

Shhllk!

—in turn, the opposite is true. Sometimes the enemy is the one to not survive the 'contact'. Who knew the sound of pierced flesh could be so sweet? If I could, I'd give this plan a medal for meritorious services rendered. Good job, little plan.

Funny thing, really. I'd misjudged and overcompensated for how much I thought I would fall. Apparently, my tendril-arm was a bit more elastic than I'd expected as I soon found the blade I'd pilfered lodged directly in the back of the first target's neck, rather than his torso. Time seemed to slow slightly as I had swung down.

Before impact, I'd attempted to thrust it forward best as possible, all to surprisingly great effect. I don't know if it was my freshly acquired 'Swordsmanship' skill at work or just plain dumb luck, but I wasn't about to complain.

Given I was now hanging off the sword handle like the weighty pile of goop I am, I quickly pulled myself up by the hilt, jerking the man's head backward, before I propelled myself toward his companion's shoulder and jumped on 'Thug B'.

I must say, I'm glad people's first reaction to fright is to suck air in because I was able to jam a generous amount of my body into his mouth and soon performed a classic retelling of my kobold encounter. This was becoming a best-seller. There was something oddly empowering about forcing a man into such a position. I'm probably becoming a bit of a sadist. Need to make sure these weird feelings don't leak into the bedroom. Ahem.

The difference in this enactment compared to prior was I had much more mass and strength now. My Slime Bullet's 'Shotgun' mode seemed far more effective too, assuming his muffled screams of agony were any indication. The man's innards were no doubt undergoing hell right now, so I decided to liberate him from the pain by exerting all the force I could muster upon his neck.

I kept a firm grip on his jaw and forehead while spreading some of my mass to use his shoulders as a base. Had he remembered to tense his muscles, perhaps it wouldn't have worked. I yanked up hard, then twisted my entire body. I felt the vibrations from his spine snapping through the 'arm' I'd lodged down his throat.

This man was finished. And I didn't even have to stab or shoot his eyes out. Go figure.

It was time to change targets. While I doubted 'Thug A' would be rising, I quickly turned my attention toward him to make sure the good ol' sword-through-throat had indeed been a fatal blow.

He was laying motionless on the ground but it would be foolish to assume that was enough to outright kill a human in this bizarre world with HP and MP and all manner of fuckery. If that blade had missed his spine, perhaps he was waiting for a moment to jump up or flee? Was he casting some sort of silent healing magic? I hadn't gotten a notification from him yet, so I needed to be sure.

I cautiously approached him, noting he was indeed no longer breathing and merely twitched occasionally. Not quite there yet? Reaching an arm out, I jerked the sword around a few times to seal his fate before pulling the blade out. Another notification bubble was now in my vision, so I took this as a job well done.

It was then I turned my attention to the young girl. Now that the primary threat was eliminated, my mind turned to other matters.

... Uh oh. I think I screwed up big time.

She sat there petrified, eyes wide open. I hadn't considered the fact I was no 'hero on a white horse'. I was a Slime—a liquid abomination that had appeared out of nowhere during the shadow of night and slaughtered two grown men. She was probably pissing herself in fear.

AhhHHhh! I really did fuck up! I didn't have time to run through all the scenarios and perspectives, so I simply chose the one that made the most sense in my mind! I was focusing too much on killing those two guys to make her indebted to me!

There's gotta be some way I can convince her th—Hey! Why do you look like you're resigning yourself to death!? Am I really that scary!? Huh??

Hmm. Alright, so I'm scary then. I can accept this. Either that, or she's a really good actor and is plotting something. I doubt she'll retaliate but I should still be on guard. Now, how can I appear less frightening?

For starters, I should ... probably stop waving her sword around. Yeah. While I'm at it, let's clean the thug juices off it real quick and return it. She should feel more secure. If she turns hostile, I'm confident in fleeing or subduing her. She's still flat on her ass, after all.

Eh, maybe that sword will even count as bestowing something of value? Personally, I was considering the whole 'life-saving' thing to be that tidbit. Guess I'll find out.

Alright, think 'less scary'. Be 'cool' and 'non-threatening'. Pretend you didn't just scramble a man's throat-hole and crack another's neck. Just ignore the pooling blood several feet away. You've got this!

After reassuring myself, I did my best to appear docile and friendly. I lightly placed the girl's sword to her side and did my best impression of holding out my hand. Now I just have to ask and hope for the best. How should I phrase this?

I need you. Will you become my empl- ... no, my knight, child?

Phew, almost slipped up there. Gotta make it sound fancy. This is a fantasy setting, yeah? Need to get into character here. Think 'Princess Slime'-like. This is your future Royal Guard, so you must 'knight' her with a sword and act 'royal'.

A tortuous moment passed. There was a raspy noise coming from the girl, barely loud enough for me to hear.

"Ahh. I want ... to be ... a knight."

Pact Accepted! Amalia Alcott is now a member of your Royal Guard!

Reserving Skill capacity. Entity 'Amalia Alcott' has been appointed. Skill Slot will enter a cooldown period of 1 year and 3 months. In commemoration of acquiring a subject and according to parameters, a Title has been granted!

I quickly confirmed that she accepted, before directing my attention away from my pending notifications. A rush of excitement and disbelief bubbled up in me, all before it quickly deflated.

Huh. She ... passed out. Wow.

This threw me off my game. I was prepared to follow up with a test of the whole 'telepathy' feature. In a way, perhaps this was preferable since I could ensure she didn't have any weapons or the like hidden on her before she awoke.

I was also deeply concerned by this 'Skill Slot cooldown' the almighty green box mentioned. A sense of foreboding struck me when I thought about the fact I'd tried making a goblin my Royal Guard. I think ... I might've dodged a bullet on that one. A year with a goblin? That's a hard pass.

Ugh, they really need to include a user manual with this crap. There isn't nearly enough documentation on these systems and Skills. Did that mean I couldn't swap for another Royal Guard until over a year passed? Bah!

Whatever. At least she seems infinitely better than that goblin. Let's just put this sword over here back in the sheath, then have a little toast over my new Royal Guard. Hmhmhmm!

You’ve killed a Human (Bandit)!

Experience awarded.

You’ve killed a Human (Marauder)!

Experience awarded.

Level up!

Small Princess Slime Lvl.13 → Lvl.14

Strength - 22 → 23

Vitality - 30 → 32

Intelligence - 27 → 28

Wisdom - 20 → 21

Dexterity - 23 → 25

Skill increased!

Sneak Attack Lvl.3 → Lvl.4

Title Acquired! - Lordling

A noble must have subjects. You've taken your first step towards the upper-class. Don't trip!

Charisma +2 when chosen as primary Title.

Oh? This is interesting. Whenever I killed that old woman, I'd barely paid attention to the menu as I was so elated at my success. I believe the notification said something like, "You've killed a Human (Ice Witch)"? That wasn't even noteworthy to me at the time so I blew it off. Now I wished I'd studied every notification more.

Bandit? Marauder? Why was ... No, there must be something to these descriptions. I can speculate, but I'll save that for later. Perhaps my newly appointed guard will be able to clear things up? I'll have to ask her when she wakes up. Speaking of which ...

I rolled over to inspect my sleepy little knight. While she was still breathing, I noticed a few things about the girl. Namely, she looked like death warmed over. Seriously, where are this girl's parents? This is blatant child abuse! Ahem. Not that I care.

Oh, and she has fluffy ears on top of her head and seems to possess a tail.

... ... ...

Whaaa- Seriously, what the heck is this crap? Did I get a Royal Guard or a pet dog!? I mean, I've always been partial to dogs but due to maintenance and my busy schedule, ... wait, that's beside the point! Heeey! Wake up and explain to me properly! If you don't wake up, I'm going to pet you fiercely and without permission!

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

Ah. I feel mentally exhausted now. This is too much stress. Perhaps I should try healing her? It wouldn't be funny if my Royal Guard's debut ended in catastrophe. I don't know if she's even taken any 'damage', but it should probably help. May as well give Detoxification a go, too. She looks pretty sickly and cut up.

First, let's put down a Domain anchor so no one sneaks up on me. Now I've just gotta figure out these Rejuvenation and Detoxification spells. Hope they don't use up too much MP. I can't afford to ditch her anymore, so if someone attacks us I will be livid.

I rolled up to the girl and put a tendril around her arm. She was still warm, but her wrists were incredibly thin. The thought rather annoyed me. Why was she in such bad shape? A runaway or something? This is going to be a lot of work.

I sighed and began tending to the girl's numerous little injuries and ailments. I'm sure an actual doctor or healer would do much better, but I had the luxury of time to figure out my Skills and heal this small dog-girl up. If I couldn't do it tonight, I'll just apply more treatment later. Her life didn't appear to be in danger.

Hours passed. I watched using my Magic Sensory as all her little nicks and cuts scabbed over and rubbed off. She was probably a stinking mess, so I decided to clean her off in a rather disgusting manner. Namely, I ate all the dirt off of her and gave her skin a good slime-rubbing. I'm glad she was asleep for this because I didn't feel like having my good intentions mistaken for eating her or molesting a child.

Seriously though, how exhausted was she? Getting enveloped and scrubbed by a Slime has gotta produce some sort of sensation. Does she just not care anymore? Damn fleabag.

Her hair was still matted and a bit oily, so I created a Water Bolt and used it to clean her face and hair the best I could. We'd have to get her some shampoo and deodorant. There were lice on her scalp, so I quickly digested them as well. I really shouldn't be grossed out after the things I've eaten, but something about having bugs in my diet still doesn't sit well with me.

When I used Rejuvenation and Detoxification, I found my consciousness enter some weird realm. It was like my mind was lightly submerged into her body, almost as if I could see slightly below the surface. Her muscles were crying out in pain, she had something building up in her bloodstream, and there was a tooth infection. I could feel how hungry and malnourished she was.

I wasn't competent enough to heal such vast and varied things, so all I could do was send some 'Rejuvenating' Mana into the problem areas and hope that would help combat infection. As for the hunger, I'd have to feed my new employee after she was awake.

She was starting to look less like a mongrel, at least. I think she'd clean up rather nicely. Now I just had to figure out what to do when she woke up.

Well, I'll save that problem for later. I have some delicious food to chow down on to restore my stamina. It's been a while since I ate, and while I'm not particularly hungry, it's probably not good to have a child wake up next to corpses.

And so, I devoured the two men rather thoroughly, making sure to get rid of all the blood best I could. Don't want any animals catching a whiff. My late-night dinner tasted faintly of beef that had been undercooked. I'm gonna give the bulkier one a 32/100, and the skinner man a 26/100. They both were rather stringy and the aftertaste wasn't very pleasant either. Would not dine again.

Attribute increase!

Strength - 23 → 25

Vitality - 32 → 33

Dexterity - 25 → 27

Ah, I should stop making jokes about the people I'm eating. As a former-human, that's pretty screwed up. Sure they were likely horrible people, but I've gotta stop murdering things just because it's convenient. I'm going to develop bad habits. If I'm going to attempt integration into society, I need to stop viewing everything as food.

Even if everything literally is food.

Anyway, at least the attribute increases are delicious. Little bit disappointed I didn't get any new Skills. Perhaps these two goons were really weak or something? Best not to assume, I suppose.

After such a large meal I felt rather stuffed. Probably should've saved the skinny one for leftovers. That aside, I didn't have much else to do so I went about Meditating to restore my MP. Healing that girl on top of my earlier usage had been tiring. I'll just relax a bit.

Really not sure how she managed it, but my new ward slept the night through. I even touched her tail and ruffled it for a while, yet there was no reaction. So soft~

Still, aren't you being too lax, girl? This won't do. It was beginning to become light out by the time she finally stirred, which meant several hours had passed.

I wasn't sure what to expect, but I hoped this would go well. I was becoming a tad nervous, but after counting backwards from ten I'd quelled such fears. The fact I was practically stuck with her was a small blunder. If she ran or rejected me after the fact, I'd be in a terrible position. Such a dumb Skill limitation...

Just gonna have to make it work somehow. Alright, change of attitude.

"Ahem. Hello? Are you awake yet, girl? Can you hear me?" I tried mentally speaking. This telepathy thing seemed to click rather easily, almost like picking up a phone. Nice.

The little pup bolted upright as if just realizing where she was. She looked around for several seconds before settling her sights on my magnificently pink and squishy form.

"Yes, I'm talking to you, so please reply. Can you understand me?"

Her eyes bulged to comedic effect before she backed up against that tree like a frightened cat, ready to attack.

"W-Who goes there?" she hollered.

Well, she was smarter than the goblin, though perhaps not by as much as I'd expected. Were there no schools in this world? Maybe she has a learning disorder?

"It's me," I replied, waving an arm to her, "Pleased to meet you. You're now my knight, part of my Royal Guard. I look forward to work—err, rather, let's get along well, shall we?"

That sounded about right to me. I thought it was a stellar introduction, so why does it look like she's about to back all the way up that tree and fly away? You don't even have wings, now get back down here. If you fall and break your neck, no amount of Rejuvenation is going to heal that. ... Probably.

I mentally sighed at the girl. She seemed to be surveying the surroundings, but I already know there's nothing else there.

Her voice was still hoarse, "Wh-What's going on? How are you talking in my head? What are you?"

Ehh, I guess I should take things slowly. She's obviously confused. Where to start ...

"I'm a Slime. Those two thugs were going to do terrible things to you, so I killed them. You then agreed to become my knight, a member of my Royal Guard. I can't speak normally, but I can talk to any Royal Guards through telepathy. Did you follow all that?"

I was beginning to feel like we really were talking different languages. This girl needs some more adaptability in her life. Hell, I managed to eat giant spiders and centipedes while hardly blinking an eye. Those things have tons of squirming legs!

Still, I'm not asking too much, am I? Should I lower my standards? Her face is still showing disbelief even after I calmly and slowly explained everything.

"You, ... you're really talking in my head? A Slime? That's impossible! Father never told me of anything like that."

The girl trailed off, before following up with a dry bout of coughing. Man, she really is messed up. At least cover your mouth. Do you realize how many germs you're expelling? I don't want to get the magic dog-flu or something, y'know?

"I can't simplify it any further. The truth is plainly before you. Once you've settled down, I'll return your sword. I tried applying healing to your wounds, but does your body feel any better? Are you hungry?"

As if struck by lightning, the girl began patting her body down and looking rather confused. After a short while, she stopped. Her face screwed up into an ugly, toothy frown. The silence began to bother me.

"Why...?"

Hm?

"I can't hear you from this distance. Try telepathy or speak louder."

Her face pointed toward the ground. What exactly is she doing? I was going to get closer to check on her but—

"Why did you help me!? Why was a monster like you the only one!? I don't believe it! It doesn't make any sense!"

She began yelling. I saw the telltale sign of tears.

I ... I'm uh, really not sure how to deal with things like this. I was a bit startled as she hit the ground with her balled fists.

"What did I do to deserve this!? Why did they steal from and cast me out of my own home!? Why didn't any of those bastards in Kulve give more than a pittance or a pitying glance!? Why? Why did my parents leave me alone in this ugly and greedy world!?"

Ah hell. What do I do, what do I do? I'm clearly not qualified for this kind of thing. I feel like she just dropped a bomb directly in my face. My world views are already too screwed up to give life advice, especially to an apparently homeless dog-child in some foreign land. I can barely even follow what she's talking about. Dead parents? Abandoned? What am I supposed to say to, to this?

Hell, I'm the one who goes, ... or rather, used to go to therapy. I don't know how to comfort people! I'm only trained to speak in a professional or casual capacity! If it were a Skill, my Chit-Chat would be "Lvl.1" at best!

"Those vile men...! Just because I'm—! They wanted to—!"

She was getting erratic. Alright, self. You need to defuse this somehow. You've gotta pull some kind of bullshit out of somewhere. First impressions are huge during interviews. You need this girl for things. Now, what's a good method to handle a mentally unstable hiree?

My brain was working overtime. At first, nothing usable was coming to mind. That's when I remembered a pretty good book I'd been told to read on psychology and handling anxiety. Perhaps an approach like that? It might be a good motivator. I can always play it off if it doesn't work. She'll just think I'm strange, which is admittedly true.

Meh, it's worth a try. Reliable authority figure and all that. Here goes nothing. ...

"Enough!" I mentally commanded the girl. She seemed to shrink up in shock at being interrupted. I then did my best to mimic a vigorous and passionate tone for the speech I'd hastily cobbled together.

"If fools cast stones at you, does that make them anything more than a collective mob with some rocks? If you suffer injustice in this world, does that make those responsible any more correct?! Of course not!"

I paused for a moment. It was at this point I realized I only had the faintest clue where I was going with this. I was just trying to sound clever and confident. Dammit, may as well keep at it.

"It's simple! If a fool stones you, then return the pain tenfold! If justice fails you, then you must enact it yourself! Crying won't solve anything. Instead, take action as best you're able!"

What's next? Something something, I need you and vice versa, do a good job, etc. and so on. OK, that's good.

"Child, you may not realize it but I'm expecting great things from you in the future. And I won't allow one of my Royal Guards to suffer so. If there is something that ails you, tell me so that we may attempt to rectify the matter! You are no longer alone, you can rely on me now!"

Did I go too hard? I feel like I went too hard. Ahh! I'm so embarrassed. I totally overacted! There's no way anyone's going to buy into all that crap, even if it's a child. Should've toned it down and used less flowery speech. My comparisons were all over the place. Stupid, stupid. But I really need someone right now.

I winced a little before looking over at the dog-eared girl.

"Th-that's ... But, but why me?" the girl sniffled at me.

She's totally buying it! The hell?!

Ohh, I really shouldn't complain but why are you going along with me so easily!? Wipe your tears and get suspicious of the man-eating monster before you! Just because I don't have facial expressions or body language anymore doesn't mean you should just trust my words! ‘Why you?’ Because you were convenient!

"Because you looked like you needed help."

I hate kids! This is stupid! I'm going to teach the shit out of her assuming we both don't meet a horrid end. Gah!

"That's—! I'm—!"

I listened as the words got stuck in her throat, before moving over to pat her on the back. She'd buried her hands in her eyes and started bawling again. God, I hate having to play the adult. This girl must have some serious issues. And for me to think that? Worrisome.

I tried patting her on the back with a tendril. She recoiled for a moment, before staying still and just kinda letting it happen. I decided it was a good time to coo words of reassurance to her. Everything's gonna be alright, you're fine now, that kinda nonsense.

Since I barely knew what was going on, the words felt rather hollow. I'd try to ensure they remained true, as it was in my best interests, but for all I knew I was boldly lying to the girl. I wasn't even sure if I could take care of myself, let alone some young kid.

"Wipe your tears, child. We've plenty of time to get acquainted with one another. For starters, your name is Amalia, correct?"

A gross bit of snot was hanging from her left nostril. I tried to pretend I didn't see it until she finally wiped her nose on her shabby, dark green shawl.

"It's ... It's Amalia. Amalia Alcott," she wheezed.

"Right then. Amalia. You're hungry, yes? Let's talk more about getting some food in you. I'm sure you have many questions and I'll answer them the best I can. I've several questions for you, too."

I concluded the bulk of my planned conversation as she finally started catching her breath. Her legs were now in a W-shape as she sat upon the dirt and grass. Honestly, she looked anything but knightly. Was this really going to work long term? I hadn't planned on being stuck with a candidate for so long. Perhaps I can level up my Royal Guard Skill and get a more reliable one? Hmm.

As I tried to outline a plan of action moving forward, I was caught off guard. It would appear my few weeks eating bugs and lizards had dulled my societal etiquette. In her dry and hoarse tone, she asked me something unexpected.

"Do you ... do you have a name, Miss Slime?"

Questions sprung forth. How did she decide my gender? Was it because I was pink? That's colorism. Did my mental voice project a certain way? An odd thought. Should I ... use my real name?

I stewed on it for a brief moment, before sighing.

No, that woman is gone. I'm clearly not on Earth anymore, nor human.

If I had a name, it would've come with me when God or whatever decided to toss me in that damned cave. Still kinda pissed about that. Yet, now my name read clear as day. 'N/A' - Nameless. It no longer applies.

"I do not. If it pleases you, you can decide on a name for me. If I like it then perhaps I'll go by that from now on."

Maybe this will help foster some form of bond with the girl? Well, I don't care much either way, so long as it isn't something incredibly stupid or outlandish. I've certainly been called enough names before. What's a new one matter?

With disinterest, I watched as she bit her lip and looked around as if searching for something. It took her a good few seconds, but it seemed like something finally clicked.

"How about ... Rozalin?" she asked, barely more than a whisper.

Kind of bland. Not much of a fan on that one. Should I veto it?

She continued, "Father always told me that Mother loved flowers, especially roses. Your color reminds me of them a bit."

I sighed to myself. She seemed rather attached to that thought. Perhaps, ...

"Ah, that's not bad. I've decided. From now on, you may call me Rozalin."

I'll steal a small part of my old name this time around, as a reminder of sorts.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Amalia Alcott. If you work hard and serve me well, perhaps one day I'll even bestow half the world unto you. Hmhmhmm," I laughingly joked.

Yes, a reminder. A small bit of encouragement to not settle for such a dreadfully boring existence. I'd make this an 'exciting, heart-pounding adventure', even if it killed me in the end. I was tired of living for others, playing by their rules.

Amalia finished drying her eyes before replying in her quiet, crackling tone, "I'm ... I don't know about half the world or, or any of this, really. I just, ... If I can find somewhere to call home then I'd be happy."

I see. Somewhere to belong, eh? We can agree on that much.

A smile formed in my mind, "I suppose we've a lot to do then. Let's get started, my little knight."