Men are the worst. Leo thinks this to herself as this idiot Jake drags his idiot girlfriend toward her. She isn’t gonna die and he knows that.

Then, it gets even worse. He starts talking to Leo. About nonsense. He doesn’t even bother speaking Spanish after a certain point. Can’t he just wait for Red? And besides, whatever he was talking about is probably just to stall for time. Stall for what, even?

And that’s when Red arrives and breaks the scene. To be honest, Leo was excited for that idiot Blake and that big idiot Bill to start fighting again. He did ruin Alyx’s body, which is funny, to be honest. Red says something in English, again. You know what? Fuck it.

“En Espanol, gringito de mierda.” Leo calls out to Red. That… actually does some psychic damage to her. Red gasps as if offended and responds back, “No soy un gringo!!”

Leo snickers and sticks her tongue out. “Pero tu crees que tu eres un Latino, pero hablas como un redneck. Y tu nombre? Red Jensen? Red como el Internet?” The gang’s reached the end of it, apparently. Why not have a little fun?

“Hablas en Español por una vez, mija. Que te dices?”

Red, face flushed from embarrassment, pats down her dress. The other Anglophones in the room stare at Red, then at Leo, then at Red again. Bill interjects the silence. “Ma’ams, can y’all speak English–”

Leo throws a stray plate Bill’s way. He blocks it with his arm, but it starts to bleed a little.

“Entonces. Yo sé quién ha matado a Alyx.” Red narrows her eyes. “Y la estoy mirando.”

Leo doesn’t change her facial expression, which is that of a smirk.

“So.. what does that mean?” Jake meekly asks.

“Means I’m starin’ down our culprit right now.” And then, everyone looked at Leo.

Man, it really took these idiots a while to figure it all out.

Leo tilts her head up at Alyx. “Tu quieres traducir por mi?” Red obliges. And so, the killer begins.

“Honestly, I really thought one of you was gonna die here too. I mean, you all are kinda incompetent and didn’t even realize you were all being poisoned by this egotistical maniac. You kinda deserved what you all got.”

“Hurry up and tell us why you killed the doc!” Bill bellows.

“Relax, I’m getting there, Trumpito. Anyways, Jake, my guy, I lied. I didn’t know a friend who was Alyx’s patient. I was the friend. I sussed her out day one. In fact, I was supposed to be in that report too.”

Leo holds out another page, similar to the one passed out to everyone. Except, it had one more thing.

Reyes, Leonida - ██████ ███████ ████████ ██████ █████ ██████ ██████ █████ █ ████ ███ █████ ██ ███ ████ ██████ ██ ████ ████████ ███ ███ ████ ████ ███ ██████ ███ ███████████.

“What’s in it? Who knows? But Alyx knew I was bad news, and cut me loose. That was when I decided to do a little digging. Once I found out, I knew she had to go. So? What did I do? I poisoned her! That’s all.” Leo’s grin turns catlike.

“But… why?” Jake softly pressed.

“To be fair? I wasn’t the only one who wanted her gone. In fact, I didn’t even want her gone. But, hey, the Church did, so I just did what they asked. Oh, Blake? Spoilers: Max’s next on the list, so don’t even worry about falling off.” She flashes a condescending smile toward her.

The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

It’s at this time that Shay slowly comes to yet again. Jake looks down, shifting her into a more comfortable position. “You okay?”

“...dude, you asked me the same thing, like, two fuckin’...” Shay looks up at Leo. “...the fuck is this…”

“Oh! Miss Miller Lite! I shot those needles at ya. Turns out, Alyx armed this house and knew all of your weaknesses, and I didn’t need any of you prying, so I tested them out! Honestly? It would’ve been sooo good if it killed you. No hard feelings, though!”

Shay’s eyes narrow at Leo. “You snake-ass little bitch–” Then, she winces as her neck flares up again.

“Why the fuck do you want us dead in the first place?! Isn’t Alyx enough for you?!” Jake sneers.

“Why? ‘Cause I can! In fact, I’ve gotten away with it already.” Leo turns back to Red. “Congrats. You solved the case, but that’s all you can do. You can’t do anything about it without the Church siccing all of their whatevers at you. So who’s got the last laugh, huh?” Leo throws her head back to the heavens and laughs.

Red, who’s still reeling from her initial embarrassment, turns to Jake and Shay, who are now embracing each other as if to protect the other. Red sighs and kneels down. “...I’m real sorry about this mess. She’s… she’s right. End of the line for me.”

Shay weakly shrugs. “The fuckin’ Catholic Church at her side, huh… thought I left them a while ago…”

Jake chuckles. “...also why she stayed. She craves drama. Just like you, Red. Honestly… I thought you two weren’t so different.”

The trio watch as Leo happily gloats over everyone and claims victory. It looked like the story had ended.

But it hadn’t. Because a message notification beeps from Blake’s phone, whose camera was, for the whole speech, aimed at Leo’s face.

“H-hey! Quit recording!” Leo stomps over to Blake, who’s at least a foot taller than her. In a comic show, Leo jumps up to try and swipe the offending slab.

“Why should I? You did just confess. And while you’ll get off scot-free in the court, you probably won’t in the eyes of your adoring fans. Ever know what it feels to be canceled, Reyes?” Leo freezes for a moment. Her blank expression is answer enough.

“Ugh, who cares?! I did you a service! She was experimenting on you!” Leo barks back.

“And you tried to get us to kill each other. At least, you’ll be charged with attempted murder on Shay.” Blake brings both hands up to type on her phone.

“Attempt– have none of you gotten acupuncture before?!?” Leo looks shocked. Offended, even. Shay puts pressure on her neck… and starts to slowly roll her neck. She winces again. “...no? But even I know that wasn’t it.”

Leo facepalms. Really? Cancelling her? This was how they’re gonna repay her? Ungrateful brats. And she really would’ve gotten away with it if it weren’t for that meddling Red. Speaking of… where did she even go?

Distracted by Red’s disappearance, Leo looks around only to find herself lifted up by Bill in a chokehold. The others turn to face the two, Jake holding his arm out to try to calm the quarterback. “Mate, are you tryin’ to get arrested too?!?”

Bill snarls back at Jake. “She’s gotta pay! And if any of you wanna stop me, then step up!” For emphasis, he grabs a bust and holds it out to Jake, ready to attack. “Startin’ with you, you two-faced nerf-herder.”

Shay freezes, her instincts stopping her from shielding Jake from Bill. She could take him in a fight… but not like this. He had control, and from the looks of it, he was going to kill Leo. To be real honest, Shay has mixed feelings about all of this. Alyx was experimenting on everyone… but Leo did also shoot those needles at her. In a way, both needed to pay. And pay they did. Killing Leo will solve nothing… well, except the Bill problem, but that’s for another day.

That being said, as she begins to slowly move her leg, Shay feels something metallic on her shin. Her eyes look down as… a needle. No, two needles, the ones that hit her. Maybe…

“Hah! Cowards! I knew y’all didn’t wanna get with me. Now, time to end this shitshow!” Bill drops the bust and brings his arms to choke Leo out. Jake holds out a hand in vain. Blake is furiously typing away at her phone.

From this angle, one could see what exactly Blake was doing now. Recording the whole thing via selfie camera and sending Leo’s tirade to her friends outside. Friends with the clout to cancel Leo… and Bill. The very same Bill that was going to be needled up by Shay…!

Using her right leg to propel herself as if she was skating, Shay lunges for Bill’s shoulders, for the near-exact area where the nerves connect with the rest of the arms. Gritting her teeth through her own pain, Shay slams the needles in, causing Bill to scream. After a few seconds, his arms go slack and Leo scurries out of Bill’s grasp as the hulking figure looks down at everyone.

“You… you’re just gonna…!!”

Jake gets up and catches Shay as she again goes limp in his arms. The enforcer simply grins and flips the bird.

Blake stops recording and tsks. “It’s the fact that you could’ve let me end it with a nice cancelling for me. Now, you’re gonna have the Church after you. Not so American of you, huh?”

Jake and Shay can’t help but laugh as they hobble out of the mansion. By now, Leo’s already scrambled her way out and is on the main road. Blake is the last to leave. As she closes the door, she calls out: “And also, Tom Brady fucking sucks.” The last that is heard of Bill is his mighty roar as his idol is mocked, his ego ruined.

—

Red, to be honest, needed some fresh air after Leo insulted her like that. She had a point, probably. It has been a while since Red last visited Puerto Rico, her home. Maybe she should go there tomorrow.

Red had already called the authorities when she left the mansion. After all, there was nothing left for her to do. However, from observing this colorful cast, the basketball player and the hockey player probably didn’t really deserve to be there. So, out of whimsy, perhaps, she slipped them a few tricks to help them get some closure. Here’s hoping they got some use out of it.

“Oh, a gift!” Red opens her phone and finds an AirDrop. A video; oh, how delightful. Red watches the entire video and reads the accompanying message:

“FWIW - It was fun. A souvenir. -Harlow”

Red giggles and hugs her poodle, which had been taking a nap the whole time on the yard. “They are smarter than I thought. I had a hunch Jake figured out who the culprit was, but…” Red sighs, thinking about something. “...I have no more involvement in the case, but… I’m afraid I can’t leave a lil’ gift hangin’, don’tcha think, Bessie dear?”

The poodle whines as Red checks her contacts. “If I share this with my friends, Leo’s definitely gonna be an ex-comunicato. Definitely won’t be goin’ to jail, but she’ll lose protection. And whatever backin’ they were givin’ her. And it might save a life. But it’ll rob me of another case to go after…” Red sighs.

“Oh well, can’t enjoy a case if you already solved it.”

Red hits send.

–END–