Flashes of bright white, blue and red. Muffled voices and static from the radio. I just want to sleep, i feel cold and my eyes are super heavy. "Ma'am, can you hear me? You've been involved in an accident. We need to get you out of the car." Heavy machinery whirring sounds around me. Sirens sound off in the distance or is that near me i cant tell. Something warm is all over my shirt, did i spill my coffee on me in the accident? The warmer i feel the harder it is for me to not fight the blackness creeping in behind my vision. Some things are just too unbear—

Beep, beep, beep. I feel something over my face, it wraps around my ears and runs down my chest. I smell flowers and a hint of bleach. Once i open my eyes everything is fluorescent and blurry so i quickly shut them again. "Doctor, shes awake. Oh my god my niece is awake." Is that Aunt Starla? It cant be, am i dead? I try to open my eyes again and i manage to keep them open for a few seconds until they start to burn and tears well up. "Wha- what happened?" My throat is so dry, ive never felt like this before "Sweetie you were in an accident, youve lost a lot of blood but youre gonna be okay." She has tears in her eyes. "Wheres mom and dad? Are they okay, are they in the gift shop or getting coffee or something, whats going on?" I'm so frantic i start to get up but there's a sharp pain in my side and my head hurts. "I'm sorry Evie, they didnt make it."

Its been three months, the stares at school havent stopped the same people who were my friends have ultimately stopped giving me the same attention as they used to. They say all i do is mope, that i need to start healing. But I can't, i mean it has only been three months, and i spent a month and a half of that in the hospital. I only was let out on a temporary time for my parents funeral. They were buried together, closed caskets of course. Half the town showed up and all of it went by in a blur for me. I felt so drunk on sorrow i didnt know what to do. Every person that i hugged that day all said the same thing, im sorry for your loss, theyre in a better place, theyre not suffering anymore. Not like they were suffering to begin with but some people have no idea what to say when it comes to funerals and grieving. I went through all of the stages of denial in the past three months. Waking up at my aunts house confused on how i got there and thinking my parents were still gonna come get me, like they were on some sort of vaction that i couldnt reach them. Now im in the sixth stage, we call this moving on. I still visit them every day after i get off of school, the walking distance is decent. Between the school, the cemetery and my aunts house who are all in a cute triangle, i get atleast three miles of walking in every day. My aunt drops me off in the morning and i lie and say i catch the city bus home every night. Shes a nurse and she works the graveyard shift so im usually getting home when shes waking up for the day. Over the past few months my style has changed, im no longer that girl that wears the brand new clothes and the really nice shoes. Ive taken more of an alternative approach. All black, shoes, shirts, pants, socks, bags, underwear too. I dyed my hair black and i took a razor blade to it and its feathered out and uneven. But, thats not the only thing ive taken the razor to, but long sleves covers those. Ive also secretly started smoking, hoping my aunt wont smell it on my clothes, she has but every time i tell her a friend of mine smokes and she doesnt say any more but i bet she doesnt believe me. She has no idea how to raise teenagers, i mean im pretty much grown already since i turn 18 in a few months. 8 but who is counting, not me of course. She asks me on the weekends why i never go out and hang out with friends but i tell her the same thing every time, my stomach hurts. I cant keep using my injury as a crutch anymore, i do it in gym class enough but the gym teacher has a soft spot for me since i have a six inch scar on my size from where some metal went in the side of me. The doctors call it some sort of miracle, i just say it was good luck i only coded one time. They say "the angels were really watching out for you that morning" i say that i didnt get quite as lucky as my parents. God wouldnt keep them apart but sky daddy will keep me from them.

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