The dried autumn leaves snapped and popped under their boots as Hwan led the way out of the woods to the stream. The undergrowth had grown surprisingly sparse as they neared the creek. The dense layer of trees opened into a large expanse of smooth rocks polished by the constant moisture, the grey afternoon light reflecting off their glossy finish. They jagged, melting into the vast, meandering stream gurgling down a gradient slope.
The water was like glass, its pristine surface immaculately revealing the vibrant colours of its shallow bed and the thriving life beneath it. Hwan knelt down, pulling Jay Yi beside him, the rust of her blood-splattered skirt bringing a pop of colour against the polished clay floor. He dipped his hands gently into the reflective water, rubbing his hands together to wash away the dirt, his graceful fingers looking even longer, the translucent water shimmering around his skin's opaque surface. He then scooped water into his hands and held it to Jay Yi.
Her eyes widened.
"Drink before it seeps out of my hand," Hwan said wryly.
Jay Yi put her mouth close to his hand, awkward. Hwan moved the cup of his hands closer, and Jay Yi gulped at the water, the refreshingly cool liquid soothing her parched throat. Her lips touched the rough edges of his palm, and she drew back, her lips tingling.
Hwan did not react. Instead, he repeatedly scooped water and held it to her until she shook her head to tell him she was quenched.
Hwan folded her sleeves briskly, gently pulled Jay Yi's hands, and immersed them in the calming water of the stream. It stung, making Jay Yi pull back instinctively.
"Ouiiiiii!" the yowl was involuntary.
"Relax, it will get better."
Hwan kept the pressure of his hold on her wrist, preventing her from moving away.
"It hurts!" The burning was terrible; she felt the sting of tears in her eyes and let out a silent litany of curses.
"Are you cursing?" Hwan asked nonchalantly, a suspicious trace of amusement lacing his voice.
"You are laughing at me!" She accused, still trying to wriggle her hands out.
"How can you be so whiny for someone who just took down three assassins? You have braved sword cuts! You would not have realised you were hurt if I hadn't pointed it out, you idiot!" He grumbled laughingly.
"Because I didn't see it earlier!" She wailed, her unreasonable argument sounding totally reasonable to her ears.
Sighing, Hwan gave her an exasperated dead stare, holding her hands down into the water until she stopped wriggling and looked away. Then she made a face at him when he was not looking.
The water eventually soothed and felt warm, chasing away the fierce sting and the chill around them. His touch was almost feather-light, his fingers caressing off the dirt and debris from her injured hands, going over each finger, the length of it, its tip, one by one, careful not to exert any pressure that could hurt.
He extracted a clean cloth from the folds of his tunic and dabbed her hands dry.
Her hands looked angry and raw but clean. The burning started again as the cool air touched the tender, exposed flesh, making her suck in the air.
"Are you hurt anywhere else?" Hwan asked, inspecting her hands closely.
They sat side by side, Hwan on his hunches and Jay Yi on her folded knees. Jay Yi shook her head, her body suddenly a complex flex of nerves at his close proximity.
He softly blew on her hands, soothing the hurt.
She jumped, and pain had nothing to do with it.
"Does it hurt too much?" There was only concern in his eyes.
She shook her head violently, not trusting herself to speak.
"How did you hurt them like this?"
She explained how she had pulled a stubborn vine out of the ground. A look of appreciation spread over his incredible features that looked so inviting that Jay Yi's hand itched to touch.
Stupid!
Mentally smacking herself to focus away from him and onto more general things, she recounted how she had brought both men down. Recalling the shock that had gripped her assailant's face, she squealed. "You should have seen him when he was trying to keep his balance." She mimed the action by spreading her hands and flapping them by turns, moving them up and down, then in small circular motion, her peels of laughter echoing off the rocks and the trees around them.
"And her face when she realised she had nowhere to run?" Jay Yi went off for another minute as pure joy flitted across her features at her accomplishment.
Admiration and amusement filled Hwan's eyes as he pulled the opening of the pouch. "You are enjoying this, are you not?"
"Should I not?" She giggled.
He chuckled, gesturing her to return her hands to him.
Smiling, she placed her hands in front of him, which looked ridiculously tiny against his large ones.
"But you should try to do such things so you don't get hurt! Do you know how worried I was?"
"I didn't do it on purpose!" Jay Yi defended.
She looked at him as he took one of her hands and inspected it, readying to apply something.
"How many attacked you?" She asked curiously.
"Five. And I still didn't get my hands torn up like this! How do you always manage to get injured! On top of it, you don't even realise you are injured or tell anyone. You are such an idiot!" He admonished exasperatedly, his expressions wandering between amusement and affrontery.
"I didn't have the privilege of an entire army teaching me to fight," She retorted tartly, hurt. "And I am not six feet tall either."
She tugged her hands free, pouting, putting them behind her.
Laughing, he reached out to grab them back, drawing her by the arms. She twisted away, sulking.
So, with a chiding "Oh Ho!" he tugged at her arms harder than intended, and she lost her balance, tumbling into his lap. She tried to push herself up by pushing at him, and the force sent him on his back on the smooth surface of the rock, and she landed on his chest, sprawled.
Their eyes met, his darkening, hers panicking.
She tried to gather herself up, but his arm coiled her waist, holding her captive.
"Please stay for a bit, Jay Yi," he whispered, the undiluted need in his voice sending shivers down the length of her body, every nerve ending tingling.
Immobile, she gazed at a spot on his chest, finding the gentle rhythm of its rise and fall arrestingly fascinating.
The floor beneath them was elevated towards their head, so Hwan's body was at a natural incline. He folded his knee on the other side up and pulled Jay Yi closer to his body.
He tugged the strings under his chin, and his hat came off. He pushed it off with a finger, so it landed away from his head, upside down. Her eyes travelled to his face, only to find him observing her with hooded eyes, his keen eyes not missing the blood that rushed to her face.
She half-heartedly tried freeing herself once more. His hand tightened in response. Jay Yi's eyes returned to his face, and unable to hold his intense gaze, it travelled up.
Her gaze fixed on the clip on the elegant bun adorning his head. It was hidden beneath what looked like a black pouch, but the gold flecks shimmered through at the slightest of movement. Piqued, she pulled herself up to take a closer look.
"You look more interested in my clip than me!" Hwan gave a cry of indignance, but his eyes danced with laughter.
She flushed. "I was just looking. I have not seen it before." She peered at it. "It looks larger than the Crown Prince clip." Curiosity was getting the better of her.
With a long sigh of suffering, he pulled the little black hair stick that held the clip in place. "Go ahead, take a look."
Jay Yi was lying on his right, her lower body weight on her left hip, her upper body distributed on her left arm folded beneath her, resting on his chest. She pulled herself a little more; her right hand reached over his face and pulled the little cloth pouch hiding the clip, uncovering the gold plate of the clip that was balancing itself on the hair bun through its sheer size.
Jay Yi gasped. A large jade sat in the middle of the intricately crafted plum blossoms and dragon motifs on the plate.
"It's much larger!" Jay Yi observed. "What does its gold hair stick look like?"
"It is longer than this one and has a fire-breathing dragon on its non-pointed end. It has tiny little blue sapphires for eyes. It has my initials on it."
"It's magnificent!" Jay Yi exclaimed, tracing a loving finger over the bumps and crests of the raised carvings on the plate.
The plate came loose a little, sliding off the hair bun. "Oh!" She gasped apologetically and looked at Hwan.
Her face was now very close to his, her eyes at the level of his chin.
Without a word, he handed her the stick.
She smiled and pulled her hand from underneath her body. Bracing herself entirely on his chest, hovering on his face, she repositioned the gold plate on the bun, eased on the encasing black cover, and expertly looped the stick through its slot, threading it across his mound of hair into the parallel hole on the other side, securing the pin solidly. Resting her hands back on his chest, she inspected her handiwork, satisfied, a soft smile dancing on her lips.
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"You loved being my Eunuch, did you not?" Hwan asked, his voice laced with a faint indulgence. "Maybe I should have kept you as one by my side!"
She laughed and looked down at him, and the laughter died in her throat as she realised her face was almost directly above his, their lips dangerously close.
"I did," she replied truthfully. "They were the best days of my life."
She slid down, but his clasp on her did not let her go far.
"Mine too," Hwan replied, his deep voice strangely strained as he peered deep into her eyes. Her chin was now on the crook of his shoulder, close to his perfectly inlined collarbone, and she was almost lying atop his right side, flush, her knee resting on his thigh, his arm gathering her close. His breath fanned the area around her hairline. Hwan lifted his hand, sweeping a wayward tendril away from her forehead.
Jay Yi's heart rocked like a caged bird flapping its winds wildly.
Long fingers continued down from her forehead and caressed the gossamer silk of her face, tracing the line of her temple to her jawline, dragging a lazy finger to her chin, grabbing it gently between his thumb and forefinger. His thumb made tiny circles on her chin, teasing her lower lip, but stopped shy of touching it. Transfixed, Jay Yi watched his languid movements. Crickets chirped, there were distant calls of birds, the stems of the trees crackled, and the stream sighed beside them, dancing on its own rhythm.
"Khumbda! Your forgiveness means everything to me, Jay Yi," his voice was husky, his gaze peering into her soul. He tucked a tendril that had broken loose of her unkempt braid behind her ear, his fingers leaving a trail of fire around her earlobe. The back of his fingers tenderly stroked her cheeks before he captured her hand on his chest and brought it to his lips. "Your hands are beautiful. Your height is perfect. You are perfect. And you are the bravest person I have ever met." His ardent words reverberated from deep within him, seeping into her soul. He softly kissed the unbroken area of her palm. Unbounded pleasure coursed through the channels of her body. She wanted to lay her head on his chest and be there forever. She loved him so much it hurt.
Hwan's eyes dropped to her lips and then travelled back to her eyes, his breath quickening. The hand encircling her waist tightened, fingers digging into her soft, silk-covered flesh that seemed to have grown a life of its own.
She was sinking deep into the whirlpool of his gaze. Hwan swallowed, his throat's beautiful, distinctive mound moving in a way she loved. Jay Yi wanted to touch it with her lips. She wanted to caress all of him, feel his lips against hers. He caught her face, weaving his fingers in the almost loose silk of her hair, his spellbinding mahogany eyes holding hers imprisoned. Her hand bunched a handful of fabric on his chest,
Like a bee to the honey, his head bent, his arm lifting her up so she lay even more on him. The fingers on her scalp brought her closer and closer until his lips grazed her cheek and moved over her lips, coaxing them open with a gentle nudge, taking his time as if afraid to frighten her. The world slowed down, everything more vivid, yet a blur.
It felt so right.
She closed her eyes. It felt like her thirsty soul found drops of water in a desert.
In a mirage.
She felt the pleasure of his intoxicating lips drowning her and the pressure of tears behind her eyes.
She could not do this; she must not give in. Not anymore.
Their dreams would remain dreams, promises unsaid, unfulfilled.
She shook her head wordlessly, disengaging herself from the simmering fire that threatened to consume them both, and pushed, trying to extract herself from his grasp. He let her go, only to pull her head down on his chest, her ears pulsing against the tumultuous beats of his heart. He wrapped his arm around her possessively, comfortingly, her soft, pliant body laying against his hard one, clamouring to move closer, feverish in its desire to have more. His fingers softly moved on her scalp, their tips making slow, sensuous circles that both assuaged and clamoured her senses, then looped around her ear, playing with the lobe.
"I am sorry, Jay Yi...I should not have....." he whispered hoarsely.
They lay there, supine, for what felt like an infinite moment.
He just as abruptly released her.
She felt - abandoned.
Sitting up, he quietly extracted what looked like a poultice from the pouch. Taking hold of her hand, he pressed it gently on her skin's broken, red areas, dabbing thickly with a green-looking concoction.
Extracting a rolled piece of gauze, he started wrapping it around her hand.
"When did you realise about the girl?'
Grateful to him for changing the topic, Jay Yi replied, "It was troubling me all through, but it fell into place on our way down here."
"She must have slipped out sometime during the rituals," Hwan reflected.
Jay Yi nodded. They sat in quiet companionship as birds flew around the nests deep in the trees, chirping in worry about the sudden invasion of humans they were not accustomed to seeing in their unspoiled paradise.
Finishing one hand, Hwan turned his attention to the other one. He blew on the raw skin some more, and her toes curled. She closed her eyes, refusing to let her traitorous mind run away with the improper thoughts that clouded her mind, her blood still singing from the pleasure Hwan had unleashed only minutes ago.
"My bodyguards should have been here with you," Hwan expelled a worried breath.
"We both are here because we are equipped to handle it, Your Majesty. However, I agree it's dangerous to be out like this. This could have gone terribly wrong. Did we not learn anything from Paju? After today, I believe you should never be without sufficient protection," she said earnestly. Her heart sank at the thought of him being hurt, the dread leaving her cold. Her free, bandaged hand involuntarily curled on her chest.
"And neither should you." He paused. "Would you have felt sad if something happened to me?" Hwan asked softly.
Pursing her lips, she threw his bent head an exasperated look. As if he didn't know!
"What I feel is irrelevant, Your Majesty. Joseon cannot afford to lose you."
"And I cannot afford to lose you, Jay Yi," Hwan said without looking at her, softly dabbing the medicine, inspecting the gash closely, satisfied it would heal properly.
Jay Yi felt something tight squeeze her heart. Unbidden happiness surged through her body like the rivulets of water seeping through the cracks lining the smooth floor they sat on, her dratted heart suddenly picking up pace, giving her hopes for a future utterly beyond her grasp.
"I want you to know that I will do everything in my power to bring about the prosperity Joseon deserves if you are by my side." Hwan's hand tightened on hers before it gentled again.
Jay Yi digested his words, her heart in her mouth.
She was beginning to realise that he truly needed her. He needed her like he needed water and air to live. He needed her to exist, be there, and be unhurt and around. She understood that she held a place in his heart and life that he might never share with anyone.
His words created an impossible mirage that made her want to run to it, uninhibited. Jay Yi closed her eyes, clenched her teeth, and exhaled.
She knew better.
The reality was they would spend a lifetime like this, their need for each other drawing them time and again. They would sit together when he could get away, share food occasionally, clink glasses over drinks when the opportunity arose, perhaps solve some cases, and, if she was lucky, have a stolen kiss or two.
Like today.
He would then return to his world, and the gates would close behind him. She had no place in Hwan's physical orbit of life.
Jay Yi needed to dash her hopes once and for all. Pound them to the ground and grind them until they turned into dust and were dispersed forever.
She had to show herself her place.
"I need you too, Your Majesty. And I will always be by your side," she managed in her most fervent voice, his most loyal subject.
Hwan's brows came together in a frown as he focussed on wounding the fabric.
In a fleeting moment of boldness, she pressed ahead. "However, at this moment, what you need is a refined, gentle woman fit to be a Queen from an illustrious family as your bride who can help you become a stronger King, Your Majesty. You must marry soon." She was calm, almost in a meditative plane.
Hwan's hands stilled, a pregnant pause hanging in the air before he continued wrapping the cloth around her hand.
Warming up, buoyed with pride at her own courage, Jay Yi summoned her most sagacious voice and offered him words of wisdom. "It's been almost a year. You must do your duty, Your Majesty! The marriage ban must be lifted." She felt incredibly accomplished by her own composure and poise.
"Hmnn. How do you suggest I do it?" Hwan asked casually, intent on the task at his hand.
Jay Yi would realise that she missed the warning signs much later. "Why, Joseon is full of beautiful, talented women. You must have had a long list of interested families by now. How come, then, it's getting delayed so much? I understand that for some women like me, Palace life must look dreadfully dreary, life-sapping, and they would be most unsuitable," she sighed, wholly immersed in her role. All there was left to do was pat his hand and pat herself on the back.
"So you think Palace is life-sapping?" Hwan's voice was bereft of all emotions as he carefully cleaved the end of the bandage using a tiny knife, bringing them around to secure it.
"Ah! You know me, Your Majesty. I get bored so easily and can never sit still. There must be women like me, but there must be so many who would jump at the chance, especially when they see how impossibly handsome our King is," she gushed animatedly, utterly oblivious to Hwan's stiffening shoulders. "And it's time you did something about securing the throne. You know how dangerous it can be! Joseon needs heirs from you; you must rectify that!" she finished enthusiastically.
And immediately bit her tongue, regretting overdoing it, mortified.
This time, Hwan raised his head. "Are you lecturing me?"
She coloured deeply and shook her head lamely, pursing her lips, intently studying the stretch of the clay surface separating her and Hwan, calling herself all kinds of fool for overstepping.
Hwan finished bandaging her hands. Dropping the remaining herbs and the tiny knife into the pouch, he pulled the string.
"You are loud and chatty and don't know when to stop." Hwan addressed a large tree trunk directly in their vision. Jay Yi shrank.
"Just now, you sounded like my very annoying, obnoxious Great Aunt," Hwan looked at her. "She thinks I should bed some random court ladies and concubines off the streets to sire some heirs."
"What?" Jay Yi forgot all about poise or composure and flushed in fury and consternation. "Who is she? How dare she? You can't! That's so immoral!" She sputtered.
Hwan chuckled, but it was humourless. It was beginning to sink in that Hwan was upset. Pulling her up with him, he stood up. "Is it?"
Her eyes narrowed in indignation.
"Considering how everyone seems worried about the lack of heirs, I might just take up her offer."
"No! You wouldn't! You know that is not what I meant!" She turned beet red, her hands curling as white-hot jealousy coursed through her, the unwanted images searing her mind.
"It won't be too hard," Hwan continued conversationally, ignoring her outraged face as if he didn't hear her. "Because," Hwan leaned closer and cupped her face, the pressure of his fingers at her nape forcing her closer, and ran the coarse pad of his thumb across her full lower lip, "even though my principles seem to be overwhelmingly strong to have immoral thoughts around other women, around you, I don't feel too moral."
Jay Yi froze.
He stepped closer, his eyes locked with her.
Bent his head.
She would not do it. She must not. Her body, of course, was in no mood to listen, still suffering from the deprivation she caused minutes ago, punishing her with a tide of pleasure that slammed her in anticipation. She clenched her eyes shut, her fists curled by her sides. And waited. Breathlessly.
His breath was hot on her, tantalising. She felt a fleeting touch, like a feather.
Her heart thundered, her gushing blood drowning the sounds of the gurgling stream in her ears, her lips parted, but before she could finish sucking in air in her now empty lungs, Hwan stepped away.
"I would suggest you think very carefully before you utter such nonsense in future, or you might just find out how life-sapping Palace life can be," his voice dropped dangerously, "So, don't tempt me."
Her mouth fell open.
He turned around and started walking. "What? How....!!!" she burst out to his offending back.
She sprinted after him.
"When did I tempt you? I was just saying what everyone thinks!" She yelled at his shoulder blades.
He turned to her and raised his eyebrows, his hands clasped behind his back.
"...Your Majesty," she added, contrite, lowering her voice and eyes, folding her hands in front of her in pious supplication.
"How could you...." he pointed at the spot they had been sitting at, "think of me being with someone else just like that? Especially when...especially after..." he seemed to be at a loss for words.
She might have overstepped a little, but she did not do anything wrong. Did she?
"You are overreacting, Your Majesty," She tried to calm him down. "It was just a suggestion, and you know I did not mean anything improper."
"I am overreacting? Ah! I forgot. You never have the grace to apologise, you stubborn ox. I was going to tell you something important, but now I don't want to."
"You were? What is it?" Jay Yi stepped forward, overwhelming curiosity vanquishing all traces of anger. "Please tell me."
"I do not want to talk to you. And," he pointed a finger at her, "don't follow me. Step back." He ordered, gesturing her to keep her distance from him, Hwan style.
Jay Yi blinked.
And automatically stepped back.
"More!" He huffed. Jay Yi stepped back some more.
Hwan turned, his sure strides eating up the distance between the stream and the thick canopy of the forest, annoyance sitting on his shoulders like invisible boulders.
He had forgotten his hat, she thought offhandedly.
Jay Yi had not felt more like his Eunuch in her life.
I don't like him! She decided as she picked up his hat and ran after him.