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Longing Heart

Jay Yi sat beside the graves, quiet, her eyes devoid of tears, her body wracking in occasional dry sobs. The offerings of wine and food brought some life to the otherwise lifeless ground around the mounds. Hwan watched her quietly, giving her the space she needed. She lovingly placed the prayers she had written for her parents and brother on their graves and kindled the incense sticks. Neither of them spoke.

Hwan had arranged for a shaman to read the rites in their presence. The Min family had been buried without any of their closest kin present. Ga Ram had once mentioned how she had forced Jay Yi to escape right after the murders because, at that moment, all Jay Yi had been able to think of was that there was no one to bury her parents and brother. The sight of the graves of his Master and his family had brought home the unbelievable loss Jay Yi had faced, and the realization of her emotional hardship and the subsequent fortitude she must have needed to deal with its aftermath had hit him hard. He wanted to give Jay Yi the solace of seeing them off in peace, a closure he hoped would help heal her heart.

Hwan joined her quietly and kindled the incense sticks with her. He respectfully set them on his Master's grave. A solitary tear slipped from his eye. There was not much Hwan could do other than seek forgiveness from his Master for his daughter's anguish that the Yi family had caused her unwittingly and vow to shield her from sorrow and hardship as best as he could.

Jay Yi gave him a tremulous smile. "Thank you, Your Highness. I might not have been able to hold myself together without you today."

"Are you all right?" Concern laced Hwan's voice.

Jay Yi looked down at her hands. "I am not all right, Your Highness. I know you want me to forgive the woman, but I cannot see past the graves of my family yet."

Hwan nodded. She was right, it was easier said than done. He was having a hard time forgiving the Queen too. "It's all right, Jay Yi. I understand." He wished he could ease away the lines of grief from her face.

The evening was upon them, the moon steadily climbing the dusky sky. "It's late. Shall we go back?"

Jay Yi stood up, brushing off the dirt from the folds of her skirt.

Hwan headed out, calling the guards to ready his horse and her palanquin.

"Your Highness?" Jay Yi's soft voice arrested his attention, his questioning eyes fastening on her face.

"Would you like to watch the sunrise with me?"

Hwan was enthralled. Breathtaking shadows danced with the moonlight reflecting on the restless lake, its gentle waves musically crashing the shore. They stood upon a clearing fortified by rocks and boulders of various sizes, overlooking the lake flanked by tall trees.

"How do you know this place?" Hwan asked.

Jay Yi smiled. "There is very little I do not know of Gaeseong, Your Highness."

Hwan had been intrigued. It was a risk staying out of the camp, but he was reluctant to let go of what could be the last few hours he had with Jay Yi. He decided to listen to his heart for this one last time.

He had sent word to the camp.

"Some braziers and food should arrive from the camp shortly," Hwan informed Jay Yi. "I have also sent for your horse and your knapsack."

The guards were stationed at a distance, watching the entry to their point up in the little hill. Jay Yi was still collecting kindling. He had wanted her to sit down and rest, but she insisted on helping him build the fire. Once Hwan started, he realized he did not know how to make one. He followed Jay Yi's instructions faithfully. Soon, the fire began roaring. Hwan sat back, proud of his handiwork. Though new to it, he could not help but smile at how much he liked putting one together. He could now add building fires, along with shovelling, to his newly acquired list of life-saving skills.

Jay Yi never seemed out of place doing menial work when dressed as a eunuch, but he felt awkward watching her run around with the same enthusiasm as she collected the firewood in her exquisite silk hanbok.

She brought over a handful and set them neatly against a boulder. They had chosen a small clearing overlooking the lake, surrounded by medium size boulders, giving them privacy and, if needed, back support.

"This should be enough. You need to come and sit down," Hwan ordered, gesturing to the place next to him.

Jay Yi smoothed her skirt, adjusting it daintily as she lowered herself to settle down beside him. Her movements were somehow different, feminine, alluring. It was a side of her Hwan had not seen before. It heightened his protective male instincts, bringing in a surge of possessiveness. He had to remind himself that underneath all that feminine grace, she had a will made of iron and the capability to reduce grown men to tears.

"I still cannot imagine how you fight in that hanbok!"

"I learned to fight while wearing these, Your Highness. Sometimes they can be even useful if you know how." Her eyes shone in the firelight. Her eyes had mesmerized Hwan from the first time he looked down at her at the end of his blade. Dancing, sometimes full of mischief, sometimes beacons of wisdom, but always speaking volumes, he could drown in her doe-shaped pools of honey.

The fiery radiance of the fire highlighted her ivory skin, infusing her face with a delectable blush. The ornamented hair framed her delicate face, her slender neck long and supine. She was so beautiful! Hwan thought longingly.

"Why are you looking at me like that, Your Highness?" He found himself at the receiving end of a searching look from those exquite eyes.

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Flushing with embarrassment at being caught gawking, Hwan scrambled for a reply, "I was just thinking you look different in a woman's dress."

Jay Yi laughed. "Royal Guardian thought they did not suit me!"

"Tae Kang is an idiot," Hwan frowned.

"You think I look good in them?" Jay Yi looked at him expectantly.

"Well...you do not look bad," Hwan looked away.

Jay Yi grinned.

"I did not realize how beautiful Gaseong is. You must miss it terribly," Hwan changed the subject.

"I miss my family more, but I have come to love Hanyang," Jay Yi said.

"I guess the place has its uses," Hwan reflected.

"I think of it as home now. I am looking forward to living there after we return," Jay said.

"Living alone in a big city can be lonely," Hwan brooded, a tiny frown pleating his princely brows.

"It will be easier than living anywhere else. People are more tolerant of single women on the streets there," Jay Yi said as she absentmindedly doodled on the ground with a stick.

An unpleasant image from the afternoon invaded his mind. Hwan grimaced.

"Jay Yi, you cannot put yourself in danger any more. I will not allow it." Hwan met her eyes, an unguarded emotion darkening his.

Hwan had always been shocked by the force of protectiveness he felt towards Jay Yi if he sensed she was in danger. Yet, the excruciating fear he had felt upon seeing her bleached face while valiantly fending off the thugs and fearlessly holding them at bay with her sword had almost paralyzed him. When Hwan wrapped the robe around her, she was trembling and winded. He had wanted to fully draw her against him in the middle of the road and soothe her, not caring who saw it. He had checked himself with difficulty.

Jay Yi could read him like a book. "Today afternoon was an exception. Do not fret about me, Your Highness," Jay Yi said perceptively. "You know I can take care of myself."

"When I saw that man laying his hand on you -" Hwan took a shuddering breath. He had come very close to killing the man, and knowing he had the power and the authority to do so had been equally terrifying. Jay Yi reached out and gently placed her hand over his clenched one, giving a reassuring squeeze.

"I do not think Won Bo had the time to play any more dirty tricks, so hopefully, catching these men would end it." Jay Yi remarked, tossing the stick in her hand into the fire.

Hwan's mouth tightened. He leaned back against the boulder behind him.

"How long did it take you to reach Hanyang from here?"

"It took me four days.". A reminiscent smile played on Jay Yi's lips. "There is a waterfall, too, though we need to travel a bit to see it. I came upon it on my way to Hanyang," Jay Yi said.

"Waterfall? I do not believe I have ever seen one."

"It is a sight to behold. In a world that had turned upside down overnight, the serene sound of tumbling water helped calm the cauldron of emotions here," Jay Yi hit her chest softly with her clenched fist. "It was there I could make the plan to meet you."

"If you did not come across me at the hunt, how would you have met me?" Hwan asked.

"I would have figured something out," she smiled. She went back to doodling with a fresh stick.

Hwan believed her. As a Joseon noblewoman, she was everything that went against the traditional ideals of womanhood he had been raised to expect and appreciate. Yet, he had always found those very things about her endlessly captivating. She was loud, chatty, and opinionated, yet he could listen to her all day. Her chatter filled the emptiness of his days, and her opinion mattered to him like no one else's. Her warmth and kindness thawed his once-frozen heart; her intellect nourished his tirelessly active mind.

Is she now Crown Prince's woman? The whisper had chased him since.

"What are you thinking, Your Highness?" Jay Yi asked.

"Why did you not participate in Crown Princess selection?" The sudden question threw Jay Yi off. Startled, she blinked at him.

"Crown Princess selection?" her voice caught in her throat.

Hwan nodded.

"Well, do you honestly think I would have been selected?" she regarded him incredulously.

"I know now that Father never wanted a Cho family candidate. I don't see why the most beautiful, well-learned woman from the noblest family of Joseon with natural leadership skills, and my Master's daughter at that, would have had difficulty beating other candidates," Hwan reflected.

Jay Yi gaped at him and swallowed. She drew her knees closer to her chest, wrapping her hands around it, for once, speechless.

"Was it because you thought you would hate the palace life?" Hwan persisted, suddenly not asking a rhetorical question; his clear eyes bore into her, imploring for an answer he wanted to hear.

Jay Yi studied the stick in her hand.

"You have a weird way of complimenting someone. I thought you did not like my face," Jay Yi complained teasingly. He did not miss the faint quiver in her voice as she sidestepped his question completely.

His gaze fixed on her face. "Is that what you think?"

She tossed the stick. "You did great with the fire, Your Highness!" Jay Yi said nervously, averting her gaze, apparently finding the fire more exciting. An image of her in his arms flashed in his mind.

"Well, when I do something, I make sure to do it well," Hwan said softly. Jay Yi's eyes instinctively flew to him, and even in the glow of the fire, he could see the warm flush creeping up her face, lips parted, her hands clutching the folds of her skirt. She somehow had read his thoughts. He was talking about the fire, but the one that roared inside his heart, consuming him.

His hand reached out to cup her face, pulling her towards him. The coarse pad of his thumb found her full lips, the pliant tissue puckering at his touch. She turned her face into his palm. His thumb slid inside her mouth. Her breath faltered as she angled herself towards him. He sucked in a breath and replaced his thumb with his mouth, all rational thought obliterated.

Jay Yi responded by inching closer, sweetly softening up under him. Hwan raised his head and looked into her dazed eyes, his gaze meeting hers in an unspoken question as his free hand caught her waist, then travelled up inquisitively, sliding beneath her jacket.

Jay Yi audibly gasped, instinctively recoiling from the sudden invasion to a space no one had ever touched. He stilled, his eyes locked with hers. She gingerly relaxed, giving him implicit permission. His hand began its gentle exploration, probing, pulling, pushing the folds of fabric that stood in its way aside until it found what it sought.

Jay Yi twisted as a moan of pleasure escaped her. Her hand reached out and grasped his neck as she pulled her towards him.

Hwan resisted, watching in fascination as myriad expressions flitted across her face. She smelled spice and lavender, an intoxicating mix that enthralled his senses. "What do I do, Jay Yi?" he asked thickly, all his longing encapsulated in that one desparate sentence.

She shook her head, pulling at his neck again, putting pressure on the back of his head.

Hwan's fingers danced to an exquisite music, bringing what he touched to throbbing life. She twisted, arched and drew back in turns, her breathing coming in short gaps.

She drew closer and cupped his face. He gave in to what she wanted. Their lips met, parched, craving to quench their thirst for each other.

He tenderly mapped her, memorizing her delicate contours, his body convulsing in pleasure he had never known before. His love for this woman overwhelmed him. Could he dare dream to continue having her in his life after today?

A buzz of voices drifted to them, reluctantly bringing them back to the world outside the cocoon of ardour drowning them.

Suddenly aware of her surroundings, Jay Yi pushed at him, extraditing herself from his embrace. He smiled ruefully. "We have company."

Caressing a stray strand of hair with his finger, he tucked it behind her ear gently. He stood up, giving her time to gather herself before they were besieged by men bringing them supplies for the night.

As a Guard requested his permission to let the men bringing in the supplies up the hill, Ga Ram's familiar voice cut across, concerned and frantic with worry.

"Please let me in, please tell Your Highnes Jung Ga Ram is here. Are they up there?"