Little children say that they want to be queens and kings when they grow up. Dressing up with their crowns and gowns and things like that. I used to be like that too.

But as an actual king, I just want to say to all toddlers out there to never become royalty. There’s so much work! And not the fun kind, like gardening or the boring kind, like accounting. No, kings have the nerve wracking, mentally destroying type of work. One wrong law passed and everyone hates you! Then discontent sweeps through the kingdom, then a rebellion! I get a coup and shot and killed!

My wife, Queen Benatra Cantoria stares at me from across the tea table. Her gold, diamond laden crown seems to be missing a gem. “…We’re eating lunch. We’re not going to be assassinated.”

“But!” I exclaim. “What if an assassin knows how much I love uim from Yuinae and, oh no!” I gasp. “Is my uim poisoned?!”

“…If it is, we’re both dead and this is the afterlife.”

“Nooooo!” I attempt to puke out the orange liquid. Benatra, unimpressed with my actions, continues to dip sugar crackers into tea. No wait! Why is she dipping the crackers into tea! Clearly, they belong in uim!

When my attempts to vomit fail, I sit up on my green armchair and declare, “Let’s adopt a child!”

Benatra takes her time to sip her tea, the uim already gone. After a long pause, she replies, “If we adopt a child, their legitimacy will be questioned and the union will collapse. Then, there will be a civil war and then we will actually die.”

I groan. “Yes, I know. But I’m infertile.”

She rolls her green eyes. “We’ll never know if we don’t even try to have a child.”

“But what if an assassin attacks during the night!”

The teacup clatters onto the table as Benatra sets it down. “That’s a risk every ruler has taken. And one you’ll have to take soon if you are to have a heir.”

But unlike the previous kings, I don’t have an invincible bodyguard with me at all times! Genan, why couldn’t you be immortal? Now I constantly have to worry about dying. I mean, sure, the citizens of the empire are happy, but I’ve read historical accounts where the royalty is disposed even during prosperous times! On a continent called Yuniv, there was a prosperous nation that was super rich and beloved by all its neighbors. But they neglected their military and was overthrown. Then they went a conquering spree—wait, that’s a fictional novel written by Chief Advisor Alseni over in Venerai. And it’s banned in Ynare-Cantoria. Whoops. But still, my point stands!

I look to Benatra for her approval—nevermind, she left already.

Ah well, I’ll just eat the rest of my lunch alone. The teapot is no longer steaming, but the tea is still warm. Oh, it’s some tea I’ve never tasted before. Um, a little bitter. It’s still pretty good, somehow. Wait, it’s tea that I’ve never drunk before and it’s bitter?! Is it poisoned?!

I spit out the tea before it could make its way down my throat and bolt to my personal physician.

“Henrak!” I exclaim, slamming the door to his room open. He looks up at me from a book he’s reading. Tales of Unification? Oh hey, I’ve just finished reading that!

…No wait, isn’t that banned? Whatever! “I’ve drunk poisoned tea!” I yell.

Henrak dutifully examines me to make sure I’m not about to die. He gives his verdict after ten minutes of magical scanning.

“You haven’t been poisoned. Though, what made you suddenly think that the tea was poisoned?” He folds his black, round glasses imported from Alcriwazi.

I lead him to the tea room and point at the teapot. “That tea is bitter and foreign. Where did this tea come from?”

The teapot, now less warm, is picked up. Henrak pulls out the glasses again, looking like he probably regrets putting them away to scan the tea. He decides to ask the chef who served the tea after discovering nothing wrong with it.

On the way to the kitchen, he glances at me. “…You don’t have to follow me, Your Majesty.”

I shrug. “I’m curious too.” And besides, I don’t want to just hear a report hours later.

After a little asking around, Henrak finds the chef who served me the tea. I activate the lie detector on my wrist. Wait, I forgot to replace the magic crystal. I need to do that later, else the device won’t function and how will I know if someone’s telling me the truth?

The chef is visibly nervous. “Y-your Majesty, is the food not to your liking?”

“No, it was great.” Probably. I didn’t eat the cona soup yet. I spent the whole lunch hour drinking uim.

The lie detector flashes. Um, no one noticed that right? Henrak, you didn’t notice that, right?

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The slightly judgmental look Henrak gives me does not exist. Anyway, I ask the chef, “Where did the tea come from?”

He blinks. “The tea? It’s a new import, f-from a country called…uh, the…United States of America.”

Now Henrak and I blink. “The United States of America? Where is that? Why haven’t I heard of this nation before?”

Henrak’s eyes widen in recognition. “I remember now! The United States of America is a new nation. Well, new to Echarit. Um, according to the rumors, it was transported from another world.”

“And…why do I not know of this?”

Henrak replies, “It’s just a rumor I’ve heard, I didn’t know it was true.”

And why hasn’t anyone confirmed the rumor then?! This random chef knew! Ugh, communication is something the empire struggles with sometimes…the issue should really be fixed at some point. But it feels impossible…

I run to the telecommunication device in my room, leaving Henrak and the chef mildly surprised at my sudden departure. I must contact the foreign relations officer. Uh, what’s their name again?

"Your Majesty?” A low female voice emits from the the golden rod.

“Foreign Relations Officer…uh, is the rumor about the summoned nation confirmed?”

“Mm, yes, Your Majesty.”

“…Then why hasn’t anyone notified me?”

“Ah? I’ve asked Ren to contact you, it’s protocol for the-”

Before she could rattle off the many long-winded steps required to talk to me, I interrupt. “Yes, we’ll, send me what information you have about this nation. I will prepare a letter of welcome for you to send to them. Please send it by next week.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.” The communication rod deactivates. A few minutes later, a oarkant flies through the window and delivers the documents. I can’t believe the foreign relations office sent an animal instead of using magic…don’t tell me that’s also protocol…

The next five hours pass frustratingly. Apparently, the United States of America has been here for over a month?! And they actually sent a letter a few days ago! And they sent it via aircraft that made a loud boom off the coast?! It’s supersonic! A supersonic aircraft! Only Alcriwazi makes technology like that!

This is a nation on the same level as a great power, AND NO ONE NOTIFIED ME.

And not getting a reply to their letter? That’s just rude. Since they’ve been here for a month, they should know Ynare-Cantoria is a great power…so it’s just rude. Ugh, I’m not sending the reply through the foreign relations office, I’m going to send it directly with magic.

Now for the letter:

Hello, Emperor Armest Ynare. I am President John of the United States of America. I have heard very positive things about the Ynare-Cantorian Empire, from its equality promotion, to its magical capabilities, to its generous and friendly foreign policies. We are very interested in establishing relations and potentially trade agreements.

The United States of America formally sends an invitation to your nation to attend an event we are attempting to hold. This will include all nations on Central, but do not worry, no aggressive actions may be taken during this event. The event is called Central Cultural Exchange, where all invited nations are welcome to promote various aspects of their culture, including food, social norms, and achievements. Additionally, we request that a brief history of Echarit be presented. America will present our culture and history in exchange. If you wish to present military aspects, they are welcome but must not harm other participants. The safety regulations are detailed near the end. If you wish to establish agreements with America, there will be a time for that during the event.

We hope that this event will provide a better picture of our nations to every nations’ benefit. If you do accept, the event will be held twenty days from the sending of this letter, or Rensaes forty-third on your calendar. Apologies for the short notice, but America requires trade in order to alleviate repercussions from the transfer.

Location: —

Where to send your response:—

Safety regulations:—

Warm regards, the United States of America.

This event…Venerai will be present too. Then again, so will Ruparai. At least Tsoko will back me up. There’s so many potential for assassinations though…

You know what? Benatra is right. I have to take a risk sometimes. So I shall! I’ll go to this event! It’s definitely not because I want to drink tea!

I scribble down my response, and, after rechecking it for an hour, teleport the letter using a massive ritual that drains half of my mana. Teleportation is not worth the amount of effort required…Venerai is lucky they get to use that blessing. Ah, Ynare-Cantoria was once allowed to use it too.

Oh right, there was something about Venerai in the reports with the United States…I’m too drained to read reports right now. And it’s my bedtime. Time to sleep.

*—@—*

After eating breakfast alone, I realize that I’ve forgotten to ask Benatra what she thinks about going to the event. Well, I’m sure she would want to go anyway. I’ll still ask during lunch.

Now, today I should finish reading the reports on America. Huh, where are they? Maybe I finished and gave them to the foreign relations office. I’ve read most of it anyway. Should I prepare for the event? No, there’s still, uh, fourteen days left. And I have to woak out these complaints. Mm, although being an emperor isn’t my idea of a happy life, at least I’m not a king. They have to sit on their thrones and personally listen to the peasants’ and officers’ complaints instead of of getting pieces of paper delivered to them.

Let’s see, housing disputes, divorces, ugh, another complaint from that general. Kirna really wants more funding that badly, huh? She’ll eventually stop…hopefully. I mean, I guess the military is a little underfunded, but only compared to around one hundred years ago. And that’s because a superpower popped out of the Potonic Ocean and almost destroyed Ynare-Cantoria. Oh, the United States of America appeared over the Potonic Ocean too. But they haven’t invaded anyone besides this little kingdom…wait. Okay, maybe I’ll approve a little more funding.

But only a little more. The military still occupies fifty-six percent of the empire’s annual income and there hasn’t been a war for a hundred years. Since Tsoko is our ally, there’s no need to worry about losing a war anyway. I’m not that paranoid.

After a few hours of work, I glance at the flash recording of the aircraft that dropped the letter. I guess I decided to keep it under my pillow instead of giving it back to the office.

The aircraft is silver, seemingly made of some sort of metal. I’ve seen Alcriwazi’s prices for metal aircraft. The ones with two wings are especially expensive. I don’t know how many the United States has, but the empire only has ten of the metal variants. And none of the two winged ones. Though, I know Tsoko has a few. Tsoko’s much richer. I remember the empire being the richer one during my father’s time.

Am I not doing a good job? Benatra certainly seems to think so…and Henrak…and…

I seriously just want to adopt a child. A fully grown one.