So... I need help.

english is not my native language (I thought I was pretty good at it, to the point of not making one mistake..... but, well, corrected the wrong things I could find)

Stolen story; please report.

Any correction is welcome, but if the composition of the phrase itself is wrong please explain why

I would also like to know if the story is good.

Is it?

Is it as original as I thought?

What can I do to improve?

Any thought, any comment is helpful.

Thank you.