"It will be ok. I will come back"
Now I can't blame her for not believing it. I don't know what was in my mind. She shouted for every neighbour to hear and even gave me a nice slap on the face.
Now that I think about it, I didn't think about her, how she would feel, when I decided to leave my job and travel aroud the world with nearly no money. I left her pregnant to sustain herself and our son alone. Acctually, I don't think I considered her feelings most of the time. I blame it on being young, though I know it is only a bad excuse.
My father had died and left some money. It was not much, but I coould use it to pay for somethings on the trip. After the news of his death, I started to feel some sort of need to live my life. I guess, I just looked back and saw no adventure and felt like I should do something different. I searched a lot on the internet and talked with my friends about it, until I found a way to go around the world through trains, mostly.
My wife gave me a slap and shouted, but stopped soon after. She saw there was no hope. She nearly fell to the chair and started to cry, saying I was going to leave her alone. I was going to leave her alone, but I planned on going back. It is not my fault I died. Or maybe it is. If I had stayed with her I wouldn't have lost my life for nothing.
I started to write a book. I allways wanted to write a book, but it is harder to write than one may imagine. I can't remember how many times I failed to write the first pages or simply restarted it becouse I saw that it wasn't as good as I initially thought. Maybe the trip could help me. New experiences and feelings is what people expect when they read a book.
Every city I had been on the journey was a stop for me to take photos, the best I could. I would go to the most impressive structures and sit to watch things go. It helped me give the first steps, but I noticed that I didn't need that anymore. A book is written with the simple things. What happened? How did it feel? What happened after?
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I missed my wife way too much to complete a year away. She did not talk to me, she didn't want to. I understand that. When I was in Moscow, I changed the flight from beijing to go home and canceled the rest.
I just needed to go through siberia to beijing on a safe train. It wasn't much and I had only been around very safe countries so far. I didn't expect to meet any kind of problem except the fact that I did not speak russian or chinese.
...
"And did you meet any problem?"
"You already know"
"Do I?"
"Yes. If it did not happen I would not be here"
"I am not talking about that"
"What else would you be talking about?"
"Alisa"
...
It is one of the things I regret the most in my life. I just wished I could delete a single moment. I would definetly delete when I met Alisa. Or maybe, the moment when I decided to go on this trip.
She was very beautiful. Somehow she looked even more beautiful than Karen with her eyes that remembered me of honey sometimes. A russian beauty I met on the railway. I can't believe I fell for her seduction. This is something I just wished my wife would never hear about and I guess she didn't.
Maybe it wasn't Alisa who was a serpent trying to seduce me away from the right path of loving my wife. It was one of my biggest failures, a mistake I hoped and still hope not to make again.
...
"That's it? Don't you think you left quite a lot out?"
"It is not something I wish to get into details"
"What do you think happened to Alisa?"
"Probably died on the train too"
"And Karen?"
"I would rather not know.. I don't have the heart to. Maybe she found another and lived a happy life"
"But you still did not answer my question"
"What question?"
"What is your name. Oh, sorry, what WAS your name?"