The next day, late in the morning, we stopped at a little farming village, right next to someone's house- they seemed to already be home, and were coming out to see just what the fuck was going on.

"Hi there," I called out, announcing my presence. "Do you mind if we stop here for a half hour? We can put the caravan somewhere else if it's in the way."

"It's alright," the farmer said- a man who looked to be maybe thirty, well-tanned and weather-beaten, wearing a pair of battered denim overalls. "Oh- Jenny, no, Jenny don't-"

"Mister Elf!" the little girl who was evidently named Jenny yelled, running past her father and up to the van. "Are you a Wizard?"

"I am, yeah," I said, nodding. "Do you need something?"

"My kitty's been lost for a week!" she pleaded. "Can you find her?"

"Jenny, don't-" her father began.

"I'll see what I can do," I said, before opening the door and getting out. "I'll need your help, though."

"Oh, are we at the village already?" Faith asked, poking her head out of the living space and into the cab. "What're you doing?"

"Helping this little girl find her lost cat," I said with a shrug. "Wanna watch?"

"Sure, I wanna see where you're going with this," Faith said.

"Alright, now- Jenny, was it?" I waited for her to nod. "I need you to think about your cat really hard. Think about all the good times you've had together, the softness of its fur, and what it looks like. Are you doing that? Good, now keep doing that. So, what I'm about to do is a bit of Bard magic, and it's going to feel weird, like an itch or a tickle on the inside of your head, but I need you to stay calm, and stay focused on the cat, and to just let the magic work."

"Hey now," the farmer began, suspiciously.

"What I'm going to do," I said a bit louder, for his benefit, "is I'm going to cast a spell to feel the connection between you and your cat, and then I can use another spell to find out where your cat is. Is that okay with you?"

"Mhm!" Jenny said, nodding vigorously. "Please, Mister Elf!"

"Call me Joseph," I said, taking a knee and patting her on the shoulder. "Alright, let's see..."

I hummed a little tune to myself as I shaped my magicka in different ways from my norm. I was very glad that Occult magic did still use the magicka reserves I built up from being a Wizard, because that meant I could cast way more of it than I'd be able to if I wasn't a Wizard and was still just a dabbling Occultist.

Jenny's bond with her cat was very obvious to my Occult senses, now, and with just a little twist of magicka, I was able to grab onto the bond, rather than Jenny herself, and from there, with a bit more magicka, I was able to grab onto the other end of the bond, which was, of course, Amelia Rosenthal Whiskers herself. (Jenny was very good at naming things for a seven year old.)

"Alright," I said, nodding slowly. "I think I found her, but I'm gonna need to take a little walk to be sure. Sir, would you mind coming with me, make sure I don't get into anything I shouldn't? I don't want to trespass in someone's pasture and get attacked by an angry bull."

"Yeah, sure thing," the farmer said, nodding. "I'm James. James Courser. And, uh... Thank you."

I blinked a few times.

"...Either that's a common name, or I know one of your relatives," I said carefully, as we walked around the house, through a little gate in the wire fence, and into a pasture full of sheep.

"Are you from Redwater?" James asked. "I know my older brother, Matthew, decided he didn't want to be a farmer, and moved there to find work in a factory, but..."

"Huh, so I do know one of your relatives," I said. "I went to high school with your nephew, John Courser. Small world, huh?"

"Are the two of you... friends?" James asked tentatively.

"I never particularly liked him, honestly," I said primly, instead of the less-varnished truth of 'After stealing a family heirloom that was all we had to remember my half-uncle's mother by, I beat him up and cut off his ear in a warehouse.'

"That's... fair, yeah," James said, sighing. "Matthew was always... Well, my brother's a prick, to be honest. I'm not surprised his son turned out the same way."

"What makes you think he's the prick and not me?" I asked.

"A little kid you've never met ran up to you and demanded you use magic to find her lost cat," James said dryly. "And as far as I can tell, it just hasn't occurred to you that you could've told her no."

"Well, fair enough," I said, chuckling. "Alright, so... On the other side of this hill- is that still your land?"

"It is, yeah," James said, nodding. "Nobody wanted it, because hills are a pain to farm on, and nobody else wants to wrangle sheep, so..."

"Alright, cool," I said, walking over the crest of the hill. "So, what I think happened is... Was there a big rain storm sometime within the last week or so?"

"There was, yeah," James said, nodding. "Why?"

"My guess is that the cat was outside when it started raining, bolted for the nearest cover, and after it finally stopped raining, a lot of the scent cues she used to find her way home had gotten washed away, and now she's confused as hell."

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

"That... is very possible," James admitted. "Jenny loves that cat to bits, but good gods is it stupid."

"The best kind of pet cat, in my opinion, except when you live somewhere with predators," I said. "Hrm... Ah, there we go." I broke into a light jog down the hill, making a beeline for where I knew Miss Whiskers was hiding out.

"Whoa, easy there," James said, picking up his own pace as I bolted down the hill.

"Hey, kitty," I said, crouching down next to an old, rotted-out, hollow log. "C'mon with me, okay? Jenny misses you- I'm gonna take you home."

Now, believe it or not, cats did not usually speak Hikaano, but with just a little pulse of Occult magic, barely enough to qualify as a proper spell, this truly stupid cat was very easy to convince of my safety and friendliness, and it took barely a second for her to clamber on out of that log and into my arms.

"Well, I'll be damned," James said, planting his hands on his hips. "I thought she'd been eaten by a coyote or something."

"Nope," I said, scratching Whiskers behind the ears, earning some very loud purrs in the process. "The sheep protected her."

James laughed at that, and shook his head slowly. "Well, damn. Thank you, Joseph- I mean that sincerely. If you're going to be stopping here to rest anyways, I don't suppose I could convince you to eat lunch with us? It's the least we could do."

"Sure, if you're gonna twist my arm like that," I said, grinning.

---

"Eat up, dearie," Helena, James' wife, insisted. She was the sort of pretty that you saw in human-published magazines, with fair skin, a slender build, and golden blonde hair... which was, therefore, a little disconcerting to see paired with denim overalls, a plain cotton t-shirt, and the fact that the only reason she didn't have dirt under her fingernails was because she knew better than to cook without washing her hands first. "Look at you, you're all skin and bones!"

"I'm an elf," I protested.

"So is she," Helena said, gesturing at Talia.

"I've tried for years to fatten him up," Talia said, sighing.

"Talia, you've cooked for me maybe three times in your life," I said.

"Over the course of years, yes," Talia said, nodding.

I rolled my eyes, and moved on. "Anyhow... James, I don't suppose you ever get out to Redwater, do you?"

"Once a year, to sell some of my harvest and buy things we can't get here," James said. "Why?"

"Next time you're there, go to the neighborhood called Greenwood Village- or just 'Elftown,' people call it that too- and ask for a man named Napoleon Ironheart. Tell him you're a friend of Joseph, and he'll put you up for the night and send you off with a few bottles of elven wine and a big tin of elven tea-leaves."

"Hey now, you've done enough for me," James protested. "You know I can't pay you back for that."

"This would be you doing me a favor, honestly," I said. "I wanna be a community Big Man like my dad is, and this is how I do that."

"...Yeah? How's that?"

"For elves, the Big Man is a busybody who's always got his nose in everyone's business," I said. "He solves problems for people with whatever skills he's got, or with whatever connections he's got- everyone knows the Big Man, and feels like they owe him a favor or two, so when he comes by and asks you to help someone else because he can't help them, you'll happily do it."

"Alright..."

"So, don't you go worrying about whether you can repay me for my kindness," I said with a shrug. "At some point in the future, I'm going to need your help with something, and I will in fact come back to you, metaphorical hat in hand. Besides, I'd like to remind you that I did not pay a single red cent for this meal."

"I've been meaning to ask, actually- where is your hat?"

"High Elves don't really do hats," I said with a shrug. "Historically, only like one in ten High Elves actually worked outside, and most of those worked in forests- not a lot of sunlight or weather beneath the canopy, you know?"

John nodded slowly, absorbing the information carefully.

"...Actually, y'know what?" I said, tapping my chin. "There is something you can do for me right now, if you really want."

"You need a hat?" James asked, smirking.

"I need some straw," I said. "I've just had a weird, disjointed train of thought that brought me to a machine I want to try making, and I'll need some straw to use it on. It's a braiding machine, see, and I know that one of the ways straw hats can be made is braiding a wide, flat ribbon of straw and then sewing the edges of that ribbon together into a hat shape."

"Oh, now that is no problem," James said. "Honey, do we still have that bale?"

"Up in the hayloft, yeah," Helena said, nodding. "We'll go get it after you've finished your bowl, young man."

"Well, if you insist..."

---

"This is weird," Faith said, once we were back in the van. "You're not usually anywhere near this calm, and laid-back, and friendly, and nice..."

"No, he is," Talia said, nodding insistently. "You met him when he was having a bad day."

"...Huh," Faith said.

"Like most elves," I added, "I tend to get a lot less patient and forgiving when there's a Paladin involved."

Faith winced, and I sighed.

"...No, no, that's not fair to you, I'm sorry," I said, quietly. "You're... Literally the worst you have ever done to me is be mildly annoying on occasion. You're fine, Faith. It's just... No. No excuses. I'm sorry. I was an asshole to you when I shouldn't have been."

"...Apology accepted," Faith said. "And... I'm sorry for how I've treated you, too. I've been ruder than necessary, myself."

"Aaaaaand kiss," Talia said, grinning.

Faith just looked at me and quirked an eyebrow, which left me with a lot to chew on. What was the funniest thing to do in this situation?

After a moment's pause, I grabbed Faith by the waist, sweeping her off her feet and dipping her low, and kissing her firmly for a few good, long seconds.

Then I put her back on her feet, let go of her, and casually sauntered off back to the driver's cabin to get us back on the road, the sound of Talia's sputtering laughter following me all the while.