NO!NO!NO! I didn’t mean to! It wasn’t supposed to be like this, I wouldn’t even dream of hurting a kid! Stupid gun ! I wish I’d never picked you up! My gun had gone off when I was moving it , the safety wasn’t on, I went out looking to take a life and now I really had, but I didn’t want this! this was an accident! Or did my finger tremble ?! I don’t know what I did, but I didn’t want to kill him! It happened too fast I want to take it back! I wish I didn’t run into this street! I wish I waited a second! I wish I wasn’t angry! I wish Ray was here! I wish I can take this back, Please take this back God! I knew God wasn’t there I knew I didn’t have a guardian angel, and somewhere I knew this would not and could not EVER be taken back, time would not reverse. I fell to my knees sitting in what I had done, this was real. I moved my hands to the young boy’s face, his face was warm like he was still alive even though I could feel no breath coming from his nose or mouth. The revolver had slipped from his hands, at the sight of such a hideous instrument used by a irresponsible child, I found the revolver, with all my might I flung it away from the poor boy. Tears streamed onto his face,
‘why is he crying? Please stop crying. Oh these are mine’ a deep guttural sound escaped from the very depths of my heart escaping verbally, I broke. The numbness had gone and every bit of me that I'd sealed away, crookedly stitched back in place, fell apart, I crumbled. Deep sobs as if I was releasing everything, but no matter how much I cried my sin would forever stain the whole of me I went there to die and instead I took a life that was not mine.
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I pulled the boy's tiny thin frame to my chest, coaxing my feet to walk forward. My swollen eyes and the tears still flowing made everything blurry as if I was looking through a world of glass everything was so fragile. I carried him to the tiny little shack and through the door .
“What have I done?” I showed the lifeless body to Tommy I'd gone completely hysterical I couldn't put all my pieces back together now I was fully broken.
“Wh- what? What the hell Michael?!” Clearly confused, Tommy looked at me mouth agape.
“I - I can't get him to stop crying !” My chest was heaving I felt as if my world was spinning I knew I was the one crying, I knew the boy was no longer alive, but I couldn't face it I needed an escape.
“He, he shot Ray, but now he won't move! D-did I make him cry? Tommy tell me what to do! How do I take it back?” My voice wavered, 'please someone help me save me from this!’
Tommy looked shocked, but soon he showed a grim understanding he understood the situation when I couldn't. Gently I placed the tiny body on a little cot by the furthest wall, looking at what I'd done made me sick vomit surged up my throat and I puked in a corner by the door again and again until there was nothing left then I dry heaved until my stomach muscles grew sore.
When I finally looked up I saw Tommy sitting on a worn out short wooden chair, he kept his head down, but in his eyes he was looking at a place I couldn't see. We sat in silence consuming all of the injustice carried out today.