THEN. IV

Him

“How are you, guys?”

“We’re good, you know? Great, even!”

“How great?”

“We’re so great that we’re moving in together!”

“No shit!”

“Yeah, man”.

Jon high fived me. We raised our glasses and drank to that.

“You’re not nervous that you’re going to step on each other’s toes? It’s a big step.”

“But I have done it before.”

“Of course! Christine?”

“Christine.”

He paused.

“Whatever happened with her, man?”

“You mean like, where is she now?”

“No. I mean, what happened between you two?”

“Oh!”

There was a brief period in our lives when me and Jon did not keep up with each other. He had his stuff, I had mine. Mine coincided with being in a relationship with Christine. We didn’t see each other much in that period.

“Christine was…still is, I think, a force to be reckoned with. She’s very intense in everything she does. Very objective-based kind of person, you know?”

“Was that overwhelming?”

“A lot yeah. At the same time, I’d be hypocritical not to admit that she was also inspiring.”

“Huh,” he mumbled for himself.

“I guess it’s her upbringing. She was raised to move mountains. Her whole family is like that. I mean, think about it, remember when we were in our early 20s and we’d work on those crappy wages?”

“Never heard of that, no.” he replied sarcastically.

“Right,” I continued, “Christine refused to fall into that category. She worked hard, relentlessly pursuing the next big thing in her career. She was never content. There was this moment where I had to decide whether I’d use the money I had to buy a meal or sacrifice the money and get a video game, or something. And then for my birthday she’d get me something ridiculously fancy, like a watch or an iPad, something I’d never have been able to afford.”

“Impressive. I’d imagine you were heart warmed.”

“For sure, at first. But then, when you sit and thing about it, the dynamic was weird. I just felt as if I couldn’t keep up with her, you know?”

“Because she made more money than you?”

“No, it’s not that. That was great, something to be proud of. Your girlfriend’s having an awesome career and money to show for it - It’s awesome.”

“Huh – he said, considering all that for a moment. Me and Sarah, we’ve never had that.”

“Yeah, your dynamic is different…More balanced?”

He agreed. They were both working as lawyers at the same firm.

“You felt that with Christine?”

“Yes. Always. It was in her nature. She LOVED the challenge, the hustle.”

“Did she ever tell you that she wanted to see more from you?”

“She never verbalized it, no. But it was kind of implied. It’s hard to describe. It was always there, in the back of my mind.”

“So, she dumped you.”

“She kind of did, yeah. She got a job offer from abroad.”

“Oh! Where did she go?”

“Denmark or Sweden, or something like that.”

“Wow!”

“Yeah. Came back with a husband. Probably the president of Scandinavia or the inventor of IKEA or something…”

We laughed.

“I could never be with a girl that earns more than me” said Jon, turning all serious.

My smile turned into a weird grin, then turned into confusion.

“What the hell, why not?”

“It would obsess me day and night. I’d think all the time that I’m not good enough. I’d be scared all the time.”

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

“Scared of what?”

He just looked at me.

“What, that she’d cheat you?”

“I don’t know how you did it all those years.”

It was the shift in power in such a relationship that scared him.

“Mate, if a woman like that wants to be with you, she’ll be with you until she won’t. It’s simple. Unless she’s a sociopath and she’s looking to fuck you up.”

He nodded, unconvinced.

“You’re telling me that if Sarah’s getting a promotion tomorrow and earns more than you, you’re just not going to be able to live with that? So what? You dump her?”

“Not like that! I’d try and match what she’s doing. Go for a promotion too. Even things out.”

“That’s messed up,” I sighed.

“But it’s true. Look at Christine. She stayed with you for a while, but she moved on looking for someone more akin to her worldview.”

What’s even funnier was that what we assumed about her husband was not actually true. Years later, we spoke briefly and she told me herself. When she met the guy, she understood that she needs to be less challenging with the people she loved. She was still a force at work, but more of a partner at home. It was nice to hear.

“Do you think she’d feel better in a relationship with you the way you are right now?”

I had to think about it for a moment.

“To be honest, I have no idea.”

“I’m telling you, Jamie, it’s how things are. That’s why I’d never date a world-famous actress or something. Me and Scarlett Johansson, we’d never work out.”

“Right,” I said.

“I mean, we’d have some fun, sure, but in the end the bank accounts would weigh too heavy between us.”

I laughed. What a goofball!

“But now you have Nat,” he said after a while.

“Yeah, and Nat’s great. The thing about Nat is that she’s easy to be around. She’s accomplished in her own right, but she doesn’t have the same type of energy.”

“Would she like the version of you from when you were with Christine?”

“Totally!” I didn’t even hesitate for a second. “Yeah, man. She’s just an awesome person and I was a charming fellow even then.”

“Don’t forget ‘modest’,” replied Jon.

“Modesty incarnated! Yes, that’s me. But for real, I wish I’d knew her sooner. We’d have been great together even then.”

**

Her

“Did she actually say that?”

“I. AM. NOT. KIDDING!”

Emily couldn’t believe what she had just heard.

“What did you say?”

“I said that I’m flattered but that I’m not interested in anything like that…with anybody.”

“Ooh…you broke her heart, didn’t you?”

I shrugged:

“Em, this was always going to be a fifty-fifty thing. If I had said yes, she would have been fine, sure. She’d have gotten her way. But I said ‘no’, so it was always going to be awkward for the both of us. She knew the risks.”

“Did you talk to Jamie about it?”

“God, no!” I laughed. “He’d probably kill me if he heard.”

“Why, because you said ‘no’?

“Yep.”

“So, he would have been into the idea.”

“Probably. I don’t know.”

She sat back in her chair, thinking. I could tell she was ready to get into some really sensible and intimate questions. I was not wrong.

“So why did you say ‘no’?” she asked.

“Because I was not interested,” I answered candidly.

“Right, but she didn’t ask just for you. She asked to join you both.”

“Which still leaves me with a say, right?”

“But you didn’t let him have a say. What if you knew for sure that he wanted to do it? Would you have changed your mind? For his sake?”

“I have no idea,” I said. “Can we change the topic now?”

“Of course not,” replied Emily.

I laughed.

“Poor Marie…” she said after a while.

I rolled my eyes:

“It’s just a phase she’s going through cause she’s single. It’s like she doesn’t know what to do with herself unless she’s in a relationship. So she just jumps into some crazy ideas, hoping it would calm her insanity. Even if I had said yes, I guarantee that she’d only be happy for five minutes before looking for the next thing.”

“Maybe,” said Emily, “but I doubt that she would have proposed something like that to anyone. She did it to you cause you are friends. It meant something.”

“What if she had asked you, what would you have said?”

Emily turned quiet. She didn’t want to look into my eyes, all of a sudden. I couldn’t believe it.

“You didn’t!”

She sighed and let her head down in embarrassment.

“When did this happen?”

“Two weekends ago…” she whispered.

“With Alex too?”

“Obviously.”

“I can’t believe this. You are such sluts. All three of you!” I burst out laughing.

“Well, what’s done is done” she said, looking at me with shyness. She looked like a puppy caught in the act of doing something bad. She was feeling judged.

“But why?”

“Well, we are getting married after all. I just thought we could cross it off the bucket list.”

“I don’t even want to know what else is on that list.”

She sipped from her coffee cup while I was still trying to process what I had found out. And there I was, hoping to blow her mind with the latest gossip. I groaned loudly.

“Ok! How was it?” I said in the end.

She smiled:

“It was quite amazing!”

“Really?” I asked in disbelief.

“Really. We had a lot of fun. It felt like college all over again.”

“What happened in college?”

“Oh, you know…the same. But I was the guest, not part of the couple. There were these two gorgeous guys, studying acting, and they wanted to be with a woman for the first time. Together. So…uhm…”

I shook my head.

“You know, now I’m really glad that I said ‘no’.

Emily didn’t seem to follow.

“Em, I love you to death, but I don’t want to have something like this connecting us. Ever!”

We giggled.

“So, you and Jamie, you’re so good that you need this kind of flavoring in your love life?”

“Not unless he’s offering to bring a guy in, first. Then we can welcome a girl too.” I smiled viciously.

“Now look who’s being a slut,” said Emily.

“I’m just kidding. I guess I’m selfish like that, I don’t want to share.”

We took another breath from all the giggling and rapid talking. Emily was again looking at me with that seriousness that implied she wanted to ask something delicate again.

“What is it now?” I asked.

“Does he know about your…condition?”

“Jamie? Yes. He knows that I can’t have kids.”

“Does he know why?”

“No. He could tell I was hesitant talking about it so he never insisted on knowing. He said that he’s happy as we are and doesn’t care. We did talk about adoption at some point. Definitely something we’re considering if things continue this way.”

“That’s sweet of him!”

“Em! He’s my guy! He’s a keeper!”

I was beaming of pride. I was happy and I didn’t mind showing it.

“Look at you two, no wonder people are asking for threesomes with you.”

“Oh yes,” I said, “we are completely awesome.”