Chapter 23
4 Years Three Months Post Alien Apocalypse, or 0004 P.A.A
Battle
There were roars from advancing ogre-like tumtums. Instead of carrying boulders, they carried smaller aliens. When the tumtums got closer, they threw the smaller aliens at the fort and into the surrounding town.
Alarms blared. Monsters roared. People screamed. Machine guns and cannons fired.
The term for what was happening was Shitshow.
Ian watched the confusion from his location outside the fort near the center of the town of Little, in front of the fighting pits.
Townsfolk ran in all directions, trying to reach the fort, or seeking other shelter. Soldiers and militia grabbed weapons to repel the invading aliens.
Ian reached out with his gift to locate the source of the attack. Where was the alien in charge?
A giant, multilegged, spider-like alien approached the town of Little, towering over everything around it. Millions of web-like threads came out of it, picking up unfortunate humans and cocooning them for future consumption.
No. Not that one.
Three flares went up from the desert. The universal distress signal. The bibi wranglers Ian had seen earlier were in trouble, and not from the bibis.
One of the wranglers, Ashley, had been riding down the canyon on a dirt bike at breakneck speed, chased by hundreds of bibis. Her job was to get the bibis to follow her into the canyon so they could be forced into the large truck waiting for them. She'd spotted a young Kitykity waiting for her, hiding behind some boulders, its stubby tail poked up in the air as it squeaked and bounced up and down from excitement.
Trapped between a Kitykity and hundreds of charging bibis, Ashley had let out a psychic cry for help, possibly not realizing she'd done so.
Captain Bradley's second granddaughter, Ashley had a weak psychic gift. Ian, of course, knew this but kept it to himself. As long as she behaved, he had no intention of giving her away.
Dropping his psychic concealment that allowed him to approach psychic aliens undetected, he mind spoke. “Back off! The girl is with me.” Usually when he did this, the Kitykity would run away, or attack him. This time the Kitykity ignored him. Great, Ian thought.
A big troop carrier tore out of the fort, honking loudly, forcing people on the road to jump aside. As it drove past Ian, he sensed it was Captain Bradley going to aid the bibi wranglers.
Sounds of many different monsters filled the air. A dragon flying toward Little had its head blown off by the fort's cannons. Dragons following the first took evasive action.
A mother called for her missing child. This was something Ian had experience with. Without thinking, he reached out with his gift, found the kid, and put the child's location into the mother's mind.
Cannons from the fort blasted away at the attacking aliens with deadly effect. A tumtum's head was blown apart. One by one, the approaching giant alien-spider's legs were destroyed. With a chittering cry, the dying alien-spider's body crashed to the ground.
The town of Little had better guns than the Fortress. Ian made a mental note to find out how they did this.
The bibis trapped in their metal cage next to the fighting pits bounced up and down like demonically possessed slinkys, so excited by what was happening that they knocked over their steel cage. Thankfully, they couldn't escape.
“We are under attack; all noncombatants to the nearest shelter!” someone shouted over the siren.
Ted, the crippled lucky-pendant salesman, was knocked off his wheelchair by the crowd rushing up the hill to the safety of the fort. He cried for help, but was ignored until Ian and Crazy Steve ran over to assist him.
More roars, and the thud thud of tumtum giants getting closer, along with explosions when they stepped on the land mines set out for them.
By the time Ian and Crazy Steve had gotten Ted back in his wheelchair, the gate to the fort had closed. A crowd of angry people pounded on the door, trying to get in.
Others looked desperately for cover.
Tentacled aliens rained from the sky, thrown by the tumtum-giants.
One knocked Ted off his wheelchair, again. Ted killed it with a pistol, resulting in green slime on everything near it, including Ted.
The tentacled aliens turned into appliances as soon as they hit the ground. The boy, Alex, a knife in each hand, attacked an alien toaster. The toaster backed away, using the many tiny tentacles coming out its bottom. It was joined by a blender and a small refrigerator.
“Go Alex!” his mother shouted. “Get those stat points!”
Alex engaged three aliens with impressive speed. Every time Alex slashed one with his knives, green slime sprayed everywhere.
Ian felt a horrible pain in his right leg. He turned to see a microwave oven jumping away from him. After biting him, it sat there, looking innocent. Ian screamed, and swung at the microwave with his pry-bar, only to miss.
Crazy Steve blasted the microwave with his shotgun. It died in another explosion of green slime. “Wake up Earl!” Crazy Steve shouted, using Ian's pseudonym. “We got to get to safety!”
Ian cursed, trying to get slime out of his eyes. It wasn't dangerous, but he'd have to get new clothes when this was over. “This attack is a distraction!” he shouted. “The real threat is over there.” He motioned toward the distant bibi wranglers in the desert. Even at this distance, it was obvious they and Captain Bradley's men were in serious trouble.
Crazy Steve threw their roll of Monster tape at Ian. “Tape up your leg!”
Ian wrapped his leg with Monster tape to stop the bleeding. They had to get to the bibi wranglers, and there wasn't time to walk.
He pulled up the Galactic Market.
Cheap-ass, solar-powered all-terrain vehicle, for loser humans who can't afford better, 20,000 credits
“Buy,” Ian said.
Would you like the yellow paint job? It will make you look less like a loser. 2000 credits.
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“Just give me the fucking truck now!”
Ian could swear he heard The Galactic-Market sniff contemptuously as 20,000 credits vanished from his inventory, and a small dull gray truck appeared in front of him.
“Oh, my god! You're Ian Anderson! I knew you looked familiar!” Ted shouted. He'd somehow gotten back on his wheelchair and had seen Ian buy the truck.
“Could you not tell everyone?” Ian snapped. “Steve! Get the big gun! The one Gabe gave us!”
Ian watched nervously as people looked back at him. Fortunately, they were too occupied with monsters to stop and talk.
“We were saving that for emergencies!” Steve said. “That gun's got two shots at most!”
“Yes! Try to keep up! Serious shit is going down! I hope Gabe was telling the truth about how powerful that thing is.”
“Take me with you!” Ted shouted.
“You're safer here, and have we met before today? I don't recognize you at all.” Ian said.
A large, tentacled alien slammed into the ground next to Ted before bouncing away and turning into a dishwasher.
“A couple years ago in Barren Falls, I was in a crowd,” Ted responded. “Come on, Ian, you need all the help you can get, and you know I'm lucky.”
“He's got you there,” Crazy Steve said, throwing their stuff into the back of the truck, careful to put the big gun (small cannon) on top where he could get to it quickly.
“Fine. Don't come crying to me if you get eaten,” Ian said. They hoisted Ted and his wheelchair into the back of the truck with the rest of their stuff.
Crazy Steve took the wheel and floored it.
Taking the same route as Captain Bradley, they approached the canyon entrance; it was clear the wranglers, along with Bradley's men, were in shambles.
Bibis were everywhere, bouncing up and down and trying to cut humans to shreds with their razor sharp heel spurs. A subterranean giant worm-creature with way too many teeth, came out of the ground tossing trucks aside as it did so.
Bodies of slower or less-fortunate humans lay on the ground. The remainder of Captain Bradley's troops were spread out, fighting off the aliens the best they could.
A pile of smaller aliens exploded outward. The four-foot-tall Tomi emerged from the alien pile, kicking aside several aliens, picking up a bibi and slamming it against the ground, then throwing it over a hundred feet. She produced a rocket launcher larger than herself and fired.
One of the subterranean worm's heads exploded. Its second and third heads came out of the ground, only to be destroyed the same way seconds later.
People cheered.
“That's Tomi the Tank, town champion!” Ted said from the back of the truck. “She's fucking amazing.”
Tomi put away the rocket launcher and produced an equally large machine gun, somehow aiming and firing it with little effort, clearing the immediate area of rampaging bibi and other low-level aliens.
Ian sensed the psychic girl Ashley had been joined by a young man who'd driven into the canyon and rammed the Kitykity with his pickup truck. Both of them were fighting for their lives. In the distance, Ian sensed numerous people in similar situations.
He wished them all luck. If he didn't deal with the threat here in front of him, a lot more people would die.
Ian and his companions pulled up in time to see five Kitykity approaching. All five were huge, the largest and oldest Ian had encountered. They were covered with battle scars and carried themselves with a dignity their younger brethren lacked.
Words formed in all the humans' minds.
PATHETIC HUMANS, IF YOUR CHAMPION CAN DEFEAT OURS, WE WILL LEAVE AND LET YOU LIVE. IF NOT, WE WILL CRUSH YOU.
“Quit fucking around and kill those things!” Captain Bradley shouted through a Galactic Market megaphone. His men opened fire.
A rocket fired by Tomi flew towards the Kitykity but was deflected at the last second by Kitykity mental abilities. The rocket flew off and exploded in the distance.
All the humans stopped moving.
Everyone, except for Tomi and Ian, was paralyzed.
TO MAKE THIS A FAIR CONTEST, OUR CHAMPION WON'T USE ITS MENTAL ABILITIES ON YOUR CHAMPION.
The alien champion, the largest, oldest, and scariest looking of the five Kitykity, stepped forward.
Ian reached into his inventory for his Kityskin armor. It appeared, covering his body like a second skin underneath his clothes and the makeshift armor he'd gotten from Crazy Steve.
Ian jumped out of the truck, ran towards the alien champion, limping badly. His right leg hurt where he'd been bitten, and he still had the rock in his boot that he'd been meaning to remove but hadn't had the time. He kept going, stumbling over rocks and cactus, passing Tomi.
“Ian! What the fuck are you doing here?” Tomi shouted as Ian limped by her.
The town champion had no idea what was going on, and Ian had neither the time, nor inclination, to explain.
Ian ran up to the Kitykity champion and stopped.
The huge Kitykity towered over Ian, its face inches away. “RARRR! GO AWAY!”
“I understand if you don't want to play!” Ian shouted. “I know humans are frightening! It's only natural for you to hide!”
For a long moment, nothing happened. Then Ian sensed something.
“HE HE HE HE,” it wasn't a nice mental giggle. It was a scary psychotic mental giggle. “YOU MISUNDERSTAND, HUMAN. I AM BEHIND THE KITYKITY BECAUSE NO HUMAN IS WORTHY TO FACE ME IN COMBAT.”
The alien champion Kitykity was levitated into the air and moved to one side. The being that had just mind-spoken came forward. It was a gold sphere the size of a basketball. It stopped a few feet from Ian. Its display popped up.
This is a Happy Bouncy. If you are not terrified, you are stupid.
Ian wasn't stupid.
A U-shaped indentation formed on the side of the gold sphere facing Ian. “I AM SMILING. I SMILE LIKE HUMANS DO, TO COMMUNICATE A LACK OF IMMEDIATE HOSTILE INTENT.”
Ian forced his lips into a semblance of a smile. “I am smiling too, in order to show my lack of hostile intent.” The Happy Bouncy bobbed up and down. It seemed pleased.
“I STUDY HUMANS. I BELIEVE IF THIS TOWN'S CHAMPION IS KILLED, THE SURVIVING HUMANS OF THIS COMMUNITY WILL LOSE ALL HOPE AND WILL RUN AND HIDE, MAKING THEM EASY PREY FOR MY ALIEN ARMY. I WISH TO OBSERVE THIS.”
“That is fascinating,” Ian mind spoke. “You wish to kill this champion with your Kitykity, and see what happens?”
“YES. YOU ARE NOT PART OF THIS HUMAN COMMUNITY. YOU ARE INTERFERING WITH MY RESEARCH.”
“I apologize and will run away as fast as I can, because you are terrifying. That is what any rational human would do.”
The Happy Bouncy bobbed up and down happily. The small alien's knowledge of humankind seemed to be increasing.
“YES. THAT IS RATIONAL. DO THAT NOW.”
“I will.” Ian turned away like he was about to run, then he turned back. “But perhaps you didn't know there are five psychics in town who are much stronger than I am. They will certainly take exception to your research.”
For a short time, the alien focused its attention elsewhere.
During their mental conversation, Ian had been studying the new alien. It was much stronger than the Kitykity it ordered around. Stronger than Ian, but at the same time, it felt young, inexperienced, and unskilled.
Ian was very experienced and skilled.
“YOU ARE INCORRECT. THERE IS ONLY ONE PSYCHIC IN TOWN WITH SIGNIFICANT STRENGTH, AND HE IS FAR WEAKER THAN YOU.”
During the alien's distraction, Ian pushed past its mind-shield. “Not incorrect. Just lying.” Ian mentally dodged its attacks as it tried to push him out. He fought to keep control of the alien, knowing if he failed, he was dead. “And you should also know, humans are not rational.”
“I DON'T UNDERSTAND, YOU HAVE FORFEITED YOUR LIFE FOR NO REASON.”
“You'd have killed me later.”
“YOU HAD NO WAY OF KNOWING THAT WAS MY INTENTION,” the Happy Bouncy responded.
A shock-wave blasted Ian, but thanks to his psychic maneuvering, the main force of the attack hit the Kitykity champion, sending it flying over fifty feet in the air.
Tomi took the opportunity to fire a rocket, blowing the Kitykity champion apart. As it died, Ian sensed a piece of it flying off and landing in the distant rocks.
A second Kitykity was cut in half when Ian took control of the Happy Bouncy's psychic weaponry for a fraction of a second. The Kitykity died instantly.
The alien's fight to free itself from Ian's control intensified. It lifted Ian twenty feet in the air and slammed him to the ground. His armor protected him, mostly. He fought to stay conscious.
A second rocket from Tomi killed a third Kitykity.
Ian's nose bled profusely, and his head was about to explode, but quitting was not an option.
A psychokinetic blast from the Happy Bouncy sent everything around it flying backward. A wave of fire missed Ian, hitting a fourth Kitykity.
Tomi took advantage of the distraction to shoot the fourth wounded Kitykity, killing it. The fifth ran away.
The other humans in the area realized they were no longer paralyzed and opened fire. A few stray bullets hit Ian, but his armor protected him. Bullets bounced off the spherical alien but did no damage.
Ian felt Ted and Crazy Steve fire the big gun. They missed. A distant hillside exploded, showering everyone with rocks.
The alien sensed Ian weakening and redoubled its efforts to regain control.
Crazy Steve and Ted were arguing about how to fire the big gun. They somehow fired it a second time.
Tomi fired too.
Both shots hit the Happy Bouncy at the same time.
The shockwave from the resulting explosion sent Ian flying again. That was the last he knew for a while.