“Level? Title? Dexterity? I don’t know what any of this means,” Chad muttered, fingering the badge until he turned the character sheet projection off. “All I know is I have to get out of here.”

The burning sensation on the soles of his feet was overwhelming. He thought he might get used to the pain, but so far no luck. If anything, the nerve endings throughout his body were more sensitive than ever.

Gotta stay moving.

Chad sprinted out of the alcove. The imp called after him,

“Where are you dashing off to now? Heh heh heh.”

Chad ran past the fire pits and burst through the rocky passage into the larger cavern. However, he skidded to a stop, painfully scraping the bottom of his feet on hard ground. This room was different than before. But… where? How?

There were no rocky craters of bubbling hot liquid. No men suspended from chains. No lumbering pig-faced guards.

Instead, there was a flat-topped rocky platform, like a small mesa, in the center of the chamber. Several naked men and women were strapped into medieval-looking metal chairs that closed around their bodies like individual cages. Their arms, legs, and necks were immobilized in the devices.

A few red imps with pitchforks flew back and forth between the prisoners. They looked just like the other imp, who now appeared beside Chad, pointy pitchfork in hand.

“Where are we? What happened to the room I was in before?” Chad asked, bewildered.

“I told you, fool, this place does not have physical geography! Hell is a spiritual realm. This is just how you perceive it! When you were chopped into Chad-chum, it reset your perception! Only the room you arrived in is seared into your consciousness.”

Chad didn’t understand. He desperately wanted this nightmare to be over.

Hearing the exchange, one of the imps on the platform called down to them.

“Anusfang! You lazy bastard, what are you doing down there with that human with the small genitals? Dodging work again?”

The imp flapping next to Chad flashed a rude gesture with one clawed finger.

“I found this guy wandering around down here, unsupervised and unassigned to a punishment schedule. He wants to, get this, take up his case with the Lord of Hell.”

At this, the other two imps began snickering. Chad fumed, trying to ignore the searing pain in his feet.

“There’s been a mistake!” he shouted, then turned to the imp beside him. “And… is your name really Anusfang?”

The imp flashed a sharp-toothed grin and gave a little bow in the air.

“Only to my friends. My full name is longer than your feeble human mind could comprehend, so I give you permission to use my nickname until your tongue burns out of your mouth and you are no longer able to speak!”

“And those two over there… they are your friends?”

“No way! Those are two of my cousins and I hate them,” Anusfang growled dismissively. “Pussucker and Bilgetoast.”

Chad looked at the caged humans. From what he could see they were of diverse ages and appearances. He was thankful at least the flesh was not being boiled off their feet, but he didn’t have a good feeling about their situation.

“And those people… what is happening to them?”

One of the imps, presumably Pusssucker, waved a hand dismissively.

“They are getting just what they deserve. For a literal eternity! And it is taking us a FIGURATIVE eternity to administer their punishment since Anusfang there is shirking his duty!”

Chad danced from foot to foot on the scalding floor.

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

“Do it yourself!” Anusfang snarled. “This stupid human is far too entertaining! Heh heh.”

The imps growled and cursed, but continued with their tasks. From the ceiling of the chamber, several large headphones connected to wires lowered down. The humans began to cry and writhe in their restrictive cages, their respite from torture apparently over.

“Not again… not again…” one muttered.

The imps fitted the headphones over each of the prisoners’ immobilized heads.

“What is their crime?” Chad murmured anxiously.

“Illegally downloading music on Napster,” Anusfang shrugged.

Suddenly, each of the headphones began blasting the song Friday by Rebecca Black at an incredibly high volume. Chad could clearly hear the sound from where he was standing, even though the music was only coming through over-the-ear headphones. The decibels must have been off the charts.

The people screamed at the top of their lungs, but their screams could not be heard over the music blasting. Chad watched in horror as fresh blood seeped out of their ears, down the sides of their heads, pooling over their bare shoulders.

Anusfang grinned, snapping his clawed fingers to the rhythm.

“I actually quite like this song. We rotate it with Photograph by Nickelback, which is just awful. I look forward to meeting Ms. Black if she ends up here one day. And let’s face it, why wouldn’t she? Heh heh!”

Chad couldn’t hear a word. He looked away from the suffering humans and threw his hands over his ears. It felt like his eardrums were going to burst, even from this distance.

Suddenly, up ahead, he saw a bright white light flashing in a tunnel branching off from this torture chamber. There was something about that light that drew him, called to him, and he quickly ran for the tunnel, hoping there was not another buzz-saw surprise waiting for him.

Body intact, he came to a sort of stone antechamber. The bright white light pulsed in the air, beautiful. Anusfang sideled up alongside, watching with curiosity. Suddenly, as if a three-dimensional object emerged from a two-dimensional plane, an astoundingly bright figure appeared in the room.

It was tall, handsome, fearsome, and masculine. The figure’s eyes shone as bright as the sun itself, clothed in white, with two large wings. Prismatic gold shimmered around its head. A massive golden key hung around its neck by a golden chain. In each hand, the figure gripped a cluster of naked humans, which he dropped unceremoniously to the cavern floor where they lay motionless.

“Eeeep!” Anusfang cried, flying away in terror.

The shining figure slowly turned, stoically training its blazing eyes on Chad. Chad was naked, but now he FELT naked. More naked than he had ever felt before, as if this figure’s eyes were boring holes straight through him.

“Oh my… are… are you… are you an angel or something?” Chad stuttered, startled by his own words.

This is impossible! I don’t believe in angels, except the kind from Victoria’s Secret.

“AYE, MORTAL. I AM ONE OF THE KEY-BEARETH ANGELS.”

The angel’s voice sounded like a rushing flood of water. Cool water that could quench Chad’s undying thirst.

Averting his eyes from the light, Chad nevertheless pressed forward. It felt like a strong wind was pushing him away from the angel, but the closer he got, the more the physical pain in his body subsided.

“Oh, thank God! There’s been a terrible mistake. I’m a human. My name is Chad Chaddington. I’m actually pretty important back on Earth, and someone’s going to get in a lot of trouble when they find out I was sent here by accident. Somehow I got teleported into this nightmare… I don’t belong here!”

The angel said nothing, staring with those unreadable eyes.

“CHADWICK PRESTON CHADDINGTON THE SECOND, THEE DOST INDEED BELONG HITHER. I CAN SEE THINE MANY SINS LIKE NEON SIGNS ALL ABOUT THEE.”

“What? No! No, no, no. I’m a good guy. I’m a good person! Honest! This is all a misunderstanding. You have to get me out of here!”

The angel shook his head slowly from side to side.

“AND TO THINE SINS THEE JUST ADDETH ANOTHER ONE BY LYETH. VERILY, THITHER LIES BETWIXT US A GREAT CHASM. ALTHOUGH I MAY PASS BEYOND, MORTALS MAY ONLY ENTER HELL, NOT DEPART FROM IT.”

Chad fell to his knees, reaching out to grasp hold of the angel’s strong pillar-like legs beneath folds of white robes. He sobbed, tears and snot on his face.

“PLEASE! Please, I beg you! HELP ME! I’m a good person! Just give me a chance to prove it!”

The angel frowned sternly. At length, he reached into the folds of his garment and removed something like a knotted bracelet and let it fall, where Chad quickly grabbed for it. It was made of thick black rope, with larger knots (or were they beads?) at regular intervals.

“I DOST NOT BELIEVE SALVATION IS PER-CHANCE FOR THEE, CHADWICK CHADDINGTON. HOWEVER, IF THEE ART GOOD AS THEE CLAIM TO BE, I WILL GRANT THEE A BOON OF PENITENT GRACE. THEE MAY RECITE THE PRAYER CONTAINED WITHIN THIS KEEPSAKE AND ABSOLVE THE SINS OF OTHERS, IF THOU WILT, YET KNOWETH THAT FORGIVENESS IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR THEE.”

At that, the angel vanished into bright light, and was gone. It felt like all the had been sucked out of the room.

Chad knelt on the burning floor beside the unconscious bodies that had been dumped there. With the angel gone, the fiery pain rapidly spread through his knees and legs from the hot ground. In his hands he clutched the mysterious artifact, the black rope with thirty-three knots.

The Character+ Pass on the lanyard around his neck chimed and a glowing notification appeared in the air.

Angelic Boon obtained: Prayer Rope of Absolution