Why did the world hurt?

Soleil needed it to make sense.

It took her a moment to realize her knees had given out from under her.

“Deep breaths Soleil.” Veilura was right. Veilura was always right.

This was too much for her.

A wound in the world that had not been fixed?

How does that even happen?

More importantly, why?

Why does the entire world hurt?

Why had no one done anything about it?

Why did her parents look so calm and patient?

As if in response to her pleading, Veilura slipped her arms and tails around her most cherished daughter. "I see now that not warning you beforehand was a mistake."

"You've been aware of all of this and kept it secret for 20 years!"

"Closer to thirty, actually." Brigid offered.

Veilura raised a hand. "Wife, dearest. I know you are trying to accept blame on my behalf. But please allow me to make it up to our little guiding star. This is my mess to fix."

"If you're sure.” Brigid inclined her head before kneeling down beside Soleil. “Hey Little Sun. Mind if I get breakfast started without you?"

Soleil shook her head. She had been so looking forward to [shaping] and [manipulating] fire mana in place of relying on magitech to handle the mana for her. "You can go ahead. I'm suddenly not feeling up to cooking."

"Of course. Don’t push yourself, okay?" Brigid’s smile did not hide her hesitation in departing.

Nadir was the shadow in Brigid’s departing footsteps. Both stopped in unison, but only the darkness had something to say. "This is of course your weekly reminder that you are not alone either, Veilura dearest."

"So you keep telling me."

Without another word, the door closed shut.

A part of her wanted to forgive her mother immediately no matter the justification. But that part of her just wanted to skip to the moment where everything made sense and they could work on fixing things together.

Alone with her daughter, Veilura began to gently run a number of fingers through Soleil’s fiery red hair. "I know. This is a lot to take in.”

Soleil wanted to just close her eyes and not think about anything other than her mother playing with her hair. She absentmindedly fretted with her clothes, resisting the urge to turn away from Veilura. "This is all so much. I don’t understand how any of you could just raise me knowing something this wrong has gone unresolved. I don’t even know where to begin."

Veilura stared unflinchingly into Soleil’s eyes, causing Soleil to want to sit straighter. “First off, you should know that yes, I did talk your mothers into not warning you what mana channeling would entail."

Hearing it spelled out and confirmed so casually hurt Soleil more than she wanted to admit. A wound in the world and mana being in agonizing pain was just too big for her to process.

Her favorite mother convincing the others to lie to her was entirely too easy to wrap her head around. That didn’t make it hurt any less.

She briefly considered reaching for one of her safe words. Veilura almost looked expectant of that outcome. At any moment she could enforce a boundary and make this conversation end. Soleil knew that, and yet.

Why did it still hurt so much to see her mother upset?

Maybe her mothers had prepared her for this.

“Mom. I know you have a reason. I want to hear it.”

Veilura nodded her head slowly and gravely. “I did not want you to fear the same mana that you dreamt of wielding. You and mana both deserved a chance to make peaceful memories of a childhood that no one has had since before the Calamity.”

“Mana and I?”

“I had actually hoped to grant you a perspective that would endear mana to you. You’ve felt its pain. Nothing your mothers or I have done in the past hundred years has achieved anything of note towards fixing the world.”

“So you raised me in isolation, ignorant of how large the problems facing us were.” The thoughts had hardly left her mouth and they felt wrong. She gave her mother a look and shook her head to convey her dissatisfaction with her own words.

Think Soleil, think. Brigid said that her mothers would break a hundred promises so long as they raised her right.

If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

If Veilura had put years of thought into this, there had to be wisdom in there somewhere. Soleil pulled away from her mother, finding a space on her bed to sit. She took a deep breath. How to see this from her mother’s perspective?

“You still taught me skills when I asked, knowing full well I was not ready.”

Veilura nodded, her expression unreadable.

“One of you always stayed home with me. As strong as you are, I was probably safer than most.”

Her mother folded her hands into her lap, seeming content to let Soleil come to her own conclusions without affecting the outcome.

Soleil was still upset.

She should probably hold onto that, especially if Veilura agreed that her decisions were always going to lead towards getting her daughter hurt.

Suddenly she sat up a little straighter. “Me getting overwhelmed and hurt was important, wasn’t it?”

She got no response from Veilura other than starting to think her expression might have softened a touch.

“So what.” Soleil tapped her chin as she pondered aloud. “Was it important that I come to these conclusions in relative safety?” She thought back to the moment where Nadir darkened the room, silencing the mana’s cries by absorbing it into herself. Soleil shivered at the thought. “You wanted this to be a good memory, as good as it could be expected. I’m not sure how Nadir bending the mana to her will changes all this, but you seem mostly pleased with the outcome.”

There, a crack in Veilura’s composure. Soleil spotted the beginnings of a frown. One of her mother’s hands drifted up to her own shoulder. Soleil could almost picture Brigid placing her hand there in the way she always did, a giant treating the world around her like it was made of glass.

“Brigid did not agree to this lightly, did she?” Soleil asked. “Did you two really spend thirty years arguing over this?”

“My little star, there are those who think that befriending Demons and turning into them means siding with mana against humanity. You’ve done more than glimpse mana’s memories, you’ve lived the peaceful and carefree life that most are denied these days.”

None of her mothers ever spoke of who Veilura used to be before she became a demon. That she should bring it up now seemed significant somehow. It set Veilura apart in some important way. Nadir was an old demon. Not as old as the Calamity, but at least several hundred years old. Soleil had been alive to celebrate Brigid’s 100th birthday.

Would Veilura live as long as Soleil and her other mothers? She fought the urge to hug her mother again.

Soleil shook her head. “The development of demons isn’t recorded in any book I’ve read. Brigid and Nadir would tell it that our kind is defined by conflict and our outsider status. I guess just don’t understand where you’re going with this. How does this help?”

The look that Veilura gave Soleil was one of exhaustion. “There are many humans who blame mana itself for the Calamity resulting in a wound in the world itself. Such words from the descendents of the humans that used mana in the first place to cause calamitous levels of destruction hold little weight in the eyes of mana. So now we make promises with mana in an effort to build up trust.”

“Okay. I get that much. But Brigid said I was worth breaking a hundred promises over.”

Her mother smiled warmly and easily. “Without a doubt.”

Soleil waved her mother over, suddenly wanting less distance between them. Veilura barely sat down before her daughter pulled her into a hug. A selfish embrace for a frustrating answer. "That um, doesn't change my next question. Why me? Why not teach more kids about all this?"

“That is unfortunately not my decision to make.”

“Oh.” Soleil had to search her mother’s expression for a moment, convinced that Soleil would have tried. Were others resistant to the idea like Brigid had been? “So you are trying to make happier memories to endear us to mana. Will this help me and others gain more Affinities? I’m still not seeing how this will fix the world.”

Her mother pressed her forehead to her daughter’s. “What am I to do with you?”

“Don’t make me promise to go out into the world and have kids, for starters.”

Veilura laughed.

Which was frustrating. Soleil had been serious.

“Very well little sun. I free you of this expectation.”

Soleil squinted at her mother before trying to steer things back on topic. “You want me to come to my own conclusions for some reason. I know over fourty demons. You and Nadir are effortlessly the smartest and wisest from what I can tell. But that just seems to make you both sad and upset.” She did not have to look to know that her mother was giving her another one of those tired smiles. Soleil hugged her mother even tighter.

“Mana remembers, child. Treat it well, for it sees death as a waste no matter what your justification.”

More cryptic wisdom from Veilura to chew on.

“So making and living happier lives is supposed to prove to mana and the humans that we’re… what, worth preserving?”

“Is all life not worth preserving?”

Soleil stared at her mother for asking the most obvious question in the world. Was it not so? If not, how long would it take for her to confront others who thought differently. Were there people out there that loathed her for what she was? “Will um, raising me really have been enough?”

Soleil saw what she could only describe as a heartbroken look on her mother’s face. “I’m not sure how much I can ask of someone so young. I cannot change the past. But we are here now, you and I. The best I can do is to prepare you for what is to come.”

“What did Nadir think of all this? You clearly didn’t want me to be another miniature Brigid.”

“No. This world has too many conflict hungry souls. Nadir and I tried to piece together what life looked like from mana’s memories. Xe is actually the one who convinced us to raise you as if you were our own. Being mana’s child might make for a lonely experience.”

“Oh. I am going to want to speak to Nadir at some point.” Soleil wanted to thank xem.

“I am not infallible. None of your mothers are. Even mana’s own agents of destruction and corruption have been known to doubt and show mercy. I guess what I am trying to say is that we are all struggling to attune to the mana we wield. Your mothers and I just tried to open new options to you.”

“Okay. I think I understand enough to forgive and thank you.”

The look that Veilura gave her suggested that it was her mother that was not ready to accept forgiveness. Hmmmm. How to be diplomatic? Someone had to be. Everyone in this house was terrible at compromise despite trying their best.

Soleil stood up and reached for her mother’s hand. “I’m not sure either of us should have expected for all of this to make sense at once. But I want you to show me.”

Veilura blinked. “Me? Not Brigid or Nadir?”

“They don’t have matching witch hats like we do.”

Her mother stared at her in stunned silence for a few moments before allowing herself a small laugh. “I suppose you’re right.”