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Lilah trembled when Lander put the rough sketch in her hands.
“It’s not as good as your dad can draw it. But this is how I always remember them. You know...long before the sickness.”
Try as she might, she couldn’t take hold. Maybe Lander couldn’t see his own talent, but the likeness of the image was unmistakable.
His body pressed against hers, so close that his pounding heart sent a shiver through her, Lander kept on with his sketching.
“How about it now?” he asked.
Lilah stopped him from changing the drawing any more for fear he’d wreck it. It was perfect now; she just didn’t have it in her to say it.
She wanted to leave—to get up out of there and run. So she couldn’t understand why she brushed her cheek against his instead. He tried to pull away from the kiss but only for a moment before kissing back. Then it was her trying to resist indulging.
He tasted unreal. Not particularly pleasant, or revolting, only...different. But the kiss was something else. It was tamed yet hungry and she pressed her hand against his chest to keep herself from yanking him closer.
“Stop,” he whispered. “Essy....”
Lilah cringed. Thoughts of Escott were the only things keeping her from doing something stupid. She tried to make sense of her actions. She was being foolish.
“Did your father really run away?” Lander asked. The look in his eyes said it all—he didn’t believe it. “He wouldn’t.”
What an awful topic to bring up.
She tried to stand, but Lander snaked his arm around her waist.
“Whatever he’s done wrong, you have to forgive it,” Lander said. “Good fathers are hard to come by. I’m even looking for mine now. Put my DNA into the database and everything for DAWN to match.”
He talked as if he was bragging. It was true; Lander’s path into life was a miserable one. He just appeared one day in the middle of town. No note, no escort, no trail as to where he came from. And yet everyone had a very similar story as to his parentage. He must have heard it in whispers by now.
“My father was the first one to pick me up. That’s all. Don’t know if I’d even call him much of a father with how useless he is.”
As Lander spoke, Lilah allowed her head to rest on his shoulder. He muttered against her hair, their embrace feeling so safe and familiar that it frightened her.
Lander insisted, “So you’ve gotta give your father the benefit of the doubt. Blood is so important. It defines everything about you. And you come from good blood.”
Those words swam in Lilah’s head for some time. She wanted to agree, to even give some assurance of her own, but she had none. Tine was Lander’s father. Of that, Lilah was sure. There was no need to ask a computer to tell them that—she believed it.
A numbness came over Lilah’s hands. She took it for her imagination but although she was certain she touched her fingertips to one another, there was little to no sensation. She tried to open and close her hands instead but was unsure she’d managed. If she’d eaten or drunk anything in the last hour, she’d consider herself drugged. That wasn’t the case, however, so she struggled for another explanation.
Lander cupped her left breast without warning, an action that nearly sent Lilah into panic.
“Your heart’s calmed,” he said. “That’s good. I worried when you came in.”
Their eyes met and she looked down at herself—specifically, his hand.
He was slow to let go. “I’m sorry.”
She stared him down, wondering if it was really innocent. When she concluded that it was, she calmed.
Rather than make it a topic, she turned and pressed her back against him. He held on. She could feel his embrace at least, and that was a comfort.
“If Tine’s not your father, who is?” she asked.
Lander hesitated at first but pulled her closer in time. “I’ve narrowed it down to a few possibilities.”
His grip tightened and she closed her eyes. DAWN was a crude database. All it did was hold information and send out messages. Every enforcer knew better than to trust it—it was accurate in reporting crimes only twenty percent of the time. Still, stripped down to just a collection of family trees and DNA swabs and it was rather useful.
Next week it would launch a mass collection of DNA for census purposes.
“Can I confess that I’ve liked you for a while?” Lander asked.
Lilah pretended not to hear him. That wasn’t what she wanted. Instead of responding, she brought his hands up to her chest of her own volition.
A hiss left the back of Lander’s throat. Lilah shut her eyes tight. Somehow, they started to sway, though she was desperate to get a hold of herself. A discomfort against her back caught her attention.
She turned and although she yanked his shirt up, he kept his hands firmly at her chest.
Lilah blinked in the dim light. “You’ve pierced yourself even here?”
Scars littered Lander’s torso, but she ignored them and instead focused on the two rings—one in each nipple.
He tried to yank his shirt back down, but she held on. It seemed strange to get something like this yet hide them. She narrowed her brow, “Where else have you gotten it pierced?”
Silence lulled between them.
Lander seemed incapable of moving. Lilah wasn’t much better. Literally. Slowly it dawned on her that something wasn’t right. Even the grip he had of her hands came with little to no sensation—and that was fading fast.
“Not here,” he said, finally. “I don’t...I’m not...informed enough to...to....”
To do what? Lilah struggled to finish that sentence for herself. It seemed more than obvious where this was going, and yet...she couldn’t admit it. What about Essy? And what about this feeling of oncoming paralysis.
“Touch the right one for a second,” Lander said.
Lilah hesitated; she didn’t want to admit her plight until she understood it. An attempt at complying might alert him to it. He waited, though, so she watched her own actions to make certain she could manage looping her index in the nipple ring. The shock made her rethink it. Metal hurt Elementals, but only if it pierced flesh. Just touching it shouldn’t have caused that shock. At least she could feel it.
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“They’re called crickets. Topsiders make them. They give off a shock when people fool around.”
“Are you trying to say you got a chastity belt?”
Lander said, “These don’t ever turn off. They’re always on. Figured they’d be better than drugs or...or stupid shit like that.”
She wasn’t sure what he was confessing.
“Are you saying you harm yourself?”
“I’m saying that when we have a breakdown, we tend to destroy everything we’ve worked for. Everything we’ve got.” He waited and then confessed, “You’ve got Essy.”
Lilah leaned away.
They both watched one another.
“And Essy’s my only friend. And you two are getting married. Newbreeds can’t just change mates at will. Imps are worse, they mate for life. That’s why my so-called father is Karen Blackwell’s whipping boy. Not that anyone’d believe it.”
This was his warning and she was thankful for it. It was sobering. Now if only her body would be so kind as to respond as well.
“And you’re saying me kissing you is my way of self-imploding?”
That was what she was saying, too. Something about his expression concerned her.
“I’ve liked you for a long time,” he admitted. “I was happy about you and Essy. It’s a good fit.”
Lilah nodded. “So back off?”
She stood but not steady, and he stood with her, taking hold of her waist.
He put their foreheads together and whispered, “If you just need him to shut up and hold you, then tell him.”
This wasn’t something you tell someone. The fact that Lander knew how she felt, what she needed, only made things worse. Still, this situation wasn’t acceptable—not even by Lander’s standards and this was Lander.
And he was still interested; the heat between his legs pressed against her. They remained still for some time until he took another soft kiss then stepped back.
It was enough for him, and although the rejection should have hurt, Lilah appreciated it. This was a moment of weakness, a stupid one.
“Thank you,” she muttered.
She made her way out and he caught her arm. The grip wasn’t all that strong, yet she felt powerless to break it.
One attempt nearly had her toppling over. She dropped and he hurried to drag her back up.
“Whoa.”
Lilah shivered. “What’s happening? I can’t feel my legs.”
“Whoa, whoa.” Lander struggled with her and eventually picked her up. Lilah was anything but light, even Escott attested to that. She had more than enough muscle to make her a fitting opponent. That became clear to Lander who had a hard time carrying her. She was heavier than she looked. He lowered her onto the cot, keeping her back against the wall as he held her up.
This time when he put his hand to her chest, he fell silent.
Finally, he said, “Your heart’s slowing. Can you feel your arms at least?”
She couldn’t. In fact, turning her head to face him was so difficult that she felt winded.
As if a light came on in his eyes, he eased back. “Our kissing....”
Eyes wide, Lilah waited.
“Real imps give off a venom in their saliva. One bite paralyzes its prey. Newbreeds have something similar. It makes our bites deadly to real imps but...not to others. I’ve...I’ve never kissed a Newbreed before, but....”
Lilah’s eyes dimmed as her body continued to shut down. But? There was a but?
“But...I’ve given the venom to others before. But I didn’t in the kiss. I guess my arousal brought it up.”
The loss of all feeling should have concerned her—and it did—but she was an enforcer first.
“You’ve given venom to others? Others how? Others who?”
Lander looked big and menacing at a distance. Right now, he appeared young. He was caught between confessing to a possible crime or saving his own ass.
That was her original thought but eventually she understood.
“My gang. I give ‘em some of my venom so they’ll get a buzz. When I have enough adrenaline from a race or something, it’s potent.”
Lilah wrinkled her brow—about all the movement she had left. “So you go around kissing them?”
He recoiled. “No.”
“Then spitting into their mouths? What?”
Lander seemed ready to run—he was so ashamed.
“No. On paper. I just...I put it in my mouth, and they can store it and pass it around.”
Eyes closed, she allowed her head to fall back as she growled. “Idiot. What’s that supposed to do? Turn into the new drug of choice? Tell me you at least charged for it.”
The silence meant he hadn’t. That’s when she tried to move on her own. No luck.
“I’ve never seen anyone react like this,” Lander whispered. “And technically they get a stronger amount.”
“Well apparently you’re that good a kisser for me,” she scoffed.
No use, each attempt she made to get up sent her crashing back down again.
“Please. Please just hold still.” Lander glanced at the cell door. “Someone’ll come and help. Someone’ll come....” The way his voice petered off meant he thought along the same lines—how would they go about explaining this?
Rather than struggle, Lilah relaxed and decided to allow fate its revenge. She’d earned it.
Lander pressed his cheek to hers and kissed her neck. He sounded genuinely pensive. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Just hang on. I’ll hit the emergency button.”
“No.” Lilah tried to grip his shoulder, but her hand just fell away. “No. Please. We made a mistake. A dumb one and I’ve come to terms with it. But no. Don’t call Essy.”
“Then what?” Lander sat beside her, his hand holding hers.
Each stroke of his fingers along her palm to calm her came with a warmth. She could feel it, could feel his touches but couldn’t move.
She’d heard enough whispered chatter from the women married to imps to know something.
“I think...this is maybe not the same as your regular venom,” Lilah confessed. “The one you say’s poisonous. I...I can feel your touches and my body’s definitely liking them.”
Lander looked her over. “Trust me...it’s the same venom,” he muttered.
She cut him a glance, unsure she wanted more details. “Should I ask?”
“No. I’d rather you didn’t. And no...I’ve never.... I’ve heard about a few things. That’s why I stopped with the papers and did this transporting job instead. Okay?”
There was no reason for him to get defensive; as of now she had a vested interest in not telling anyone about this.
Unlike ten minutes prior, now he hesitated to hold her. She was thankful when he finally did. Yes, the situation was terrifying. Yes, she was vulnerable and unsure how long she’d remain that way, but although Lander was a lot of things, he was Essy’s friend and Escott was good people. Lander wasn’t far behind. He just held onto her, forehead pressed against her ear.
A few, “You’ll be okay soon, I know it,” and “I’m sorry” came and went.
One good hour must have passed before Lilah could feel the cot below her rather than only Lander’s touches specifically. It was unreal. No. A situation like this was problematic, but she could imagine why it might have been different for people actually in love.
The venom started wearing off, but even Lander’s shallow breathing, the way his chest heaved and withered against her with each breath, still resounded.
After thirty more minutes, she could move her arms again. At least he didn’t bite her. If it was this powerful in a kiss, it could last for days.
He helped rub feeling back into her hands, unwilling to meet her gaze. She wanted to say something to him, to offer up some appreciation.
From her muscles, to her gun—hell, even the baton on her hip—being vulnerable wasn’t something she allowed, not on purpose.
Being thrust into a situation like that yet feeling safe in it had never happened before. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had to care for her.
He was down to rubbing her thighs by the time she held his face. She steadied his hands in hopes their eyes could meet.
“Don’t,” Lander muttered. He was thinking along the same vein because he said, “Thanks for trusting me. But thinking about what just happened to you and what might have happened to a number of women who might have reacted similar is what’s on my mind right now and I’m not liking myself all that much.”
Lilah regretted that. “I’m an E. Remember? And we’re learning as we go. Did anyone ever shut down like that? Like me?”
Shaking his head, Lander admitted. “I’ve never seen anyone react like you. Not as strongly. Maybe just needing to have a seat for a few minutes. But could you imagine if someone did?”
She raked her fingers through his short red hair. “Lander, I really think this potency is a combination of something else. We won’t know until we tell someone.”
He met her gaze, finally. Could they actually tell someone?
The thought left Lilah sick with herself.
“We don’t know what caused it. We don’t know if it’s because I’m an E, you were aroused, I was aroused. We don’t know.”
He furrowed his brow. “You were aroused?”
Lilah swallowed down her response. Her eyes drifted to his hands still on her leg. The sight of it should have been offensive, but those weren’t the thoughts rushing through her mind.
“Well I didn’t kiss you more than once because I didn’t like it,” she confessed.
Lander sat on the floor as he let her go. “Can you stand?”
She wanted him close; she wanted to talk to him longer. Instead, she stood and sighed with relief to find most of the numbness gone.
“Yes. I’m okay,” she said.
When she tried to walk past, he caught her hand. He kissed it but wiped it off, maybe fearing another reaction. It had no effect, but his gentleness did.
In time, he let go and she made a fast escape and shut the cell door before her stupid brain shut itself off again.
Something slammed against the wall, maybe the bed. She didn’t turn to look, and she didn’t have a chance when she caught sight of Karen Blackwell and her posse.
“Where the hell you think you’re going?” Blackwell said, taking off her gloves. She took an envelope from the woman behind her and handed it over. “This is for you idiots. Get that imp out of here.”
Imp? There weren’t any imps in the jails—they’d stopped arresting imps more than a decade ago. Now, all imp crimes fell to the imp leader who took penance as he saw fit.
“I assume you mean Lander,” the new enforcer reporting for duty asked. She took the envelope, more than a little cautious as she opened it. Whatever her findings, she didn’t seem convinced. “When did you get this?”
Karen Blackwell put her black gloves back on and fixed her grand black hat. “I went to the mayor himself. He signed it. You get him out of here and you get him out of here this instant.”