“What do you want?” Abhey asked me on the way back when we were on the bus.

Maybe my sheepish grin irked him. His eyebrows scrunched into a tighter frown and his lips puckered out, reminding me of a balloon ready to burst. I was hoping my silence would make him tighten up with pride, but he didn’t let me up so easily.

“You can tell me you know? I won’t bite.” He asked again on our walk back home from the bus stop. He whispered so Arzoo wouldn’t hear him, which was quite endearing honestly.

“There is nothing. Why do you keep asking me that?” I fired a shot in the air to drive away the crows eating at my crops. It didn’t work. Instead, the crows attacked me.

“You have been staring bro! It feels weird. Makes me feel sorry for all the girls who have to go through this all day.” He stared at me and said shaking his head, “You need to stop. It’s creeping me out.”

“I wasn’t staring,” Perhaps I was. “I was just wondering.”

What could I do? I had a terrible day at school today. Not only could I not stop thinking about the task, I also kept devising impossible ways to dupe Abhey into letting me help him do his homework. Some of which included blackmailing him with his dark history. I remembered a few snippets of them after thinking about it hard and long during math class. It almost led me to trouble with my teacher too!

Suddenly he stopped walking in the middle of the road and asked, “About what?” His voice was an octave higher. Impatient, unblinking eyes stared daggers at me. Even Arzoo heard and looked over her shoulder to see the situation.

“Nothing I was just wondering how you are doing in your classes, whether you understand the content or not. Stuff like that.”

“Why?”Abhey stabbed me with a butter knife.

These one-word questions were brutal. I always had a problem answering questions in a conversation. They disrupt my rhythm and make me awkward.

“I thought maybe I could help you with your homework as the finals are coming and--”

I found him sneering at me.

“Why are you making that face? Don’t look down on me. I was one of the toppers until last year.”

He scoffed and shook his head. Then he started laughing.

“Oh that’s a good one,” He patted my shoulder and started walking again.

What did he mean by that? Was it a yes? A no, perhaps? I wasn’t good at social clues. Heck, there had been times when I had laughed at sarcastic remarks directed at me because I didn’t understand sarcasm as well as most people normally do. At least he didn’t outright reject me. He would have said no if he was completely against the idea. Perhaps, I had a chance. It could mean anything. I wasn’t an optimist, but I sure as hell had a knack for finding happiness in the cracks.

I sneakily glanced at Abhey’s bored face. Was it possible that he understood my motive and wanted me to beg him? I wouldn’t put it past him. He knew the value of promises. I wish I could read his mind. Who was the master of disguise between us?

The conversation fell like a bomb. Thankfully, it turned out to be a dud and didn’t explode. I had been wondering what would happen if I couldn’t complete the task before midnight. Would the task carry over or would a new task replace it? Would be fine if it was the former, I thought, but a waste if it was the latter.

We brothers had our differences. One could even say that we were the complete opposite of each other. Where I was vigilant and reserved, Abhey was crude and aggressive. Even In our actions, we were each other mirror image. We didn’t even remove our clothes in the same way. Abhey removed his clothes and threw them around like he had a personal maid running around to clean after him. I was civil and harshly educated as my mother’s first child. I hadn’t the courage to follow Abhey's footsteps. I put my school clothes in the basket with other dirty clothes. I guess it was an issue of courage. The reason we were so different. Our mother also didn’t find any faults in his selfish actions, but there would be hell to pay if I copied him.

He was the boss of the house while our father was out. He could ask our mother to make him tea at any time. I couldn’t do that. Tea was made twice at our house. Once in the morning with breakfast and then in the evening when our father returns from work. But the rule didn’t apply to the prince.

“Put some cloves in the tea, ma.” Abhey looked over our mother's shoulder to peek at the water boiling in the teapot. “Do we have biscuits?”

“You ate the last packet yesterday. Did you forget?”

He groaned and complained, “I told you to buy a few more packets. Why didn’t you?”

It always gave me goosebumps whenever he raised his voice with our mother. Where did they find the courage, I always wondered.

“I forgot. Don’t be angry. Here,” Our mother said calmly and to my surprise politely. She then went ahead to open one of the kitchen cabinets to pay him money for her supposed mistake. She pulled a twenty rupee note and handed it to the disgruntled cat.

“Take this and buy whatever you want.”

Abhey looked at the money. He looked tempted but shook his head. “I’m tired from school.”

A shiver went down my spine when I heard him say that. The words gave me a déjà vu-like feeling. Like I had been there before. Then I remembered that the same thing happened last week too. I got up to escape to my room, but my mother was faster and more agile. She was a bigger cat than my brother, a lioness.

“Sahil,” It was a command, not a call. “Go, get some biscuits for Abhey,”

“Why should I go?” I said even though I knew there was no fighting her. I also had my temper.

“Because I’m telling you to go,” Now this was an order from my senior officer, impossible to ignore. I didn’t want to get court marshaled.

I didn’t forget to glare at Abhey on my way to my mother’s side to get the money.

Maybe I should stand up for myself now. The thought came and went from my head before I could react.

“Get me Good day!”

“Oh, I’ll get you a Good day,” I said before leaving.

Good Day was one of the better brands of biscuits that we served our guests because they were slightly pricier and a lot nicer than other varieties available at the same price. But he was probably being sarcastic. I really couldn’t tell.

This was not a lone case of the mother and son pair bullying a kind person like me. They did it all the time. I had no respect in that house. Sometimes I wondered what would happen if I stopped caring. What would happen if I started ignoring them all?

I didn’t want to test them because I didn’t have the natural skills needed to survive outside on my own. My problem was that I agreed too easily to demands. I was just not selfish enough. If I didn’t care about hurting them in return they wouldn’t treat me like roadside dirt either.

I decided to stand up against them later. I still had a favor to ask from Abhey. There was no need to antagonize him over a trip to the market which wasn’t even that far. I say market, but it was a small grocery store someone had opened in their home. They sold everything except the perishables. I always thought that if ever there were an apocalypse, shop owners like these would be either the first ones to die or the ones who would easily make it to the end.

I greeted the grocer, an old man in his sixties whom I knew as Sharma Uncle. Never had the desire to know his first name, I wondered why at times but not with the desire to answer. You don’t enter the shop, but order things at the counter. And it was payment first. A small store, an old man at the counter, the first thing through people's minds must be robbery. But I had never heard of them getting robbed or fleeced. I guess, the small cash flow was the problem or the savior in this case.

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I walked into the store and was surprised. What did I see? Arzoo, standing there waiting for her order to be filled.

“Hey,” I called her and she jerked back in surprise. I guess she wasn’t expecting to meet anyone at the store.

“Hi,” She said with a bit of nervous laugh. Those raised hands also fell back to their reserved place by her waist. She was quite a bit shorter than I was. And had to raise her head to look up, which made her all the more charming.

“Thanks for yesterday. I would have missed the bus if it was not for you. And that would have put me in endless troubles with my ma.”

I noticed a confident grin growing on her face. She noticed it in time and stubbed it. Though I wished, she hadn’t.

“How do you know I stopped the bus?”

“I don’t believe there is anyone else that cares enough.” Oh, shit! I slipped up. My words frightened the both of us. Where I was left carrying a foolish smile on my smile. Arzoo turned away as if running away from the plague, keeping social distance from me.

Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I felt too embarrassed to say the words. Arzoo paid for her things, picked up the bag, and left with hurried strides. I was left scratching my head, groaning inside.

“Yes,” Sharma Ji asked me.

I paid for the biscuits and returned. I couldn’t help looking toward Arzoo’s home on the way back. The closed-painted brown Iron Gate seemed like a sign of increased distance and closed emotions. I wasn’t very interested in her. I didn’t think I would ever get interested in another girl like I was for Anjali. It just felt bad to disappoint others. To think I had pushed another person away. It was not a nice thought to have on cold evenings when you are feeling lonely and alone.

Anyways, back home. I took the packet of Good Day straight to Abhey’s room. One to simply enter his room, which I wasn’t normally allowed inside. He kept the door locked at all times. Always kept me wondering what he did there all day long and sometimes on nights too when I could see light dancing inside his room from the crack under his door.

Second, now that I had done something for him it gave me a chance to ask him something in return. The odds were against me, but I had some positive equity.

The door to his room was open when I got there. I went inside and found him sitting on the bed with his books sprawled open. He was doing his homework and the teacup was still steaming on the tray. It made me groan, not the tea, but the teacup. It would have been nice if I could get tea served in a china cup for once. Knowing it was never going to happen, there was nothing wrong in groaning about it.

Besides, Abhey was wearing headphones. However, when I looked closer, he seemed to be talking to someone holding a somewhat shy, somewhat expectant smile on his face.

He was talking to a girl?

I don’t know why it came as a surprise to me. He was the complete opposite of me. And since I was not good at anything, that made him better than me at almost everything. It wouldn’t have surprised me had he driven a bike home and said he learned to drive it in the morning. Perhaps it would be bragging since he was no genius. But then my parents would have another thing to hold against me.

I took a deep breath and told myself that I could do it. He was my younger brother, not the other way around.

He saw me approaching, covered the headphone mic with his hand, and said, “You took your sweet time? What happened? Meet a girl on the way?”

I let out a nervous snort and pulled a chair to his bedside.

“What are you doing?” His back straightened as if he was getting combat-ready.

I sat on the chair under his scrutinizing glare. I felt like a commoner asking a government employee for help. The packet of biscuits was his bribe.

Ignoring the hand Abhey stretched for the packet of good day. I tore open the packet instead, put it on the tray, and pulled one to nibble on. It took a lot of strength for me to accomplish that task. I wanted to appear strong and in control. Which I wouldn’t have had I given him the packet. I was trying to establish dominance. The pack leader taking the first bite of the kill.

Abhey watched me with raised eyebrows. Waiting for me to finish my acting and say my piece.

“Do you need help with your homework?” I knew he wouldn’t agree. But I had devised some plans that ranged from emotionally blackmailing him, to forcing him to agree. Both of which I knew wouldn’t hold for a second once he screamed for our mother's help.

“I’ll call you later,” He told his friend on the phone and disconnected the call. All the while he kept his eyes on me. That glare reminded me of the countless wildlife documentaries I had watched on NatGeo Wild. The camera zooms on the lion's face just before it dashes after the deer for the hunt.

“MA!” Abhey shouted.

A wave of fear arose from the pit of my stomach. I jumped on him to cover his mouth. Who knew what kind of morbid story about blackmail and extortion he would tell her? Probably that I wasn’t letting him study. He had used that same story uncountable times to get me kicked out of his room whenever I came over to make a fuss. Not this time, however.

Hastily, I pushed him on the bed and stood over him. To my surprise, he didn’t do anything and kept staring at me for my next move. I guess he was waiting for our mother's arrival. Washing dishes would be the last of my worries if she saw us like this!

“Please, don’t tell ma anything. I just want to help you in some way. To thank you for standing up for me. You are right. I need to do that. I can’t just let everyone push me down. But I have to start somewhere right? You can’t just ask me to fight the end-game dragon when I haven’t even completed my novice mission. Let me practice it with you. As a thank you, let me help you with your studies.”

I waited with bated breaths for him to speak until he tapped my hands and pointed at his mouth. Only then did I realize I was still covering his mouth? He was telling me to lift up my hands. I grinned sheepishly and asked him, “You won’t yell for ma right?”

He squinted and I knew he was scrapping the bottom of his patience and could only slightly raise my hands to let him speak. I waited for a second to see if he screamed. He didn’t and I slowly pulled my hands back. I was still sitting on top of him, any case he tried to struggle free. At least he didn’t scream.

“Thanks for the biscuits,” Abhey said. “We are even. How does that sound to you?”

“No,”

“What else; do you want to wash my underwear?”

This bitch-- “I just want to help with your homework.”

A frown covered his forehead. “Why are you so obsessed with my homework.”

“Because studying is the only thing I’m any better than you.” I could only say the truth. “Isn’t this what you wanted to hear? Now I’ve said it. Are you happy now? Can we move one and get some work done?”

Suddenly Abhey started laughing. The laughter got louder and deeper the more I glared at him.

“What are you laughing at?” I said and suddenly I heard my voice coming from his phone, repeating the same shameful lines back to me.

Because studying is the only thing I’m any better than you.

The voice ended and he started laughing out louder.

“Give me that,” I tried to snatch his phone but he was slicker than I had imagined. We struggled for a while, trying to make sure we don’t spill the tea otherwise it would be both of our asses on the line. He tried to make the tall guy move, trying to hold the phone away from me. But he forgot one thing and I realized another. Studying wasn’t the only thing I was better than him. I was also taller than him.

Eventually, I got the phone. Thankfully, he was still logged in.

We were still struggling on the bed. I used a hand to keep him at bay and another to look for the recording.

I found it and was just about to delete it when I heard him say, “Don’t you want to help me with my homework?” He got my attention. “Then give me my phone back.”

“The recording…”

“That’s the price you have to pay.”

I didn’t have a choice. Between pride and superpower, I had to choose one. I gave up my pride. Perhaps, that was what standing up for yourself really meant. To stand up for yourself you have to stop caring about others. You have to be selfish. And I was not a selfish person. Perhaps this was my first step in that direction.

Or it was just the reason I gave myself to make it easier to bow my head one more time.