It takes me a while to truly calm down enough to start thinking in a coherent manner again. In a way that I can direct my thoughts instead of ride the train they’ve decided to throw me aboard. I’m still not a fan of my situation and I am supremely embarrassed about my loss of composure despite how otherwise understandable it was. I mean who wouldn’t break down in fear and terror after being kidnapped into a different Universe and told you can’t ever go back to your home planet because you no longer have a body due to its incompatibility with the Universe you were kidnapped to, and then when you remember you’ll get a new body, you’re told you still can’t go back because you don’t know where your Universe is? (If you think that sentence was a jumble, imagine what my head feels like.) What do you mean I don’t know where my Universe is relative to this one? Where it is in what? If a galaxy is in a Universe, what is a Universe in? Does that make sense? Just thinking about it is giving me a headache and I don’t even have a head.
Frankly, I’m surprised Aethos hasn’t returned yet to assuage some of my spiraling. The hug, which has not let up for even a second, is supremely wonderful but it can only do so much. Honestly, I don’t think it’s possible to experience such a deep sensation of comfort on Earth and I assume, though I’m not sure because magic, Ackellia, as well. Imagine the feeling of waking up at the perfect temperature, in the perfect position in your bed, perfectly snuggled up in the softest blankets. You don’t have to pee. You could go back to bed but you want to bask in the sensation for a while. That feeling but times a thousand. I would imagine it has to do the pressure, warmth, and vibration being directly administered to my soul rather than my body and thus filtered to the soul through it like a buffer, though I could be wrong, of course. What do I know?
“Aethos,” I call out after a while. I’d stopped crying a bit ago, though the sheer terror had taken some time to work through. I’m still afraid, of course. Why wouldn’t I be? I have no idea what I’m being literally pulled into on the other side of the portal and the only reason I have a chance at collecting myself at all is because Aethos caught my soul in their net before I passed through it. I’m not sure how it works, either. Something about this being a liminal space outside of the effects of time. Aethos must have some sort of authority over the laws in this place, but not enough to change the laws of reality to remove the necessity for a body. It made sense given the constraints they’d informed me of. Magic cannot be used to directly affect the soul. So I suppose Soul Magic is impossible. Does that mean there are no Liches on Ackellia, or is that something different? My understanding is that they make it so their soul returns to a phylactery each time the body they inhabit is destroyed in some bastardized version of immortality. Aethos interrupts my thoughts before I even noticed they’d returned.
“Lichdom is possible because the soul is not the target of the magic, the phylactery is. The phylactery is a container for the soul the same way a body is. Like I said, Concepts heavily influence the nature of magic on Ackellia. Essence, which you would call mana, is the fuel by which your Intent and Will are communicated to the Universe through your conceptualization of it. A Lich’s concept of their soul is Deathless, Mobile, Subservient, and a whole host of other themes and concepts. It’s slightly different for every Lich and it requires a certain level of systemless magic which is, as I said before, using your soul directly to cast magic rather than using the pre-given molds the system puts in place to allow you to cast Spells and utilize Skills. They’re different, but also very similar in that they are both simply expressions of the soul, though they affect the function of the Essence they’re using differently. Liches are typically mages, human or otherwise, that are reaching the end of their natural life cycle, have no real ability to Ascend, and don’t want to die. There are exceptions, but they’re too few to be of real importance here. If you wish, you can find more about it later on in Ackellia. Anyway, Liches cast a spell called [Life through Death] with their soul, which severs their soul from their corporeal form, anchoring it to a predesignated container in the form of a phylactery, and then, because they maintain a certain level of awareness, possess the old body they severed themselves from using Systemless magic shaped by their Intent and Will. I won’t tell you how this works for obvious reasons, and most don’t have the concept of Lichdom well-enough understood for it to actually work, which is why more people aren’t running around in dead bodies when they realize they aren’t going to be gods.
“For further clarification, Skills are finite in that they have a set amount of Essence necessary to power them, Spells are infinite in that as long as you can draw in enough Essence, you can use it all to power a Spell. Lichdom requires a Spell, as I said. To be a Lich is to constantly drain the Essence from your surroundings in order to maintain your presence in the body and your awareness outside of your phylactery. Spells are complicated, even with the System’s aid. If you go too far, there are drawbacks like Channel cauterization, Channel bursting, Channel strain, Will burn, Intent-exhaustion, soul bruises, though the latter only become a true concern at vastly higher levels of Spell complexity.
“Additionally, Skills are internal, Spells are external. What I mean by that is Skills are—and this is incredibly simplistic so please don’t anchor this concept of Skills in your mind as it’s only meant to help you get a better grasp on what is happening when you use them—pre-designed molds your soul can use to shape an effect out of it. Your soul presses itself into the mold and you channel Essence through your soul into the mold, which then allows for the Skill to take effect. Things like [Harden], [Haste], [Sight], and so on. They affect your body which allows you to externalize the power in some way. Spells, however, are external molds. They can affect the body, though it is more dangerous to cast Spells at yourself rather than Skills within yourself, but they are designed to be cast on external targets. They are also vastly more costly to utilize than Skills because your soul has to extend itself past its container in order to power them. Well, it would be more accurate to say that as your soul grows in density, it begins to grow infinitely inward proportionate to the power it has absorbed, incorporating that power into itself in a physical manner which is thus controlled. This density can be expressed outward manually if you know what you’re doing but is automatic if you use a Spell directly provided by the System. This is called Aura. Your Aura is the bit of your soul that interacts with the spell mold, or spell array. System cast Spells are cookie cutter arrays. Each version of the Spell anyone is given access to by the System is the same array. While you can memorize these arrays and draw them yourself if you desire, they are still System-assisted magic because the array itself was provided by the System. You power it with your Aura the same way either way, the latter is just vastly more inefficient for a multitude of reasons.
“Gods, it is difficult to keep hundreds of thousands of years of theory and practice short, sweet, and simple. I haven’t even gotten the basics conveyed yet completely. Every single thing I just said could be expounded upon for untold hours if I wanted. Or if you wanted…. No? Okay, I understand.”
Their tone let me know that they do not, in fact, understand. Or at least they’re not happy about it. I’m already getting overwhelmed with the sheer amount of information I’m receiving. I’m not sure how much more information I can take right now, even if I do have forever. I don’t think I want to wait forever, though. I would just be prolonging something I have to do eventually and avoiding the issue because I’m afraid. And I’m afraid, don’t get me wrong, but also I’m angry. It’s that cold rage I felt when I punched my dad in the face and broke his eye socket. He told the court I threatened him. That I made him kill my mother. His defense looked so embarrassed by his assertions I don’t doubt they regretted taking his case more than any other moment in the trial. A short two day trial where not a single juror thought anything other than guilty before the prosecution had even finished their opening statement. It was that clear that my father had done it. The police had told me they were very surprised they’d even managed to get it to a court room rather than simply charging him considering the staggering amount of evidence they had collected before they’d even really started trying. My father was not a smart man. Just a hateful, angry, and evil one.
The rage burned away the fear bit by bit as I stoked it. I can be afraid later. Right now, I want to fight. If they die, so be it. I never felt human anyway. Morality is for those with the privilege to ponder it. You can debate the morality of killing your oppressors all you want, but until you’re the oppressed, you’re just spouting your shit off the balcony of your penthouse above all the struggling where the real hard decisions are made. Maybe this should be a hard decision for me to make. The decision to kill them. I don’t even know who they are or what their motivations are. But it isn’t. It won’t be. They’re already dead in my head. I just have to make it a reality.
“You’re a very astute person, you know. You definitely are unable to stay on a single track in that little rail system you call a brain, but you think about things more than many your age do. Especially morality. Is it moral to kill someone no matter the situation? Who decides what is moral and what is not? Is it society and by taking up their idea of morality it supersedes your own thus making any deviation from the norm inherently wrong? Or is it up to you as an individual to come up with your own brand of morality? Where does a person’s brand of morality cross over into the overall perception of evil? Is evil even real? All things that are debates rather than facts. That is why there is a gray area in the general concept of what morality is and where it falls off the cliff of good and into the valley of bad. Unfortunately for you, someone else’s cliff might be your valley. Someone’s valley might be your cliff. It is subjective. Unless you find yourself in a world where laws govern morality based on general consensus, which has its uses, but also throws wrenches into those debates based on that consensus. It’s complicated. Which is my point. You decide where you draw the line. If your line is your concept of ‘innocent,’ then create a hard definition of what innocent means and follow it. Work to not cross that line. Forgive yourself if you slip up, work not to do it again. Always be working to be a better person to and for yourself. Morality is subjective. My personal opinion on the matter is similar to yours, here.”
Aethos pauses dramatically. Chuckles.
“Come on! Don’t draw attention to the theatrics. You’re no fun. But seriously, though. Kill them. They’ll only keep doing this to others. If you can’t kill them, escape and come back later if you wish, or leave them behind if you wish to do that, instead. You aren’t really responsible for their actions either way. You’re responsible for your own.”
The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
“They’re dead.” I say without emotion. I’ve never killed anyone before, but for some reason it doesn’t even feel like a moral dilemma I’m going to have. My quandary earlier was more about how I feel like I should feel bad about not feeling bad.
“No one else is going to afford you that same effort, though. Not here, anyway. Your friends are your friends, but your enemies will gut you like a fish wish barely a blink and they’ll laugh over a beer with their buddies about it later. I said it already, Zed, but the good and bad of the world—in the general consensus of the two concepts that I happen to proscribe to in this case—are very heavily skewed both ways. The good is supremely good, but the bad is supremely bad. You’ll probably see things that you would wish you could burn from your mind, but you’ll experience things that you hope you never forget either. Find your place in that world. Don’t try and live outside of it. It’ll make it worse.”
“Alright, I think I’m ready to do whatever it is you had planned. The Integration? I’m not really one for research and theory conversation. I want to do. Would I still be able to talk to you after I leave here or is that not possible?”
“No, unfortunately. This is the only place I have true use of my consciousness in a sapient manner. The System is a net, like I said, and I have to spread myself over the whole of the Universe in order to keep it running. This little bit of consciousness diverted is fine because we’re in my own Domain and I have a greater amount of control here, but out there you’ll be just another person caught in the net, or another ant in the hill, if that makes sense. I won’t be able to pay extra attention to you because I won’t have the attention to give. I’m a God, but Gods aren’t omnipotent, would that I were. Or omniscient, though I am aware of the general goings on in the Universe for the most part. The others, the other Gods, I mean, might be able to answer questions, but I wouldn’t waste your prayers on them. They’ll suck you dry at their earliest convenience if they think it’ll aid in their own advancement.”
“But aren’t they already Gods? What else is there above that?”
“Yes, they are, but the same way I Ascended into the System, they have the ability to Ascend, as well. Becoming a Deity is an Ascension, yes. The first Ascension. To Ascend again, it requires a vast amount of accumulated power—which is a complicated beast of a topic I don’t have time to get into the complexities of because power is also subjective and based on Concepts—to make it happen. Typically Deities Ascend past this realm and into a Higher one. I don’t personally know what is in the Higher Realms because I don’t have the option to go there any longer and you can’t come back once you Ascend. All I know is that once you become a God, you feel the Call to Ascend. It is a physical presence in your very being that drives you to gather as much power as possible to answer it. As such, although the Gods can be helpful in some ways, and even benevolent if they see fit to do so, they largely only do things that benefit them. I don’t feel the Call anymore, but I also am incredibly constrained in how I can act. I am the System. I can only act autonomously here or in very specific circumstances that have to do with System rewards. Those are rare, though. They require the acquisition of Titles and Titles require acts the Universe recognizes as significant in some manner like overthrowing a nation or inventing something. Something that either greatly benefits or greatly harms in some manner. What or Whom it greatly benefits or harms is somewhat nuanced, though.”
“So, avoid Gods. Got it. Just like on Earth, then.”
“Except in Ackellia the Gods are walking around the streets like any other person. It’ll be a bit harder to accomplish that if you catch their attention. Which you probably will at some point. They won’t be able to tell you’re a Migrator, but you’ll be essentially biologically perfect. The other Migrators had this issue, as well, I’d imagine, but they wouldn’t have had optimizations or anything. As I said, it was largely automated for them. You’re lucky I happened to notice your entrance.”
“Yes, I would say that was a bit of luck despite the circumstances. Thank you again.” I mean it, too. I am very grateful for the comfort. I don’t get it much and it usually makes me uncomfortable when people try it. Perhaps it’s different because Aethos isn’t a person and the hug wasn’t with their body. Or because that trauma was in my old body? I don’t know. I don’t feel any less traumatized.
“Some trauma is stored in the body, for sure. Like a sense memory that your nervous system is reacting to. You don’t have a nervous system right now. You do have your memories, yes, and those still affect you as they are what make you you, but your body was just a body even if your soul identified with it. I was hugging your soul, not your body. My perception of what the soul is, as I said, much different than yours. More complete. So I comforted you more completely than you’ve been comforted before and I suspect that’s why it didn’t trigger any trauma mechanisms.”
Aethos’s body returns to my side, the same one as before which is interesting because it suggests that my perception of their soul isn’t linked to how I feel about them.
“I was going to say let’s start the process, but before we do that, yeah! That’s a wonderful start to exploring your conceptualization of things. If this were my soul you were looking at, I would say that was an incredibly impressive observation because it’s true, it’s linked to your understanding of things, not how you feel about them, but it’s just a piece of my consciousness that has more weight than your soul would expect it to, so it is creating a way to conceptualize it. The way it does that is through a visual representation of it. It’s pretty intuitive and I do find it interesting. It suggests that magic is sentient in some manner because it is largely independent of our understanding of it. Yes, it functions even if we don’t understand something, but the way we understand a concept influences the way that magic is expressed. Systemless magic, anyway. Which is what this all is, technically. I am the System but I am also outside of it. Don’t think about that too hard.”
“I don’t understand the why or how, exactly, but I feel like it makes sense considering this place is also outside of Time, in some manner. The concept of it, anyway. Your concept of the System is external from your concept of yourself even though you are both you and the system. Thus, you both are and aren’t the System.”
“Wait, that was perfect! Great job, Zed! Even I didn’t understand that for a while, myself. That was very smart! Wait, no, I’m sorry, that’s not me being patronizing, don’t feel like that. I’m genuinely impressed, see?”
Then, without preamble, I suddenly feel very self-impressed. Like my self-esteem just got a steroid shot and started pumping weights in the mirror while calling itself sexy. I begin to smile but before it even fully forms the feeling is gone, leaving me once again numb but perhaps now it sits differently on my shoulders than it did before. It wasn’t an altogether unpleasant experience, I suppose. Huh. That had been their emotion they’d shared with me? Is that how they experience my emotions? That completely overrode my own emotions and sense of self. How do they keep is separate?
“You think really fast for a human. Did an—well, no they couldn’t have. You think like a whole paragraph of thoughts almost at the same time. I would say it was normal, because you start getting crazy fast under the system, but you’re not even part of the system yet. I guess I just assumed that was because you were incredibly distressed that all your thoughts were coming out at the same time like that before, but now I see it’s just because that’s how you think. Is that why it takes a while for you to actually direct those thoughts into what would be words? Because you have to parse them first in order to figure out what you actually want to come out of your mouth? Yeah, that makes sense. You’re an interesting human, Zed. I know this is supremely terrible for you, and you’re not at all happy about the situation you’re in, but I’m glad we got to meet. I don’t think we’ll get to see each other again unless you do some truly impressive stuff, but I don’t expect it. Not because you’re not capable but because I think you should try and live a relaxed life. You deserve it!”
“So you aren’t going to answer any of those questions I asked?” I change the subject. Blatantly. I’m not great at receiving compliments. Don’t you dare draw attention to it, Aethos.
“… Sorry. Yes. That’s how I experience your emotions but not to the degree you experienced them because I—and I don’t mean this in a rude way at all—am more than you. I have more weight both in soul and in thought. If I had actually thrown the full experience at you, you probably would have went insane. I dialed that back … a lot. I felt your negative emotional state, recognized that you thought I was patronizing you, and immediately rectified the notion by showing you that I wasn’t! Isn’t that neat? Oh, I can see that you, in fact, don’t think it was neat. Mind control? No! That was just a shared sense. No, of course it didn’t influence the way you think or feel in any meaningful—you stopped feeling it as soon as—you’re back to yourself now, aren—yes, you would know and I told you magic can’t affect souls themselves so stop being difficult! If it were your body, this would be a different story and I wouldn’t have done that without your permission, but I just outwardly expressed my feeling. The same thing as a facial expression lets you know what someone is feeling, except literally in this case. Don’t be pedantic!”
“I wasn’t expecting you to react to every thought I had during that experience. Most thoughts come unbidden, you realize? Like not every thought is on purpose. That’s why word choice matters a lot more than the thoughts people have. It’s why I wouldn’t want to be a mind reader. Thoughts aren’t always what people actually feel, just the extension of biology and conditioning which influence things before the real thoughts have the chance to come through. You read souls all the time. Shouldn’t you know that?”
“… Fine, sure, I just didn’t want you to have the wrong perception of me based on what you thought about the thing I did rather than the intent I had when I did it.”
“I thought I was the autistic one.”
“What? I know what autism is now, because you’re thinking about it, but what does that have to do with what I said? Oh, is it really a common way autistic people experience situations like that? That makes sense I suppose, but I don’t even have a brain anymore so how could I have autism?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s soul deep rather than just genetics,” I shrug, though I’m mostly joking. I do have autism, though. Or at least I did. I don’t feel less autistic. Maybe the physical symptoms are separate from the thought processes? I mean, I won’t be upset if I no longer want to throw up when I step on a particularly soggy patch of grass.
“Don’t think of things like that with such clarity! I don’t have a body anymore and that feeling you just expressed does not make me miss it. Alright, let’s get back on track. Let’s pick your body!”
And then a big blue box shows up across my field of vision.
~ PICK YOUR SPECIES! ~