it’s the end of an uneventful day and you gave it all you’ve got, but look at your arms and look at the shifting that’s happening underneath the surface. the SNAKE that spawned in your head back in MAY A FEW YEARS AGO is back. why? well, it spawned in the first place because you were fragile and became cracked pieces of glass instead of a person. so it could easily crawl between the cracks, and it did not care that the shards cut into its skin because it was strong and the shards were you and that means they weren’t much of a threat at all. why? because you were weak and small. and you are weak and small still.

look at the snake making its way and it brings marching crowds alongside it. where are they? well, you can’t see them but you can feel their marching rhythm. and the marching rhythm ought to be accompanied by some music. but there is none here, there is just the sound of the ceiling fan and the chilly wind and the cars driving by, occupied by PEOPLE who are as small as you (but often not, often they’re much bigger and they could overpower you so easily if they tried but they will not because you are hidden in a place pretending not to exist (fake it till you make it)) but who are always stronger than you. you are the weakest person on the planet and that is why the snake chose you. you are going to turn into the smallest thing that ever was: the universe before it came to be, although that description is much too grand for you. metaphors and such are a nice way to make sense of whatever is happening, but sometimes the flowery words make it hard to see THE TRUTH:

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no words for it.

there’s nothing to say about it.

lie down & rot.

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[ TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK ]

[ TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK ]

[ TICK TOCK TICK TOCK TICK TOCK ]

time just passed? O okay, you rotted & time passed in the meantime. hey, did you remember something? there is something to remember, so at least that’s one benefit of rotting.

It is not just the snake moving throughout your skin (although, let’s be honest, that’s a pretty big problem & you’re fucked) but you also have blood vessels and other regular human body parts. That’s horrible, because having a body means it can break, but it’s also not that bad. Listen to your heart. You’ll hear it in your wrist, or your neck, or your chest. It hurts a bit but it’s got a rhythm. See? Not just the snakes. The heart has a rhythm too. And it’s a pretty boring rhythm. It’s just boring. Uneventful.

That’s fine. If you have your heart beating normally, that means you were fucking stupid earlier to think that you were just “cracked pieces of glass”. WHO out there is just pieces of glass? My god, you just needed to rest, didn’t you? You’re fine! You’re not literal scum, or a worm who wouldn’t be missed if you got crushed in the middle of busy city traffic, you’re a person with flesh that can decompose but which can also be animated with the rhythm of your heart! The snake is– okay, that one’s a difficult question because it’s exhausting, is it real? Is it real? Who knows. YOU are real, though. That’s something we know for sure. That’s a fact. That is something to cling onto.

THERE SHOULD BE MUSIC PLAYING HERE! Your heart is beating, it’s beating, there’s a goddamn beat and that means we need to get a melody in here! You want to “give it all you’ve got”? You need to regenerate the “all you’ve got” first. Get some music in here, vibe to it, and then try again later!