We come to a stop where the GPS leads us but there’s nothing here besides a stone mountain used to mark the edge of the game map. Daamin and Kay arrive shortly after us. They exit the van while heavy in a debate about Kamen Rider vs Super Sentai and I can’t be bothered to pretend I know what they’re talking about.

“Where’s the code Kay? There’s nothing here,” I can’t hide the annoyance in my voice.

“If you calmed down, I would explain what you’re seeing here,” Kay snaps back.

“Alright, start talking before I start shooting,” I threaten.

“Are guns really necessary,” Daamin asks.

“Thank you Daamin,” Kay smiles a sly smile at me.

Kay rubs the wall entirely too seductively. At least she’s trying to be seductive but it’s doing nothing for me. Kai elbows me as we watch, and makes it known it’s doing nothing for him either. Daamin seems to be standing as if he’s watching the most interesting lecture of all time. Kay finally finishes giving the mountain an erotic massage and faces us with a smile. Then she backs through the mountain.

“What the fuck,” the three of us ask in unison.

Daamin is the first to rush through the mountain after Kay and vanishes. Kai runs through but I hesitate. I don’t know if we can trust Kay and I don’t know what’s behind this mountain. Kai’s hand reaches from the wall, followed by his head. He winks at me and grabs my arm. I close my eyes, but there’s no pain. When I regain my balance, I’m staring at a small wooden building and behind it a massive forest. The trees reach higher than any I’ve ever seen in my life, high enough that they block out the sun behind them.

“I thought Christopher Robin’s forest was the only one in the game,” I say in awe.

“Christopher Reeves’,” Kai corrects me, just as much in awe as I am.

“Christopher Phillips Evans III,” Daamin laughs.

“That’s what we said,” Kai answers.

“Why would you hide this,” I ask Kay.

“It’s a cyberpunk game. Resources should be hoarded by the wealthy leaving the others to fight for the scraps. If anyone bothered to explore the entire map, I’m sure they could have found this place,” she says smugly.

“It’s basically the same way The Grail hides their desert base in Preacher except this is a forest,” Daamin says proudly.

Stolen story; please report.

“Never heard of it,” Kay responds as usual.

“Who owns the place,” Kai asks clearly wanting to avoid another argument.

“It’s a shadow organization that provides real wood furniture, luxury items. I never got to flesh it out because I had to devote time and energy to features that people wanted instead. I had to spend time making sure people could brush their teeth and live like The Sims instead of doing stuff like this.”

“Why didn’t you hire assistants?”

“Because Picasso didn’t have assistants,” Kay seems annoyed.

“Actually, he did,” I argue but only get a dirty look.

“Greetings,” an NPC park ranger shouts as we get close.

“You went really hard with the costume design on this one, it’s just a regular park ranger,” I whisper to Kay.

“You’re an asshole. I told you I didn’t have time to finish,” Kay responds.

“I see you folks are here to try winning the legendary sword Excalibur,” The Ranger speaks as we get closer.

“I thought we were here for code,” Daamin says.

“The code is in the sword,” Kay says. “But let me guess, you’ve seen that one too?”

“I actually haven’t,” Daamin says which surprises us all.

“The legendary sword Excalibur has been passed hidden away many times over the ages,” the Park Ranger speaks as if he’s at a renaissance fair now. “Yet it always seems to return when the world is in great danger. Now rumors are swirling that it has been spotted and can be used to overthrow those would see the destruction of Earth’s precious resources. Even with the sword, remember, the power is yours.”

“You really stole from Captain Planet,” I ask.

“Everyone knows Captain Planet,” Kai adds.

“Didn’t you see the Don Cheedle sketch,” Daamin asks. “Captain Planet is going to kick your ass.”

“Never heard of it,” Kay responds.

“We’ll see about that when you’re a tree,” Kai jokes.

We follow the Park Ranger into the large wooden building where there are several other teams waiting. Some look like NPCs just designed to fill out the ranks of the competition. A boy with an orange jumpsuit arguing with another wearing blue as a girl with pink hair shakes her head annoyed seem to be drawing the most attention but they’re NPCs and just putting on a preprogrammed show.

“It’s a three-person competition, so someone needs to sit this out,” Kai points out as he signs us up.

“I’ll sit out, my avatar isn’t built for fighting, I’m a lover,” Kay says with a smile.

“No. You’ll just run away and we won’t be able to get the last two drives,” I explain.

“Yeah, you need to be out there,” Kai agrees.

“I won’t run away,” Kay argues.

“We don’t trust you,” Kai shrugs.

“Guys, if she says she’s not going to run away, I believe her,” Daamin says.

“Alright, if she runs away, you get to play bounty hunter while we go on a shopping spree with your credits,” Kai says.

“Deal,” Daamin doesn’t even argue.

I’m really starting to think he and Kay might be in love because this is blowing my mind how far he’s willing to go for her. Kai nudges me and looks to the side but doesn’t make eye contact. A sign that there’s something I need to see. A group of three non NPCs being incredibly weird.

“Momma, poppa, are we going to win,” one of them asks despite all being the same age.

“We’ll do our best,” the only man in the group responds.

I have no idea what I’m looking at but I can’t look any longer. I just know Kay and Daamin are in love because if these people are running around with a fake family in game anything is possible. I’m not going to kink shame them, but it’s weird.