Chapter 9: Blessings
That night Violet heard restless noises coming from her mother’s room and so went to check.
Her mother’s room was next to hers and about the same size, perfectly square and with a window looking out into the alleyway. It had long since been covered with a blanket, however, and that left the space drenched in impenetrable darkness.
“Mum?” Violet asked quietly, lingering in the doorway.
The shuffling and shifting she heard from within came to an abrupt stop, then Violet heard her mother sit up straight.
“Violet?” She asked, and sounded almost surprised. “Are you alright, dear?”
The bedroom beyond the doorway felt almost like a cavern, or the entrance to wherever the cat went when it traveled. As though if she were to take another step forward the ground would go out from under her feet and she’d find herself floating in the midst of a contextless blank.
For a moment the notion flashed into her mind, sun bright and nearly irresistible, that she could simply back away and leave her mother alone. The total darkness of her bedroom was frightening in ways that Violet couldn’t quite express to herself, as was the clingy, almost desperate affection she was showered with whenever her mother was like this.
But Violet stayed where she was.
“I’m okay.” She said.
A moment passed, then her mother found the electric lantern on her bedside table (hers was blue as opposed to Violet’s red) and then Violet heard the crank being turned.
The lantern shivered into action, filaments glowing unevenly, and as Violet watched a pale half light spread across her mother’s side of the room.
Her mother looked rumpled and almost translucent, nightgown askew and blankets puddled over her legs. She had the lantern in her lap and the light threw inky shadows under her eyes, nearly erasing them entirely.
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She offered Violet a wan smile, lips pressed tightly together. It had been a long time since she’d been comfortable showing her teeth.
“What did you do today, dear? Anything exciting?” Violet’s mother asked, and extended her arms.
Violet shuffled forward and sat on the edge of the bed, letting her mother draw her into an embrace. She smelled faintly of medicine, mint and herbs and something metallic and sour, not unlike blood.
“I saw Maud,” Violet said. “We drew with chalk.”
“Maud…she’s the….” Her mother trailed off.
“She lives in village north. Her legs are….” Immediately Violet felt bad for seizing upon Maud’s poor twisted legs as the defining trait of her appearance.
Her mother nodded but Violet could tell she didn’t know who Maud was. Watching the other side of the room, where shadows flickered and jittered to each shift in the lantern’s uncertain light, she listened to her mother’s heart. It was shaky and fast, even at rest.
“You’re covered in scratches.” Her mother noted after a moment.
Violet shifted uncomfortably but said nothing. She didn’t want to lie to her mother, and indeed after a few moments had passed the observation seemed to drift out and away.
Behind her, her mother shifted in place, sighed, and then began to stroke Violet’s hair, humming something quiet and calm.
“I….” Violet hesitated, then forced herself to carry on. “I was thinking about the river today.”
“How come?”
“You took me there when I was little.” Violet said.
Her mother went silent for a time, hand stilling atop Violet’s head.
“I did,” she said at last, with the faint surprise of a person rediscovering something lost. “It was to show thanks, that you came out whole and not like….” She fell silent, any further words replaced by a gray, foggy melancholy that dimmed the already trembly glow of the lantern.
They sat together in silence for a while, but though Violet waited, her mother said no more. Nor did she resume her humming.
“…I should go to bed.” Violet said, eyes falling to the floor.
“Do you need me to tuck you in?” Her mother asked.
Violet shook her head, shoulders hunching just a little.
“I’m okay,” she said, and slipped out of her mother’s embrace. “…Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” Her mother answered, and the glow of the lantern collapsed into blackness as Violet shuffled back to her own room.
There were no more noises after that.