Laying in bed, I feel as though my heart is ready to burst. This is bad. If I just go into a dangerous situation like an angel hunt, I’ll only get in the way, or, hell, I may end up dying a second time. What an…undeniable waste of the time of the person who chose to believe I was worth saving. I hold my head and groan gently. So, I can’t learn to use a sword in just a few days, so, what the hell am I gonna do? Do I just stay behind? …well, I mean, is that really all that bad an idea?
I mean, if I don’t offer any benefit to the cause, then all I’ll do is be a hindrance. Surely that’s reason enough for me to stay behind. It sounds like the right answer, but, why does it feel so wrong too? I try to convince myself I’m being silly by being so indecisive mentally but regardless, the feeling remains. With that as the case, I find it difficult to actually fall asleep. I sit up, sighing, and reaching out to grab my tablet. No juice. Damnit, reading with Sasha always drains it so much. How ironic simple reading takes more battery than those ghost communication and leading apps. I sigh, plugging it in and getting out of bed. May as well take a walk while I wait. Making my way to the door, I notice what sounds like pacing just outside.
I open the door, curious, and outside I see Bea, walking back and forth, clearly agitated. The hell? I cautiously wave at her, eventually catching her attention.
“Hey…” She says, rubbing her arm. I nod, unsure exactly what to say. Memories of this morning come to mind, and I decide to push my luck.
“Hey, how are you? This morning seemed like an, uhm, reaction.” The mention of the event seems to put her on edge.
‘“Th-that’s-I was just angry!” She snapped. I raise up my hands, showing I meant no ill will. She seems to realize and her face relaxes. “She’s…always so mocking. It makes it hard to not go off once and a while.” Bea’s rubbing turns to a desperate gripping. “I…really hate her sometimes.” She tacks on. I almost tell her Sasha probably doesn’t think that, but shut my mouth. No, what the hell would I know about what anyone but myself feels? I sigh quietly. Maybe…okay, how about this instead then.
“Do you think you’re strong enough to do what you feel you need to?” I ask. Her face turns violently angry.
“Yes, of course I do! Why would you even ask-”
“Then what does it matter what anyone else has to say?” That seems to get her. Frozen, she considers my words, looking down at the floor. “If they’re not you, then what does it even matter?” I push a little further, making her shiver.
“It just does. More than anything.” She says before turning away from me. “Do…you think I’m strong?” She almost mumbles.
“Scary strong.” I say without hesitation.
“...hehe…hehe~.” She chuckles a little. “Is that an insult?” She asks between her giggles.
“Take it how you want.” I respond, smiling. She seems a bit more relaxed, walking up the hall to her room, before turning around once more.
“I know that you were probably surprised. About, well, the mission and stuff. Don’t worry. I’ll…do enough for both of us, okay? You…may be an unexpected addition but, you still live here to. I guess you’re one of us…whatever that makes us.” She starts to falter.
“I think that makes us friends.” I say. She smiles.
“Friends? I can tolerate that, sure. Bai bai friend.” She says before finally returning to her room, leaving me alone in the hall. In the silence that precedes our talk, I slowly begin to consider everything I just told her. Wait, did I just…comfort someone? Did I…ask to be her friend? Some part of that feels…wrong. Would I have done that when I was still a college student? A part of me strongly believes I wouldn’t have. I shake my head. No, no, I have to just be overthinking things. There’s…no way that I’m different then I was before. I probably just felt confident because you knew what to say.
Upon re-entering my room, I walk back over to my tablet. 34%. Man, I love lightning chargers. Sitting on the bed I pull up my usual novel reading site. Bathing in the light of my tablet, I halt on the home page. A memory comes to the front of my mind. Of class, of a boy with tastes similar to mine. I type into the site’s search bar the name of the novel we were talking about together. Seeing it in the search results, a small part of me wishes to devour the entire thing without hesitation. In ode to you, or however it goes. I’m…I’m sure you’re listening, if that’s an option for you. You’d never pass up an opportunity to worry about someone.
I decided to get to reading. I remember the first few chapters decently well despite being too lost in my head at the time to really focus. Even now I’m doing no better, letting the story flow past as my mind wanders to other topics. Well, one other topic. Harley…what should I do? Harley, tell me what to do. As my mind gently begs for the help of someone long gone, I come to a realization. Wouldn’t I just be failing others the same way I failed you if I decided to just hide away? As soon as I thought like that, the feeling that I was nothing more than an idiot overcame me, and I laughed.
If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it's taken without permission from the author. Report it.
“Sorry, Harley. I’m really not all that smart am I? Don’t worry, I won’t be abandoning anyone else. That’s my promise to you. One I swear that I’m going to keep.” Not sure why I’m talking, I feel tears welling in my eyes. Alright, I’ve got this…now, how exactly do I not die while I do that? What an impossible question…I lie down and decide to sleep for the time being.
…
“LEFT! RIGHT! RIGHT!” I swipe back at every attack Mariathrows out. Sometimes I miss or don’t hit hard enough, but for the most part, I seem to have the basics down pat. After a bit of practicing like this, Maria stops calling out directions, letting me figure it out myself. I grunt and shift myself about, having a hard time adjusting. My eyes panic about with each of her movements, causing me to keep getting hit. For some reason I just can’t get myself to calm down and we decide to call break. I rush over to the bottles of water waiting for us and begin gulping one down.
“Jesus, ahhh!” I let out a bit of my building pressure as Maria arrives next to me, grabbing her own bottle and looking concerned.
“Well, I didn’t expect you to pick up on unassisted blocking quickly, but this nervousness seems to be doing most of the holding back.” She says before sipping from her drink. “Ahh…this is about the mission, right? Is it making you worried?” She asks, I nod. There’s a moment of silence as we both seem to reflect on what feels like hours of wasted time. “Well, I don’t really know of anything that you could learn to a proficient level before the mission starts, but I think…that it would be best if we keep practicing like this anyways.” Maria says. “It’s better you have a grasp on anything than nothing.” She adds on. Her reasoning makes sense, but an absence of something that she wants to say.
“Is that really the only reason?” I ask, genuinely curious. In response, Maria doesn’t say anything, sipping from her water and focusing on the forcefield. I eventually do the same. The quiet is violently uncomfortable, as if I can feel the words seh;s holding back but just can’t interpret them. It would anger me but, really, I’m more so concerned. “...you don’t have to hold anything back from me. I can’t say how I’ll react beforehand, but I promise to think about it before responding. Okay?” Those words don’t seem to do much to convince her.
“I don’t have an issue with how you could or could not react. My issue is…something more dangerous than that. Please, I’m not telling you for a reason. Just…let me drop this.” She says, not moving her gaze from dead ahead. With a sigh, I nod my head, an act she seems to appreciate, finally turning to look at me. She smiles gently before punching my shoulder. “Besides, we have to get at least a bit more of the basics built into you before we just send you out into the field. You know?” I nod along, gently punching her shoulder back, getting me another warm smile.
“Right then. Let’s get to it.” With that, I follow her back to the training area and we raise our swords once more. I need to alleviate her worries. No matter what, I can’t let my stress become hers. If that’s so, then empty your mind. Think only of our blades. The movement of our bodies. Let it become natural, then instinct, then more instant than the breaths you take. Think only of them. Breathe…and swing! I focus forward, watching Maria’s blade. Her wrist flicks just a bit to the left, and I grin. When she swings left, I swing right, blocking her strike. She seems surprised, before smiling at me. We keep at it, each of our strikes meeting with each other, the strength behind her swings growing more intense, till I’m barely halting her strikes. “Give me a break damnit!” I yell.
“Nope!” With that, she moves to strike from her right, and switches to the left as soon as I begin my arc to dodge. I grit my teeth, spinning to move out of the way and smack the arm she tried to use to trick me. She winces, before laughing. “Hey, not bad! Beginners' luck?” She asks, as if I’ll have an answer. I simply shrug. She seems to get distracted by something behind me. Turning around, I see Marissa waiting close by, waving at her. Maria pats my shoulder. “I’ll be back. Wait here, ok?” She asks before running off to go meet up with her fiance, leaving me by myself.
“Well, hello there Christopher.” Watching Maria off, I hear the sound of someone showing up close behind. Turning my head, I see Sasha, looking quite happy to see me. Confused, I raise an eyebrow. “Hmm? Oh, I just didn’t wanna interrupt your training. Especially since it seemed like you were really starting to get the hang of things.” She walks closer. “Actually, I was gonna make a suggestion that could help with your training here and your mission problem, if that’s alright.” She continues, certainly piquing my interest. “Have you considered hand-to-hand combat?” She asks. The suggestion, quite honestly, sounds pretty fucking insane. I try to verbalize that, but no words come out in time.
“I mean, training for hand-to-hand goes perfectly with training for swordsmanship, and there are plenty of effective moves that could be learned before we have to leave. I’m just saying, there are plenty worse ways of preparing than something like this.” She says, before adding with a whisper. “Plus, I’ll be the one teaching you, and you know how much you already love it when I’m all over you at night~” Her words sound…wrong. They’re not wrong factually. Reading and cuddling are one of the few calm things I have about my life here, but…it feels like it's being weaponized here. Rather than being embarrassed, I feel cautious.
“What do you get out of it?” I shoot at her. She seems to go quiet from that, considering carefully, racking her brain for the answer. Eventually, she comes up with something, and leads straight with it.
“Something to do.” Unlike before, there doesn’t feel like there’s some kind of hidden meaning I'm missing out on. Is that actually the truth? If so, I mean, it doesn’t really sound unreasonable or anything. If all she wants is a cure to her boredom I suppose I can give it a sh-
“Sasha.” Sasha turns around to see Bea, her arms crossed and eyes narrowed.
“Oh, its w-”
“I need to talk with Christopher.” She said, her finger tapping against her arm. “You’re not gonna kill me if I do, right?” K-kill?
“What kind of joke is tha-'' Again, Sasha is interrupted.
“I'm not joking.” The heavy silence between them is so intense it threatens to crush me. Sasha eventually clicks her tongue, before turning back to me.
“See you tonight~”
…
Sitting in the dining area, I begin to feel like I’m at my limit.
“Can you please explain what the hell that all was?” I ask. Bea raises her hand, and in that time two teas are delivered by a woman in a simple chef’s outfit. Bea snickers a little once they’re gone.
“This place has some of the strangest amenities.” Bea says before sipping her tea. I follow along. It’s delicious, a beautiful mix of bitter tea with the sweetness of blueberries. We both take a moment to enjoy the sensation of something so wonderful going down our throats.
“Mmmm…I don’t like Sasha.” Bea says. “She’s always planning something, and quite frankly, I don't wanna see our new member fall into her grasp so quickly.” Bea says before taking another sip of tea. “Ahh…I understand that puts you out of luck in learning something like hand-to-hand. When it comes to that kind of fighting, Sasha is indeed the best. However, I wanna make up for that…and…thank you for last night.” She admits. “So, I’m gonna teach you how to use long range weapons.” She explains.
“Like guns?”
“Exactly like guns.” Bea says, sipping down more tea. “They’ll be safer for you while learning your way around combat, to hopefully keep you out of the danger zone. Plus, they’re gonna be easier to figure out that how to grapple someone or try to disable them.” Her explanation sounds very appealing. I mean, at the end of the day, it isn’t a bad way of going about things. As opposed to something way more dangerous I can’t use fully, just going in at the groups back for support sounds absolutely perfect. I take a deep breath. It’s the best choice.
“Alright, Bea, I accept. Please teach me.”