‘Wet. Cold. Wet. Cold.’ I thought walking across the rocky craggy ground. When Sammie had said guild, I had pictured a building in the middle of a hustling and bustling city. No one had warned me that the Pteili Enclave was a hermit’s wet dream.
We had teleported to some sort of big pillar. Aivocindo described the pillar as a “beacon of arcane energy” when it just looked like a log someone had stuck upright. There was a path in the four cardinal directions, and they said we could either hike to town fifteen miles west of our start or walk the ten miles east to the enclave.
Tim wanted to see the guild, so Carlos and I went with him. I was glad Sammie and Aivocindo were both headed back to the guild. Tim was the only person in our little group who had chosen a weapon. A rogue monster would tear us apart. A rogue human would also tear us apart. Needless to say, I didn’t trust Craig’s girlfriend, Melinda, and I was virtually a stranger to the DQ employees. One of the employees was wearing a glow in the dark breastplate, while another had gotten a teleporting dagger from the lottery system. I still didn’t know what Melinda obtained. At least she had left for the town.
I ruminated on my little golem’s name, while I walked on. He would need one that would live up to his future deeds. In a year or two, he might slay a dragon. I wouldn’t want him to be laughed at by the adventuring community. If it was up to Carlos, he’d name it Soap, a terrible name. For example, “Soap killed an ogre” could be interpreted the wrong way. Everyone already thought ogres were stinky. I’m sure some ogres had good hygiene.
He needed a real name, yet I had no ideas in mind. “Tim give me a name.” I could just pass the work onto others.
“Clarke Kent”
“No. It’s for my golem. Again.”
“I don’t know. Carlos, what should we name the golem?”
“Soap” Carlos responded.
“We are not naming him Soap. That’s worse than naming your daughter Blue Ivy.”
Tim ignored my demand saying “Soap it is.”
I tried naming my golem Kent, but the entire group had started calling it “Soap”. Over the next few hours, they would play with Soap. They’d have him toss pebbles or race Carlos. Poor Soap couldn’t even win.
We hit a fork in the road halfway to our destination. This milestone should have been unremarkable, but half a dozen bandits decided to accost us. They had Koi heads with scaled bodies. Most of them looked skinny with their humanoid bodies showing little muscle, and outlines of their bones. They demanded our food and any items we had on us. They seemed to be in poor shape when compared to even Tim. Being the fittest of the three of us wasn’t a big accomplishment though. Carlos and I were sort of competitive at golf, but that was about it. With all the walking these Koi boys had to be doing, I’d imagine they’d be ripped. Unfortunately, it looked like starvation and a lack of calories was their undoing. If you’ve ever owned a Koi, you’d know they can eat just about anything. Of course they were no match for Aivocindo.
Once the bandits had given up after being bruised, they were sat down. It was lunchtime by then, and I was getting hungry. The fishmen had left their pond homes because a four-armed bear had shown up with an appetite for fish. The dumb monster couldn’t even distinguish the sentient fishmen from their dumber Koi cousins. “We poked the bear with our spears, but they bounced off her hide. Our only magical item wielder was killed in combat” said Gerald, a fishman.
Another interjected saying, “His [glaive of buzz cutting] is now lost in her lair. It’s been weeks since we’ve left from the ponds, yet we’re still lost in these desolate rock flats. It’s been really boring counting rocks.”
“Our women and children are a day’s journey behind. We’re sorry for trying to rob you, but we decided we had no choice in the matter. Thanks for sharing lunch. “Gerald said while munching on a ham and cheese sandwich. “Could use some more mayonnaise though.”
“Ya, the ratio of bread and cheese is off. Twenty-five percent more cheese and we’re in business” said Fishman, Quinn.
These fishmen were really nonchalant after almost dying of starvation or by way of beating by Aivocindo. Kudos for not being traumatized, but they were flirting death by complaining about Aivocindo’s rations. He had apparently taken the time to handcraft sandwiches for our journey. He’d even painted little gold coins on the tops with butter.
Sammie gave them directions to the town and to the Pteili Enclave. The angel also gave the fishmen food to take back to their families. I told them I’d visit them once I figured out the whole adventuring shtick. We waved goodbye and continued on our way.
My legs were feeling better after resting a while, and the food had given me some needed energy. Tim was busy swinging his spear. “swing”, “swing swing”, and “swing stab swing” boomed across the flats. His spear’s name happened to be [annoying spear of speaking]. I couldn’t really argue otherwise. Both Sammie and Aivocindo seemed unfazed by the spear. How could they endure this? My eardrums ached from the continuous shouting.
By midday, we had arrived at a large cylindrical tower. It was about the size of a large football stadium, but circular in shape. Its walls rose high above the ground and slits lined the outer stone at various heights. I figured the slits were akin to embrasures on castles. Arrows and other various projectiles would probably fire out of those holes. Solid stone formed a dome roof overhead, and the gated entrance must’ve been ten yards tall.
This better be the Pteili Enclave. I don’t think I had it in me to assault an entire impenetrable fortress.
If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.
Sammie grabbed her adventure’s badge and held it out. With a groan, the heavy doors opened. Aivocindo walked in beckoning us Earthlings into the building.
The first floor to this Pteili Enclave had tables, bulletin boards, and bar stools. Everything anyone would think of in a guild. Then there was a unique design decision. Someone had constructed a large wooden cow in the middle of the room. It started mooing as we walked past, and Aivocindo had pulled one of its wooden utters for a glass of iced milk. At least where I’m from, iced milk is not a thing. Wouldn’t it get super watery? Why couldn’t the cow just chill the glass?
“This is Bam the Bartender, he serves us drinks and keeps the place lively," said Aivocindo pointing towards the Goatman bartender.
“How about a little something after a long day’s hike. Any special requests. I can make anything so give me a try.”
“I’ll have a Bloody Mary. I always loved having one after work. Happy hour was always a slog.”
“Dr. Pepper”
“I’ll have one as well”
“me too”
“I’ll stick to water”
“Are you sure? I can literally create any drink as long as it exists. See my shaker. It is magical. It’s an [any drink shaker]. The shaker cost me a fortune to buy.”
“No, we’re good, “Tim replied after a few seconds of silence.
With a sigh, Bam the Bartender shook up a Bloody Mary, three “dp”s, and one water. Even in this world, people stuck with what they knew.
After being sat down, Sammie had called over the guild receptionist. He was a male angel named Kafziel, but most people called him Caff. His wings had grey splotches as opposed to Sammie’s white wings. I’d later find out the splotches were considered signs of stress. Similar to some forms of balding.
He held a notebook and asked us if we were looking to join the guild. Aivocindo replied, “For now they’re just going to tour the guild. These are the bystanders of our last interdimensional quest.”
“Right this way then,” Caff replied.
We were directed upstairs into a large hallway. Doors lined the hallway with various names carved into the doors.
“Our guild rents rooms for a nominal upkeep fee. Luxury rooms cost four gold a month. That’s roughly five hundred dollars American or four hundred British pounds. We do have free lodging for guild members.” He opened a door to reveal a minuscule room with a bed. “There’s a men’s and women’s bath down the corridor.”
“Hold up. How do you know about Earth’s currencies? We live in a completely different dimension.” Timothy asked. Wow. Did the USD secretly span galaxies?
“It’s one of my jobs as a guild receptionist. I’ve got a [hivemind implant] to help me, but its still a chore. Don’t listen to your parents when they say get a degree in guild management. It may pay very well, but it isn’t worth the long hours and tremendous debt.”
“Ok, I’ll keep that in mind” I replied. We walked down the corridor while Caff pointed at the refreshment centers along the way. He talked about the history of the guild, but I mostly ignored him. I was busy imagining all the different adventures I’d go on as a guild member.
The next floor was a training center. There was a dojo for martial arts, a gym room, and a turf field. While the first two floors had been empty, numerous humanoids were training in the third. A few rock people, lizard people, and other exotic species could be seen practicing weapons. Caff gave us ten minutes to explore the complex.
“Oh, that’s a cute little guy you have there.” Behind me stood a large female minotaur. She was easily eight feet tall. I couldn’t believe she had snuck up on me. She was holding Soap by the head. The little golem dripped soapy water onto the floor where previously the water had drained into my flask.
I could tell my golem was in a state of shock as his soapy water went from a small dribble to a gushing drizzle. Soap’s little arms flailed about as it tried to escape the minotaur’s grip.
“Hi, my name is Tiaza. Nice to meet you” she said as we shook hands. Tiaza seemed unaware of the stress she was putting on Soap. “I’ve never seen one of your kind before. Are one of those infamous humans? I used to watch Saturday cartoons as a child. Tom and Jerry was my favorite”
“How did you come in contact with Tom and Jerry from across Dimensions?”
“Oh, my mother had an item for watching television. The Pteili have been keeping watch over Earth for hundreds of years. Most items form from random thoughts or ideas from people’s subconscious. She’d gotten into cartoons as a teenage adventurer covertly working on Earth.”
“Wait. Caff said he knew our currencies because he had an item’s help.”
“That’s just Caff trying to sound busy. I bet he also complained about being a receptionist. He’ll do so whenever he gets the chance.”
“I don’t mean to be a bother, but could I have my golem back? Soap’s not very social around people.” She was also starting to squeeze, and I was worried the little golem might crack.
“Sure. I remember the days when I was a wee introvert. How times have changed.” Soap was free at last.
I found Tim practicing his spear. A silent Rockman was demonstrating some forms to him. You could tell whenever it was Tim’s turn as the [annoying spear of speaking] yelled out the moves.
Carlos, book in hand, was being flocked by Lizardfolk. He’d asked one of them for help on a puzzle. Perhaps he’d raise his intelligence by a point or two. I really wanted to know how much smarter that would make him. We might have to start calling him Sir Brainiac.
To make use of the time, I looked at the shelves of training weapons. Remembering I owned a hatchet, I grabbed a wooden hand ax to swing. Unfortunately, I doubted soapy would be useful in direct combat. He could make an opponent slip though.
“Time’s up. Everyone, gather together so we can conclude our tour. The upper levels are for guild personnel only.”
We gathered our things and followed the grumpy angel downstairs. The DQ employees left, and I was left with just my friends. I told them I’d like to join. They nodded in agreement. This was a place we could stay and learn from for the time being.
I walked over to Caff.
“Yes, what do you need.” He said in a flat monotone voice. Caff wasn’t very angelic for an angel.
“We’d like to join the Pteili Enclave. It’s probably a good place to learn.”
He gave each of us a contract. There wasn’t that much to it, so I signed on the dotted line. It stated what would happen if we broke the guild property and that any critical information on monsters was too be shared. It also granted us lodging options and free breakfast.
I moved my luggage to my designated single cell room. Carlos and Tim were situated across the hall. I said my farewells to them and clambered into my room. I shut off the lights and jumped in bed. Soap was in his little bucket for the night. “Goodnight Soap. Don’t let the bed bugs bite. If they do snap them in half like the sailor men do.” Tomorrow would be a long day.
Name: Kevin Lamprey Guild: Pteili Enclave Race: Human Rank: N/A [ Stats: Str: 8 Con: 10 Dex: 6 Int: 9 [ Items: [nervous soapy golem](soap) [ Kills: