Urania

There is so much pain in him.

The thought is a small one.

One, which has crossed her mind countless times.

Despite feeling all his pain as if it were her own, Urania is not bothered by it. Almost herself immune to all kinds of bodily pains, she mustn’t worry about passing out, even if facing the bodies of those closer to death than life. The first time she had seen a severely wounded Menkar, she had nearly passed out from the overload. But now she manages to keep her psychic awareness to separate the pain of others from her own.

To feel the real pain of others is her psychic ability. An ability which has made it an inevitability for her to become a healer. But this ability not only covers physical damages. It also makes her feel and know the mental pains of her patients, which are more often than, if not more severe than, any physical wound can be. Therefor she knows about her newest patients pain, especially the mental one, more than everyone else. Perhaps even more than he himself in his current state.

With a sigh, she sits down on the stool next to his sickbed. With a serious expression, she touches his hand resting on his covers. It is cold, but there is life in him. A life force so intense she rarely faces during her work.

„Still you have so much fear and regret in you, my dear,” she muses while taking his blood pressure. „What have you seen or done to feel this way? What promises have been broken? What bonds damaged or even destroyed?”

Sighing again, Urania writes the numbers down and remains sitting for a few moments, as her other patients are asleep and don’t require her immediate attention at the moment. Suddenly, she feels a familiar shiver run down her spine, right down to her tail-scare — her tail had fallen off a few days after she had left the birthing waters.

Slow, she turns around while standing up and looks at Amaris marred face.

„You're a bit early for your regular checkup, dear,” Urania says and smiles. „But I can tent to you right now if you want.”

I… want to see Respin, she says, after looking at Urania longer than the medic is comfortable with.

„Who’s Respin?“ she asks confused.

The one on this very bed.

Without another word, Urania steps aside.

Amaris glances at her without any visible emotion, then she moves closer to the sickbed. Respin, still unconscious, stirs somewhat, which prompts Amaris to stop and pull herself backwards for a few inches.

„He seems to be sensitive towards your presence,” Urania says and steps beside Amaris.

It seems so, she replies and closes her eye.

„Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you,” she apologises.

Worry not, Urania Fahara, you have not offended me.

Urania sighs in relief and looks for a moment at Respin before her gaze wanders back to Amaris.

„How do you know him?”, she asks the other female in a hushed voice.

I knew him once, Amaris replies after a few silent moments. We were Bondmates. Once. It is all so hazy, almost dreamlike. All just a mere memory of the life I once had. A life I do not have anymore.

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„You knew him before you were…,” Urania says surprised but keeps herself from finishing the sentence. „How impolite of me.”

You can call it by its name, Urania Fahara, she replies and looks at her with her remaining eye. I am nothing more than a walking corpse and I will remain this way forever or if I fulfilled my role and loose all importance. For now, my existence, albeit rare, is no need to feel ashamed, afraid, or abrasive about it. I have chosen to be like this. It is my burden, just like the ability to feel the pain of others is yours.

„You're quite clear today,” Urania remarks after a few moments of tense silence.

Tuonis would say otherwise, but I do feel clearer today, she replies, and for a split second Urania could swear to have seen a smile play at what remains of Amaris' thin lips. Quite a few things have become clear to me, but I shall not speak about them for now.

Again, silence falls between the two. All the while Respin slightly stirs as if fighting to become conscious again. While this bodes well for him, Urania can’t help but think about what Amaris has told her just now.

„Will he be happy to see you?”, she asks Amaris in a hushed tone.

He will among other things feel shock, surprise, fear and various other feelings. All of which I can still understand but not reciprocate. In his heart and mind, he has buried me many Circles ago.

„Wouldn't it be better if he doesn't see you?”

I am not a secret to be hidden away, and he deserves to know, Amaris replies and shakes her head. He would eventually find out anyway.

„Than you can maybe continue where you left off,” Urania suggests with an unsure smile.

Death changes people, Urania Fahara, she replies and lets out a dry huff. What you just said is kindhearted and founded on hope, but also quite naive. I am not the Amaris he knew back then. She was buried. I am just the husk. I am what remains. A memory. A thought. A ghost. But still… What a curious comparison.

„Excuse me, but what comparison are you talking about?” Urania asks confused.

The Void has just talk to me, Amaris replies. I would like to explain it to you, but our kind does not know what butterflies are.

„Butter… flies?”

Do not mind me, Urania Fahara. My mind has access to a vast amount of knowledge. More than many other Menkar could even hope or should even ask for. But you could change. Like I did.

„Nothing against you or the Void, but I prefer to stay like I am,” she responds with a nervous smile. „Besides, your weekly check-up… You haven’t answered me as to when you want to have it.”

As Respin is not awake yet, this might be a good time to do so.

„Then follow me. We do it in one of the private rooms as usual.”

—

Respin

Am I alive?

This question echoes hollow within his head.

He is afloat in a dark ocean.

Above him, stars wax and wane without the sun or the moon showing up.

His body feels limp.

Every try to move a finger is exhausting and unsuccessfully.

I might as well be dead…, he resigns and closes his eyes to see just the same ever moving starlit sky. I'm so sorry… Serfin? Are you here? Is this what death is truly like? Is this the Void?

YES AND NO.

This reply seeps into Respin's mind as if he thought those words himself. But the voice is different. Different, yet familiar. He has heard it before. He is certain of it. But where?

YOU ARE NOT DEAD, RESPIN GLOOMER. AND THIS WORLD YOU ARE IN IS JUST ONE OF THE MANY ASPECTS OF THE ENTITY YOU AND YOUR PEOPLE CALL THE VOID. IT IS MOST COMMONLY KNOW AS THE DREAMWORLD.

Am I dreaming then?, he wonders and feels something raise to the surface right underneath him. He wants to look but cannot move. Why am I here? Where are my friends? Where is Serfin?

THEY ARE SAFE FOR NOW AND HEADING YOUR WAY. YOU NEED NOT WORRY.

But I'm worried! All of it… all of this mess has happened because I let it happen. I am to blame for everything!

THE BLAME DOES NOT LIE WITH YOU, RESPIN. THE BEING YOU KNOW AS SELENE AMD I ARE TO BLAME. IF IT WERE NOT FOR MY FEEBLE IDEALS AND HER EXISTENCE, NONE OF THE THINGS, WHICH HAVE COME TO PASS, WOULD HAVE HAPPENED. SHE DOES NOT BELONG HERE AND NEEDS TO BE REMOVED BEFORE SHE DOES MORE HARM THAN SHE ALREADY HAS CAUSED.

Suddenly, he is lifted from the water by something big. Some part of him wants to panic at this sudden change. But he is too weak to even protest.

And what are you?, he asks and closes his eyes again without being able to. Who are you?

WHAT I AM IS DIFFICULT TO EXPLAIN, the voice replies while Respin is lifted even higher. SO LET MY NAME BE WHAT I AM.

And what is your name?, he asks as he realises where he has heard this voice before.

At the same time, a large, charred looking skull with the right eye socket glowing red appears in his field of vision. Frightened, he wants to flee, but his body doesn’t move despite his heart racing in his chest. But before the panic can overwhelm him, he feels as if the constant grin on the skull is genuine and friendly.

I AM VANUM.