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Vain Glories
Chapter 3: “Coarse and irritating”

Chapter 3: “Coarse and irritating”

Perhaps it was the excitement one gets when they know a gift is waiting within reach, or the bitter feeling of knowing that Elijah would be missing from the upcoming festivities, or the potent combination of caffeine and sugar. Whatever the issue, Evona Al Aziz could not sleep. Her parents were currently touring the country as was tradition, thanking the various clans for their gifts and providing gifts in turn. The large retinue of Royal Guards That had accompanied them being the reason for the heavy SSS presence.

She couldn’t help but sigh as she sat up in bed and saw Saif laying across the foot of the rooms door in her usual place.

“How about Rose?” She asked the tiny girl.

“It would be neither accurate nor appropriate.”

“You’re certainly prickly enough for the name.” She said with a huff.

“Roses are useless. No, worse than useless. They are a burden and require special care and enough water to be considered decadent.”

“We’ll find you a real name soon enough.” Evona said, getting fully out of bed and heading to her wardrobe.

“Your concern is noted but not strictly necessary. Saif is sufficient for our purposes.”

“Saif is a title, a title and object. Not a proper name.”

“Many would disagree.”

“Many are stupid.” She fired back.

Evona peered through the wardrobe until she found what she was looking for, she had spent weeks idly posting on Social Canon before someone was kind enough to direct her to Vain Vogue. The application process was an annoyance but the result had been worth it, a custom pilot suit and helmet that if SC was to be believed was much more comfortable than the standard fare and much more pleasing to the eye to boot. She initially argued with the designer over the colors but ultimately she had to admit that they knew what they were doing. Elijah’s reaction to her was just the icing on the cake.

She felt a light tap on her shoulder and whirled around suppressing a shriek.

“If you want to be coherent when Elijah leaves you should really be asleep.” Saif said. Of course she hadn’t made a sound as she left the spot on the floor where she was laying down.

“Elijah is a nice distraction, but if my first steps in Falak result in me crashing to the floor I would be a laughingstock.”

“Crawling in the dirt is to be expected of a snake, even one with such a mighty name.”

“You are the worst sometimes. Help me get dressed, then we can let the guard outside accompany us to the courtyard.”

======================

Elijah Winter firmly believed that hot showers were the starting point for human enlightenment. Of course a bunch of people scrabbling about in the muck and the dark would try to kill everyone around them, washing up in a cold river was a special kind of hell, and trying to stay clean in a sand box? Forget it. He hated sand. His mind continued to idly wander as he packed up his kit, spare uniforms, his tool belt minus his favorite tool, and a few knives all found their way into his bag. His side arm, a couple of throwing knives and a hand held plasma cutter were deliberately left out, job wasn’t done till he was offsite after all.

He took a good long look at the Railgun propped against the wall and thought about his conversation with Evona. There was no reason for this to be in his room, the armory and Quarter Master existed for a reason. Maybe he was taking advantage of his privilege? Though it wasn’t like he was the only one with an item or three he wasn’t supposed to have. One of his mothers favorite stories involved his father sleeping with a P90 that “he slept with more than he ever did me.” So his keeping a few guns in his quarters was tradition, and it’s not like he kept anything explosive. Besides the damn thing weighed more than 20 kilos and required a special rig to properly use and carry. If the rig was kept on him why shouldn’t the gun be?

At this point he was as packed as he was going to get, he set his radio next to his pillow and settled in for a long rest.

======================

“I don’t see why this is necessary Saif.” Evona pouted as she and her impromptu party made their way to the courtyard. She had wanted to keep this a discreet affair but Saif refused to hear of it. She wasn’t a child, she knew better than to wander off into the night without so much as telling anyone, but two fireteams as chaperons was overkill. The fact that it was potentially 8 more pairs of eyes watching her inelegantly flail about in Falak went unmentioned.

Saif said nothing from her position two paces behind the princess. She felt exposed without the comforting weight of an Exo suit around her but her Majesty had insisted and as her Majesty’s faithful blade it was her place to obey. The guard that had been patrolling was refreshingly good at his job and brokered no argument when she had requested a pair of pilots to accompany them to the courtyard. She was further impressed when the pilots each arrived with their fireteams. Evona had apparently not realized the significance of the group and Saif was content to leave her in the dark, she did wonder however whether or not Evona would be upset to learn that the group was the size it was to protect the pilots rather than just her.

As they arrived at the courtyard Evona was giddy with anticipation, the maintenance crew with her blessing had released Falak from the shipping container it arrived in and it was a sight to behold. The main body was black as night with Forest-green accents that matched her pilot suit. The head was a complicated jumble of sensors and cameras with two large antennas jutting from the either side like regal horns. The protective visor meant to shield the head was currently tilted back, she assumed for maintenance purposes and the secondary head shroud was currently flared out much like a cobras hood. She flagged down an important looking woman with a clipboard and asked if her beauty was ready to board.

“Final checks are happening now ma’am. Glory is the literal industry standard so we don’t anticipate any trouble with activation.” She responded. “Most of the weapons aren’t bound to the VG systems yet so those and the ammunition are still unpacked. Though the heat whip system in the arms and pile bunkers in the heels came equipped right out of the box so please don’t try out any of those until you’re safely out of the courtyard and on the makeshift range please.”

Evona blinked slowly at the information presented to her, the only thing stopping her from jumping up and down with glee was Saif’s hand firmly on her shoulder.

“Just because the Range has been made available does not mean you will partake.” She said sternly. “Crawl before we learn if you can even walk in that thing.”

“I’ll be fine Saif. Though speaking of crawling, how does one enter this magnificent creation?”

“Ah that’s our cue!” One of their escort exclaimed, hand raised high. “I’m Jenny!” The silence stretched for a beat before Jenny nudged the woman next to her hard in the side with her elbow.

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

“...And I’m Benni.” she said with a long suffering sigh.

“And we’ll be your instructors this evening!” they said in unison, though one much more enthusiastically than the other.

“Lesson one! Take your trigger firmly in hand, Clear a space people!” She yelled behind her. “Then Paint the target and push the button!” The group around her scattered as an explosion of sand and dust billowed out around Jenny and in her place stood a GM, mono eye glowing red.

“There is no way that was at all helpful.” Benni said. “Before you ask, it is short for Benaiah. Abba wanted a boy.”

“You misunderstand the lesson Benni.” Jenny’s voice projected from her GM. “The first lesson is that I’m super cool.”

Only silence greeted her declaration.

“Moving on. Do you have her tablet ready?” Benni asked the maintenance woman.

“Yup, right here.” She proceeded to hand the sturdy looking tablet to Evona with a smile.

“First is the kiss.” Benni said.

“Excuse me? Is that some sort of joke?” Evona said with a light glare in Benni’s direction.

“Not at all. You need to register your biometrics. See the indent in the bottom corner of the tablet? Place your tongue on it.”

“That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard. Is a thumbprint not good enough?” Evona said.

“For a generation defining weapon?” Benni deadpanned.

“This registration method is Unique to Glory units if it makes you feel any better.” Jenny called out. “My GM was just a retinal scan and a blood sample.”

“The retinal scan comes after. Do you want to pilot this thing or not?” Benni said.

“Fine.”

While her face remained unchanged Evona could almost feel the amusement roiling off Saif in waves. Steeling herself she brought the tablet to her tongue and pressed down. The screen lit up at once and Evona almost dropped the tablet in surprise.

“Good.” Benni said. “Now follow the instructions on the tablet.”

Simple enough she thought. She brought her eyes to the camera and did her best not to blink at the scan. Then pulled the jack that pooped out of the side and extended it to the port behind her head and plugged in.

“The pact is sealed.” Scrolled ominously across the tablet screen as a loud noise pulled her attention to her VG. The visor had moved into place as Falak sank to one knee. The armor plating in the chest moved aside to reveal a spacious cockpit bathed in pale blue light.

“Oh, yay! Super good job!” Jenny said, breaking Evona from her trance. “I Can totally give you a boost if you want?”

“Absolutely not.” Benni cut in. “If she’s going to learn, she’s going to learn properly.”

Saif nodded in approval before chiming in. “I’d also never let you crawl into the hand of something like that outside of the greatest of emergencies.”

“So it’s settled. Notice the cable that extended from the bottom of the Cabin? Place both your feet firmly at the extended base, and take a good grip of the handle. Most Vain Glories also have the option of deploying a cable ladder but the default is faster.”

Evona quickly jogged over to the cable and did as she was told. The speed that she was lifted at was surprising but she managed to hold on well enough to both the handle and tablet. She clambered inside and finally unplugged the tablet then inserted it in a panel that opened to her right. Her hands trembled in excitement as she pulled the input behind her and finally connected to Falak.

Warmth suffused her body as the armor plates shifted, sealing her in. She saw text scrolling across the screen, the same phrase repeating.

“What is my designation?”

“Falak. From this day forward you are Falak.” She said.

[Acknowledged]

She felt what she could only described as a tingle to her right and reached out with a thought.

[Comms Request Accepted.] She heard.

“Great job newbie!” The face of jenny greeted her. Then frowned. “Seat belt.”

Evona was confused for a moment and as she reached for the console she noticed in front of her Jenny cut in again.

“No. Stop. Seat belt first. Behind both your shoulders and between your legs, you might be sitting on it.”

With a shake of her head Evona quickly found the harness and strapped in.

“Good girl.” Jenny said. “Last thing you want is to smash into that fancy new console before you try and stand up.”

“But isn’t that what the helmet is for?”

“Among other things, did you bring your helmet?”

At the thought of her helmet the screen on her left zoomed into Saif who was idly twirling it in one hand and waving in her direction with the other.

“Fuck.”

“Focus on extending the ladder and we’ll get the helmet to you in a jiff, ‘kay?”

Evona Focused on doing as she was instructed and watched the screen in front of her split open, followed by the console swinging out, turning and retracting to her side. Soon Saif had climbed in and handed her the helmet. Evona noticed her gaze fixed on a spot behind her seat.

“What is it?” Evona asked.

“I am claiming that seat.” Saif stated before clambering behind her.

“What?”

“Oh, neat.” Jenny exclaimed. “Some VG’s have room for multiple people, though they can’t interact at all with the systems. Aside from putting a bullet in the pilot I guess. The Zephyr can hold and deploy a fireteam though why you’d want to is beyond me. It’s already a highspeed scout, and if a drone can’t do it, and the Zephyr can’t do it sending in squishy humans feels like a bad time.”

“The screen is gone, why are you still listening?” Evona asked.

“You didn’t hang up. Duh. Stay on the line though, once you get your helmet strapped on the lesson can start.”

Evona focused on sealing the cockpit again before gently twisting and removing the input. Then put her helmet on and pressed the button under the chin to seal it to her suit and finally re-inserted the input. She didn’t know why she expected it to be wet but she did and was pleasantly surprised to find that it wasn’t. Or didn’t look it at least.

“Great.” Jenny said with a smirk. “I’m going to loop Benni in and then we can see if you can stand up in that thing.”

To the screen on Evona’s right a rectangle appeared next to Jenny’s face with the words VOICE ONLY in bright red in the center.

“That’s right,” she heard Benni say “IFF Falak is friendly. GM J and B will be escorting her to the range. Over.”

“Copy that, Falak is cleared for operation. Team BJ expected on site. Over and out.”

“I hate you all.” She heard Benni mutter. “Right, one last lecture before we start. You see that VG leaned against the wall there?”

Evona did, and indicated as such.

“That gaping hole in the chest was self inflicted.”

“What?”

“You heard me. The GM is a wonderfully safe machine. A part of those safeties that comes standard is that weapons registered to the unit cant purposefully be turned to strike that unit. Makes it so that amateurs don’t lob of their own limbs or shoot through their own cockpit. That particular GM belongs to a veteran pilot who favors an ax. She removed the safeties on her GM to get a more natural range of motion when attacking and to bring the ax head closer to the chest plating as an improvised shield. Unfortunately an attack struck her as she was getting the ax into position and her arm crashed into a cliff side, shearing the ax through the chest.”

Evona’s face paled as she listened. Her enthusiasm tapering off a bit. “I thought that energy shielding came standard? Is the pilot alright?” She asked.

“Nothing damaged but her pride.” Benni said “and yes, all VG units have an energy shield, but that shield only activates a certain distance away from the armor. It’s why Melee equipped builds are still viable outside arena conditions. These are not toys or fashion accessories. Regardless of what Doctor Gloria Vain intended these to be, they are used to kill people. Understand?”

“Y-yes ma’am.”

“Good, now focus on standing.”

Evona concentrated on standing upright and to her shock and glee Falak stood tall.

“Fantastic!” Jenny cheered.

“I am a genius and prodigy. Nothing bad can possibly happen now that I have stood!” Evona cheered forgetting that comms were still open. Everyone present decided to indulge her good mood.

Saif quietly mulled over the lecture Evona had been given and decided that she liked Benaiah. She would have to see if Evona would take her as a concubine in the near future, as the Crown Princess she had to choose someone eventually after all.