Do you ever wish you’d be born into a different life, a different world even? I thought a lot about things like that. My life was sailing so smoothly until the day I graduated, and then everything just fell apart.
No.. maybe that was a lie. I was just somebody that was pretending to be well kept with my life intact. I’ve fooled my parents, my friends, my classmates, and ultimately myself. Me graduating into failure was just my long-term farce being ripped right apart, the inevitable that had to come.
That’s right, I’ve lived my life pretending to be successful, pretending to be hardworking, pretending to give a damn. But in reality, it was the complete opposite. There was not a single thing that I could do right… not even a single one…
22 years of age and still unemployed, I’m living by everyday like it’s my last. Relationships? Love? As if a shut-in NEET like me has anything to do with them. Honestly, why am I still alive?
Every day was like a video set to playback, as if someone hit the repeat button on my life. And at the end of the day my vision would blur out at the exact same sight of empty instant ramen cups messily laid about my less than 300 square foot condo. The stench of whatever noodle was on sale that day would fill the little space I called home. Along with it, the regret, desperation and depression.
Where did I go wrong…
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I don’t recognize this smell.
No… I did… a long time ago.
The faint scent of the sea, just like the beaches that mom used to take me to when I was little. And also… the smell of dust and mold, like that empty attic my parents never bothered to clean.
“Yo boss, the girl woke up.”
The sound of a man, his voice raspy and rough.
“It’s fine, we’ll just leave her there. Not that she can see us anyways.”
A second man responded, his voice smoother than the first but something about the tone sounded very sinister.
I didn’t move until long after the door creaked, and I was sure the two men were no longer in the room. Squirming around, I realized that both my hands and legs were bound, and there was something cloth-like that wrapped tightly around my eyes, a blindfold I presumed.
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Now the question that I’ve been dying to ask is, why am I in this situation?
I’ve never done anything that stood out, nor did I make any enemies (at least none that I know of). I’ve never loaned money which means it wouldn’t be the loan sharks. And the last time I talked with my parents was years ago, not that they would ever consider paying a ransom to the kidnappers for someone like me anyways. All that’s left would be…. They’ve got the wrong person.
It has to be a misunderstanding right? Why would anyone try to kidnap an uninteresting failure like me? Maybe I should call for help? They left my mouth ungagged afterall. No… them not gagging me must’ve meant that this place was somewhere deserted, possibly a basement even, they were confident that no one would be able to hear me. Then what? Explain to them the situation and hope they’d understand? Think, I’ve gotta think. Something that can get me through this. Something that will let me survive.
Survive? And then what? Go back to that 300 square foot space and waste my life away? Maybe after they’ve done what they want with me they’ll finish me off, this doesn’t seem like a bad way to go for someone like me.
The two suspicious sounding men didn’t seem to want me finishing my thoughts though, as they bursted into the room once more. One of them must’ve had huge hands, because I could feel my entire face being crammed into his palm.
“Listen here, li’l miss. You tell us what we wanna know, and we’ll let you go.” a shrill laughter could be heard echoing around the cell. “But no guarantee that you won’t become a used good though.”
What is with this classical villain act, do bad guys these days even resort to threats like this? I thought for sure they’d opt for something simple like: “here, talk to your parents and tell them to send the money” or “what’s your credit card info?” Who am I kidding, my net worth is probably less than the blindfold and ropes they used.
“Staying silent eh? Not a bad strategy. But do you really think you’ll be unscathed by the time they come to save you? Li’l miss?”
They? As if anyone’s gonna come rescue a loner like me, but something’s been bothering me ever since my abduction. When are they gonna stop referring to me as a girl? I might be too poor to get a haircut but there’s no way they’d mistake my build as being feminine. 6 years of leading an unhealthy diet of instant noodles and fast foods meant that my belly and weight skyrocketed. Hard to believe that I used to be one of the more athletic kids back in highschool.
“I’m not a Miss.” I heard the words come out of my mouth, but the voice wasn’t my own. It was high-pitched and wavering, two qualities my old voice should’ve never had.
“Wait… WAIT! Time out, I need a mirror! And get this blindfold off of me, and the ropes as well! I need to check something, this is serious!” I began panicking and thrashing around, knocking over a few empty cans in the process. My voice broke about 5 times in those few sentences, that’s 5 more times than it should have.
“Oi there, calm down for a second. What happened to all that tough act earlier?” The man seems unimpressed, or uninterested in my little tantrum, “the deal has always been, you tell us what we want, and we’ll let you off.”
Lifting me up by my bangs he whispered into my ears: “even a li’l kid like you would know what a big bad guy like me will do if you don’t obey right?”
My heart started skipping beats and tears wetted the cloth over my eyes. When was the last time I cried? To be so scared of something? When was the last time I even felt anything? This trembling, this fear, they’re not mine. They belonged to this body, like a survival instinct. But the same instinct is preventing me from staying calm and thinking straight.
“Well? Staying silent again, are ya?”
I uttered a cry as he slammed my head against the wall, my body fell flat onto the floor the next moment, knocking over a few more cans in the process.
“We’ll be back some other time.”
The door made a loud bang as they exited the room. It was quiet again, so much so I could hear my own sniffling.
When was the last time I cried…
No…
When was the last time I felt so alive?