Nathanael

Again I was waiting. So hopeful that this time Father would come. He missed just as many family days as he was present for them, now. But I did not want to give up hope as all I wanted was to spend time with my parents. So Nilec found me crying in my room tired of the waiting. Nilec came to me and without a word, she took my hand and brought me to the kitchen. Set on the table were plates of pancakes and I looked up at her as pancakes were what Father and I ate on this special day. I hiccuped a sob and Nilec gave a small smile.

“I remember sitting all together at the table eating pancakes when you were little, before the fevers. I’m not very good at cooking but I found the recipe they had always used and tried it. So how about the two of us spend time together today?”

My heart still hurt but I nodded, chewing on my bottom lip. I wanted to forget that my Father had not come. We settled at the table and ate pancakes together. Nilec said that we would play dress up after breakfast.

“Dress Up?”

“Yes, so I can keep your mind on happier things and I know Elaina won't mind.”

We finished our food and Nilec led me up the stairs to my parent's room which I had not been back to since that fateful night that Father had called me a Monster. Nilec walks to the closet and takes out one of my mother’s gowns.

“As long as we do not get her makeup and perfume everywhere I don’t think she will mind.”

“You won't tell her?”They already saw something wrong with me, I didn’t want them mad at me even more.

“No, I won't. Go on.”

The dress was blue with crystal sparks like stars on the bosom. My step-sister would help me into it and she pulled the back laces tight so it wasn’t quite so loose. I was only 9 so it didn’t fit very well but I didn’t care. She helped me hold up the train so I could twirl in front of the mirror, giggling.

Nilec smiled and she would pick up the kohl from my mother’s vanity, “Alright, stand still,” before she applied it around my eyes. I looked back into the mirror and blinked a few times. I liked this too; it made my ice-blue eyes stand out.

I looked at Nilec, “I really wish I had hair Nilly. Girls all have nice long hair, I want that too.”

“I will talk to Peter and Elaina, your birthday is coming. Maybe we can find something for you,” she leans and kisses my bald head.

Oh! Maybe something like a wig? I smiled gratefully, anything was better than being bald.

“You are lucky Nilly, you can change. Become a boy if you want to or switch back to a girl.”

Ellearn could shift between the two sexes almost effortlessly. But I was not a full Ellearn so I could not do that. I wished that I could wear girls' clothes and makeup all the time.

Nilec hugs me, “The Lady of Compassion blessed you when you were little and said they would help you when you wanted to have children with Thom when you are older. So you will get to switch at some point.”

“That’s true but that’s not all the time. I’d like that.”

Was it strange of me to want to be a girl? I didn’t know, but it was something I often thought about. But the thoughts made me sad because there was nothing I could do about it and it was something else my parents may not like about me

Nilec could feel my sadness and she pulled back, “I think we should get away for a little while tomorrow. I have someone I want you to meet.”

“Where would we go?” and what about the sky?

“The Fae forest, and don’t worry I have a parasol we can use to keep you safe from the sky. You won't see it that way.”

I didn’t know very much about the Fae forest but it sounded fun, to get away from the cabin for a while. Excited, I nod and dance a little in my mother's dress. My lungs were beginning to burn which meant I had to slow down. I leaned my head against Nilec’s arm and she gently patted my back.

“For now let’s make sure we keep everything nice for Elaina, then we can try on another dress or two, alright?”

I nodded absently, concentrating on my breathing. This moment would pass; I just had to breathe through it. In and out, no coughing.

As the vice around my lungs began to lift, Nilec advised, “Hmm on second thought maybe you should rest for now. We can play more tomorrow. I know you don’t like to sleep but your body needs it.”

Nilec pulls back the covers on my parent’s bed, undoing the corset laces and helping me out of the gown. Reluctantly I climbed into my parents’ bed and she pulled up the covers. It took me a while to fall asleep as I waited for Father to come home and tell me he had lost track of time. Or that he had been busy and he would apologize to me. But I eventually fell into dreams still alone in the great big bed, feeling forgotten.

That night I stayed up late, as late as Nilec would allow. Even now knowing my destiny of dying at 21 I was still against sleeping. The fear of the darkness that came as you closed your eyes was always with me. I clung to her side all evening.

My Step-sister sighs and turns to face me, “I could say you will have to sleep eventually, but that is not going to help. Instead, let me teach you to meditate. At least doing this will allow your body to get some rest.”

Meditate?

I tilted my head at Nilec and she smiled, taking my hand, “Come, come, I will teach you.”

We walked to my bedroom and she told me to get ready as if I was going to sleep. So I changed into my sleeping gown and laid down. Nilec tucks me in and settles on the side of the bed.

“Now, first concentrate on your feet, and do so until you can no longer feel them,” Nilec goes quiet after this for a time before speaking again.

“Then concentrate on your legs. You will do the same for your chest and your arms. So all that is left is your head.”

I furrowed my eyebrows, concentrating on various body parts so that I couldn’t feel them anymore. It was an odd feeling, almost like I was floating away from my body.

Nilec brushes hair from my face, and her voice is quiet and sad, “And now, you are going to visualize a field of wildflowers and two great white towers in the distance. You can feel the grass under your feet and you trail your fingers through the flowers. You can hear the flap of wings not too far away.”

I did not understand why Nilec was sad, yet I did as she told me to. I slowly closed my eyes, accepting the darkness reluctantly. But I did as Nilec said, trying to see the flowers in the grass that she mentioned. The towers in the distance. While also not looking up at the bright jade sky looming above me. Slowly I began to feel the grass beneath my feet, wiggling my toes, and the flowers that I could touch, that I could pick. Taking two stems I brought them to my nose to smell. Without realizing it I was outside of my body. Where was I?

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I looked around for Nilec and found that I was alone in this never-ending field of flowers. I dropped into a crouch with my hands covering my face to hide from the sky above. My breathing quickened as panic took hold of me. I cowered there, shaking, my heart fast and my breathing labored. Then there was the flap of wings just as Nilec had described to me. These wings were large enough that they blew the flowers back and forth. I fearfully opened an eye and looked up between my fingers.

There hovering above me was a Telemnar, a High Guardian, also called an Archangel. I stared at his white wings and blue robes fascinated and terrified. He was attempting to shield me from the sky with his gigantic wings!

"Greetings little one."

I swallowed and nodded, "Greetings. What…what do I call you?"

"Just my name. Grapheal."

"Grapheal. This is-is the realm of light?"

"Aye, it is."

The realm of light is called Alasse Cire. Where the gods lived. Where Reinn Anon trained his angels to fight demons and protect mankind from Nanqa's darkness. I was still good enough, pure enough to come here? It was a reassurance that I needed after my father called and treated me like a monster.

"Little one, I already know your name and who you are. I am here to offer you my protection. To become your guardian angel."

"Me?"

A deep laugh left Grapheal, "Yes, you."

All I wanted was to hug him but that would be inappropriate to hug an archangel. Instead, I smiled with glee. Graphical set his large hand on my shoulder.

"You can come here whenever you meditate. This is a safe place for you, Nathanael."

"Thank you Grapheal. I will come here when I cannot sleep."

"I look forward to your visits, little one. Now lay back in the grasses, and think of your home. What your room looks like. Your thoughts will bring you home."

I laid back, closing my eyes to the green sky. Thinking of my room, my toys, and my bed. The blankets around me and Nilec nearby. When I next opened my eyes Nilec was there brushing her fingers through my hair and staring far away.

"Nilly?"

She blinked and looked down at me, her fingers still now and she removed them from my hair.

"Did you see the towers?" I did not understand the tone of her voice.

"Aye, I did, and an angel."

A soft laugh, "Lucky boy. He will protect you as much as you allow him to."

As much as I allowed him to? I didn't understand.

Nilec shook her head, "Don't mind what I said. This will allow you to have a place to go when you cannot sleep or you are upset and alone."

"A safe place," I repeated Grapheal.

"Aye. Do you think you can sleep now with him watching over you?"

I was still reluctant but I nodded. It did feel better to have an Archangel watching over me.

"I will still stay until you fall asleep. How about that?"

I enthusiastically nod and take a deep breath before I close my eyes. I fall asleep to the sound of Nilec's voice singing a soft song.

The next day I held on tight to Nilec’s tunic as the winds whipped around us. I pressed my face against her stomach, able to feel just how skinny my step-sister had become. Too skinny. I whimpered against her, fingers grasping at cloth as Nilec transported us both through the winds. I did not realize we were somewhere else, not until the winds died down enough that I could look around.

Just as I could make out the endless sky above me Nilec unfurled the parasol and handed it to me so I could hide beneath the beige cover. We stood not too far from a forest, but it was unlike any forest I had seen before. This one appeared to be in a perpetual state of autumn, with trees crowned with leaves, the colors of fall. Yellow, orange, red, and mixed amongst them was pink. These trees were old and large, towering above us even from a distance.

As we came closer I could feel something odd, and soon I could see a magical shield that encased the forest and came down into the ground not far ahead of us. We stopped and I looked around as all I could see behind me were farm fields of wheat. I turned and put out my fingers to touch the translucent ward. It was firm under my hand.

“Who are you?” called a voice from within the forest. A figure flew out, translucent, shimmering, light blue wings keeping them hovering above the ground. Their skin was a pale blue, and their eyes bright blue. They wore only a grey sarung to cover their bottom half to their knees, and I could see various lifted white marks on their torso. The Fae held a wooden bow trained on us.

My step-sister spoke up, “I am Princess Nilec Quele of the Camarian Empire, and this is Prince Nathanael Peter Quele Royale of the Camarian Empire.”

The Ice Fae shook his head, “Let me see your insignia.”

Nilec held up my right hand and held her right hand out as well so the Fae could see the lily before the crown on both of our gold rings. The Fae nods and he lowers his bow before putting the arrow back into his quarrel. Opening the translucent shield in front of us both he beckons for us to follow him. I excitedly do so, being the first through the opening, Nilec coming up behind.

As we walk through the trees I can’t seem to focus on any one thing, looking all around me. These ancient trees had white bark and thick trunks. I could see mushrooms growing off the sides of the trees, and as we walked further into the forest, both the tree trunks and mushrooms gained size. Soon we passed through bush and foliage and emerged to a rope bridge of wooden planks across a break in the land. Looking down I felt myself grow dizzy and my breath became shallow. Lightheaded, I pulled back from the edge.

With a snow-white facade, the castle was large and spacious, with two turrets and two towers at the back sides of the building. The windows were large and glass-filled. As we walked closer I noted there were portions made entirely from glass, held together by fine, intricate metal. It was more glass than I had ever seen before.

Walking inside, A Fire Fae greeted us in the castle. Dark tanned skin with deep red hair streaked with orange. He had orange eyes and orange and yellow translucent wings.

“Welcome to the newest Camarian heir,” the Fae gives a graceful, deep bow, “I am King Faelos Felinor Paurrisa of the Fae. Please, come into my home.”

Nilec took my hand and we stepped further into the throne room.

“It is good to meet you, young prince, though I cannot imagine their majesties giving consent to just the two of you to visit.”

Nilec squeezes my hand before she speaks, a little sheepishly, “No, it is just the two of us. I wanted him to see more of the world, Your Majesty. Even though he is ill, he should experience all that life has to give.”

“Ahh, I see. You are right that he should see more of the world. I will show you ours,” gesturing for us to follow him, we walked down snow-white halls bare of tapestries or rugs. We came out into a glass outdoor room, with tables and chairs.

“Come into our gardens.”

Opening the glass door, the Fae King stepped through into the wild garden. The flowers grew as they would, only pruned back from the walkway. Otherwise, they could grow unchecked. Red carnations and pink peonies, orange begonias, and yellow daisies, compliment the great autumn-colored trees that hung over us.

“It’s so beautiful!” I exclaimed and skipped down the garden path.

I heard Nilec and Faelos talking but I wasn’t interested, I was too enthralled by the flowers and the trees. I knelt to smell certain flowers and a few of them made me sneeze. Looking back I saw that they were following but at a slow pace.

“Nilly!” I called back and I saw them step up their pace toward me.

“These orange flowers, they have spots. What are they called?”

“Tiger lilies,” Nilec answers me, settling a hand on my shoulder, “Why?”

I look back to King Faelos, “They seem like a flower you would like, your Majesty.”

King Faelos chuckles, “They are, young prince.”

As I straighten up Nilec’s hand remains on my left shoulder.

“King Faelos has assured me that you are welcome here whenever you want or need to come here. Our families have an old agreement.”

Faelos nods, “We are a vassal to your empire, young Prince. We serve, with hope one day to be freed.”

“I see,” I did not fully understand as I had not been introduced to the politics of the empire. Not yet.

Nilec clasps my shoulder, “But that does not matter. What matters is that King Faelos is loyal and will assist you and give you sanctuary.”

Sanctuary? Would I need sanctuary?

“My future?” I asked Nilec who gave me that same sad smile she always seems to have when talking about the future. It was the only answer I would receive from her.

I made a face at her, willful and frustrated.

She shakes her head while gently tweaking my nose and asks, “Can we go into the village, King Faelos?”

“Yes. However, my people are not used to outsiders any longer so I will accompany you.”

King Faelos came with us, leaving the tall white castle and flying into the village proper. Many of the houses and buildings were on the many mushrooms that grew out of the ancient trees. This would create layers of the settlement that only those with wings could hope to reach.

We explored where we could, buying some pastries from the bakery and asking King Faelos questions about the Fae. The both of us made the most of that afternoon, only going back to the cabin when the red sun began to set in the evening sky. It was an afternoon I was unlikely to forget.